The Faker Rulebook

by Crow, Baylin

  Noah ignored the comment as we finished making the updates, before clearing his throat. “We have to be able to sell it, but not to the point where it’s unbelievable.”

  “What’s unbelievable is that you’re writing down rules when we clearly don’t need them.”

  Noah sighed. “Yes, Rook, we do. Rules serve all sorts of purposes. You know, like keeping our friendship intact.”

  My eyebrows crashed together. “Why would our friendship be in trouble?”

  “If things get weird… I don’t know. It’s going in there.” He wrote it down.

  Rule #2 Make it seem real. Even though it isn’t.

  “Hence the whole fake thing,” I sighed. “That one’s a given.”

  He nodded absently as he tapped the eraser to the page. “How did we get together? You know she’s going to want details.”

  Rule #3 Come up with a believable story.

  Three rapid knocks came at the door, and Noah paused.

  “Hold that thought. That’s the food.” I rose to my feet and jogged toward the front door.

  I quickly paid for our breakfasts and carried the plastic bag back to the recliner, pulling Styrofoam containers out and checking under the lids. I passed the one with eggs, bacon and hash browns to Noah before placing mine on the table and sinking down onto the floor. As I grabbed the cup of maple syrup for my waffles, I waved him on. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

  “If anyone asks, I think we should keep it simple. We could just tell everyone that we realized what we felt was deeper than friendship. We went out. The rest is history.”

  Nodding, I poured enough syrup to drench my waffles into a soggy mess. “Agreed. What’s next?”

  Noah didn’t bother with his food. His concentration was laser focused on his task. I glanced at what he was writing.

  Rule #4 PDA Limits

  “This should be good.” Rolling my eyes, I cut a bite of waffle and moaned as the syrupy goodness flooded my mouth.

  He scribbled at a furious pace as I mentally counted each new rule. There were fucking five of them, all of them revolving around when and where we could kiss and touch. My eyebrows arched as I met his gaze. “That’s a lot to remember.”

  “Well, you have two weeks to memorize them, and I figured it would be best to be specific.” He shrugged. “Any you want to add?”

  “Uh, no. This is your circus. I’m just the monkey.”

  Noah’s chuckle made me smile. “Oh!”

  I sighed. "What are you adding now?"

  “There might be questions or situations we haven’t prepared for. We need a code word.”

  “A code…” I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it.

  He glared down at me. “Fine, we probably won’t need it. But if we do, you’ll thank me for this when we aren’t trying to lie ourselves out of a situation where our stories don’t match.”

  “This whole thing is a lie!” My voice rose and syrup dripped from the fork I pointed at him.

  He simply grunted in response and wrote the next rule.

  Rule #9 Chaplin

  “Seriously, Noah? Chaplin, as in Charlie Chaplin?”

  “Well, you weren’t exactly throwing out ideas, so yes. If either of us texts or says it, we’ll know something’s up.”

  Shaking my head for what must have been the tenth time, I twirled my fork, soaking up syrup in my waffle. “Are you done?”

  “Almost.” Noah paused while the eraser bounced erratically against the table. “We should talk about kissing.”

  I stuffed the wad of food in my mouth. “I thought we already covered that.”

  “We did…” Noah hedged. “Mostly.”

  I cocked a brow. “Your five hundred PDA rules didn’t cover something?”

  There went the pencil again. When he was done, I frowned at the newest demand.

  Rule #10 No tongue.

  “Of all your rules, that’s the dumbest one. I’m definitely using tongue.” I wiped a napkin over my mouth. “You know, for a film student, you sure are taking all the fun out of the acting.”

  “And you’re supposedly straight,” Noah muttered with a shake of his head and began writing again.

  Could you be straight when the best kiss you’ve ever had was with another guy? “What I mean is I’ll kiss you however the situation calls for, so I’m not agreeing to that.”

  “It’s already in the book, so you don’t get a choice.” Noah grinned without looking up, still adding to the list.

  Rule #11 No fucking pet names!

  After I read the last rule, I scoffed. “Vetoed. Next.”

  “You can’t veto that, Rook!” He scowled.

  “I just did, Noah,” I sang before popping another bite of waffle into my mouth. “Are you done now? Can we put this thing away?”

  He glared and scribbled down another damn rule before holding it up and shoving it in my face. I ripped it from his hand and read.

  Rule #12 No hooking up with other people at the wedding.

  Obviously. I sighed. “What else?”

  This time I wasn’t at all surprised when he once more moved the pencil around the page.

  Rule #13 Rules may be added when necessary.

  “You do realize this has a ninety-nine percent chance of failure, right? You can’t just stick to a script if you want something to feel real.”

  “I don’t want it to feel real,” he whispered. “I want to make sure we remember it isn’t.”

  Confused, I stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate. He didn’t.

  Instead, he cleared his throat. “We’ve been best friends for a decade. There’s only one way we can pull this off.”

  The pencil moved slower this time, and when he was finished, he leaned back.

  Rule #14 Pretend to be in love.

  As my gaze traced the letters, I clamped my mouth shut.

  Maybe the rulebook made sense after all. Without them, Noah was just my boyfriend. And the fact that I didn’t immediately balk at the idea surprised me.

  “You need to relax. We know everything about each other, okay?” I reassured him because I didn’t know what else to say. “We can totally pull this off.”

  Noah huffed as he finally set the stupid thing aside and opened his own breakfast, filling the room with the scent of greasy bacon. “We just need to figure out how to be convincing.”

  “We will.” I stood. “I’m going to make coffee. Want some?”

  He finally set the pencil down. “Sure. Thanks.”

  Eight

  Rook

  When Knight had given us a ride to the airport, I’d thought it was cold outside, but it had been nothing compared to the crisp bite in the Colorado wind once we’d stepped outside to find our rental car.

  Equipped with much appreciated seat warmers, the sleek black sedan ate up the miles toward the resort Trevor’s future in-laws owned. The setting sun glowed in the rearview mirrors as we passed stately pine trees dusted in powdery snow that lined the roads and filled in the white landscape.

  An endless stretch of highway led us toward the mountain range in the distance. Their snowy caps reached high in the sky, and as they grew closer, my legs began to ache with the need to stand and stretch them out. Between the plane ride and being cooped up in the car, they’d begun to cramp.

  Music played from the speakers, keeping me alert though I was tired. Noah snoozed in the passenger seat, and I couldn’t blame him. It had already been a long day.

  As we neared our destination, I kept an eye out for landmarks and street signs.

  "Why couldn't your brother marry a local girl?" I mumbled and turned the heater higher. With the sun dipping below the horizon, the roads were quickly growing slick as sleet fell.

  Noah yawned, and I reached for the radio, turning down the volume until it was little more than a hum. “Enjoy your nap?”

  “So much.” He chuckled. “Do you know where you're going?"

  "Pretty sure it's the next exit." Just after I replied,
the GPS informed us through the speakers that our exit was two miles away. Thank fuck. I rolled my neck back and forth to ease the stiffness

  Noah stared out the window, watching the scenery pass by. “You know, as much as I hate the cold, Mom was right. It’s fucking gorgeous here.”

  Even though I agreed, I still wanted to get back to Texas. I never thought I’d appreciate the mild winters I’d thought we’d suffered back home.

  I exhaled a relieved breath as the turnoff came into view and slowed down as we took the service road. When the resort came into view, my eyes widened. The massive lodge sat in the center of snow-covered grounds with only a few cars parked by the entrance.

  “The pictures didn’t do this place justice at all,” I said, glancing at Noah whose appreciative expression mirrored my own.

  “It’s bigger than I expected,” Noah agreed as I pulled into one of the marked spaces near the front door. Up close it was even more impressive. The log cabin façade boasted enormous windows, which were lined with white Christmas lights and a giant wreath hung over the door. While I didn’t envy the people responsible for hanging them, I appreciated the simple holiday accents.

  We popped our doors open, scooting out of the car and grabbed our luggage from the trunk. Noah followed behind me as we dodged the patches beginning to freeze on the sidewalk. I pushed through the heavy door and was immediately enveloped in the warmth radiating from the fire burning in a huge stone fireplace in the spacious lobby.

  Noah took the lead as my gaze scanned over the holiday décor dotting the rustic interior. Pine cones, burlap tied into bows, and greenery with pops of bright red holly hung in ropes of garland, and one of the biggest Christmas trees I’d ever seen took up a huge chunk of the room.

  "Welcome to Eagle’s Nest Lodge," the receptionist greeted us. She was pretty with eyes similar in color to Noah's, but somehow lacking the same spark. "You’re here for the Stephens-Greene wedding?"

  “We are,” Noah answered. “Noah Stephens and Rook Oliveira.”

  “Ah, Kendra’s soon to be brother-in-law.” She grinned, lips the color of sangria stretched wide, plumping her pinkened cheeks. “You guys are the first to arrive. Most of the party seems to have been delayed due to weather, but Trevor, Kendra and the Greene’s are around here somewhere,” she said absently as she stared at her computer screen. “They have you both in the Pine Heaven room on the third floor.”

  “The Pine Heaven room?” I asked with a cocked brow.

  “Consider yourselves lucky. They let Kendra name them when she was younger. At least you’re not in the Snowman Snowglobe room.” All three of us laughed as she passed us our room keys. “Get settled in, and I’ll give them a call to let them know you’ve arrived.”

  After giving us directions to our room, she pointed toward the elevator bank. Thanking her, we made our way over and rode the car to our floor.

  Once the doors slid open, we rolled our luggage down the hall, reading the plaques posted on each door until we found ours. Noah scanned the key through the digital read and shouldered into the room with me close behind.

  He stopped so suddenly, I ran into his back, gripping his shoulder when it sent him stumbling forward.

  "What the hell?" I glanced around him, wondering what the issue was.

  Noah stood still, staring at the king size bed covered with a red flannel, Sherpa-lined comforter. He cleared his throat. "There's only one bed. We asked for two."

  He had. Insisted on it, actually. But as far as I was concerned, this was a good thing. "Don't even think about asking to switch rooms. How do you think that would look when we tell everyone that we’re dating?”

  Noah grunted in annoyance as he tossed his luggage toward the closet.

  "Don’t be a baby.” I sighed. “What's the problem, anyway? We've shared a bed before." Though we hadn't since I'd kissed him four years ago—until Knight's party a few weeks ago anyway.

  "Nothing. It's fine."

  It was an obvious lie, but so was my pretending I didn't know the reason behind his hesitation. When Noah had gotten out of bed the morning after Knight’s party, I'd stirred awake and realized the awkward position I'd put us in. I'd been sound asleep when it happened, and then pretended to still be asleep when I'd rolled over. It had been an honest accident, and I was sure it wouldn't happen again.

  I dropped my suitcases next to his before unzipping my coat and tossing it aside. The bed was calling my name, and I flopped down on it, letting out a moan. "Fuck, we need mattresses like this at home." I patted the bed beside me. "Check it out."

  He finally smiled before shrugging out of his coat, then followed suit and bounced back on the bed. He let out an answering moan, and I grinned. "Good, right?"

  "The fucking best," Noah agreed with a yawn just as his phone rang. He groaned. “I bet that’s my brother.”

  As he reluctantly pulled his phone from his pocket, I closed my eyes. It would be too easy to fall asleep after the hours on the plane and many miles on the road, but I could hear his brother through the speaker. “We have a meeting with the kitchen staff in five minutes, but should be done in about an hour. You want to meet us down at the bar?”

  “Sounds good,” Noah replied with false enthusiasm. I knew he wasn’t looking forward to getting up either. He ended the call and rolled off the bed. "Get up. I could use a drink before this thing starts."

  "Do I have to?" I mumbled sleepily.

  "Yes. It was rhetorical. Get your ass up."

  I cracked my eyelids open as he disappeared behind the bathroom door.

  Groaning, I sat back up and called out, "You’re evil, Noah Stephens."

  His muffled chuckle made me smile.

  We took turns in the bathroom, getting changed before we headed back downstairs.

  * * *

  Sipping Moscow Mules from metal mugs, we sat at the burnished oak bar, turned backward on brown leather bar stools so that we faced the window overlooking a small frozen pond. The icy surface was lit with soft white light from lampposts that circled around the bank. A wreath was tied to each one by a red ribbon and a few wooden benches sat unused between the posts.

  I leaned toward Noah. "You're quiet."

  "I'm thinking," he responded as he stared ahead, and then took a long sip of the ginger, lime and vodka drink.

  "About?" I angled my head, trying to make eye-contact, which he avoided.

  "If my mom is going to buy us being a couple. If anyone is going to believe it." He grimaced.

  "Relax. It'll work. Okay?" I reassured him again and settled my hand on his thigh just as a boyfriend would.

  He knocked my hand away. "No one's here yet, idiot."

  “Just getting into character. You should too. I’m not sure you could look more uncomfortable if you tried.” I tipped my head back and welcomed the burn of alcohol down my throat before it warmed my stomach.

  I had to admit I was a little nervous too, though I'd never tell Noah. This had been my idea, and there was no backing out now. Though, when I looked at Noah, a part of me was glad he’d agreed to it. “You can always back out. No one has seen us yet. Nothing is stopping you from walking back to the front desk and asking for separate beds.”

  Noah blew out a deep breath. “I really don’t want to get trapped into a week-long blind date. We’re doing this. I just… It doesn’t matter.”

  It mattered to me, but before I could say so, movement near the bar entrance caught my attention. My eyes narrowed at the couple who were scanning the room. Brad stood next to a guy I recognized from the pictures I’d convinced Noah to show me. Andy. Short and slender with longish brown hair and elfin features, he wrapped one arm around Brad’s waist as he tapped on his phone with his free hand.

  "Those motherfuckers," I gritted between clenched teeth before whispering, “Show time.”

  Gripping the back of Noah’s neck, I jerked him toward me. When my lips met his, pressed hard together, a rush of memories swarmed my thoughts and warmed my blood. Without
thinking, I parted my lips, tracing my tongue along the seam of his lips. He stiffened. Shit.

  Just as I loosened my hold, he relaxed and opened his mouth of a rush of air. “Rook…”

  I dove back in, dipping my tongue into Noah’s mouth. He didn’t protest, meeting my kiss with frenzied strokes, wet tongues massaging and tangling. My cock hardened, remembering the feel of him beneath me. Hard chest, roaming hands, hips moving together, grinding—

  Noah jerked back with a curse and glared. “What the fuck, Rook?”

  “Shh.” I tipped my head in Brad’s direction, and Noah followed my silent instruction. When I glanced toward where I’d originally spotted them, I wished I could say I was surprised to find Brad glaring daggers in our direction. I wasn’t. Fuck him.

  Even from across the room, I saw his jaw clench. He gripped his oblivious date’s arm and steered him back out of the room.

  “Shit. He’s going to tell Trevor, who will tell my mom before I get the chance to.” He eyed me, frost blue eyes narrowed with accusation. “Was that necessary?”

  “We need to make it believable.” I shrugged, pretending to be unaffected by the kiss. “And you kissed me back."

  He couldn’t argue, and he must have realized that, because he simply sighed. “New rule. Number fifteen, I believe. No surprise kisses.”

  I shook my head at the mention of another stupid rule. “You keep up with these rules, and you’ll be right. No one is going to believe us. Things should be organic, not scripted.”

  “Last time I checked, you’re not gay. Nothing about this is organic, Rook.”

  That wasn’t necessarily true. While I had known what I was doing when I’d pressed my lips to his, the explosion of need that hijacked my entire body had caught me completely off guard.

  Before I could respond, Trevor appeared at the entrance with Kendra at his side. With his dark hair and deep blue eyes, he and Noah looked nothing alike.

  Kendra, a slender blonde with big green eyes, spotted us first. With a wide smile on her face, she strode straight for us, towing Trevor by his hand.