by M. J. Perry
I ripped open the envelope. “Here goes,” I said with more courage than I felt. Spreading it out on my lap I took a deep breath before letting my eyes go to the words.
Dear Scarlett
I am so sorry for everything. Not just the trouble with Sketch, but all of it. The stress I’ve caused you, the sleepless nights when I’ve stayed out causing you to worry about me, all of it. Ever since mum and dad died, I’ve felt lost. You were always there for me and I resented you because of it. You were perfect Scarlett. Mum and dad got to see you do well in school and when you got the job with the interior design office, you made them proud. I didn’t have anything to make them proud of me, I had good grades, but that was it. I think I was such a bitch to you because I told myself that if our parents could see us now they wouldn’t think you were so perfect and they’d know you’d failed in bringing me up.
It wasn’t you who failed, it was me. You took on a huge responsibility when you became my guardian and I treated you like shit. When you should have been out having a good time, meeting guys and going on dates you were looking after me. I can never in a million years make it up to you so I won’t even pretend I can. Even as you’re reading these words you’re blaming yourself aren’t you? But don’t Scarlett, please don’t. I’ve done too much I can never atone for please don’t add this to my list too. I know you’ll be safe now; you have a great friend in the detective. I could see how much he cared for you when he had to tell you how badly I’d betrayed you yesterday. The rage in his eyes could have burned me alive, but it was nothing compared to James. I truly believe that if he could do it without you being upset he would kill me. I love that you have that, I’m glad that you’re happy and by the looks of James you’ll be happy for a long, long time.
You know everything now and I hope you don’t hate me too much. I’m leaving so I can grow up. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, you’ve always had my back. Paying for things I’ve damaged like the neighbours car or the window at the corner shop I bricked because they wouldn’t sell me cigarettes. I need to get myself together and not have you to fall back on. I know that even after this you’ll have a plan to help me out and I can’t take your help this time. I love you, Scarlett. I’ll write to you again as soon as I’m settled. I’m going back to my friend house to lie low. I’m not going to tell you where I’ll be just please know I’ll be safe this time. This is something I have to do. When we see each other again I want to be someone you can be proud of. Sorry doesn’t cover what I’ve done, but it’s all I’ve got at the moment. Take care of yourself.
Love Ruby.
Tears streamed down my face. This was Ruby’s choice and later I would see it’s the right one for her, but at this moment terror rushed through me. I had no way of contacting her, what if something happened to her? Would I find out? It felt like the last few weeks all over again.
Her behaviour made sense now. She’d changed from a young girl who dressed nicely, had manners and was really sweet and helpful to a foul-mouthed, pot smoking drama queen. She started dressing like too many clothes would hurt her, short skirts, tank tops flashing her bra and she wore more make-up than the make-up stand held in our local chemist. I knew it had to do with our parents dying; it didn’t take a genius to tell me that or the school counsellor who tried to get Ruby to open up. Ruby just wouldn’t snap out of it and I realised then it wasn’t a phase, and it was her way to deal with everything. When she’d gotten older I’d hoped she would grow out of it, but it only got worse until we got to this point. I prayed this time with her wanting to sort herself out that she’d manage to do it.
“I hope she’s safe.” I said in a voice choked with tears.
James lifted me onto his lap. “She’ll be fine and it won’t be long until she’s back baby I’m sure.” He said softly.
“Do you believe that?” I asked.
“Yes. I’m still pissed at her, but her doing this shows us she’s trying to change her ways.”
“I hope you’re right. I’m proud of her.”
And I am. She’d done some bad things, but she’d admitted them and she seemed willing to change. I didn’t even want her to change for me; I wanted her to change for herself. I wanted her to be able to sort her life out, to make something of herself.
“It’s for the best you know. She needs to take control of her life and this is the only way.” James said.
If she had stayed I would have brushed it all under the rug because that’s what I do and maybe she would have gone back to finding trouble.
“He’s right. When I interviewed her, she was in complete control of herself. She said that the only reason Sketch found her was because she’d been stupid and left her friend’s house to go to the supermarket.” Matt told us.
“Did she tell you anything about her friend? Give you any clues about where she could have gone? If we had some kind of clue we could find her.”
“She didn’t tell me anything Sweetheart. She knew if she did I’d tell you. I’m sorry.”
“Oh. It was a long shot, anyway.” I sighed.
“It’ll be ok. I have to go, but I’ll come back tonight. I’ll bring beer.”
“That will be nice.” I smiled.
“I’ll bring chocolate too.”
“Now you’re talking.”
“And Sarah?” he asked.
“Yes please.” If she came tonight with Matt I could wait until then to show her the letter. James and I were going to pack up my things, even with me being upset I knew he wouldn’t change our plans, he’d still make me do it to take my mind off things. His next words confirmed it.
“We’re going to Scarlett’s house to pack up her stuff. She’s moving in.” James told Matt.
The smugness in his voice was clear as day and I laughed.
“Congrats.” Matt grinned; he slapped James on the back and bent to kiss my cheek. “I’m pleased for you.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ll be back later. Have fun packing.”
Fun my ass. Who enjoys packing? James walked Matt out so he could lock the door behind him. I called goodbye before I made my way to the kitchen for more coffee.
If what the guys said was true, then perhaps this was the best thing for Ruby. Her letter was heart-breaking, but it made a lot of sense too. It also lifted some of the guilt from my shoulders, I hadn’t been very old when our parents died and I’d tried so hard to be a mum and a dad for Ruby when I should have just been a sister.
If I hadn’t looked in Harrison’s for her, I would never have met James or Matt. I’ll always be grateful to her for that although I’d rather it’d happened in different circumstances. As long as Ruby was safe, Sketch was in prison and Mike left us all alone I couldn’t ask for more. I have James, a man who I knew would do anything for me and loved me despite the bad things I’d dragged him into and my life was finally feeling full.
“Are you ready to go? I’ll buy you breakfast on the way.” James asked pulling me from my thoughts.
“I’m ready in more ways than you can know.” I smiled before I walked up to him and placed a hot wet kiss on his mouth, I melted into his body when he took over the kiss. When he pulled away, he leaned his head against mine and sighed. I felt that sigh of contentment all the way to my toes.
“I’m one lucky bastard to have met you, babe. One day we’ll thank Ruby for this.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
****
After our delicious breakfast, I was quiet on the drive to my house I tried to tell myself we were moving too fast, that I’d let James push me into moving in too soon, but I couldn’t do it. I’d felt the connection as soon as I’d looked into his eyes the first time I’d seen him, I knew people would judge us, say it wouldn’t last because we’d rushed, but I didn’t care. No one knew what we felt except us and everyone else could go to hell. I was happy, James was happy.
I looked forward to the future and that future would be full of love. With, James I’d get my family and
there was no pressure because we were meant to be.
When we got to my house, Sketch didn’t even cross my mind, all I could think about was packing all my things so I could start my new life. We walked towards my front door hand in hand, me with a huge goofy grin on my face and James laughing at me. I didn’t think life could any get better.
A year later
Scarlett
“Honey, I’m home,” James called.
I heard the front door close and giggled. He’d been saying the same thing every evening for the past year and it never got old. Since I’d moved in James hadn’t worked later than five unless there was an emergency. He usually jumped on me as soon as he walked in the door, it didn’t matter what I was doing he would always bring us both to our pleasure before we sat down for tea. This was something I loved, absolutely with my whole heart.
Tonight was different though because it was Valentine’s Day and I’d told him he wasn’t allowed to seduce me as I had a surprise for him, a pretty huge one actually.
I’d found out this morning that I was pregnant. It had been so hard to keep it to myself all day; I’ve flickered between excitement, nervousness and fear. We were going to be in charge of a tiny baby and that scared me to death.
I looked down at my left hand where my princess cut diamond ring sat on my finger.
He’d put it there last night while we were making love, he’d just said I love you and you’re marrying me. That was it, he didn’t ask, he didn’t give me any fluffy words, but I wasn’t upset. It was perfect how he’d done it and I loved it. I didn’t need a romantic proposal with flowers and candles when I had my very sexy man bossing me about, I felt like the happiest woman in the world. Marriage was always on the cards for us and to be honest it was a surprise he’d waited so long to propose. When I’d mentioned this to him, he’d laughed at me. He said it had been such a big deal to get me to move in with him that he hadn’t wanted to push me anymore. It showed how much he loved me because he liked having his own way and wasn’t afraid to do what it took to get it so for him to go slow for me was an awesome thing, I felt cherished.
I’d set the table and cooked lasagne, not the most romantic food, but it was his favourite. I was feeling really nervous and when James walked through the kitchen door, I swallowed hard. He was picking up on my nerves, but he didn’t say anything for which I was grateful because I had a plan of how I wanted to tell him and if he asked me outright, I would blurt it out and ruin it.
After he kissed me breathless, he took his seat at the table and I placed our plates down before I sat down too. I only picked at my food, taking a few bites while James ate his with relish never taking his eyes from mine.
Getting up I grabbed the present I’d put into a gift box earlier. I couldn’t wait anymore.
“Babe, are you ok?”
“Yes. Or I will be when you open this.”
I pushed the box over to him and sat back down in my chair. His eyes filled with curiosity before he took the top off the box. Inside there was a pair of baby booties which I’d gone to buy as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It had taken five tests before I could believe it.
When James saw them he closed his eyes. I swallowed my tears, well I tried to. Damn hormones.
“I got white ones because it’s too early to know the sex yet. I’m just under two months along.”
He pushed his chair back and just as quickly pulled me out of mine. I was in his arms in the next second, my face in his neck and his arms tightly wrapped around me.
“Fuck,” James whispered.
“You’re happy?”
“Yes babe, really fucking happy, I’m ecstatic.” He lifted my top to caress my tummy. When he placed a soft kiss there, I lost my battle with my tears and they fell silently down my cheeks.
“You’re having my baby.” He whispered. I could hear the awe in his voice.
“Yeah, it’s finally happening,” I whispered back. We’d talked about babies and I’d come off the pill as soon as I’d moved in so my body could get back to normal. We’d been using condoms, but sometimes James was too impatient to find one or we’d both be so wrapped up in the moment protection was the last thing on either of our minds. And now we were pregnant.
“We are getting married as soon as possible,” James informed me.
“But we only got engaged last night.” I protested.
“I don’t care. I haven’t rushed you on anything, not wanting to pressure you, but our baby is not being born out of wedlock. If that sounds old-fashioned I don’t care, I’ve gone slow and given you a bit of normal after all the shit, but now we’re doing it my way. Start as we mean to go on I say, we started off fast and I figure we may as well carry on at the same speed.”
“Ok.” I mean I couldn’t argue with that, the man made sense.
He didn’t look convinced. “Really?”
I kissed the underside of his jaw. “Yes. Little baby Harrison should be born in wedlock. If my dad was alive, he’d kill me if we became parents before we married and besides I love you. I want to marry you.” I smiled up at him with my hands on his hips. He searched my face probably trying to see if I was telling the truth.
“Thank god you agreed otherwise I think I would have dragged you off to Gretna Green, anyway.” He admitted.
I laughed because he would have done that.
“I’m not joking.” He groused.
“I know. That’s why I’m laughing. You know very well if you’d have done that I would have given in, so much for me not letting you get away with your overbearing ways.”
“You love me being bossy, especially in the bedroom.” He winked at me and I blushed. Yep, my fiancé still had the ability to make me blush even after all this time.
“We’re having a baby,” I told him. Like he didn’t remember, but it still didn’t feel all that real.
“You’re going to be a fantastic mommy.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. And you’re going to look fucking gorgeous when you start to show, plus all men will know you’re off limits then! Now get your ass in our bedroom. No more making love outside of it while you’re carrying our baby.”
He picked me up and carried me into our bedroom like precious cargo and that right there was why I loved him.
He always put me first.
He will make an awesome daddy.
Epilogue
Scarlett
I stood in our kitchen smiling like a loon, we’d had a barbeque to celebrate Matilda’s first birthday and we’d invited our friends and family. I watched as Ruby read Matilda her fifth story, my little girl really loved books. James my wonderful husband was standing in the garden talking to Matt drinking a beer and I could see Sarah talking to Tag in the shade of the big tree. Everyone had left except for them.
They were our family. We’d all become a big family despite how it came about or maybe because of how it came about we were all extremely close. I loved it. I’d never felt more alone than when my parents had died but now I couldn’t ask for more. Our daughter had enough aunties and uncles to make me relax, I knew if anything ever happened to James and me, Matilda would never be alone like Ruby and I had been.
Ruby had come back when I’d been eight months pregnant and I’d hardly recognised her. Gone were the tarty clothes and attitude, she’d grown up, she’d acted grown up. I had my sister back. I never did find out where she’d gone, part of me wondered if she still kept it a secret so she had somewhere to disappear to again if she needed it, somewhere none of us knew about but I figured I shouldn’t push her on it. She’d made it clear she didn’t want to tell me and I didn’t want to lose her again. Of course it drove me mad because I hated secrets but I was tough so I’d deal with it.
While she was away, she’d done courses on nail acrylics and she was so good at it. I couldn’t be more proud of her; she’d turned her life around and made something of herself. She wanted to learn how to do facials so she was saving up. I hadn’t to
ld her yet that she had the money for her course and more because I’d put half the money from my house sale in an account for her. James was not happy when I’d told him my plan. It was the first argument we’d had that I wouldn’t back down. I could understand he didn’t want Ruby to have anything off me because she’s pretty much the reason I had to sell it, but it was my choice. He could see himself how much she’d changed though, and he stood down eventually with his attempts to change my mind even if he still grumbled about it occasionally.
Sarah had finally had enough of her asshole boss. When he’d started shouting at her in a meeting in front of her colleagues, she’d lost it. She said she’d wanted to cry she felt that humiliated and as she’d promised herself she’d never let him see her cry; it was either shout back or break her promise to herself so she ended up telling him to go fuck himself.
She’d walked out smiling and she hadn’t once looked back. Even when her boss rang her trying to apologise and get her to come back, she didn’t listen. She’d had enough of office work and asshole bosses so she came to work for James at Harrison’s. James had taken her on and she was amazing at it. She does all the paperwork and works behind the bar when she’s needed. It’s freed James up more so he can continue to be home no later than five like he’s been doing. Some days he doesn’t even go in to work, the perks of being the boss.
Sarah loved it and I hadn’t seen her happy like this in a long time. She’d become great friends with Tag, they were close and they spent a lot of time together. She told me there was nothing but friendship between them which I believed but I didn’t believe it when she said the same thing about her and Matt. They avoided each other as much as they could in our group. They were either looking at each other like they wanted to rip each other’s clothes off or they were looking at each other like they want to rip each other’s heads off. Sarah always changed the subject if I mentioned Matt and he did the same when Sarah was mentioned. It drove me nuts not because I wanted to know what had gone on between them, ok maybe I did want to know but I wanted them to be happy more and if they didn’t talk they’d never sort it out. I’ve tried getting James to grill Matt but he wouldn’t do it, he just tells me it’s none of our business.
