“Really?”
“It’s just a question, Abs.”
“I don’t know where, Oliver. I haven’t talked to Stephan since before I left. I just don’t understand why you care where and how my friends spend their holidays.”
I don’t! I’m trying to look less suspicious.
“They’re my friends, too,” I replied.
“Then call them and ask them yourself.” She frowned shaking her head. “When did you get your second tattoo?”
“I got it before I boarded my flight in Ottawa, right after I saw you awake at the hospital,” I blurted out before realizing what I said.
Way to go, idiot.
“But we didn’t see each other at the hospital. You left before I woke up.”
I smiled. “Do you know how many hours I sat by your bedside that week?”
“I could guess. My mom said you didn’t move for three days.”
“Yeah. She kicked me out about fifteen minutes before you woke up. If she hadn’t insisted I leave, everything would be different today.”
She furrowed her brow. I could tell she was trying to figure out what I meant. I couldn’t believe I worded my thoughts out loud like that. I shook my head.
“Abby, maybe we didn’t see each other at the hospital, but it doesn’t mean that I didn’t see you.”
“I don’t get it. When were you there?”
“It doesn’t matter when. I came and saw that you had everything and everyone you needed, walked out, got a tattoo, flew back here and the rest… is history.”
“Everyone?” she frowned again.
As soon as she understood she went pale. “Tyler…” she whispered.
I took off my back from the head rest and straightened looking at the sky.
“Oliver—”
“Leave it alone, Abby.”
She took my hands in hers, which I immediately pulled away. “Oliver—”
I turned to face her, focusing on her clear blue eyes. What she could see in mine, I didn’t know, but in hers, I saw fear.
“Abs, if you came all the way here because you needed my blessing to move on with your life, you didn’t need to. You already have it. I already told you: you and I, we’re the past. Ever since I left you six years ago, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I don’t need you.”
“Stop talking,” she breathed grabbing her head. “Can you just please stop and listen to me for just a second?”
“You kissed him.”
“No. He kissed me…”
“Well, you didn’t actually push him away, now did you?”
I stood and walked out of the sunroom slamming the door. This whole situation was going to blow up in my face any moment, and I wasn’t ready. The cold air hit me, soothing my already broken heart. I didn’t want to see her go.
“Oliver!”
I turned. Her face was wet with tears as she closed the door behind her. I knew what she was about to say. She was going to tell me that I read it wrong. She was going to tell me that if I had stayed I would have understood, but I didn’t because seeing her lips on someone else broke my heart.
“I watched you in Tyler’s arms. I saw you kiss him. You didn’t pull back: you just lost yourself to him, and it fucking hurt. So whatever you have to say, save it. I saw enough.”
“Not all of us disappear on the people we love and avoid them for six years, Oliver. He loved me, and I hurt him by not being able to love him back. Everything that happened between him and me was because of you.” She shivered at the brisk wind that blew between us. “And you’re right. For a fraction of a second, I did lose myself in his comfort, but he was my rock for two years, and he saved my life. So you can’t blame me, but, had you stayed just a few minutes longer, you would have seen that he was just trying to say goodbye. You would have seen me pull away. You would have heard me when I told him that I couldn’t love him because I never stopped being in love with you.”
She advanced towards me as I backed away from her. I stared at the eyes of the only girl I ever truly loved, and all I could think about was how I was about to break her heart all over again.
“Had you stayed just a little bit longer, you would have heard me tell Tyler that no matter the years or the distance that separated us, you left with my heart, and that you owned me. You would have heard how Tyler made me understand that it was okay to love you and that I needed to listen to myself and stop fearing what my soul so desperately craved.”
My heart was full of pain as she got close to me.
“Oliver, I came here for you. I came here because I can’t stand to be away from you anymore. I came here because I’ve spent the last six years yearning for you. I need you. Having you step back into my life a month ago was the best thing that happened since you kissed me in the girls’ locker-room. The night we spent together wasn’t closure for me: it was a new beginning. You told me to stop holding back, to be happy, and to be in love. I want to learn that love doesn’t have to be painful. I want to be happy with you.” She walked up to me, and I leaned into the touch of her frozen hands.
Abbygail
I didn’t need to touch him to know that there was something wrong, but a thousand questions wanted to stumble out of my mouth the second his warm tears touched my cold hands.
“Oliver?”
At the sound of my voice, he fell to his knees, and I followed him down. He tried to pull away, but the force of me holding up his face made him look into my eyes.
“Oliver.”
“I’m sorry, Abs. I swear. I didn’t know.”
“Didn’t know what?” My body was shaking.
“God, this is so fucked up.” He stood and walked away from me.
My heart was shattering with every step he took away from me. He backed away until he reached his gazeebo and leaned on the outside fence with his face on the wet wooden board. I walked over to him, and when I made it there, he turned to face me and let himself glide all the way to the ground.
“Oliver?”
“I was with Sam.”
“Okay?”
“At the bar, after leaving you alone in the bathroom hallway, I knew you were confused, but I was hurting and being so close to you was too much. I wanted you, I needed you, but I thought you... I walked away from you, I—”
Regret, that’s what I saw.
Real.
Raw.
Regret.
I continued to advance towards him. I feared the worst, but it didn’t matter.
“I had sex with Sam.”
And for the second time that night my entire world stopped.
Abbygail
I backed away staring into his eyes.
I felt his remorse.
I knew I shouldn’t be that mad: he wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his, and he didn’t owe me anything. He thought I was back with Tyler. He didn’t want her. I could tell that he regretted it.
I knew something was wrong.
I looked at him as he let go of his hair, and his hands turned into fists as he roared in anger because of his mistake. There, right in the palm of his hands, he held my heart. And every time I saw him tighten them, I felt him crushing my ability to love.
“Abby!” he called once my back hit the wall of his backyard deck.
I turned and ran inside.
I don’t fear love. I fear pain.
“Abby, stop,” he said as soon as I passed the opening to the kitchen.
I was heading to my room to grab my things, and for a fraction of a second, I listened.
“I’m so sorry, Abs.”
He sounded so desperate.
“Yeah,” I whispered, without turning back. “So am I.”
“Please, look at me.”
I didn’t want to, but I did.
“I hope she was worth it,” I said wiping away my angry tears. I continued walking without stopping.
I don’t fear pain. I fear love.
I made it to the room, picked up the clothing I had left on the floo
r, and threw it in my unpacked suitcase.
“Beautiful?”
I sobbed and fell to my knees at the nickname he had called me my whole life.
I don’t fear love. I fear pain.
“Please?”
The second I heard the sound of his voice, I broke. He was right behind me and my body shivered, even before I faced him. I shouldn’t have turned around, but I did.
I think he expected a blow, as if he wanted me to take physical revenge on my anger towards him. It was as if he needed it, but it didn’t come. Instead, I stepped towards him and took his handsome, broken face between my shaking hands and brought his lips to mine, kissing him softy.
His tears mixed with mine. It was the most painful thing I could have inflicted on myself.
I don’t fear pain. I fear love.
Oliver lifted me up and held my body against his. I grabbed a fistful of his hair, yearning his closeness as he held me between him and the wall. He kissed me tenderly, then urgently as I let myself get lost to our need. I needed to know that this wasn’t just desire or lust, and I did. It felt like a poisoned gift, but I couldn’t let go.
We got lost. The hard wall became a soft mattress. What seemed like seconds, were hours of him holding me, kissing me softly and showing me how much he truly loved me.
I don’t fear love. I fear pain.
···
“Oliver —”
“Don’t go,” he pleaded.
I painfully peeled myself away from his arms and got dressed.
“Abby, please.” His heart was breaking, tears were forming in his dark broken eyes.
I sat beside his body and bent over him, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead. “Do you really regret me, Oliver?” I asked.
Teardrops ran down my cheeks, and he wiped them with the soft touch of his thumb. He then took my hand and put it over his heart. “I never regretted you, Abby. I only regret the pain I keep putting you through.”
I could feel every tear rolling down and hitting my hand over his heart.
“Then, let me go,” I whispered.
I fear pain, and I fear love. And love without pain does not exist.
To be continued...
Acknowledgements
For all the time and energy, the sweat, tears and anger, the lack of sleep and laughter…thank you.
Thank you to you who has allowed me to make this book exactly what I wanted it to be.
And to my new readers, thank you for giving me a chance. I know you might be a little angry with me right now, but I promise I will make it right real soon. xxx
About the Author
Taking care of children is Aimee Noalane’s vocation. Reading is her passion. Writing is her new adventure. She is a wife, mother, foster parent, friend, and Canadian author.
Chocolate and candy are her devilish addiction, but if you’re really sweet she might agree to share some with you.
Follow her on:
www.facebook.com/AimeeNoalaneAuthor
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/15989785.Aimee_Noalane
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B01MRNB2AC
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Living with Regrets
Copyright
Dedication
Prologue
Unwanted Guest
Everything is Under Control…Or Not
Collision
Trust
Orchids and Willow Trees
Kryptonite
Better Left In The Past
Just like old times
Delicate Strength
The One
Root Beer Slushies
Lectured by a Teen
Twenty Something Questions
Transcendence
Home
Deja vu
The Other Side of the Truth
Silent Treatment
Rendered Happiness
All Too Familiar
Letting Go
Sweet Dreams
Confronted
The Letter
Unexpected
Curveball
Self-Control
Deceit
Regret
LOVE
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Living with Regrets (No Regrets book 2) Page 26
