“I am,” she ground out. “As unfair as that may be, I blame Claire, I blame Aston, I blame everyone who made my mother more susceptible to this illness.”
Jude hoped his guilty expression wasn’t too obvious. “What can I do?”
She sighed. “We should send word to Edward, Evan and Gabriel. I don’t know how serious this will become, but I would not feel right about them being in the dark.”
Jude nodded. “I will get my horse and return to London this moment to bring them back with me. If that will make it easier.”
He moved to go and do just that, but she caught his arm, drawing him back. “Wait, please wait.”
He cocked his head. “Audrey?”
Her breath was ragged as she exhaled before she said, “Please don’t go.”
“But your family—”
“Send someone else to fetch them,” she asked, pink filling her cheeks. “Please. Because I can’t bear to be left alone. What if something happens? I won’t—I won’t know what to do, Jude. Please stay with me.”
At the crack in her voice, he caught her in an embrace again and this time she sagged in his arms. He kept her upright, rocking her gently as he smoothed her hair.
“I’ll stay,” he promised. “And I’ll send the fastest rider I can to London. You are not alone, Audrey.”
She swiped at tears as she snuggled her cheek against his chest. “I know that, Jude. More than ever. And more than ever, I appreciate your being here with me.”
He pulled away reluctantly. “I’ll go find a runner for London,” he said, “and come back in a few moments to talk to Dr. Dunbar.” She nodded, but before he turned to go, he added, “Audrey, we will have to talk about what happened in the cottage earlier.”
She hesitated, but then nodded again. “I know.”
“It isn’t over,” he said, then turned to the stairs.
It was only when he was almost out of earshot that he heard her whisper, “I hope not.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Three days later, Jude stood in the kitchen, watching the cook, Mrs. Ford, shuffle far too much food onto a plate meant for Audrey. He doubted Audrey would eat half of it. In fact, he had a notion that he would likely have to coerce her into eating anything at all.
“How is Lady Woodley?” Mrs. Ford asked. “Down here we get the requests for items the doctor needs, but there isn’t a lot of information forthcoming otherwise.”
Jude smiled at her, hoping to reassure. “She is fighting. The infection is making it difficult for her.”
“Do you think she’ll pull through?” asked one of the kitchen maids who had been stirring a pot behind Mrs. Ford.
The cook shot her a swift glare. “Hush, Nan!”
Jude swallowed hard. “I think so. I hope so. They are doing all they can.”
Mrs. Ford clucked her tongue. “This poor family, one would think they’re cursed with all the death and sadness that has befallen them.” She handed over her tray after garnishing it with a pretty rose. “Tell Lady Audrey we’re all thinking of her.”
He nodded. “I will.”
As he picked up the tray, he was interrupted by the sound of carriages on the drive and the commotion of voices. He set the tray aside.
“I’ll be back for it,” he promised, and walked down the long hall from the servants’ quarters into the foyer.
He should have expected what he saw. Three carriages were parked in the drive one after the other, and from them poured the rest of the Woodley clan. Their faces were matching masks of concern and exhaustion.
He moved to greet them. “Hello!”
“Samson,” Evan answered, his face lighting up as he caught a glimpse of Jude. He all but ran to him. “How is she?”
The rest of them gathered around and Jude shifted. “She is…fighting.”
Gabriel’s eyes narrowed and Jude feared what his observant friend had caught in his look and voice. “Is she awake?”
“Sometimes,” he whispered, hating himself for how pale all the group in front of him went at that statement. But he couldn’t lie. They would see soon enough. And when she is, she will be happy to have you all here, as will Audrey.”
“Oh, poor Audrey,” Mary said, clasping Edward’s hand in both of hers. Jude saw his longtime friend and employer’s worry ease a little with the action. “How is she doing?”
Jude smiled at the new Lady Woodley’s true concern. He was already beginning to like Edward’s new wife. “She has not left her mother’s side for more than ten minutes put together since she took seriously ill. You will see it on her face when you see her.”
Edward frowned even as he reached out to clasp Jude’s arm in a strong grip. “Thank you for staying with them. It was a relief to know my sister and mother were so well looked after as we raced here.”
Jude nodded and hoped his discomfort wasn’t plain on his face. After all, he had certainly been taking care of Audrey…just not in a way Edward would approve of. None of them would approve of it. Yet it remained just one more secret he kept, one more betrayal of this family that had never offered him anything more than love.
“Will you come up with us?” Gabriel asked. He was palest of all, his grief and concern slashed across his face just as it had been ever since Claire’s disappearance.
“I have been trying to coax Audrey to eat. I will fetch her tray and deposit it in her bedroom,” he explained. “Might I suggest you gently urge her to go there and rest for a short while?”
“A good idea.” Edward looked up the stairs as he spoke. “Will you ring for her maid while you are at it?”
Jude nodded and watched as the family filed up the stairs together, talking in low, anxious tones. The moment they were gone, he went back to the kitchen and got Audrey’s tray. But he didn’t make a request for her servant to join her in her room.
He had other plans.
Audrey stretched her back gently and shot a look in the corner of her mother’s room to Dr. Dunbar. He was sleeping in a chair there, snoring like he was cutting wood. She shook her head and tried to ignore him.
It had been three days since her mother’s illness had truly taken hold. Three days of sitting by her bed, trying to cool her brow as she watched Dr. Dunbar bleed her regularly. If anything, her mother seemed weaker than when they had started this madness. She slipped in and out of consciousness regularly.
Audrey bit back a sob and tried not to think of what would happen if she lost her mother. She would be alone, utterly alone despite her siblings. Her brothers would be tied to their own grief if the worst happened. She knew it was true, for she had seen their family fracture when Claire vanished. The loss of their mother would draw her further away from her family, further into herself.
Except that wasn’t exactly true. She wouldn’t be alone. Jude had proven over the last three long days and nights that he was as good as his word. He had been at her side every moment, helping her make decisions and giving her support when she needed it.
Only now had he left to fetch them some food. Audrey didn’t want the food, exactly, but Jude had a very stubborn look in his eye and she was beginning to realize that some things weren’t worth arguing about when it came to the man.
There was a light knock on the door and she pushed to her feet, leaving her mother for a moment to answer. As she did, she said, “You don’t have to knock, Jude—”
She cut herself off as she pulled the door wide and revealed not her lover, but her three brothers and Mary, all standing together.
She let out a gasping cry born of worry and exhaustion and utter relief and launched herself first at Edward. He embraced her, smoothing her hair to soothe her as he whispered, “There, there, Audrey. We’re here. It’s going to be fine.”
In the corner, Dr. Dunbar jolted awake and first cast a glance at their mother, who was also stirring as the noise from her children filled her room. Then he stared at the group before he stood up and dragged his hands down his wrinkled clothing.
“Dr. Du
nbar,” Edward said as he moved toward the man, hand outstretched. He left Audrey to be embraced by the rest of her siblings, who did so in turn and finally turned her over to Mary.
As Evan moved to join Dr. Dunbar and Gabriel turned his attention to their groggy mother on the bed, Mary caught both Audrey’s hands. “I cannot imagine what you have gone through these last few days. You must be exhausted.”
Audrey held back a sob. “Yes, but I couldn’t leave her, could I?”
Mary blinked a few times, and Audrey realized she must be thinking of her own mother, lost when she was a child. She thought perhaps it was a fever, somewhat like what Lady Woodley suffered now.
“Of course you couldn’t,” Mary reassured her. “I’m sure your being here was a help to Dr. Dunbar and a great comfort to your mother.”
“Not much,” Audrey whispered, her lip trembling. “Look at her. She’s so weak.”
Mary said nothing else, but tugged her into an unexpected and truly welcomed hug. Audrey wrapped her arms around her new sister-in-law and held tight, trembling under the weight of her ragged emotions.
“I wish Claire were here,” she gasped, tears beginning to stream down her face.
Mary drew back and wiped Audrey’s tears gently. “I am not Claire, but I will do my best to be a helpful sister to you, Audrey.”
“You already are,” Audrey reassured her with a squeeze of her hand.
Mary smiled. “Would you take a little advice from a sister, then?”
Audrey shrugged. “What is it?”
“Your mother is in very good hands now with all your brothers here. We’ll all take turns tending to her—this is not your burden alone to bear. Why don’t you go lie down for a few hours?”
Audrey shook her head. “No, no I can’t leave her, what if—”
Edward stepped away from the doctor and returned to his wife’s side. “Listen to Mary, Audrey. If anything changes, we will fetch you straight away. You look like you could fall over.”
Audrey sighed. In truth, she felt like she could fall over, even more so since her family entered the room and some of the intense pressure of caring for her mother began to fade. She glanced at Gabriel and Evan, who now both sat on the edge of their mother’s bed, talking softly to her. Already, Lady Woodley’s face was a little brighter.
Audrey patted Edward’s arm and moved toward their mother. “Mama,” she said gently. “Will you feel abandoned if I leave you for a short time?”
Her mother blinked, clearly struggling with focus. “No, my love. You go. Your brothers and Claire will take care of me.”
Audrey sucked in a breath and squeezed her eyes shut at the slip of her mother’s tongue. It showed how addled her mind remained from the fever if she didn’t remember her beloved eldest daughter was still missing.
Mary wrapped an arm around Audrey’s waist and whispered, “It’s all right.”
Audrey nodded, though it felt anything but all right at present. But she leaned in to touch her mother’s cheek gently, cast a quick look of love for her three brothers and Mary, then slipped from the room.
As she shut the door behind her, the weight of the past three days seemed to crash down on her shoulders and it took everything in her to trudge to her chamber up the hall. She stepped inside, ready to collapse into her soft bed. But as she moved toward it, Jude exited the adjoining dressing room.
In the three days since her mother’s illness, they had certainly been together, but never alone. She had not touched him in any intimate or caring way since that last afternoon in his cottage what felt like an eternity before.
Wordlessly, she crossed the room to him and all but fell into his waiting open arms. The tears she had been fighting fell freely in that moment, but he offered her no false platitudes, no demands that she be strong. He just held her, smoothing her hair as she quaked in his arms until she felt like she’d cried some of her weakness and fear away.
Slowly, she pulled back, taking the handkerchief he silently offered her and wiping her eyes.
“What—what are you doing in my chamber?” she asked softly, suddenly aware of the inappropriateness of the action, especially with her family gathered not twenty feet away.
He smiled and motioned to the small table beside her sunny window. He had thrown it open to let the breeze in, and on the table was set a small feast.
“I told you I would bring you food. And here it is.”
She eyed the meal and realized she was, indeed, hungry. When was the last time she had allowed food to pass her lips?
“Thank you,” she whispered, moving to the table. “Will you join me? There is enough here for four people.”
He took the seat opposite her and laughed. “I may steal a grape or two.”
She couldn’t help but smile at his playfulness, the first time such an expression had crossed her lips since her mother became ill. “Take three,” she teased back before she let out a long sigh. “You know my family is here.”
He nodded. “I met them as they entered the house.”
“And yet you didn’t join us in my mother’s chamber?” she pressed, watching him even as she ate a bite of cheese and buttered bread.
He leaned forward, and suddenly she was very aware of how alone they were in a room with a bed. Her bed.
“Your mother now has more than enough people to worry over her,” he explained. “So I have decided to make your comfort and well-being my top priority.”
She swallowed. “By bringing me food?”
“For a start.” His voice was very low and rough, and her exhausted body reacted, despite the strain on her emotions.
“Only for a start? What else do you have in mind?” she whispered.
“Finish your food,” he said, leaning back.
“But—”
“Finish it,” he ordered but with a smile.
She did so, eating at least half the food from her plate before she pushed it aside with a groan. “Mrs. Ford’s lemon tarts are not fair.”
He laughed. “I have a feeling she made them just for you. She’ll be pleased they were so appreciated.”
“I’ll make sure she knows,” she said as she got to her feet. “Now tell me, Jude, what do you have in mind for comfort?”
He got to his feet and came around the table. When he touched her shoulders, she made a muffled groan and lifted on her tiptoes in anticipation of his kiss. But he didn’t kiss her. He just stared down at her, eyes dilated with what she knew was desire, but tinged with something else. Something even more dangerous.
“Sweet Audrey,” he whispered. “You don’t know how tempting that kiss is to me, but I’m not going to take it.”
She wrinkled her brow. “But…why?”
He guided her back to her bed and turned her around to face it, unbuttoning the back of her dress to open it wide as he did so. “Because right now you need comfort, not fucking.”
She peeked over her shoulder at him. “Can’t they be one and the same?”
He shut his eyes for a moment and his lips moved as if in silent prayer before he ground out, “Yes. And later, perhaps that will be in order. More than perhaps—definitely. But for now, I don’t want to take you. I want to give to you.” He pulled the dress down and she stepped free of its confines. “Now lay down on your bed on your stomach.”
“I don’t understand,” she began, trembling now as her body registered both exhaustion and the powerful need that Jude always inspired.
“Trust me,” he said slowly.
She hesitated for a moment, but then did as he asked, too interested in what would happen next to continue arguing. As she took exactly the position he had requested, he removed her slippers, and surprised her by taking her foot in his hand and rubbing it gently.
She shivered as the tension from the past few days began to bleed out through the foot he held. He increased the pressure of his fingers, pressing hard into the ball of her foot as she shuddered out pleasure and pain mixed to exquisite perfection.
&nb
sp; “You are all but purring,” he said from behind her, and she heard the smile in his voice. “Does that mean I’m doing the right thing?”
“Yes,” she groaned. “Don’t stop, whatever you do.”
“I have no intention of stopping,” he assured her, and switched his focus to her opposite foot. When he had massaged it as thoroughly as the first, he began to stroke his hands up her bare calves, stroking the skin, loosening the muscle.
Then his placed his hands on top of her chemise, much to her chagrin when she wanted them beneath, and started massaging the backs of her thighs. She was put on edge with desire by the intimate action, but also relaxed by the hypnotic rhythm he set with his hands.
Her backside was next, and she heard his breath quicken as he squeezed that intimate area over and over. A deep ache began to grow in her at that touch, settling between her legs, urging her to roll over and open herself for him.
She was too tired to do so, though, and all she could do was lay beneath him, helpless to his touch as he glided his fingers into the small of her back and stroked them there. He worked his magic, taking his time before he slid up further, further, leaving no inch of her back untouched.
Finally, he settled on her shoulders. She felt the heat of his body curled over her as he stroked the tension from her muscles and left her as weak and satiated as if he had brought her pleasure again and again.
She let out her breath in a shuddering sigh and he chuckled as he took a spot on the bed beside her. She rolled over to rest her head against his chest. He didn’t resist, but wrapped his arms around her and held her in his arms. For what seemed like an eternity, they were silent together.
“I want you,” she finally whispered, her voice cracking even though she didn’t want it to. “Does that make me a horrible person? To want you when my family is in such disarray? When my mother is so wracked with fever that she mistakes Mary for Claire?”
He tensed beneath her. “She did?”
Audrey nodded, fascinated by how his heart rate increased beneath her ear. “Just before I left her chamber.”
Forbidden Page 14
