by Grace Owens
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“So how did you two love birds meet?” Diane asked and I wanted to vomit over her love birds comment.
Dinner had gone pretty smoothly so far, but that might have been because it had just started. I hadn’t even had the time to look at what I had piled onto my plate before she had opened her mouth.
“Actually, Gert’s had a crush on me since we were kids,” Cailean answered smugly.
“What?” I gasped and looked at him, open mouth and all. “That’s not true.”
Robert, Cailean’s dad, let out a small chuckle from where he sat at the end of the table. Even though Cailean looked like his mom, there were features in Robert’s face that I also saw in Cailean. Such as his strong jaw and straight nose. His dark hair was mixed with Cait’s auburn hair in a messy mop of hair on top of Cailean’s head. He also had his dad’s height where his mom was short like me. I couldn’t help but to wonder what our child would look like. Would he or she be a perfect combination of Cailean and me just like he was of his parents?
“So you grew up together? Like high school sweethearts?” Diane asked in a tone I was sure was meant to be sweet even though it was anything but, unlike when Allie had asked that same question.
I stabbed a green bean on my plate, refusing to give her an answer as if I was a toddler upset with my mom. Problem was, Diane was not my mom and she never would be.
“More like she hated my guts until she saw my sexy face again a few months ago,” Cailean answered.
“Oh,” Diane uttered in confusion. I had to admit, it was kind of funny to watch her this flustered, especially since Cailean offered no further explanation.
“Well, all that matters is that you finally decided to settle down a bit,” Cait said and it was clear she was trying to rein in Cailean’s behavior even though the smile on her lips said it all.
“I was just waiting for the right girl.” Cailean threw a wink in my direction and started digging into his food.
“That’s all it takes,” Robert agreed and nodded toward Cait.
Their love was a great example, at least so far, of what I had dreamed of if I had ever decided to go for the marriage and kids life. They seemed to have a respect for each other that Cailean and I lacked, and judging by the small smiles and secret looks they kept throwing each other’s way throughout the dinner, they knew exactly what the other was thinking about.
It was so easy to be jealous, but I had made a promise in the car on the way up here and dooming mine and Cailean’s co-parenting relationship due to jealousy over his parents’ relationship wasn’t fair.
I had never been so thankful for Cailean’s ability to read me as when he started eating the meatloaf I had been picking at during the meal. I shouldn’t have helped myself to a serving, but I had truly thought I could eat it.
“Is there something wrong with the food, Gertie?” Cait asked in concern and while she didn’t seem hurt, I imagined all the time she had spent making this dinner and here I was, not eating it.
“Um, no,” I stammered. “It’s just… uh.”
Shoot. Crap. Crappity crap.
“You don’t like meatloaf?” Robert asked, trying to help out.
“She’s pregnant,” Cailean announced and just like that, our news were out. Ground, please swallow me whole right now. “She could devour a whole bowl of mashed potatoes by herself, but other things don’t go down as easily.”
The whole table fell silent as the people around us processed what Cailean had just said. Had he really announced it like that? I looked at him as he continued taking bites of my meatloaf as if he hadn’t just dropped a giant bomb.
“Pregnant?” Cait asked in a small voice and Cailean nodded his head in answer, finally done eating. “Cailean.”
Her small voice and hurt tone as she pleaded with her son broke me. I looked down at my hands in my lap, tears blurring my vision. I don’t think either of us had expected laughter, cheers and excitement as we told our families, but disappointment and hurt hadn’t even been on my radar.
“Ma,” Cailean said in a sure voice and grabbed one of my hands in his. As support? As comfort? I didn’t know, but this was the last place I wanted to be at the moment and I wanted nothing more than to bolt.
“Excuse me,” Cait said and I heard the tremor in her voice as the sound of her chair being pushed out filled the dining room.
“There’s more,” Cailean announced and I finally looked up from our joint hands to see his mom stopped in the doorway.
“More than my son coming home unwed with his pregnant girlfriend?” she asked in disbelief.
And the punches kept coming.
I placed my hand on Cailean’s thigh, momentarily silencing him. He shot his confused gaze at me, but I couldn’t let him do this all alone. We were both in this situation, after all.
“I know this is a lot to take in,” I started, cringing at how my voice shook and hating how I was once again coming across as some gold-digging girl, trapping their son with a baby. “We’ve had a couple of months to process and it’s still hard. None of this was planned - us meeting again, getting pregnant, me losing my job, us ending up married - none of it. But it all happened and while all of it has taken us by surprise, this baby is not a mistake.”
I took a deep breath, feeling proud of myself for standing up for our decisions and what we had become. Cailean pulled me into his side as his mother sat back down at the table.
It was Diane who broke the silence. “You’re married? But you just met, and now you’re married and pregnant?”
Hadn’t we already discussed this?
“Yes,” I snapped and Cailean squeezed me in warning.
“Gertie was wearing pigtails and overalls when we first met. Like we discussed earlier, I’ve had a crush on her since we were kids; she just didn’t want anything to do with the scrawny and awkward fucker I was... until now.”
Lies, lies, lies.
“I don’t think it really matters what I wore when we met,” I said, trying to stay calm as I sent a glare Cailean’s way. “What matters is that we’re having a baby. A baby that will be here no matter how or when we got married. A baby that is no mistake, no matter how or when it was conceived. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”
I was on the verge of throwing up what little I had eaten, so before that could happen, I stood up and walked out. The only place I could easily find in the massive house was the door Cailean had led me through before dinner, so I went back outside and took a few calming breaths. I hadn’t missed the concerned look Cailean had given me as I had walked out, but for now, I focused on breathing and getting myself under control. The fresh air was feeling absolutely amazing on my heated skin as it allowed me to cool of, both mind and body. I felt silly for storming out like that, so I didn’t want to go back inside. Apart from swallowing my pride and face the music back outside, my only other option was to sit down on the swing in the corner. So that was what I did.
As with everything in my life these days, I had a hard time wrapping my mind around what had just happened. However, it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The only one left to tell at this point was my dad, and honestly, his reaction wasn’t one that would hold much weight. Sure, I cared about what he thought - he was my dad, after all, I didn’t think I’d ever stop caring - but I knew he wouldn’t be a part of my life simply because of his first grandchild.
The swing made a sudden movement as Cailean sat down next to me. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t heard him step out. He put his hand on my thigh possessively, but he let me have my silence.
“You know, I always used to hate this town and everyone in it, especially when the tourists hit it. But now…” I hesitated, trying to find the right words. “Now I can see why you love it so much. From this perspective, it is beautiful and you don’t have to worry about privacy or nosy neighbors.”
“Or you have a lot more nosy neighbors when you live in a mansion,” he argued, but stil
l smiled at me.
“I guess everything has it’s good sides as well as bad, huh?”
“Like marrying someone you hate and then fall completely and utterly in love?” He nudged me carefully and laughed when he saw my glare.
“You’re so full of it,” I mumbled, but this wasn’t the first time I let myself forget who he was.
“You’ll see,” he said smugly. “One of these days, I’ll be able to say ‘I told you so.’”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath.” I rolled my eyes.
“No? You weren’t in there a while ago when my wife proudly declared in front of our family that we’re married?”
“I wouldn’t say I declared it proudly,” I argued weakly. “So much for sticking to our plan, huh?”
“Your plan.”
“Are they okay?” I asked carefully. “It’s a lot to take in. It’s been three months and I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it.”
“They’ll get over it.” He shrugged. “If not, fuck them.”
I let out a short laugh that sounded more like a snort. “They’re family, Cailean.”
“Even if they aren’t on board and all happy-go-lucky, our baby will still be here. There’s nothing we can do about it, and let’s be real for a fucking second, it’s their loss.”
“Do you think we’ll make good parents?” I asked quietly. “We don’t even know each other and we never really did either. I mean, we knew the superficial stuff like you’re rich and I’m poor, you’re a bully and I’m a pushover, but we didn’t really know much beyond that.”
“So let’s change that,” he responded simply. “Just because we didn’t know each other before you got pregnant, doesn’t mean that we can’t know each other after the baby is born. But knowing one another isn’t what would make us good parents, it’s about love and care.”
“But we don’t love each other. How are we supposed to set an example if there’s no love in our relationship?”
I hadn’t realized how worried I’d been about these questions until I asked them out loud. Seeing Cailean’s parents interact with their son and each other, I couldn’t help but want my baby to grow up with that. Sure, my parents had been in love, but their relationship had turned toxic on its best days once my dad started drinking.
“We’ll be fine, babe,” he said in a voice that left no room for arguments as he took my hand in his. “There’s no other option; we’ll make it work whether we like it or not.”
“Okay,” I agreed with a nod.
“What was that?” he asked in mock surprise. “Please do tell me again.”
“Quit it,” I said with a laugh and shoved him.
“Well, my hearing must be wrong, because I’m pretty sure you just agreed with me.”
“If you’re gonna continue mock me every time I do, good luck on hearing it again.”
“Come on, let’s head back inside before you start disagreeing with me again,” he said and stood up from the swing.
I felt my grimace as I looked at his outstretched hand, debating on whether or not to take his offer.
“You sure they’re not too mad at me?”
“Who? My parents?” I nodded in answer. “They’re fine. My mom is inside doing the dishes and my dad is watching soccer as if nothing has changed.”
“And Diane?”
“She left before I came out here. I’m pretty sure she felt your dislike all the way home.”
“I’m not going to apologize for not liking her,” I said and finally took his hand.
“I never expected you to,” he said with a chuckle and led me back inside.
Just as he had said, it was as if everything was back to the way it was before we had dropped our giant bomb at the dinner. Cait was cleaning up in the kitchen and I felt as if I should help, but Cailean insisted to just leave her alone. Something about his tone made it seem as if maybe things weren’t back to normal after all.
Instead of helping, he sat us down on the loveseat in the living room where his dad was watching soccer. Robert offered a nod and a smile in greeting and was quickly back to watching the game as if it held all the answers he was looking for.
I felt awkward sitting there, so against Cailean’s protests, I got up to help his mom in the kitchen. I needed to at least try to fix what I had broken.
“Hey,” I said quietly to not startle her.
She turned around from where she was doing the dishes and smiled at me. “Hey, Gertie.”
“Can I help?” It sounded almost as a plea, but I wanted this woman to like me.
“Nonsense, dearie. But you can keep me company.” She pointed to the set of barstools and I quickly took a seat, fearing she might rescind her offer any moment.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” I said after a few moments of silence.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said, waving me off. “It was just a lot of big news all at once, that’s all.”
“We should have found a different way to tell you guys, but to be honest, I think we’re both still processing everything.”
She nodded and finished the dishes in silence. It seemed as if she was thinking hard about something, so I let her be until she was ready.
“Gertie…” she hesitated, drying her hands on the towel before facing me. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask, was this all planned?”
“No. Not at all.” At my denial, her shoulders seemed to sag in relief. “It was as far from planned as it could be. I hadn’t seen Cailean in years until we stumbled upon each other in Vegas a few months ago.”
“Vegas?”
Crap.
I didn’t know Cailean hadn’t mentioned how we had gotten married. I had just assumed he had and now I had completely blown it.
“Let’s just say we both made some choices we shouldn’t have that night, but we’re trying to make the best of the situation.”
It was only a partial lie, but I had promised to work on our co-parenting relationship for the baby’s sake, so in a way, we were trying to make the best out of our impossible situation.
“Just promise me to always put the baby first. I know my son can be quite stubborn and a handful on his best days, but he will make the best dad there is.”
“I know.” I felt my throat clog up at our exchange because a part of me knew he would be, but the other part knew we still had so many challenges ahead of us.
“Come here,” she said and pulled me into yet another hug I felt deep inside me. “Enough of all these emotions. I’m sure you have enough of them already without me adding to them. How about some pie?”
“I could do with some pie,” I agreed as we pulled apart and just like that, things were back to normal, at least for now.
Instead of walking back to the guys, we sat by the kitchen island and I devoured two slices of cherry pie while she shared a few stories of Cailean as a child. While it was endearing to hear about the little guy who picked dandelions for his mom every Sunday before church because he thought they were real flowers, it was also hard to listen to it all because she wasn’t describing the Cailean I knew. He would never have insisted on giving a girl flowers, weeds or not, or even considered a girl’s feelings.
I thought for sure that the amount of time I spent with Cait in the kitchen would have meant that the soccer game would be over by the time I walked back to Cailean. No such luck, however. He and his dad were both still engrossed in the game. He barely acknowledged me until I sat down right next to him and he pulled me in for a hug before grabbing the slice of pie I brought him.
“Are you okay?” he asked without releasing me.
“Stop acting as if I just spent an hour torturing the lass,” Cait answered before I had a chance to. “I simply warned her the amount of shitty nappers she has to look forward to if the bairn is anything like its da.”
“Really, Ma?”
“Oh, you knew it was going to happen,” she said and flopped down next to Robert. “Besides, babies poop.”
“Thank
s for the pie, babe,” Cailean said, ignoring his mom.
“Your mom made it.” I shrugged my shoulders, unsure as to why he would be thanking me.
“She didn’t interrogate you too much, then? Pie usually means she’s in a good mood.”
“I heard that, Cailean,” Cait said and turned back to the game.
“I’m fine,” I assured him and I meant it.
He must have sensed my honesty because he let it go, eagerly digging into his slice of pie.
I hated sports and besides football, soccer was one of the only sports I absolutely couldn’t stand. So it was no wonder, pregnant or not, that my eyes started to close on their own and my mind started to turn blank. Instead of nodding off like a fool, I rested my head on Cailean’s shoulder - to keep up appearances and all - and his arm pulled me impossibly closer.
I had no idea how long I had napped for before the rumble in Cailean’s chest roused me enough to hear voices speaking in hushed tones.
“Do take care of her, will you?” There was so much concern in Cait’s voice that it even made me emotional and no matter how tired I was, it made pretending to be asleep a lot harder. “She will be a part of your life forever so put all your ill-feelings behind you.”
“I know, Ma.” I felt, rather than heard, his big sigh.
“Do you? Because the wee laddie or lassie growing inside her doesn’t need to be a part of your past.”
Did she know how he had treated me back then?
“Trust me, I’m trying, okay?”
“That’s all I can ask for. Now take the sweet lass up to bed. She’s probably exhausted. Lord knows how pregnancy treats your body.”
“Good night, Ma,” Cailean said.
“Good night, my sweet lad,” Cait said and I heard what sounded like a kiss on his cheek.
“I know you’re awake, Gert,” Cailean said and I finally opened my eyes to the empty, dark room.
“Barely.” My voice was hoarse as I gingerly sat up, my body still exhausted even though I had taken a nap.
“The bed will be more comfortable.”
Before I knew it, I was airborne in Cailean’s arms as he made his way toward the stairs.
