by Grace Owens
These thoughts made me cry and before I got lost in bawling again, I pushed myself off the couch and walked over to where Allie was trying to block Cailean out.
“It’s okay, Allie,” I mumbled, trying not to look at Cailean. I knew my courage would break if I did.
“It’s not,” she protested fiercely, coming to stand by me. As much as I appreciated her support, I needed to speak to Cailean alone. “It’s one thing for him to bully you and end up impregnating you, but it’s a totally different thing for him to marry you while he’s already engaged, making you the other woman!”
“It’s not like that, Allie,” Cailean hissed out.
Before things got out of hand, I stepped in between them and said, “Enough. Allie, I’ll be fine, I promise. Cailean, please leave. I’ll meet you outside in a minute.”
He reluctantly walked back outside and closed the door behind him. I tried to gather my thoughts, praying that I wouldn’t be a blubbering mess when I told him that we were over.
We’re over. The words, even if they were just inside my head, brought on fresh tears. Everything we had built and overcome had all been for nothing. It was all part of his scheme and betrayal.
“I don’t like this, Gertie,” Allie said as she wrapped her arms around me. “I don’t care who he is, I will always have your back.”
“I know,” I told her and leaned into the comforting embrace. “I still have to let him know where we stand.”
“No, you don’t. He doesn’t deserve your goodness. Just ignore him and eventually he’ll leave you alone.”
“We both know he wouldn’t,” I mumbled, cradling my extended belly. “And I could never do that to Isobel.”
“You’re too good for your own good,” she said and let me go with a sigh. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
“Thank you.”
I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down a bit before I went outside to see Cailean. I knew it would be pointless, because as soon as I saw him standing in the driveway next to his truck, tears broke out as if there was no tomorrow.
“Gertie,” he breathed out with a sigh of relief. I had no idea what he was relieved about. He made a move to reach out for me, but I took a step back. Having him touch me right now was all kinds of bad. “It’s not what it looked like.”
“Famous last words,” I said with a bitter laugh. “Is it true? She’s your fiancée?”
“Not really,” he answered, dragging a hand through his messy hair as he looked away.
His answer was yet another punch to my gut and broken heart.
“That should have been a clear yes or no answer,” I told him, ready to bolt from this conversation. But he needed to know that we were done. “I can’t believe I let you get to me again. I can’t believe that I went against everything my gut told me. But that’s not the worst of it; you had to bring a baby into the mix! Was that your plan all along? To knock me up so that my child could feel the force of the great Cailean Baker, too?”
We’d already been over this once and he’d convinced me that Isobel had never been part of the plan, but now I wasn’t so sure anymore.
“Is that really what you think?” he asked with fury in his eyes. “Think really hard, Gertie. Do you really think that I don’t love that little girl more than anything?”
I didn’t.
Which was why I had such a hard time wrapping my brain around all of it.
“Then explain to me why this is all happening,” I pleaded, close to tears as per usual.
“Tawnya is the girl my grandfather wanted me to marry. Apparently, I have been ignoring her too long and she decided to make an appearance. We were never officially engaged. There was never a ring or wedding planning involved, and as far as I’m concerned, there was no love involved either.”
“Does she know that you’re married to me? Are we even married?” I had stupidly enough not even questioned the legality of our marriage. “Why would you not tell me about her when we aired out our secrets?”
“You’re my wife, but no, she doesn’t know. I was in such a hurry to get to you that I didn’t have time to explain it to her.” He was pacing in front of me and I could tell he wanted to be done with this conversation just as much as I did.
“You’re an asshole,” I snapped. “She deserves to know that her future husband is already married. And I deserved to know about her.”
“I know. Fuck, I’m so bloody sorry, Gertie.”
“That’s not enough this time, Cailean. We’re done.” I wiped the traitorous tears that kept escaping. “I promised that you could be in Isobel’s life no matter what and I won’t keep her from you, but you and I are done.”
“Don’t do this, Gertie,” he pleaded, looking distraught. The bastard still made my heart ache for him, but I couldn’t act on my feelings anymore.
“It was all you, Cailean. You did this. Now please leave.”
“This isn’t over, Gertie,” he said forcefully. “This isn’t over, Gertie. I will give you some time, but we’re not fucking over. We just started.”
With that he left me standing there, watching his retreating truck until I could no longer see it. I knew he was serious, but this time, so was I.
Chapter 24
◆◆◆
“GERTIE, PLEASE. IF not for him, then at least come for me,” Hanna pleaded one more time before she hung up.
There was a small part of me that didn’t care about how shitty of a friend I would be by ignoring her pleas. However, after all the help and support she had given me – and not just recently, but since we first met – my conscious simply wouldn’t let me just crawl back into bed and pretend that none of this was happening.
It had been two weeks since I had watched Cailean drive away and this was the third time Hanna had called me about a drunk Cailean. However, this time was the first time she had actually begged me to come get him. The first two times, she had simply asked me to talk to him.
It hadn’t been easy to ignore him. He’d called a few times and sent a million texts, but unless he specifically asked about the baby, I didn’t bother responding. We’d had one last ultrasound - which had confirmed that the stupid placenta hadn’t moved - where I hadn’t said much to him. I had held my ground about us being over and when I had pulled my hand away from him, he had seemed to respect my space by not trying to touch me again. He hadn’t been able to come to my surgery consult, which I might have scheduled at a time when I knew he wouldn’t be available. It was just too hard to see him.
I hadn’t gone back to the bar to help out, leaving me too much free time to dwell on all that had happened. I tried to keep busy preparing for Isobel, but there wasn’t much left to do. For now, we were set up in Allie’s guest room, which was better than being homeless, but it wasn’t a long term solution and I was back on square one.
I never bothered changing out of my sweats or looking in the mirror anymore. What was the point?
The beautiful beast of a car I was stuck driving was a constant reminder of better times. Up until this point, I hadn’t even sat in it, let alone driven it. I’d had public transportation and Allie’s help to avoid going anywhere near it. Now, however, I wasn’t left with much of a choice – I wasn’t going to wake Allie up and ask to borrow her car, this wasn’t her mess after all, and even if I magically found a bus, it would probably take me hours to get to Cailean’s.
The car still smelled new, Isobel’s car seat was still installed in the back and Cailean’s pack of gum was still sitting in the center console. My vision blurred as tears streamed down my cheeks. There was nothing I could do to stop them. It didn’t matter how many times I cursed myself for letting Cailean in and falling for him – there was no denying it anymore because I truly had fallen for the bastard – I was still in the same situation as before, just angry. Add angry to my stupid pregnancy hormones and you got the current mess I was currently in.
It took a handful of deep breaths and a few kicks of reassurance – a
t least that was how I interpreted them – from Isobel before I was finally in a condition to drive to the bar. Sebastian was downstairs working, but he saw me and pointed up the stairs. I gave him a nod in thanks and made my way up to where my world had come crashing down.
“I’m sorry. I really am,” I told Hanna when she opened the door for me, even though it wasn’t my fault that Cailean had turned to alcohol and that she had decided to babysit him. I still felt as if I should apologize on behalf of him. And then I was reminded of Tawnya because she had apologized on behalf of him too and I wondered why she wasn’t here to help him.
I’m so stupid.
“I know it’s not your fault, Gertie,” she started. “I don’t even blame Cailean for being in this state.”
“Why not?”
“The dude went from having a small future with his child to one full of possibilities only to have it get ripped out by some skank and a bunch of misunderstandings.” She looked as if she was about to start crying. “I would be drinking myself into a stupor, too, if that ever happened to me.”
With that, she left the apartment to go back downstairs. As much as I didn’t want to be here, I still felt the need to help Cailean.
I found him lying halfway on top of the bed, still dressed and passed out. I wanted to run away at the sight of him. Sure, he looked like hell, but he still looked like my Cailean with his beautiful messy hair and pouty lips that were begging to be kissed.
He’s not yours to kiss anymore, I reminded myself.
With that thought, I should have left, but instead I walked over to him and started removing his shoes. As uncomfortable as it was to sleep in jeans, I left them on, knowing I couldn’t handle seeing him half-naked at that point.
The difficult task proved to be moving him into a more comfortable position. Even if I hadn’t been pregnant, there was no way I would have been able to move him without his help.
“Come on,” I said, trying to nudge him into a somewhat lucid state. “You need to help me move you.”
“Don’t touch me,” he groaned.
“Cailean,” I whined.
“I have a wife. She’s jealous. No touching.”
“I am your wife, you idiot,” I hissed. “And I’m not jealous.” My mom used to tell me that jealousy was defined as wanting something you didn’t already have. In my eyes, Cailean had been mine, so technically, I was only defending what was already mine. But, maybe he hadn’t been mine at all, and in that case, I could have been defined as jealous.
Argh, why does everything have to be so confusing? I thought to myself as I tried to get Cailean more comfortable by grabbing a blanket from the bed. Not that he deserved to be comfortable, but I couldn’t find it in me to just let him lay like that either. If I couldn’t move him, then I could at least make sure he stayed warm.
“Gertie?” he groaned and turned over to face me. He looked as if he had been on a drinking binge for the past three days; which he probably had.
“I’m here,” I responded and went to pick up the clothes from the floor. Anything to keep busy without having to look at him.
“Don’t leave. Stay, please,” he pleaded in a hoarse voice, grabbing my wrist gently.
Everything in me told me to run, to get out of this room and as far away from him and the memories we shared in this place as possible. Nothing good would come out of me being here except for more hurt. I wanted to say something back, something that would hurt him just as bad as he had hurt me by not even mentioning a fiancée in the time we’d been together. That was the sick part of me; then there was another part of me that still loved him and cared for him. That was the part of me that wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms where I had once felt safe and comforted.
“You belong to someone else,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
“I belong to you,” he answered, tugging on my wrist.
“Not anymore.”
“Just for tonight… please, Gertie. I just want to hold you one more time,” he pleaded and it sounded as if he was about to break apart too.
He finally moved his long body up the bed and held his arms open for me. I didn’t bother undressing or take my shoes off. It wasn’t as if he noticed and I wouldn’t be staying.
I couldn’t.
Crawling into the bed and Cailean’s arms felt like coming home. It felt so good that it took all the willpower I possessed to stay awake. I couldn’t let myself fall asleep in his arms. Everything I had worked through during the last few weeks would have been blown to tiny little pieces if I did.
Unable to fall asleep, I lay in that bed with him for hours, basking in his warmth before I gently pried myself away from him.
I left him without a note or any trace that I had been there at all. Hopefully, he would wake up and not remember a damn thing of what had happened. I knew that if he had seen me give an inch by letting him hold me, that he wouldn’t hesitate to take a mile. Something I couldn’t afford to give him.
↞ ♥ ↠
I was exhausted the next day. I hadn’t been able to fall back asleep when I had gotten back to Allie’s so I had been sitting in front of the computer all morning, sending off resumes to pretty much anything and everything.
I was starting to get desperate. While Allie hadn’t put a deadline on me staying with her and Nick, I still felt as if I was imposing. Add a baby into the mix and things were bound to get crowded.
I had managed to score a couple of independent online projects for blogs. It wasn’t something I had necessarily wanted to do, especially since I had gotten the taste for running a bar, but money was money and beggars couldn’t be choosers. I should have been grateful for the chance.
I was working on helping someone set up a spreadsheet for their finances when there was a knock on the door. I was alone in the house and Allie hadn’t mentioned anyone coming over. If it had been one of her friends, they would have just barged in. Allie and Nick had an open door policy when it came to friends and family.
As I got up from my comfortable spot on the couch, I was hit with the unpleasant memory of opening the door to the unknown a few weeks ago. If this was going to be another life altering moment, I would rather not deal with it.
I was just about to sit back down when the doorbell rang, followed by some more knocking.
They would go away eventually, right?
Put on your big girl panties, Gertie.
With a sigh, I started waddling to the door, hoping it was some important package being delivered or something. I shouldn’t even be opening doors to houses that are not mine, another lesson I’d learned from Cailean, but maybe Allie had simply forgotten to tell me or wanted to surprise me.
Maybe it was Cailean, which was more likely than a secret package being delivered. I’d been expecting him to show up today after what had happened last night. My traitorous eyes had betrayed me more than once by looking at the clock, wondering where he was.
Silly Gertie.
With that thought, I wrenched the door open to a well-dressed guy in his forties. His brown eyes, hidden behind a pair of glasses, looked at me and then to a big envelope in his hand.
“Gertrude Anderson?” he asked.
“Who’s asking?” I asked back, feeling skeptical as to why a guy in a fancy suit would be looking for me.
“I just have some papers that need to get to her,” he answered cryptically.
“Okay, well, I’m Gertrude,” I answered cautiously. “What can I help you with?”
“You’ve been served.” He handed me a big manila envelope and gave me a nod in goodbye before he left.
I looked down at the envelope in confusion and by the weight of it, it had to have been important. Important enough that someone had found out where my temporary home was and deliver it in person.
I didn’t even make it back to the couch before I tore into it like a maniac.
↞ ♥ ↠
Divorce papers.
Cailean served me with divorce papers; and for
the last thirty minutes, all I could do was pace back and forth, wringing my hands with both anger and stress. I couldn’t calm down. I still felt as anxious and angry as when I first opened that stupid envelope.
Finally, Isobel had enough of the constant agitated movement and gave me a good swift kick to my belly. I sat on the couch and glared at the stack of papers just mocking me from the coffee table.
That charming Scottish bastard. I had never felt more conflicted, hurt or betrayed in my entire life – even counting his damn high school bullying and his stupid mystery fiancée.
Wasn’t this what I wanted since I woke up that morning in Vegas? No matter how many times I told my stupid mind that, my heart ached at the thought of losing Cailean and the small family we had built together. Granted, the few weeks we had been apart were supposed to have been the end for us, but silly me, I still had some small grain of hope we would somehow wind up together.
Stupid Gertie, my mind told me. Never assume anything.
Before I could even think about it or stop myself, I picked up my phone and dialed his number.
“Hello,” he answered. He sounded distracted and I could hear the sound of a door closing as well as the flick of the lighter – he was smoking, which meant that he was stressed out.
“She’s still here, isn’t she?” I demanded, completely disregarding the real reason as to why I had called him in the first place. I couldn’t help the tears that burned in my eyes from the hurt. She hadn’t been there last night, but maybe she had been out doing something. It sounded silly even to my own ears, but it could have been true.
“Tawnya?” he asked in a flat voice. “Christ, Gertie. Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?”
“Well, you didn’t answer the question, did you?” I sniffled involuntarily, wiping stupid tears from my cheeks. The pain in my back was only getting worse and I was unable to get comfortable so instead of listening to his excuses, I decided to cut to the chase and asked, “Divorce papers, Cailean?”
