by Crow, Baylin
It would have mattered. It mattered now. But I was scared. Messing around, feeding his curiosity was one thing. Breaking my heart was another.
Twelve
Noah
The next morning, we joined the wedding party out in an open field of snow where several red wooden sleighs were lined up. Rook and I claimed one quickly and dove under the throw folded on our seat. Each sleigh sat up to six people. Normal-sized people. Between Rook and I, we occupied the entire second bench.
Two massive Clydesdales stood patiently up front as we waited for Noah's mom and James to board. An occasional head shake and snort startled me. I could tell the horses were gentle, but I was man enough to admit their sheer size was intimidating. Or to think it, at least.
The morning air was crisp, and Rook shivered next to me as we huddled beneath the bright red-and-black plaid wool blanket we shared. We both carried hot chocolate in large red thermoses with the Eagle’s Nest Lodge name and logo emblazoned on the side. The rich scent mingled with the steam that hit my nose.
This morning had been filled with tension as we'd readied to leave, and I was tired of the cold shoulder. I didn't understand why he was acting standoffish. Well, that wasn't true, but Rook had to know I'd made a good point last night.
Rook had kissed me. He'd touched me. And I’d bet my last breath, he’d wanted to fuck me. But then what?
Whatever was happening between us would end the moment we stepped out of the plane back home in two days. Maybe sooner when whatever curiosity he was entertaining was out of his system.
For me it would be different. If anything, it had been a brief fantasy come to life, and now I was going to have to live with the consequences of a broken heart no matter what happened. I'd gotten the slightest taste of what life might be like if he loved me back. Fuck. What had I been thinking?
Like I'd told him last night, he wasn't gay and maybe he'd regret it too. Maybe he already did, and that was why he was so damn moody. We needed to add more rules when we got back to our room.
The sleigh rocked, jerking me out of the emotional chaos weighing heavy on my heart.
"Hi, boys." My mom grinned as she and James climbed in and claimed the bench in front of us.
Not wanting to run the risk of raising her suspicion, I leaned against Rook who wasn't shaking as hard as he had been when we'd taken our seats. I smiled back. "Morning. You look excited."
She beamed. "Thrilled. I've been looking forward to this since Kendra told me about it. I know you two aren't fans of the snow, so thank you for coming."
"Wouldn't miss it," Rook answered while wrapping an arm covered by a thick puffy jacket over my shoulder. He tipped his steaming cup toward her. "This helps."
She held hers up, and they tapped them together. "Cheers. I hope we see deer, but bears, not so much."
"Agreed," I said and we all laughed, including James, which surprised me. I wasn't sure I'd ever heard him laugh before.
The driver boarded and took the reins.
"Here we go." My mom squealed.
When James wrapped an arm around her and looked at her with affection, I remained mute, afraid I'd ruin the moment when she looked so happy. It was the most emotion I'd ever seen from the man. To get an unguarded glimpse of how James must be when he wasn't uncomfortable was nice. My mom deserved the world after what she'd been through.
The sleigh lurched forward, and the wind immediately chilled my bones. Rook scooted closer until we were pressed together, sharing body heat to get through the experience.
The horses moved into a formation that seemed familiar to them with their hooves creating a rhythmic background for the slide of the rails the sleighs were mounted to. We all coasted single file along a path of powdery, undisturbed snow that had fallen overnight, taking in what were undoubtedly amazing views of the landscape and wildlife.
Rook's teeth chattered, and I glanced at him. Even through his bronzed skin, his cheeks were ruddy and lips pale. He was truly making himself uncomfortable for my family, who was in a way, his too.
My heart thumped heavily. Fuck, I wanted this to be real. I wanted to kiss those lips that found the hole in the lid as he tipped his head back, practically guzzling the creamy drink and likely burning his tongue.
Feeling bad for him, and selfishly stealing his warmth, I buried myself against his side, resting my head on his shoulder. He tensed briefly before his arm tightened around me.
"Cold?" he whispered.
I peered up at him. "Probably not suffering as much as you are."
"I'm fine," he lied, and we shared a grin. Hope lit my spirit until the smile on his face faded and his brow furrowed. He looked away, and I sighed as the spark fizzled.
The scenery was beautiful. Evergreens dotted the otherwise white landscape that framed a clear view of the mountain peaks. The distinctive smell of pine and spruce trees floated by as we slid past them.
Excited chatter came from my mom and those riding the sleighs closest to us. Meanwhile, I could barely pay attention to the highlights of the trip.
Even when my mom got the glimpse she'd wanted of the Mule Deer with comically large ears and impressive antlers it hadn’t yet shed for the year, I couldn't feign enthusiasm.
Rook didn't say another word. And when we slowed to a stop once the ride was over, he simply climbed down and silently waited for me.
We'd made a mistake, and I wasn't sure we could recover from it. Maybe I'd lost my best friend.
All of the insecurities I'd suffered in middle school roared back, feeding my misery. As we climbed out and headed inside to get ready for the rehearsal, I sucked in deep breaths, willing away the doomed ache in my chest.
* * *
ROOK
While Noah had joined the wedding party for a practice run-through, I'd headed for the fitness center to make up for the workout I'd missed this morning.
I pushed myself harder than I normally would. When I was lifting weights, I grasped the smooth metal bars and lost myself in the curl and lift. Then the treadmill hummed as I ran faster and farther until my body said enough. But the burn in my muscles, and the mental energy it took to accomplish the added work, provided a much-needed distraction.
The reprieve hadn’t lasted long, and as I stepped out of the shower, grabbing a white towel and closing the glass door, he was all I could think about. I wiped the steam away from the mirror and peered at my reflection. How was it possible to look completely normal and be so twisted up inside?
Noah would be done soon, and I honestly wasn't ready to face him. Not until I could convince myself he'd been right in stopping what had happened in that sauna. Not until I believed the words he'd spoken.
A mistake. It hadn't felt like a fucking mistake. Which led me to believe I was part of a one-sided, rapidly evolving shift in our friendship. Everything had changed so fast. But at the same time, nothing had changed. I wasn't sure what label to slap on the tightening of my chest when I thought of Noah. What I did know was that I was an idiot.
How long had I refused to believe what we had ran deeper than friendship? And how the fuck did I go back to pretending he was nothing more than my best friend?
Fake boyfriends.
Real unrequited love?
As I dried off with the towel, I shook my head. Was that what this god-awful torture was?
Either way it was a fucking disaster waiting to happen.
If I was going to get through the rest of the evening, I needed a beer. So, I quickly dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a white thermal shirt. After I slipped on my shoes, I grabbed my keycard, phone and wallet before I made my way down to the bar.
As I slid onto a bar stool right at the bar, a girl I hadn't seen working there before sidled over. Her red hair was short and angled, following her gentle jawline. Her nose was small and she had brown doe eyes surrounded by thick, dark eyelashes.
Berry pink lips split into a smile I was too familiar with. I was not in the mood to be hit on. Unless she somehow became N
oah.
"What can I get you?" She leaned forward, crossing her arms on the smooth wood top, attempting to give me a view of her cleavage. Big tits or small—I wouldn't know because I had zero interest in finding out.
I tapped two fingers against the polished surface as I considered how drunk I needed to be when Noah arrived. "Beer. Tall glass."
Her grin broadened. "You're from Texas, right?"
"What gave me away?" I asked as if I didn't know the answer like any other Texan who visited another state. My accent wasn't even that bad, and yet it never failed to be recognized.
"The accent." Her lips twitched as she confirmed my thoughts. I held back the sigh, but she tilted her head as she considered me. "Bad day?"
With my elbows propped on the bar, I rubbed my temples. "Something like that."
"I'm sorry to hear that. No one should be bummed at a wedding. Let me get you that beer." She pushed back from the bar and grabbed a glass from beneath it.
While she filled the glass from the tap, I glanced out the window. A few guests were out in the snow having a heated snowball fight, and I watched as one guy got smacked in the side of the head, white powder exploding on impact. My lips gave the slightest twitch when the man glared before gathering enough snow to pack a massive snowball.
"Here you go." A napkin was thrown down and the glass set in front of me.
"Thanks." I snatched the glass and tipped my head back, taking several swallows at once.
Her laugh was light. "So how do you know the bride and groom?"
After I set the glass back on the napkin, I cleared my throat. "I grew up with Trevor's family. His brother is…" Is what? "My best friend."
That was the truth, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to say boyfriend. He wasn't, and the idea of faking that shit right now sent a sharp pain piercing my chest.
She nodded while chewing on her lip. "Listen, I won't apologize for being forward. That's not my style. I get off at ten, and you seem like you could use a distraction. If you want to…"
She peeked at me from beneath long eyelashes, a clear invitation sparkling in her brown eyes. I didn't mind that she hadn't so much as given her name or asked for mine. What she was offering? There wasn't a need for it.
Before I could decline, heavy hands landed on my shoulders. Caught off guard, I spun around on the stool.
Noah's gaze was hard, but bitter disappointment flashed in his frost blue eyes as his jaw ticced. "I'm headed up to the room. So, if you're going to hook up, please be discreet."
My shoulders squared as I glared. "Don't be an asshole."
His eyebrows arched. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. I'm also going to pretend for my family's sake that you weren't about to try to get your dick wet."
His words felt like a slap across my face. "The fuck, Noah? What's your problem?"
Noah didn't bother answering me. He spun around, and I scowled at his retreating back.
A delicate whistle came from behind me. "Sorry, I must have read the situation wrong. I didn't realize you had a…boyfriend?"
I sighed and scrubbed a hand down my face. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"Maybe not." She shrugged. "But sounds like you're in the doghouse. Sorry about that. If you'd told me…"
Yeah, I got the memo already. I was a dick and hadn't stuck to the script, which had led to her proposition. Fine. My fault. But I hadn't done anything to warrant Noah's reaction.
Doghouse, my ass. I stood and fished my wallet from my back pocket. Rifling through my cash, I tossed a generous tip on the counter before chasing after Noah.
The elevator doors were shutting as I hurried down the hall. Shoving my foot between the gap at the last minute, they slid back open, and I found Noah leaning back against the mirrored wall. His jaw clenched as he met my eyes and then jerked away. With a frustrated growl, I matched his stance next to him as he studiously ignored me.
"You're mad?" I asked even though I knew the answer.
Noah stared straight at the doors as they closed with his corded arms crossed over his chest. "Nope."
He was lying.
Unless… I studied him. He appeared mad. But he also looked…hurt. "Holy shit, you were jealous."
His head whipped around and he scowled. "I was not jealous. You broke a rule."
"That so?" I cocked a brow. "And which one did I break, since I didn't plan on doing anything with her."
He gave me a doubtful look. "She was pretty."
"So? Lots of girls are pretty." And I'm not currently interested in any of them.
"I know. And you hook up with them like it's an Olympic sport." The doors slid open on our floor, and Noah took off, marching down the hall.
I was quick on his heels. "I'm getting really tired of everyone thinking I sleep with anything that moves."
"And I'm getting really tired of you doing it." His voice rose, the sound echoing in the hall. The words seemed to take us both by surprise as we stopped in our tracks.
Shaking his head, he moved on and scanned his keycard, unlocking our room.
As soon as we stepped in, I kicked the door closed. Before I could stop myself, I had Noah pinned against the wall and stared into his hardened gaze. "You, of all people, know those rumors aren't true. So tell me what's really gotten under your skin."
Noah's lips flattened. Fine, he wanted to play that game then I'd answer for him. "You know what I think? I think you want me. That you're just scared. And I think you were jealous. You don't like the idea of me sleeping with anyone that's not you."
Noah shoved me back a step. "Maybe you're the one who's hard up for it, Rook. You hated Brad before you knew anything about him.”
My eyebrows shot up. "He was an asshole."
"No one I've even talked to has ever gotten your fucking stamp of approval," he powered on, backing me up another step. "They aren't ever good enough for me."
I shrugged. "Correct."
“Fuck, you're infuriating," Noah growled and flung his arms out at his sides. "Maybe you want me to yourself. You hate sharing me. It’s like I'm a possession that belongs to you."
"Not a possession." I considered the possibility of sharing Noah. "To myself though, yes."
He wasn't really listening, completely lost in his rant. "You get jealous when Knight flirts with me."
"Because he shouldn't." My brow furrowed. Knight was straight, and Noah was mine.
Noah squeezed his eyes closed. "You're terrible with denial, because you didn't deny you were jealous."
"Because I was." And I was just realizing it too, though all things considered, it didn’t come as much of a shock.
Noah stopped moving, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as he slowly reopened his eyes.
"My turn." I forced him to step back, as I reached over and flipped on the lights.
He opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off. "Nope, you already said your piece, and I answered. Now you get to answer my questions. Why'd you stop me yesterday? Why’d you say it was a fucking mistake?" I growled out in frustration. “It wasn’t. I know it, and so do you.”
"No, I d—"
“Don’t even try to deny it. That shit downstairs wasn’t because of a damn rulebook. You didn’t want me to hook up with her. Why is that? If this whole thing is nothing but some bullshit pretend relationship, then why are you so mad?”
Noah stared at me, firming his lips.
"That's what I thought." With a mixture of anger and white-hot need, I brought my mouth down hard on his, and with his own frustrated groan, he parted his lips.
The kiss was dirty, hot and demanding. Teeth, tongue and lips battled for dominance. I worshipped his mouth with each stroke of my tongue, tasted his greedy moans, and breathed him in until my cock begged for release. My blood stirred with the need to feel him. All of him. I wanted it more than I wanted my next breath.
Noah didn't protest when I pressed against him, steering him toward the bed. Not even when I broke away, shoving him d
own onto the mattress, both of us gasping for breath. He propped himself up on his elbows as he stared up at me while I stood over him.
Whipping my shirt over my head, my body heated as Noah's gaze raked over every inch of my skin.
Still trying to catch my breath, I panted, "I propose a new rule."
Distracted, he muttered, "I make the rules."
I bit back a smile that would no doubt rile him up further. "I say we can touch, kiss, suck and fuck however much we want."
Preferably with strings attached. This wasn't a fling or experiment. I was playing for keeps.
"Jesus…" His gaze whipped to mine. "For a straight guy, that sounded really fucking gay. Hot, but gay."
Slipping the button on my jeans free and unzipping them, my lips quirked. "Not gonna lie. This definitely feels kinda gay. Why aren't you getting naked?"
He huffed. "Vetoed rule."
"No, you don't." The heavy denim fell to the ground, and I kicked out of my shoes and socks.
In only a pair of tight gray boxer briefs I came down on top of him, forcing him down onto his back. I hovered above him, refusing to give him what we both wanted until he admitted this thing between us wasn't going to disappear.
He glared up at me. "What's the matter? You chickening out now?"
"Hell no. But you need to tell me you want it."
Fire blazed in his eyes, betraying him. Dipping down, I angled my head to kiss his neck, grazing his skin with my teeth until I reached his ear before whispering, "Tell me you want me to make you feel good. Touch your cock. Suck it until you come down my throat."
Noah choked on a moan, but tilted his head, giving me better access to his neck. I took the invitation, nipping his throat before soothing away the pain with my tongue. His hips jerked, fingers twisting in the thick material of the comforter. Lifting away, I tsked. "Give me the words. I want to hear how bad you want my mouth."
He moaned. "You won't do it."
