by Colfer, Eoin
E7, Haven City
Julius Root’s recycling ceremony was held the day after Artemis and Holly arrived in Haven City. All the brass turned up to the commitment ceremony. All the brass, but not Captain Holly Short. Commander Sool refused to allow her to attend the commitment, even under armed guard. The Tribunal investigating the case had not made its decision yet, and until it did, Holly was a suspect in a murder investigation.
So Holly sat in the executive lounge watching the commitment ceremony on the big screen. Of all the things Sool had done to her, this was the worst. Julius Root had been her closest friend, and here she was watching his recycling on a screen while all the higher-ups attended, looking sad for the cameras.
She covered her face with her hands when they lowered an empty casket into the ornate decomposition vat. After six months, his bone and tissue would have been completely broken down and his remains would be used to nourish the earth.
Tears leaked out between Holly’s fingers, flowing over her hands.
Artemis sat beside her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Julius would have been proud of you. Haven is here today because of what you did.“
Holly sniffed. “Maybe. Maybe if I had been a little smarter, Julius would be here today, too.”
‘Maybe, but I don’t think so. I have been thinking about it and there was no way out of that chute. Not without prior knowledge.“
Holly lowered her hands. “Thanks, Artemis. That’s a nice thing to say. You’re not going soft, are you?“
Artemis was genuinely puzzled. “I honestly don’t know. Half of me wants to be a criminal, and the other half wants to be a normal teenager. I feel like I have two conflicting personalities and a head full of memories that aren’t really mine yet. It’s a strange feeling, not to know who you are exactly.”
‘Don’t worry, Mud Boy,“ said Holly.
‘I’ll keep a close eye on you to make sure you stay on the straight and narrow.“
‘I have two parents and a bodyguard already trying to do that.“
‘Well then, maybe it’s time to let them.“
The lounge’s doors slid open, and Foaly clopped in excitedly, followed by Commander Sool and a couple of flunkies. Sool was obviously not as thrilled to be in the room as the centaur, and had brought the extra officers along just in case Butler got agitated.
Foaly grabbed Holly by the shoulders. “You’re clear.” He beamed. “The Tribunal voted seven to one in your favor.”
Holly scowled at Sool. “Let me guess who was the ”one.“”
Sool bristled. “I am still your superior officer, Short. I want to see that reflected in your attitude. You may have escaped this charge, but I will be watching you like a hawk from now on.”
Mulch clicked his fingers in front of Foaly’s face. “Hey, ponyboy. Over here. What about me? Am I a free dwarf?”
‘Well, the Tribunal decided to go after you for the grand theft auto.“
‘What?“ spluttered Mulch. ”After I saved the entire city!“
‘But,“ continued Foaly, ”considering the time already served for an illegal search, they’re prepared to call it even. No medal, I’m sorry to say.“
Mulch slapped the centaur’s haunch. “You couldn’t just say that, could you, you had to draw it out.”
Holly had not stopped scowling at Sool.
‘Let me tell you what Julius told me shortly before he died,“ she said.
‘Please do,“ said Sool, his words dripping with sarcasm. ”I find everything you say fascinating.“
‘Julius told me, more or less, that my job was to serve the People, and that I should do that any way I could.“
‘Smart fairy. I do hope you intend to honor those words.“
Holly ripped the LEP badge from her shoulder.
‘I do. With you looking over my shoulder on every shift, I won’t be able to help anyone, so I’ve decided to go it alone.“ She tossed the badge on the table. ”I quit.“
Sool chuckled. “If this is a bluff it won’t work. I’ll be glad to see the back of you.”
‘Holly, don’t do this,“ pleaded Foaly. ”The force needs you. I need you.“
Holly patted his flank. “They accused me of murdering Julius. How can I stay? Don’t worry, old friend. I won’t be far away.” She nodded at Mulch. “Are you coming?”
‘What, me?“
Holly grinned. “You’re a free dwarf now, and every private detective needs a partner. Someone with underworld connections.”
Mulch’s chest swelled. “Mulch Diggums, private detective. I like that. Hey, I’m not a sidekick, am I? Because the sidekick always gets it.”
‘No. You’re a full-fledged partner. Whatever we make, we split.“
Holly turned to Artemis next.
‘We did it again, Mud Boy. We saved the world, or at least stopped two worlds colliding.“
Artemis nodded. “It doesn’t get any easier. Maybe someone else should take a turn.”
Holly punched him playfully in the arm. “Who else has our style?” Then she leaned in and whispered, “I’ll be in touch. Maybe you might be interested in some consultancy work?”
Artemis cocked one brow and gave a slight nod. It was all the answer she needed.
Butler usually stood to say good-bye, but in this instance, he had to make do with kneeling.
Holly was barely visible inside his hug.
‘Until the next crisis,“ she said.
‘Or maybe you could just visit,“ he replied.
‘Getting a visa will be more difficult now that I’m a civilian.“
‘You’re sure about this?“
Holly frowned. “No. I’m torn.” She nodded at Artemis. “But who isn’t?”
Artemis treated Sool to his most scornful gaze. “Congratulations, Commander, you have managed to alienate the LEP’S finest officer.”
‘Listen here, human,“ began Sool, but Butler growled and the words withered in the commander’s throat. The gnome stepped quickly behind the larger of his officers. ”Send them home. Now.“
The officers drew their sidearms, aimed, and fired. A tranquilizer pellet stuck to Artemis’s neck, dissolving instantly. The officers hit Butler with four, not taking any chances.
Artemis could hear Holly protesting as his vision blurred like an Impressionist painting. Like The Fairy Thief.
‘There’s no need for that, Sool,“ she said, catching Artemis’s elbow. ”They’ve seen the chute already. You could have returned them conscious.“
Sool’s voice sounded as though he were speaking from the bottom of a well. “I’m not taking any chances, Captain, I mean, Miss Short. Humans are violent creatures by nature, especially when they are being transported.”
Artemis felt Holly’s hand on his chest. Under his jacket, she slipped something into his pocket.
But he couldn’t ask what, because his tongue would not obey him. All he could do with his mouth was breathe.
He heard a thump behind him.
Butler ‘s gone, he concluded. Just me left.
And then he was gone too.
Fowl Manor Artemis came to gradually. He felt well and rested, and all his memories were in place. Then again, maybe they weren’t. How would he know?
He opened his eyes and saw the fresco on the ceiling above. He was back in his own room.
Artemis did not move for several moments. It wasn’t that he couldn’t move, it was just that lying here like this seemed utterly luxurious. There were no pixies after him, or trolls homing in on his scent, or fairy tribunals judging him. He could lie here and simply think. His favorite occupation.
Artemis Fowl had a big decision to make: which way would his life go from here? The decision was his.
He could not blame circumstances or peer pressure. He was his own person, and intelligent enough to realize it.
The solitary life of crime no longer appealed to him as completely as it had. He had no desire to create victims. Yet there was still something about the thrill
of executing a brilliant plan that attracted him. Maybe there was a way to combine his criminal genius with his newfound morals.
Some people deserved to be stolen from. He could be like a modern-day Robin Hood: steal from the rich and give to the poor. Well, maybe just steal from the rich. One step at a time.
Something vibrated in his jacket pocket.
Artemis reached in and pulled out a fairy communicator. One of the pair they had planted in Opal Koboi’s shuttle. Artemis had a vague memory of Holly sliding something into his pocket just before he passed out. She obviously wanted to stay in touch.
Artemis stood, opening the device, and Holly’s smiling face appeared on the screen.
‘You got home safely, then. Sorry about the sedatives. Sool is a pig.“
‘Forget about it. No harm done.“
‘You have changed. Once upon a time, Artemis Fowl would have vowed revenge.“
‘Once upon a time.“
Holly glanced around her. “Listen, I can’t stay on long. I had to bolt on a pirate booster to this thing just to get a signal. This call is costing me a fortune. I need a favor.”
Artemis groaned. “No one ever calls me just to say hello.”
‘Next time. I promise.“
‘I’ll hold you to it. What’s the favor?“
‘Mulch and I have our first client. He’s an art dealer who’s had a picture stolen. Frankly, I’m flummoxed, so I thought I’d ask an expert.“
Artemis smiled. “I suppose I do have some expertise in the area of stolen art. Tell me what happened.”
‘The thing is, there’s no way in or out of this exhibit without detection. The painting is just gone. Not even warlocks have that kind of magic.“
Artemis heard footsteps on the stairs.
‘Hang on a second, Holly. Someone’s coming.“
Butler burst in the door, pistol drawn. “I just woke up,” he said. “Are you all right?”
‘Fine,“ said Artemis. ”You can put that away.“
‘I was half hoping Sool was still here so I could scare him a little.“ Butler crossed to the window and pulled aside the net curtains. ”There’s a car coming up the avenue. It’s your parents back from the spa in Westmeath. We’d better get our stories straight. Why did we come home from Germany ?“
Artemis thought quickly. “Let’s just say I felt homesick. I missed being my parents’ son. That’s true enough.”
Butler smiled. “I like that excuse. I hope you won’t need to use it again.”
‘I don’t intend to.“
Butler held out a rolled-up canvas. “And what about this? Have you decided what you should do with it?”
Artemis took The Fairy Thief and spread it on the bed before him. It really was beautiful. “Yes, old friend. I have decided to do what I should do. Now, can you stall my parents at the door; I need to take this call.”
Butler nodded, running down the stairs three at a time.
Artemis returned to the communicator. “Now, Holly, about your little problem. Have you considered the fact that the picture you seek may still be in the room, and our thief may have simply moved it?”
‘That’s the first thing I thought of. Come on, Artemis, you’re supposed to be a genius. Use your brain.“
Artemis scratched his chin. He was finding it difficult to concentrate. He heard tires crunching on the drive, and then his mother’s voice laughing as she climbed from the, car.
‘Arty?“ she called. ”Come down. We need to see you.“
‘Come down, Arty boy,“ shouted his father. ‘Welcome us home.“
Artemis found that he was smiling. “Holly, can you call me back later? I’m busy right now.”
Holly tried to scowl. “Okay. Five hours, and you’d better have some suggestions for me too ”
‘Don’t worry, I will. And also my consultant’s bill.“
‘Some things never change,“ said Holly, and closed the link.
Artemis quickly locked the communicator in his room safe, then ran to the stairs.
His mother was at the bottom of the steps, and her arms were open wide.
* * *
EPILOGUE
An Article from The Irish Times, by Eugene Driscoll, Culture Correspondent Last week the art world was left reeling following the discovery of a lost painting by Pascal Herve, the French Impressionist master. The rumored recovery of The Fairy Thief (oil on canvas) was confirmed when the painting was sent to the Louvre Museum in Paris. Someone, presumably an art lover, actually used the regular mail service to post the priceless masterpiece to the curator. The authenticity of the work has been confirmed by six independent experts. A spokesman for the Louvre has stated that the picture will be exhibited within the next month. So, for the first time in almost a century, everyday art lovers will be able to enjoy Herve’s masterpiece.
But perhaps the most tantalizing part of this whole affair is the typed note that came with The Fairy Thief.
The note read simply “More to follow.”
Is someone out there reclaiming lost or stolen masters for the people? If so, collectors beware. No secret vault is safe. This correspondent waits with bated breath.
More to follow.
Art lovers all over the world certainly hope so!
* * *
EOIN COLFER is the New York Times best-selling author of the Artemis Fowl series, The Supernaturalist, The Legend of Spud Murphy, and The Wish List.
He lives in Ireland with his wife and two children.
To learn more about Eoin Colfer visit his Web site at www.eoincolfer.com. a main selection of the Children’s Book-of-the-Month Club miramax books HYPERION BOOKS FOR CHILDREN New York Reinforced binding Jacket art by Ellice M. Lee.
