by Anna Cove
"You've got it, sweetheart. I'm just going to rest here."
As soon as I left, squeezing past his chair once again, he fell asleep. I walked the two steps to my room, opened the folding door and slipped inside. I'd left the window open a crack, and it was enough to make the tiny room feel fresh.
Now that I was home, I found myself wired. I'd had a long day, filled with lots of new people and lots of new experiences. Forcing a solitary meditation wouldn't help now.
I wanted to share my joy with someone. Rid myself of some of this excess energy.
A set of arms around me wouldn't hurt either.
I pulled out my phone and flipped it open, pushing the down button to work my way through my contacts. There weren't many. I landed on one. Meredith.
Hey, care to go out for a drink tonight? Excitement propelled me, and I pressed send before I really had a chance to think about it.
Her response came seconds later, just as I was realizing my mistake. My house?
I kind of wanted to go out tonight.
Sorry. Busy.
I have some news. Pretty please.
And that was all. Though I waited, nothing else came. Why would it? This was Meredith. She only cared when she wanted, and apparently this was not one of those times. I flipped my phone shut and slid it under my pillow.
In the moment of rest that followed, Jada popped into my mind. Her shiny black hair, her huge eyes, those perfect dark smudges of straight eyebrows. She was so... striking. And witty. A little weird, but I liked it.
She wouldn't have let Meredith ghost her tonight. She would have marched over there and demanded Meredith see her and celebrate with her. But I was not that brave, and would just have to settle for my dreams.
CHAPTER THREE
JADA
"Congratulations!" Ashley threw her hands up in the air and ran to me, her blond hair flying behind her.
I side-stepped her before she could crash into my body. "My head is killing me," I said, dodging eye contact and heading straight for my office. I noticed now she held two balloons clasped in one hand. They mocked me as I walked.
"Too much celebration?" she asked.
I set my purse down next to my desk and stared at its austere surface. It was important to me to have a clear office so my anxious patients didn't feel too cluttered. But what did that matter now? These little touches wouldn't win me the Calver. Nothing I did here would. There went another notch in the my-father's-always-right column.
"Dr. Garcia?"
"What?" I snapped.
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine."
"You look... I'm sorry to say it... not great."
"Thanks, Ashley." I glimpsed my reflection in the framed NYU diploma on my wall. Second-day finger-combed curls and smudged makeup wasn't a good look for me.
Ashley's round eyes looked like they belonged to an anime character. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I'm just upset. I shouldn't take it out on you." I sighed. "Who's up for today?"
"Roger Campbell at ten," she said, her voice even and competent. "Nelly at eleven. You've got three meetings this afternoon, and a lunch with the woman from the Latina Achievement program."
I puffed out my cheeks. I'd been working like this for months. The business was starting to become profitable, but I'd been paying most of the bills with money from my trust fund. If Dad took that away, I would only be able to keep the office running for a couple of weeks at most. He was so unreasonable. How was I supposed to run my business and win the award?
"I'm guessing you didn't win?" Ashley asked.
"Ding. Ding. Ding."
"So... if you didn't. Who did?" Ashley tilted her head.
"No one yet. They picked two finalists. Me and someone else. So save the balloons for later."
"But they always announce the award at the NYMHO conference. It's tradition."
"Ah, yes, fair Ashley, but it seems as if tradition has flown out the window like a freed parakeet. The organization is evolving. They're launching a new wellness magazine and they want to use the award to advertise it."
Ashley tilted her head, frowning, probably not certain whether to have me committed or give me a hug.
"Go get some work done. I've got some prep to do before ten."
Ashley nodded, dragging the bopping balloons out of my office. They stuck in my brain, though, with their shiny silver happy bouncing. Congratulations.
I opened my desk drawer and popped a couple of Advil tablets, taking a swig of the warm coffee Ashley had set on my desk. The bitter flavor washed over my tongue, sharpening my headache.
I switched on my computer and checked my trust fund. It was still early Monday morning, and my father was a bit old fashioned when it came to money—so perhaps I still had access. I went to my banking website and entered my login details to see.
Locked.
Crap. Dad had always placed restrictions on the fund. I only received so much per week. Each week, I had pulled money from my account Monday morning and invested some in my business and sent some to a local organization I liked to support, the Latina Achievement Program. It helped young girls find their places in the world. It was a good organization, and I was happy to be one of their main contributors.
I sent them a quick email to let them know my contributions would be stopping for awhile, but hopefully not for long. Also, that I had to cancel lunch today. I felt terrible sending it off, but Dad was forcing the issue now. I had to be smart about how I spent my money and time.
How had things changed so drastically? Last week, when I thought the Calver was mine, I'd seen a few patients. My friend Julia had dropped by and paid off a patient to see me and that was my biggest problem. Her problem. I'd helped her, right? I could actually help people? Now, what would I do?
I bent and pulled my cell phone from my purse, scrolling to my sister's number and tapping on it to give her a call.
It rang four, five, six times, until someone answered and grunted an unintelligible greeting.
"Rosa, I'm so glad you're there."
"Mmm?"
"Rosa?"
"I'm awake. I'm awake."
I raised an eyebrow. "Sure sounds like you are. What are you doing sleeping at this hour?"
"It's five-thirty in the morning. Remember? Time difference? I live in California."
"Right." I glanced at my crystal clock. "Listen. I didn't win that award."
"What award?"
"The award. The Calver. The most prestigious award in the mental health field."
Rosa sighed on the other end of the line and I heard sheets rustling as she sat up. But I also heard something I hadn't expected. A voice.
"Is someone with you?"
"No."
"Is my little sister fucking somebody?"
"It's not like that," Rosa said in a hushed whisper. "It's—different."
"My, my." I smiled despite my foul mood. "Little nerd finally gets her first orgasm. How was it?"
"So, you lost the award. Who did it go to?"
Rosa knew exactly what to say to avoid conversation. I wasn't done, but I also had a long few weeks ahead of me and would need a plan of action sooner rather than later. So, learning about the guy would have to wait. "I didn't lose. Not yet. I'm a finalist with another woman."
"Oh—Wow. I bet your father blew his stack." Rosa knew my father almost as well as I did. Though a different man fathered her, we both spent weekends and holidays with Luis Garcia in our childhood.
"He already did. He took away my trust fund."
"What?"
"Said it would motivate me."
Rosa scoffed.
"Yeah. I know. Totally unfair, right?"
"Right." I could picture her sitting on the edge of the bed, lit only by the light of her phone, running her hand over her forehead, her short hair curly and wild just like when we were kids. Except now... she had someone in her bed. This was not a common thing, and my mind kept coming back to it.
"Yo
u don't have to do it, you know," she said.
"Do what?"
"You're always trying to impress your father, to live up to some image of what you think he wants. But you could just go out on your own. You could do something different. If I had half the personality you did—"
"You have a ton of personality. Look! You've got someone in your bed. That's more than I can say."
"What happened to Tony?"
How long had it been since we'd spoken? Too long, if she didn't know about Tony. "Nothing there. He was like a brother to me."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not." I'd felt nothing since Tony left. Not much had changed. We still spoke sometimes, but we hadn't had sex for months before we broke up. It was just a formality.
And another way I had disappointed my father.
"So, you're the one with the brains. Tell me how I'm supposed to win this award," I said.
"What if you didn't win it?"
"Not an option."
"Sure it is. It would actually give you more options. You could do whatever you really liked."
"I wouldn't have my trust fund."
"You don't need it."
"How will I live without it?"
"Most of us live without a trust fund just fine," Rosa said. She was speaking in full voice now, which meant she had probably gone from the room containing her secret lover. "Have you spoken to Mom lately?"
"Not since she called me from Portugal last week."
"Did she—"
"Rosa. Focus. I need a plan. I just... I need help thinking through this. I can't talk to the committee. Dad's not going to help me. And I'm afraid, by the way these people are talking about it, I'm going to lose. And I can't lose."
Rosa muttered something on a whisper. She'd picked up the habit from our grandmother who often muttered Spanish curses under her breath. "What do you know about the other woman?"
"Not much. Her name is Erika. She has a forest therapy practice, or something."
"Start there."
"Start where?"
"Gosh, Jada. For a therapist you can be really stupid with people sometimes."
"Forgive me, my head is pounding this morning and I can't think straight. You know how the great Dr. Garcia gets me all worked up."
"Find out what makes this woman special. Find out what the committee likes about her and prove to them that you are more valuable in that category," she said, enunciating the words like she was speaking to someone who was hard of hearing.
"How?"
"Damn it, Jada, I don't know. Seduce her for all I care," Rosa snapped, then instantly groaned. "I'm sorry. I'm really tired this morning."
A smile crept across my face. "It's okay. I can tell you didn't get much sleep last night."
"Shut up."
"Who is he?"
"No one you know."
"Come on, give me a little something. The only action I've gotten in months is with myself and my TV. Let me live vicariously through you."
"Get your own life, Jada. Maybe then you wouldn't care so much about this stupid award."
My phone made the dropped call noise. I looked at it and tossed it skittering across my desk. Some help she had been. It was odd because she was usually sweet. I'd never heard her snap like that, even when I prodded her, and let's be real, I was her big sister so I prodded her all the time.
But she had given me an idea, a way forward.
Time to get to know my enemy.
CHAPTER FOUR
ERIKA
Two days later, I arrived at work to find the manager of the Catskill Mountain House waiting for me outside the little cabin where we started our tours. I glanced at the clock in my car. 6:25 AM. I wasn't late so why was he here? He was never here this early.
He gave me a tired nod as I exited the car and tried not to be nervous. "Rick," I said. "What can I do for you?"
"We keep getting calls up at the main house. People are trying to book your tour online, but it's already full."
"For the week?"
"For the month."
"What?" I blinked. It was early, but I had been up for some time. I wasn't imagining this. I wasn't dreaming.
"Would you mind taking on a few extras?"
"Sure. How many?"
"Twenty or so?"
"Twenty?!" Once I picked my jaw up from the dirt and put it back in place, I replayed the conversation in my head. I had never had tours of more than five, seven at most. "I'm not sure I can guide an effective session with so many people."
"Apparently, you're up for some award or something?"
"Yeah, or something."
"Well, the family sends their congratulations." The family were the people who owned the giant mansion of a spa for which I worked. I'd never met anyone in the family, but all the local people knew who they were. "They wanted me to ask you if you'd be willing to add on extra tours throughout the week due to the increased demand."
"Of course," I said. Extra tours. Did that mean I could quit my second job at the movie theater? That I would never again have to shower twice to wash the stench of buttered popcorn from my hair?
"That would bring you into full-time territory, you know, and after a trial run we may consider offering you a full-time position at the spa."
"What?" It was too early, and I hadn't yet finished my tea, and maybe I was dreaming after all.
"With benefits. And vacation time."
"Oh my God," I said, unable to stop the smile creeping over my face. I threw my head back and sucked in a breath of the mountain air, sending silent thanks to the universe. I had only almost won the prize, and this is what I got? What would happen if I actually won?
"Anyway, Erika." Rick snapped his fingers in my face. "How many do you think you can handle?"
I closed my eyes and imagined the path. "Ten, max."
"Okay, that's what you have today."
"Today as in fifteen minutes from now today?"
"Yep." Rick tipped his hat and started to walk off. "I'll be in touch about that position."
"I haven't—"
"You'll do great," he said, swinging around and walking backward for a few steps before nodding, effectively ending his side of the conversation.
I walked toward the tree line and leaned against a large maple there, letting the forest calm me. Listening to the birds. Smelling the sweet scent of decaying leaves. It would be okay. It would be just fine.
The first car arrived minutes later. The next followed in, like a parade. This was a good thing. It would go really well. The universe wanted it for me.
The last person to arrive was the last person I expected to see. I denied it as I saw her drive up. I denied it as she lingered on the outskirts of the crowd. She wore a Yankees hat with her ponytail pulled through the back and huge sunglasses. My body couldn't deny it, though. A soft warmth settled over me, and I even caught myself angling toward her.
"What you're about to do is called forest bathing," I said, falling into the character of guide. I could do this. I'd done it dozens of times. "We will all remain fully clothed—"
I let the titter of laughter run through the audience before continuing. "—And fully present as we enter the woods."
The woman in the baseball cap kicked at the sand, her mouth twitching into a smirk I would recognize anywhere. And then my brain knew what my body had sensed since she arrived.
It was Jada.
And just like that my dreams had become a reality.
...
JADA
"First, I'm going to ask you to either lock your devices in your car or give them to me to put in the cabin safe. Phones, iPads, whatever you've got with you."
Yeah right. She was going to have to pry my phone from my cold dead hands if she wanted it. A couple of people in the crowd went back to their cars. A few more crowded around Erika, handing her their devices like they didn't cost thousands of dollars and hold the entirety of their pathetic lives.
No problem. Here you go.
&n
bsp; She worked her way through the crowd, doling out genuine smiles one after another so much that my mouth ached for her.
Not in that way, but in the muscular way. Like I was feeling her pain. Almost like I was capable of empathy.
She approached me, and I looked off, trying to pretend I wasn't me.
"Jada?" she asked. "It's lovely to see you here. I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye the other night."
I cleared my throat. Of course she had recognized me. Her positivity chipped away at my shell like a jackhammer. I sent reinforcements and reached for my most bitter voice. "I wanted to see your work for myself. I think congratulations are in order."
"Thank you! It's truly an honor just to make it to the finals."
I let my sunglasses fall down my nose so I could look unobstructed into her face. She was serious. Either that or she was a better actress than the best in Hollywood. A regular Meryl Streep. "It is, isn't it," I said. It wasn't a question.
"Do you have any devices with you today?"
Pushing my sunglasses up my nose, I shook my head. My voice would probably wobble and give me away. But back to the awards. She didn't seem to notice, or didn't seem to care that we were in direct competition for that award. Was she really that good?
Erika nodded once and turned away. She wore an army green puffed vest with leggings that left nothing to the imagination. Her body was long and limber and—why the hell was I watching her walk away? I turned to examine a leaf nearby.
"We're heading into the forest now, and I would ask that you keep talking to a minimum. This is not a workout, and this is not a social engagement. We're here to detach from our normal lives and find peace. Ready?"
The other people nodded, already enthralled by Erika's calm strength.
I remained near the back as we moved into the woods like a pack of sheep. The only sound was of our footsteps on the fallen leaves. And a buzz. A super annoying buzz. I swatted at a fly around my ear, then swatted at it again when it returned. Whoever made up this forest therapy thing had never been attractive to bugs. Could this be any more annoying?
