by Colfer, Eoin
Holly began to speak rapidly into her helmet mike. “Foaly, we have a situation here. Opal Koboi is loose. I repeat, Koboi is loose. This whole thing is a trap. Cordon off the area, sixteen-hundred-foot perimeter, and bring in the medical warlocks. Someone is about to get hurt.”
The face on the screen laughed, tiny pixie teeth glinting like pearls.
‘Talk all you want, Captain Short. Foaly can’t hear you.
My device has blocked your transmissions as easily as I blocked your seeker-sleeper and the substance scan that I assume you ran. Your little centaur friend can see you, though. I left him his precious lenses.“
Holly immediately zoomed in on Opal’s pixelated face. If Foaly got a shot of the pixie, he would figure out the rest.
Again Koboi laughed. Opal was genuinely enjoying herself. “Oh very good, Captain. You were always a smart one. Relatively speaking, of course. Show Foaly my face and he will initiate an alert. Sorry to disappoint you, Holly, but this entire device is constructed from stealth ore and is practically invisible to the artificial eye. All Foaly will see is a slight shimmer of interference.”
Stealth ore had been developed for space vehicles. It absorbed every form of wave or signal known to fairy or man, and so was virtually invisible to everything but the naked eye. It was also incredibly expensive to manufacture. Even the small amount necessary to cover Koboi’s device would have cost a warehouse full of gold.
Root straightened quickly. “The odds are against us here, Captain. Let’s move out.”
Holly didn’t bother with relief. Opal Koboi wouldn’t make things that easy. There was no way they were just walking out of here. If Foaly could hijack the terminal’s computers, then so could Koboi.
Opal’s laugh stretched to an almost hysterical screech.
‘M? we out? How very tactical of you, Commander.
“You’ll need to expand your vocabulary. Whatever next? Puck and cover?“
Holly peeled back a Velcro patch on her sleeve, revealing a Gnommish keyboard. She quickly accessed her helmet’s LEP criminal database, opening Opal Koboi’s file in her visor.
‘Opal Koboi,“ said Corporal Frond’s voice. The LEP always used Frond for voice-overs and recruitment videos. She was glamorous and elegant, with flowing blond tresses and inch-long manicured nails that were absolutely no use in the field. ”LEP enemy number one.
Currently under guard in the J. Argon Clinic.
Opal Koboi is a certified genius, scoring over three hundred on the standardized IQ test.
She is also a suspected megalomaniac, with an obsessive personality. Studies indicate that Koboi may be a pathological liar, and suffers from mild schizophrenia. For more detailed information, please consult the LEP central library on the second floor of Police Plaza.“
Holly closed the file. An obsessive genius and a pathological liar. Just what they needed. The information didn’t help much; it pretty much told her what she already knew. Opal was loose, she wanted to kill them, and she was smart enough to figure out how to do it.
Opal was still enjoying her triumph. “You don’t know how long I have waited for this moment,” the pixie said, then paused. “Actually, you do know. After all, you were the ones who wrecked my plan. And now I have you both.”
Holly was puzzled. Opal may have serious mental issues, but that could not be confused with stupidity. Why would she prattle on? Was she trying to distract them?
The same thing occurred to Root. “Holly! The doors!”
Holly whirled around to see the blast doors sliding across, the sound of their engines masked by core wind. If those doors closed they would be completely cut off from the LEP, and at the mercy of Opal Koboi.
Holly targeted the magnetic rollers along the doors’ upper rim, sinking blast after blast from her Neutrino into their mechanisms. The doors jerked in their housings, but did not stop. Two of the rollers blew out, but the massive portals’ momentum carried them together. They connected with an ominous bong.
‘Alone at last,“ said Opal, sounding for all the world like an innocent college fairy on her first date.
Root pointed his weapon at the device belted around Scalene’s middle, as if he could somehow hurt Koboi.
‘What do you want?“ he demanded.
‘You know what I want,“ replied Opal. ”The question is, how am I going to get it? What form of revenge would be the most satisfying? Naturally, you will both end up dead, but that’s not enough. I want you to suffer as I did. Discredited and despised. One of you at least; the other will have to be sacrificed. I don’t really care which.“
Root retreated to the blast doors, motioning for Holly follow. “Options?” he whispered, his back to Koboi’s device.
Holly raised her visor, wiping a bead of sweat from her brow. The helmets were air-conditioned, but sometimes sweating had nothing to do with temperature.
‘We have to get out of here,“ she said. ”The chute is the only way.“
Root nodded. “Agreed. We fly up far enough to clear Koboi’s blocker signal, then alert Major Kelp.”
‘What about Scalene? He’s mesmerized to the gills; he can’t look after himself. If we do escape, Opal is not going to leave him around as evidence.“
It was basic criminal logic. Your typical take-over-the- world types are not averse to knocking off a few of their own if it means a clean getaway.
Root actually growled. “It really tugs my beard to put us in harm’s way over a goblin, but that’s the job. We take Scalene with us. I want you to sink a few charges into that box around his waist, and when the buzzing stops, I throw him over my shoulder and we’re off up E37.”
‘Understood,“ said Holly, lowering the setting on her weapon to minimum. Some of the charge would be transferred to Scalene, but it wouldn’t do much more than dry up his eyeballs for a couple of minutes.
Ignore the pixie. Whatever she says, keep your mind on the job.“
‘Yes, sir.“
Root took several deep breaths. Somehow it calmed Holly to see the commander as nervous as she was. “Okay. Go.”
The two elves turned and strode rapidly toward the unconscious goblin.
‘Have we come up with a little plan?“ said Koboi, mocking them from the small screen. ”Something ingenious, I hope. Something I haven’t thought of?“
Grim faced, Holly tried to shut out the words, but they wormed their way into her thoughts. Something ingenious? Hardly. It was simply the only option open to them. Something Koboi hadn’t thought of?
Doubtful. Opal conceivably could have been planning this for almost a year. were they just about to do exactly what she wanted?
‘Sir…“ began Holly, but Root was already in position beside Scalene.
Holly fired six charges at the small screen. All six impacted on Koboi’s pixelated features. Opal’s image disappeared in a storm of static. Sparks squeezed between the metal seams and acrid smoke leaked through the speaker grid.
Root hesitated for a moment, allowing any charge to disperse, then grabbed Scalene firmly by the shoulders.
Nothing happened.
I was wrong, thought Holly, releasing a breath she not realize she’d been holding. I was wrong, thank the gods. Opal has no plan. But it wasn’t true, and Holly didn’t really believe it.
The box around Scalene’s midriff was secured by a set of octo-bonds, eight telescoping cables often used by the LEP to restrain dangerous criminals. They could be locked and unlocked remotely, and once cinched, could not be removed without the remote or an angle grinder. As soon as Root leaned over, the octo-bonds released Scalene and whiplashed around the commander’s torso, releasing Scalene and drawing the metal box tight to Root’s own chest.
Koboi’s face appeared on the reverse side of the box. The smokescreen had been just that: a smokescreen.
‘Commander Root,“ she said, almost breathless with malice. ”It looks like you’re the sacrifice.“
‘D’Arvit!“ swore Root, beating the metal box with the bu
tt of his pistol. The cords tightened until Root’s breath came in agonized spurts. Holly heard more than one rib crack.
The commander fought the urge to sink to his feet.
Magical blue sparks played around his torso, automatically healing the broken bones.
Holly rushed forward to help, but before she could reach her superior officer, an urgent beeping began to emanate from the device’s speaker. The closer she got, the louder the beep.
‘Stay back,“ grunted Root. ”Stay back. It’s a trigger.“
Holly stopped in her sooty tracks, punching the air in frustration. But the commander was probably right.
She had heard of proximity triggers before. Dwarfs used them in the mines. They would set a charge in the tunnels, activate a proximity trigger, and then set it off from a safe distance, using a stone.
Opal’s face reappeared on the screen.
‘Listen to your Julius, Captain Short,“ advised the pixie. ”This is a moment for caution.
Your commander is quite right: the tone you hear is indeed a proximity trigger. If you come too close, he will be vaporized by the explosive gel packed into the metal box.“
‘Stop lecturing and tell us what you want,“ snarled Root.
‘Now, now, Commander, patience. Your worries will be over soon enough. In fact they are already over, so why don’t you just wait quietly while your final seconds tick away.“
Holly circled the commander, keeping the beep constant, until her back was to the chute. “There’s a way out of this, Commander,” she said. “I just need to think. I need a minute to sort things out.”
‘Let me help you to sort things out,“ said Koboi mockingly, her childlike features ugly with malice. ”Your LEP comrades are currently trying to laser their way in here. Of course they will never make it in time. But you can bet that my old school chum, Foaly, is glued to his video screen. So what does he see? He sees his good friend Holly Short apparently holding a gun on her commander. now why would she want to do that?“
‘Foaly will figure it out,“ said Root. ”He beat you before.“
Opal remote-tightened the octo-bonds, forcing the commander to his knees. “Maybe he would figure it out at that. If he had time. But unfortunately for you, time is almost up.”
On Root’s chest, a digital readout flickered to life. There were two numbers on the readout. A six and a zero. Sixty seconds.
‘One minute to live, Commander. How does that feel?“
The numbers began ticking down.
The ticking and the beeping and Opal’s snide sniggers drilled into Holly’s brain. “Shut it down, Koboi. Shut it down, or I swear I’ll…”
Opal’s laughter was unrestrained. It echoed through the access tunnel like the attack screech of a harpy.
‘You will what? Exactly. Die beside your commander?“
More cracks. More ribs broken. The blue sparks of magic circled Root’s torso like stars caught in a whirlwind.
‘Go now,“ he grunted. ”Holly. I am ordering you to leave.“
‘With respect, Commander. No. This isn’t over yet.“
‘Forty-eight,“ said Opal in a happy singsong voice. ”Forty-seven.“
‘Holly! Go!“
‘I’d listen if I were you,“ said Koboi. ”There are other lives at stake. Root is already dead; why not save someone who can be saved?“
Holly moaned. Another element in an already overloaded equation.
‘Who can I save? Who’s in danger?“
‘Oh, no one important. Just a couple of Mud Men.“
Of course, thought Holly: Artemis and Butler. Two others who had put a stop to Koboi’s plan.
‘What have you done, Opal?“ said Holly, shouting above the proximity trigger and core wind.
Koboi’s lip drooped, mimicking a guilty child. “I’m afraid I may have put your human friends in danger. At this very moment they are stealing a package from the International Bank in Munich. A little package I prepared for them. If Master Fowl is as clever as he is supposed to be, he won’t open the package until he reaches the Kronski Hotel and can check for booby traps.
Then a biobomb will be activated, and bye-bye obnoxious humans. You can stay here and explain all this; I’m sure it won’t take more than a few hours to sort out with Internal Affairs. Or you can try to rescue your friends.“
Holly’s head reeled. The commander, Artemis, Butler. All about to die. How could she save them?
There was no way to win.
‘I will hunt you down, Koboi. For you, there won’t be a safe inch on the planet.“
‘Such venom. What if I gave you a way out? One chance to win.“
Root was on his knees now, blood leaking from the corner of his mouth. The blue sparks were gone; he was out of magic.
‘It’s a trap,“ he gasped, every syllable making him wince. ”Don’t be fooled again.“
‘Thirty,“ said Koboi. ”Twenty-nine.“
Holly felt her forehead throb against the helmet pads. “Okay. Okay, Koboi. Tell me quickly. How do I save the commander?”
Opal took a deep theatrical breath. “On the device. There’s a sweet spot. One inch diameter. The red dot below the screen. If you hit that spot from outside the trigger area, then you overload the circuit. If you miss, even by a hair, you set off the explosive gel.
It’s a sporting chance; more than you gave me, Holly Short.“
Holly gritted her teeth. “You’re lying. Why would you give me a chance?”
‘Don’t take the shot,“ said Root, strangely calm. ”Just get out of range. Go and save Artemis. That’s the last order I’ll ever give you, Captain. Don’t you dare ignore it.“
Holly felt as though her senses were being filtered through three feet of water. Everything was blurred and slowed down.
‘I don’t have any choice, Julius.“
Root frowned. “Don’t call me Julius! You always do that just before you disobey me. Save Artemis, Holly. Save him.“
Holly closed one eye and aimed her pistol.
The laser sights were no good for this kind of accuracy.
She would have to do it manually.
‘I’ll save Artemis next,“ she said.
Holly took a deep breath, held it, and squeezed the trigger.
Holly hit the red spot. She was certain of it.
The charge sank into the device, spreading across the metal face like a tiny bushfire.
‘I hit it,“ she shouted at Opal’s image.
‘I hit the spot.“
Koboi shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought you were a fraction low. Hard luck. I mean that sincerely.”
‘No!“ screamed Holly.
The countdown on Root’s chest ticked faster than before, flickering through the numbers. There were mere moments left now.
The commander struggled to his feet, raising the visor on his helmet. His eyes were steady and fearless. He smiled gently at Holly. A smile that laid no blame. For once there wasn’t even a touch of feverish temper in his cheeks.
‘Be well,“ he said, and then an orange flame blossomed in the center of his chest.
The explosion sucked the air from the tunnel, feeding on the oxygen. Multicolored flames roiled like the plumage of battling birds. Holly was shunted backward by a wall of shock waves, the force impacting every surface facing the commander. Microfilaments blew in her suit as they were overloaded with heat and force. The camera cylinder on her helmet popped right out of its groove, spinning into E37.
Holly herself was borne bodily into the chute, spinning like a twig in a cyclone. Sonix sponges in her earpieces sealed automatically as the sound of the explosion caught up with the blast. The commander had disappeared inside a ball of flame. He was gone, there was no doubt about it. Even magic could not help him now. Some things are beyond fixing.
The contents of the access tunnel, including Root and Scalene, disintegrated into a cloud of shrapnel and dust, particles ricocheting off the tunnel walls. The cloud surged down the path of least
resistance, which was of course directly after Holly.
She barely had time to activate her wings and climb a few meters, before flying shrapnel drilled a hole in the chute wall below her.
Holly hovered in the vast tunnel, the sound of her own breathing filling the helmet. The commander was dead. It was unbelievable. Just like that, at the whim of a vengeful pixie. Had there been a sweet spot on the device? Or had she actually missed the target? She would probably never know. But to the LEP observers, it would seem as though she had shot her own commander.
