by Grace Owens
Always Yours
* * *
GRACE OWENS
Copyright ⓒ 2019 by Grace Owens
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of
brief quotations in a book review.
For all the Gerties out there
who are struggling.
Hang in there.
Prologue
↞ 8 years ago ↠
◆◆◆
I WAS STUCK in the bathroom… again.
Why hadn’t I just gone to the library? That’s right, I knew Cailean would have been looking for me there after humiliating me in the cafeteria. It hadn’t been the worst thing he had done in the past seven years - just a simple demand to move and when I hadn’t done it fast enough for his liking, he had poured soda all over my mashed potatoes - but the fact that it had been going on for seven years combined with the light at the end of the tunnel, I had broken down. It had been seven years since he’d moved here from England.
Seven years of hell.
Seven years of trying to be invisible.
Seven years and I thought I could escape it for just a few days.
I was more mad at myself than anything. With it being so close to graduation, I should have stood my ground and not moved out of my seat. Had that happened? Nope. Tears had been silently pouring down my cheeks as gathered my things without a word.
Which was why I was sitting in the bathroom. Only it seemed as if the Universe wanted me in Cailean’s path because he was now in the girls’ bathroom making out with someone. The only reason why I knew it was him was because the girl had moaned his name without shame a while ago.
Great.
I looked down at my watch, trying desperately to make it go slower to no avail. Time for class was approaching fast and the couple didn’t seem to mind. If anything, it seemed as if things had gotten heavier within the last minute or two. Why would you even choose the bathroom to make out in? That was just gross.
Just skip, Gertie, my mind urged me, but my conscious would never allow such a thing. Even if we only had three days left.
Suck it up, buttercup.
With those words echoing in my head, I stood up taller and adjusted my backpack. Now, if I could only will my body to unlock the stall and actually leave, that would have been great.
It took a couple of deep breaths before I mustered up the courage to open the stall. The loud creak of the door made me cringe, but it didn’t seem to faze the couple - who were conveniently standing right by the bathroom exit.
Of course.
I was left alone as I washed my hands and took extra care and time to dry them off. Now that I was out in the open, I had no other choice but to leave, but I was being completely ignored.
The girl, who I recognized as Sophia, a girl from the dance team, had Cailean pressed up against the door. I didn’t know if it had been Cailean’s idea to keep me in here, or if it was to keep people out. Either way, I was stuck.
Cailean’s eyes found mine and even though he was kissing Sophia, I could tell that he was smirking at me. After seven years of this, we were pretty good at reading each other and there was no doubt in my mind that he knew exactly what was going on in my head. Just like I knew he was doing this to mess with me.
“Excuse me,” I said when they appeared to be in no hurry to move out of the way. In my head, my words sounded a lot stronger, but what came out sounded as if a meek little mouse had spoken.
Of course I was ignored which didn’t help things. My hands were getting sweaty and my whole body felt as if it was shaking from fear of what I had to do.
Why couldn’t he just make things a little bit easier for the both of us?
Because he’s Cailean Baker.
“Excuse me,” I said again, this time a bit louder. While it wasn’t enough for them to move away from the door, it seemed to give me their attention. Sophia turned around to face me and all Cailean did was wipe his lips with the back of his hands while staring smugly at me.
“What’s your problem?” Sophia asked with disgust written all over her face.
“She’s just jealous, aren’t you, Gertrude?” he asked smugly.
The first bell rang, signaling that class was about to start. It saved me from giving Cailean the answer he was clearly waiting for, but it also meant I was about to be late for class.
Crap.
“I gotta go. See you later, babe,” Sophia said and gave him a quick kiss. Of course she was allowed to leave. “I’d like to finish what we started before we were interrupted.”
“Yeah, maybe,” he responded noncommittally, never taking his eyes off of me.
My heart started beating faster in panic as she left us alone in the bathroom. If I was lucky, someone else would take her place, but when was the last time I was lucky with Cailean?
“I have class.” It was a weak try, but I needed to leave.
“So do I, but it’s okay to be late every now and then.”
No, it wasn’t. At least not for me. Perfect attendance and a lot of hard work had earned me a scholarship. Getting tardy three days before school ended probably wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it, but it wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.
“Please,” I said desperately. I hated feeling this desperate, but he gave me no other choice.
“I sure do love it when you beg. I bet you’re a loud one in bed, too. It’s always the quiet ones.”
A blush was quickly making its way up my cheeks at his insinuation, but he was circling me and that meant he left my path to the door open. I saw my chance and I took it.
I’m going to pay hell for that later.
It didn’t matter because at that moment, I had managed to get away from Cailean so I was going to allow myself to feel free, even if it wouldn’t be very long lasting.
↞ ♥ ↠
Becca had left me. Of course she had. She had friends here, unlike me, and of course she wanted to socialize. I would have just appreciated a head’s up before coming here. I would have told her no if I had known I would be left to fend for myself. Why hadn’t I made some more friends? Oh, right, because of Cailean Baker, that’s why. It was a miracle Becca had been able to be seen with me from time to time.
Don’t be such a downer, Gertie. You’re a senior and seniors party.
True. Very true. But someone like me didn’t party and especially not at a party where Cailean Baker would be.
Shit. I need to leave before he finds out.
Panic started to set in as I went to leave the kitchen. I silently cursed myself for the hundredth time for letting Becca drag me to this party, but she was my only somewhat-friend in this place and there were only a couple days left of school.
I wish I hadn’t been naive enough to think that Cailean would leave me alone, especially not after what had happened earlier today. Because standing there in the doorway, blocking the only exit, was the devil himself with a smile that matched his black soul.
“Well, well, well,” he said and stepped closer, trapping me in the corner with no way out. “If it isn’t little miss Gertrude.”
“Yeah…” I breathed out, trying my best to find a way out of this impossible situation. It was as if we were back in the bathroom all over again. I had only been given a few hours reprieve from him.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, Gertie, I scolded myself. Why did you even come here?
“You’re mine, Gertrude.” He had me caged in and I could smell the alcohol on his breath as it fanned across my face. He probably wasn’t aware of how close he was or he would be wrinkling his nose in distaste. He had said
my name, though, so he must have known it was me. “And you always will be.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I belonged to no one, to be the strong female I dreamt of being. Instead, a demure “Sure” slipped out of my mouth.
“These fuckable lips belong to me,” Cailean continued. My heart rate sped up in fear as his fingers moved to trace my lips. All these years of bullying and he had never once touched me like this. Not once had he been this close to me for this long. It had always been as if he had been too good to breathe the same air as me. “No one gets to kiss you but me. No one gets to touch you like this but me.”
It had been too late for that. I wanted to tell him that Mike Goodwin had beat him to the punch when he had kissed me a year ago. It wasn’t too late for him to do the rest, though, and for a second I feared that he might take his bullying way further than I was ready for.
“No,” I whimpered even though my brain screamed for me to be defiant and rub my first kiss in his face.
“Yes.” His hand moved from my lips to rest on my hip and even though I was almost to the point of hyperventilating, a zap of electricity moved through his touch. My pulse was impossibly fast as thoughts of what he might do ran through my mind, but we were interrupted before he could take it any further.
“Hey, man,” someone said from behind us. Cailean groaned, but still turned around to face the guy. “Lisa’s looking for you.”
“Fuck her,” he answered with a grunt and went to turn back to me. Once again, he was stopped by the guy I now recognized as his friend Cameron.
“My thoughts exactly,” Cameron answered. Ditto. “But you might want to go find her before she starts telling everyone about your upcoming nuptials.”
He’s getting married?
“Bloody hell. She needs to get over herself,” Cailean grumbled. It always seemed as if his British accent came out to play whenever he was mad at something. He’d done a good job trying to get rid of it throughout the years, but it was still there. I didn’t know why he wanted it gone since it seemed to help him in the girls department. “I stopped fucking her two months ago.”
Oh.
“Does she know that?” Cameron asked with smugness in his voice.
“I’m busy.”
I should have tried to sneak away while they went back and forth, but even if Cailean’s arms hadn’t been encaging me, I had a feeling he wouldn’t let me get away that easily.
“Whatever, man.” It was disappointing how fast Cameron was giving up, but it wasn’t as if I could talk - I let the guy walk all over me and giving up was in my DNA when it came to Cailean. “I’m sure you know what she’s capable of doing when it involves you.”
There was a moment of silence when Cailean contemplated Cameron’s words. He had let his head fall forward and our foreheads were dangerously close to touching, but I was too scared to breathe, let alone move. After what felt like an hour, but couldn’t have been more than a minute or two, he had finally made up his mind.
“You better stay right here,” he said, pointing a threatening finger in my face. “We’re not done here.”
He left and I felt as if I could breathe a sigh of relief, although, as always, I knew it wouldn’t be long lived. If he wouldn’t get a hold of me tonight after dealing with Lisa - which I would do my damndest not to let happen, despite his demand - then he would for sure try to corner me at school.
“Don’t get too cocky. He’s not done with you yet.” Cameron’s words abruptly brought me back to the present as if I’d been dunked in a bucket of ice water.
“W-what?” I stammered.
“We might be done with this school in a few days, but Cailean is nowhere near done with you.”
With those lovely parting words, he left me standing in the kitchen. What the hell did he even mean by that? Cailean had no choice but to be done with me by the end of school.
Right?
↞ ♥ ↠
I took one last look at my locker - number 234 - and I mentally tried to shove all the bad memories this place held in there. Like the time it had been filled with condoms, both wrapped and unwrapped, and they had all fallen at my feet when I opened the door. Of course it had happened during the time the hallways were the busiest and everyone had seen my humiliation. There was no doubt that it had been planned that way.
Or the time when everything my locker had somehow gotten soaking wet and all my books had pretty much been destroyed. That had been a tough pill to swallow since my notebooks had also been in there, neatly organized by subject. I had been lucky enough to have a decent relationship with my teachers along with a very good memory. Finals had been hard that semester.
The worst part about this place was probably the rumors that spread like wildfire. There were too many to count, but the worst had been that I was the town lesbian drunk. Sure, it stung that Cailean had said that, but what truly hurt was that it had all started with my dad being a drunk and then it had just evolved from there. He could attack me all he wanted, but to involve my family had taken it too far. My dad liked to drink, but my mom kept him straight so there was no need to even bring it up for the sake of starting a rumor.
I shook my head and mentally said goodbye to this stupid school and its stupid people. It would be another two months before I got to say goodbye to this town, but walking out of the doors one last time made a weight lift off my shoulders. It almost felt a bit easier to breathe.
Almost.
Because of course Cailean had to go ruin this moment, too. As if he hadn’t done enough damage during my time in school, he had to go and take my goodbye and shove it back at me. He was leaning against the car parked next to mine as if he had been waiting for me.
“Your name sure is fitting, Gertrude,” he taunted. “Gertrude the Rude.”
Gosh, I hate that name.
“What?” I asked before I could stop myself. I should have been smart enough to have learned my lesson of not engaging with him over these last couple of days.
“You’re rude.” He pushed off the car and walked toward me. “Seven years together and you’re sneaking off as if you’re trying not to get caught.”
Yeah, because those seven years sure had been pleasant.
Of course, I didn’t say that out loud because this was me we were talking about.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, wishing I had gotten to my car a lot sooner. Maybe I could have avoided him if I hadn’t decided to be sentimental earlier.
“You weren’t even going to say goodbye?” He was getting closer and closer, but I wasn’t backing up because there was no way I wanted to be caught against him and a wall again. Twice in three days was more than enough for me.
“No,” I surprised myself by saying. Why the hell would I have said goodbye to him? I had said it to all the memories this place held, but I didn’t have any intention of doing it to him.
He kept coming closer to me until our toes touched. I think he was as surprised as I was that I was still standing there. Again, I wasn’t going to let him trap me because I had a feeling he wouldn’t let me go this time.
“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay as far away from me as possible.” His breath tickled my ear and goose bumps appeared across my entire body. I tried my best not to let him see the shiver that ran through me at his words. “Because we both know I won’t hesitate to claim what is mine if I ever see you again.”
There were so many things I wanted to say in that moment - I wasn’t his and I never would be. Plus, how could he possibly know where we would be by then? He might be married for all I knew. Actually, I hoped he was married by the time I saw him next. Maybe that would make him grow out of this ridiculous fantasy of his.
Instead of pointing any of that out to him, I stood rooted to the ground, stiff as a board. I wished I had something to shield me from him with, like my trusted backpack. But no, all I had was my cap and gown and it did little in helping me.
“I’ll be seeing you, Gertrude Anderson,
” he said and I felt his lips place a light kiss on my cheek. The same bolt of electricity as the other night zapped me right as his lips made contact with my skin. I chalked it up to fear, but I knew it had to have been something else. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
I was still questioning the strange encounter we’d just had as I watched him walk away. I wished more than anything that this was the last time I saw him.
I should have known better.
Chapter 1
↞ Present Day ↠
◆◆◆
INHALING DEEPLY, THE scent of a man’s cologne hit my nose, reminding me of the glorious dream I’d had last night. If I remembered correctly, orgasms and a shower had been involved and I wanted nothing more than to go back to it. All I had to go back to was loneliness, and a massive headache by the feel of it.
I tried my hardest to keep my eyes closed and snuggled back into the warmth of the blanket. I didn’t think I had ever slept in such a comfortable bed before and I had to remind myself to thank Hanna again for providing such a nice hotel, or I guess I should technically thank her dad since he was the one paying for all of it. Sure, it was her bachelorette party and as a bridesmaid, I should have helped pay for it; but there was no way a poor college graduate as myself could have scored a hotel with this kind of luxury.
My stomach rolled as I tried to get comfortable again and I had to take a deep breath, willing my stomach to calm down. The bed suddenly felt too warm and too comfortable.
Something felt off.
“Oh, God,” I groaned, pleading with my body to calm down. I had no idea where the bathroom was and I didn’t trust myself to open my eyes to look for it either. I tried swallowing, but my mouth felt like the Sahara desert and only made things worse.
”Morning,” a gruff voice said.
Huh?
Where the hell was I? I was so sure that I had been at the same hotel we had arrived at yesterday. We - Allie, Hanna and myself - had gone out for drinks to celebrate Hanna’s last night as a ‘single lady’ before she was getting married next week.
