I laughed. This was exactly Oliver’s type of thing to do: make me re-evaluate my perspectives. With my hands full, I stepped back inside and dropped everything but my drink onto the kitchen counter. I opened the box and took out the package. I couldn’t believe it. I was holding in my hands every letter I had sent Oliver six years ago. All envelopes where scratched off with a return to sender.
He sent them back? What the hell?
I took a second to remember the conversations Oliver and I had over the last few days, asking myself if he had shown any remorse when I mentioned the letters. He showed nothing. I frowned, confused.
The last envelope in the pile was completely different from the others, and written in Oliver’s handwriting. On top was a request to be read first. I walked over to the living room with the pile of letters and my slushy. I sat near the window, scattering the envelopes on the couch and stared outside. The morning sun warmed me up while I enjoyed the coldness of my drink. It was only once I was done savoring it that I found the courage to discover what Oliver had to say.
Hey Abs,
I can’t imagine your stunned face right now.
Well… actually I can, and if you take away the circumstances, you have to admit it’s pretty funny!
Uh… no it’s not!
Okay, so first thing’s first. I missed you, Abbygail, so fucking much!
When I first moved to BC, I would sometimes sit in bed and replay every conversation we ever had in my head, even the most annoying ones. That way, for a brief moment, I could pretend you were right there with me. It worked for a while until it wasn’t enough anymore, and my solution for that was to pretend that I didn’t care and to stop thinking about you.
I have to say: it was the hardest thing I ever had to do… and honestly, it was a skill I never truly acquired. Not entirely anyway… so yeah, it was a stupid idea that never really worked.
Anyway, I just have to say it, I missed you, but I especially missed us.
Good, so now that we’ve got that out of the way, I’m going to answer your first question. Yes, I read your letters, and guess what, Freckle Face? I did write back. The problem is that when I did, I didn’t quite think my stupid idea through. The ‘return to sender’, was meant as a joke. Unfortunately, it took a while before I realized that the whole thing fucking backfired on me. By the time I figured out you weren’t reading my replies, I decided that emptying my heart without you knowing was a better idea than you finding out how I truly felt.
I know, not my finest idea… but when you start reading, you’ll understand.
And before you start being royally pissed at your mom for hiding your letters, I want you to remember that she loves you and that, if she decided to keep them hidden, it was because she thought it’s what was best for you.
“I’m going to strangle her...” I said to no one but myself.
When she gave them to me, she told me she didn’t know I’d written back to you until much later. She said that when she found out what they were, you were too far gone to handle what I had to say.
Here’s the thing: I have no clue if she’s right or not. Honestly, I was pissed when I found out, but I can’t change the past, Abby, and from what I’ve heard from everyone these last few days, I have to believe that she made the right decision. If she didn’t, the fact that you spent the last few years believing I didn’t care about you for no reason would destroy me.
Abby, I still think you are as amazing as you were six years ago. I want you to know that I missed your smile, your laughter—hell, I even missed your bad temper. I know that there are still a lot of things to untangle between us, but I hope that someday, you will trust in me enough to tell me about your life.
Please remember that I’ve always cared and that I always will.
Remember that no matter how far from each other we are, you’re like a tattoo, forever inked into my skin. I never forgot and never will.
Even if you’ve outgrown them, you will always be my Freckle Face.
Take care, beautiful,
Oliver
xxx
Opening the first letter I wrote to Oliver was like opening an old can of dog food. I knew it would stink so much, it would hurt. But I did it, because that’s who I am.
Abbygail Evens, the glutton for punishment.
As I reread my letter with teary eyes, I remembered how I rewrote the whole thing at least five times, weighing every word carefully to make sure he would understand exactly how I felt. Then I read his response.
October 20, 2009
Hey, Beautiful,
I’m so happy you wrote. I want to tell you that I apologize too. I’m sorry I acted like a dick, and I hate that I left knowing that I hurt you. I should have come to see you. And you were right, I should have told you that I planned on leaving way before you found out. But the thing is... I couldn’t do it. Abs, you’re my best friend and telling you I was leaving was too hard.
As for leaving without saying goodbye, I tried. I came to see you the same night we fought. I sat by your side under the willow tree for hours just watching you sleep.
Do you know how beautiful you are when you’re sleeping?
School is okay. Being the new kid has its perks… I guess. The girls seem to like me a lot, not that I care. Nor do I care about the Giants’ cheerleading squad. I already told you this, Abby. I don’t care about them. I never will.
Hey, did you watch Dex this week? I did, and I have to tell you, watching it without you hiding your face in my shirt sucks!
Anyway, I want to tell you that even if everything is fucking hard right now, you and I, we’re forever, Freckle Face. I need you to be strong—for the both of us. Being apart, it isn’t forever, Abby. It’s just for now...
Oliver
xxx
P.S. I dream of you every night; I miss you, too!
I picked up letter number two, and as I opened it, a small white gold charm bracelet fell on my lap. I knew I looked stupid, but I did it anyway. I cried like a baby admiring the charms Oliver had chosen. My attention was fixated on the black and blue orchid.
After feeling completely ridiculous and all cried out, I opened Oliver’s second reply.
November 18, 2009
Hey, Abs,
I can’t fucking believe her… I had no clue my mom sold our house. Can you believe she did the whole thing behind my back too? I’m so pissed off right now!
Anyway, thanks for telling me. Who knows how long she would have kept this a secret from me? I swear she’s acting so weird lately…
So, do you know what’s awesome about you babysitting all the time now? You won’t need a lame excuse to cheap out on my Christmas gift!
Hey, I know you’re giving me an eye roll right now, so before you start swearing and shit, I’m kidding!! The baseball cap I wear every day is proof of that, just so you know…
And speaking of gifts, I really hope you like yours. I wish I could have been there for your birthday, but you know the thousands of kilometers between us kind of made it difficult for me to make it in time for my football game the next morning. I doubt my new coach would accept attending my best friend’s birthday as a valid excuse, and I didn’t forget, I promise. The only excuse I have is fear, and the funniest thing is, I know you understand otherwise you would have called me and given me shit about not calling you. And now that I think of it, I guess our splitting up into groups of two, kind of make sense. I mean, I honestly never really paid attention because the both of us are basically always together. Were…
Yeah, I know. I’m sorry it hurts me, too.
Just… when you wear your bracelet, think of me, okay?
Happy birthday!
Love you, Abs,
Oliver xxx
The phone rang the second I finished reading the letter. By the time I ran up the stairs to my room to answer, it was on the fifth ring. The person who wanted to talk to me really wanted to talk to me…
“Hello?”
“Hey, Abby
. It’s Oliver.”
“I watched you drive away.” I don’t know why I felt compelled to tell him.
“I know. Stephan told me once we reached the stop sign.”
Silence fell between the two of us. I didn’t know what to say except to beg him not to go and that was out of the question. I picked up the letters and my empty glass from the living room and set everything onto the kitchen counter.
“Did you go to your front porch?”
“Yeah.” I smiled twirling the remainder of the un-melted crushed ice I still refused to taste. “I can’t believe you really bought me an orchid every year for my birthday even though you weren’t here.”
He chuckled. “Didn’t waste any time reading, I see.”
“My curiosity got the best of me. I just read two of them, though.”
“Speaking of curiosity, how were your special drinks this morning?”
I exhaled, and took off the plastic cap off from melted drink I was playing with. “It was okay.”
“Just okay?” I could hear the frown in his voice.
I stared at the empty cup on the counter as I emptied the blue sludge down the drain. “Yeah. I mean, I guess blue raspberry slush isn’t as bad as I always thought it would be. I actually finished the entire cup in record time. It might end up being my new favorite flavor after all.”
“Really?”
“Yep,” I felt the warm tears pool out of my eyes.
“So you didn’t drink the root beer?”
“No.” I sniffed quietly. “I guess once in a while you need to try something different.”
I put both empty glasses into the garbage.
“Turns out all this time I’ve been missing out because the blue raspberry tasted a lot better than I thought.”
Silent, salty tears were rolling down my cheeks and reached the hem of my mouth. I licked my lips, mixing the salted taste with the remaining sugary root beer flavour.
I inhaled. “You should try a new flavor, too, Oliver. Maybe you’ll end up finding something you really love and realize what you’ve been missing out on.” My voice was trembling.
Lying to him is too fucking hard…
The silence between us was thick, and for once in my life, I was so happy that he wasn’t standing in front of me.
“Oliver?”
“Um, yeah?” He seemed distracted.
“Oliver?”
“Take care, Abby.”
“Oliver, wait!” I hastened.
I heard him exhale.
“You said no regrets…”
“And you think I regret something.” There was an edge to his tone.
“I—I don’t know. Do you?”
“No, beautiful, I don’t.”
“Then, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I was just thinking that maybe when I get home I could try a root beer and bubble gum slushy.”
“Like in one drink?” I grimaced. “That has to be the most disgusting mix I have ever heard…”
“I’ll let you know,” he chuckled. “I have to go, Abby. We’re about to take off.”
“Okay. Have a safe flight.”
“I will. Miss you.” The line cut off before I could respond.
“I miss you more,” I whispered to no one.
Oliver
I chucked my phone into my carry on, and saw the letter Jenna had given me. I opened it, curious as to what she possibly had to say that she couldn’t tell me face to face out of fear that I couldn’t handle it. As I opened the letter I realized that it wasn’t from her at all. It was my mother’s handwriting.
My dear son,
I wish I could have been there to witness you coming back home in person. I knew you would eventually come. There are only so many years a person can be separated from the ones they love.
So now that you’ve made amends with Abbygail, I have to ask. Was it as bad as you thought it would be? Is she as beautiful as you remember? Something tells me she is… could it be that I was right about you two all along? Have you fallen for her again? Wait. Scratch that. I know you have and probably even harder, too!
So I have to ask Oliver, why are you leaving her again?
If you’re wondering how I know, it’s simple. If you’re reading this particular letter it’s because I’ve asked your Aunt Jenna to look after you and make sure you don’t make any idiotic mistakes. She had the strict rule to hand you the letter if you decided to go back to BC. And if you’re wondering if she read the letter, the answer is, probably yes. She’s my best friend, and I wouldn’t expect anything less.
Oliver, I don’t know why you two are making the stupid decision to not be together, but I guess that now that you’re gone, the only thing I can rely on will be my faith that you two belong together and that everything will work out.
I hope you know that your father and I are watching over you. We are both so proud of you. YOU AMAZE ME, and you have my whole life. You are truly an exceptional man, and I want you to be happy.
Stop holding back, Oliver. You deserve a hundred times the happiness you brought to the world.
I’ll be watching the two of you scrupulously, so you’d better let yourself be happy.
I love you, sweetheart,
Mom xxx
The Other Side of the Truth
Abbygail
Sunday morning had drained out my remaining energy, as well as my tolerance for self-inflicted pain. I was beyond exhausted after hanging up with Oliver, so I put the rest of my letters aside and went to bed to sleep my day away.
On Monday morning, my boss’ boss called, ruining my day before it even began. I was obviously in no mood, but I sat in my chair and listened as he called my intervention with Cole an inexcusable newbie mistake. Normally praised for my work, I had now put myself and my family in danger with my unprofessional lack of judgment by letting Cole sleep at my mom’s house.
Like I had any other choice.
Biting my tongue took a lot more self-control than anyone could possibly believe; I wondered how this guy I had only seen twice in my life would have handled the situation if some kid he knew showed up on his doorstep beaten by his stepdad. I concluded that asking him might not be the smartest idea, so I remained quiet until he told me that I was obviously off the case. If Cole tried to reach out to me, I was to refer him to his social worker. And, if I went against this decision, human resources may be inclined to not prolong my contract at school. After our call was over, the receiver hit the phone base pretty hard.
Seconds after I hung up with the head of the office, the phone went off again. I groaned. It was going to be a long ass day.
“Carrington High School Social Services. This is Abby.”
“Hi, Abbygail.”
“Dylan.”
“I doubt that’s a reasonable way to greet your boss, young lady.”
I rolled my eyes. It was a good thing Dylan was a friend of my mom’s. He was right, though, there was no way on earth a regular boss would tolerate my attitude.
“I’m sorry. What can I do for you, Boss-Man?”
“I was just calling to see how you were doing.”
“Oh, you mean after being called a worthless employee by your boss? Yeah, I’m doing just peachy!”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“Am not!” I pouted.
“Abby, I was in the office when Gregg called. And he was right. Cole shouldn’t have slept at your mom’s.”
“I’ve babysat Cole for over nine years. What would you have me do? It’s not like I was going to ignore him. I care for him, Dylan.”
“You should have brought him to the hospital.”
“For a split lip and black eye? I hardly think it was necessary. Besides, the police said it was okay.”
“The police didn’t know he had bruised ribs, Abby.”
My eyes grew wide. I didn’t know. “I’m going to kill him.”
“No, Abby, you’re not. You’re going to back off this case and let Jane handle it.”
“Yes.”
I scrunched my nose. Jane was good with teens, but she was a hard ass with them too. Her methods were tough, especially when she made them confront themselves. They didn’t like it.
“I know what you’re thinking. They’ll be a good pair, and you’re going to butt out. Do you hear me?”
“Loud and clear, boss.”
He chuckled. “Sometimes I wonder how your mother handles your attitude.”
“I think she stopped bothering when I finished high school.”
“And I think you underestimate her. Are you going to be okay to work professionally today?”
I frowned. “I will, but there is one thing I want to say: Your boss lacks social skills.”
“I’ll be sure to let him know you said that,” he teased.
“Please don’t. For all I know, he’ll be expediting me into British Colombia after this.”
“He likes your work, Abby. You know he wouldn’t want to lose someone as close to the kids as you are.”
“Maybe. But if you do hear about an opening, let me know.”
“In BC?” he questioned. “Why would you want to go all the way over there?”
Yeah Abby… why would you possibly want to work across the country?
“Oh, you know, new scenery, new boss, new challenges…”
Oliver Langton.
“All right, Abbygail,” he mocked. “I’ll be sure to look into that.”
I ended up locking myself in my office until the day was over.
···
After my morning run with Stephan and my questionable day at work, it felt nice to walk into my quiet house.
The blinking light of my home phone answering machine caught my attention as soon as I set my purse down on the kitchen counter. I didn’t need to check who called, though. My mother had tried my cell phone at least twenty times that day, and I constantly refused to take her calls. Avoidance was still a strong part of my personality. Besides, it was better this way. I hadn’t gone through all of Oliver’s letters, and I figured it would be best to try to understand things from her point of view before lashing out at her.
Living with Regrets (No Regrets book 2) Page 16
