by Anna Cove
"You're just quiet, and you looked worried. Plus, you said the other night at Lucille's you were having trouble at work so I was just thinking..." she drifted off. "You don't have to tell me what's going on."
I had mentioned that? I couldn't remember. It must have been offhandedly. "No. I'm sorry. You're right. I'm really stressed about work. But I should leave that at home and just focus on you."
A pretty blush intensified in Erika's cheeks. "It's been all about me. I'm glad you called me because I wanted to thank you for the other night. For being such a good friend with Meredith and all."
I shrugged, though emotion caught in my throat. It had been a long time since I'd been accused of being a good friend, maybe never. The fact that I still hadn't replied to the text from Julia at the moment even though she needed help was a good example of that. "It's nothing."
"No, it's really something. Ever since I met you my life seems to be going so well. It's like... I feel like I could skip with joy half the time." She skipped—actually skipped—buoyant and happy.
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Whatever you like?" She was free in a way I had never been and never could be.
"Oh, I don't do whatever I like. I have lots of things I do that I don't like."
"But you always seem so cheerful."
She shrugged, calming a bit. "I guess, I figure... if I have to be doing a thing out in the world, I might as well be happy about it. Especially if I can't help the situation."
It was like she was a creature from a far-off land. An alien perhaps. I had never known anyone like her, and I moved closer, just in case she actually rubbed off on me. "How? Especially when you feel bad about it? My feelings end up spilling all over the place."
She held out her hand, her face more serious than I'd ever seen it. "Come with me."
I placed my hand in hers and followed, simply followed, as she brought me past the tree line. "I'm sure you know about deep breathing—we practiced it in the woods the other day."
"Yeah, but I always find this knot in my chest whenever I try to breathe like that. It makes me panic."
I had never told anyone that, but Erika nodded like it was something she heard all the time.
"Stand there, next to the pine tree. Close your eyes."
I did as she asked, this time open to what she proposed. If it worked, maybe I could use it to my advantage. Maybe this was the key to her charm. I would be stupid to pass up the chance.
"Hold out your hands."
"What are you—"
"Just do it," Erika said. "Tell me what you feel. What are you holding?"
Something filled my hands. Something light and spiky. I brought it to my nose and the smell of pine settled in and there was something so sweet about it. "Pine needles. Soft ones."
"Feel how they poke your palms?"
"Yes."
"Describe it."
I bunched them together before I realized how ridiculous I must look. I opened my eyes to find Erika's face so close to mine I could kiss her.
"I'm sorry," I said, leaning against the tree to put some distance between us. "This isn't working for me. I don't see how it will help when I'm in the city and want to rip someone's face off."
Erika cracked up, hiding the laugh behind her hand.
I'd let a part of me—the real me—slip and she hadn't run. A piece of the real me always seemed to escape in her presence. I smiled at her response and leaned into the weirdness. "Teach me, sensei."
"Breathing. You need to learn how to do that if you want to alter your being."
"What does that mean?"
"Well... to control that temper of yours. Turn around."
"Temper? Me? Never," I said as I turned away from her.
"Yeah right. I saw you with Meredith the other day. You were about ready to explode." Her face was over my shoulder, her body so close to mine I could feel her warmth through the back of my jacket. I closed my eyes and focused on that, and the tension in my chest started to unravel.
"Place a hand on your stomach and one on your chest. That's it. Now breathe in so the breath fills your stomach first. That's the place where you want it all to go."
My focus was drawn to my back, to my shoulder, where I could feel Erika so close. It had been so long since someone held me, so long, I felt myself drifting backward.
Give me some of your freedom.
"You're not breathing deeply. Here."
My eyes sprang open as her arm wrapped around my waist and she closed the small distance between us. My body was tense and frozen, hyperaware of every place where she pressed up against me. I gave a little laugh.
"Relax," she whispered in my ear.
Give in, I thought. Stop fighting.
I let my body sink into her, though I was finding it difficult to do the very thing she told me to do. My mind kept racing through the maze, taking one turn and meeting a dead-end, retracing my steps, taking another, pitting paths against one another. What would happen if we kissed? Now? What would happen if I gave in and did what I so wanted to do without considering the consequences?
"Breathe into my hand."
I sucked in a breath and focused all my energy to that one place on my stomach. I breathed in the sweet pine-filled air until I could breathe in no more.
"Okay, now push it all out until you have nothing left."
I did, still focusing on that spot.
"Breathe in love, breathe out love."
"Oh god," I said, unable to keep the derision from my voice.
"Jada, please, just try. I want to do something as payment for your time and advice."
"Fine." The first breath had actually loosened something in me, and the next breath loosened it a bit more. It felt a little like after my first glass of wine, like the air was some type of drug, mellowing me. Soon, I was breathing on my own, and I'd forgotten about the woman whose arms were wrapped around me. Well, until she shifted her hand, starting to take it away.
"You're amazing," I whispered.
"You're so beautiful," she said.
Drunk. I was drunk. That was the only way I could explain it. I twisted in her arms. She backed away, horror on her face, her hand at her mouth as if she'd cursed me.
"Wait," I said. "Please... don't go."
She took my hand and drew me close and kissed me, sweet at first. When she pulled away, I kissed her back. Emotions swirled around me, unleashed by all that breathing. Her kiss meant something.
She pulled away before I could figure out what. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. Stop apologizing."
"I know you just want to be friends."
"Who said that?" I twisted my hands in hers and braided our fingers together. The funny thing was, I was completely comfortable with her. Yet that very comfort twisted in my stomach because it meant this would be... complicated to say the least. Feelings. If only I could ball them up and throw them in a trash compacter and be done with them.
Shit.
"I just assumed."
"Well, you know what they say about assuming," I said, my quick sarcasm returning.
"I do. I just—I can't believe life can be so good." Erika let out a laugh and rolled her eyes up to the tree branches. "How can life be so good?"
I didn't know, but I was going to figure it out if it killed me.
CHAPTER EIGHT
JADA
I dropped Erika off at her house like we were teenagers at the prom. Though every part of my body wanted to go inside with her—and that was saying something based on the inside of the house—I knew I needed some space. I needed some clarity to figure out what to do next.
On my way home, I dialed Rosa. She picked up on the third ring.
"Yo, sis," she said.
"Hi. How are you?"
"Fine," Rosa said, though her voice was hesitant. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing. Nothing."
"Yeah, because someone with nothing wrong always says it twice. Listen,
I don't have much time, but I did a little digging on that girl who's up for the Calver with you. She's clean as a whistle, but there's something you might find interesting. She's a lesbian."
"No," I said, my voice heavy with sarcasm.
"Wait. You already knew?"
"Yeah. That's like... one of the first things I found out about her. Great job, Sherlock." I said the words too fast. It was the kiss, so innocent yet... so... passionate. Passionate. That's what it was. I couldn't stop imagining how we would fit together. As it was, I could still feel her touch.
"Jada... what's going on?" Rosa said with a warning tone.
"I'm sorry. I'm distracted. I've met someone and I can't get this person out of my head." Partial lying—it was one of the tricks my father had taught me.
"Oh, well... maybe... ask this person out? Sometimes taking away the mystery helps."
"Forget I said anything. I'll take care of it. Did you find anything else?"
"Yeah, there was this one picture with a kid who looked like a total thug. He wore those ear things to stretch your lobes—"
"Gauges?"
"Yeah, those things. Chains. The whole bit."
"And..."
"The kid posted a video a few hours ago about how she helped him bake a heart-shaped cake to ask a girl to prom."
"So?"
"So... that's really sweet. Ha. Get it? Sweet? Anyway, he told this whole sob story of how his parents aren't around and how Erika was really sleepy but Erika helped him bake this cake. He's a great storyteller. The post has hundreds of likes and it's only been up for a few hours."
"Could you send all that over to me?"
"Yeah."
"Jada?"
"Yeah?"
"Be careful, please."
"Of course. Thanks, Rosa. Talk soon. Smooches to the new dude, whoever he is." I hung up the phone before she could lecture me. This game was already getting exhausting. I needed a shot of energy.
Then something Rosa had said turned over in my mind. Maybe she was right. Maybe there was too much mystery surrounding Erika. I did keep thinking about what it would be like to be with her. To totally give myself to her. So what if I did? Just for one night.
I took the next exit and swung the car around, the idea now forming itself. I would book a hotel room and ask her to spend the night and we would get room service and maybe watch a romantic movie and I would get into her pants and get her out of my system. At the exit stoplight, I picked up my phone to call her, surprised to see it already ringing.
My father.
I pressed the button. "What's up?" I said, trying to sound casual.
"Where are you?"
"On a trip."
"Now? This isn't the time to be taking trips, Luisa. You need to be working. You need to be out there day and night showing the committee you deserve this."
I could barely hear him among all the noise in the background. Thumping music, crowds—it sounded like he was in a club. In the middle of the afternoon. "Where are you?"
"At a club."
"Hey, are you Tanya Shapiro?" I heard a voice yell distinctly.
I ran a hand across my forehead. "Tanya Shapiro? The actress? Isn't she a client of yours?"
"Don't worry about it," my father said, neither denying nor answering my question. If he was with her and they were at a club, he was really skirting the ethical line. Before I could call him out on it, he spoke. "What are you doing?"
"I—I—" I stuttered over the statement. I'm falling for the competition. I'm doubting my sabotage plan. "I'm getting to know the enemy."
"Oh, really? What have you found?"
"She doesn't know how I am." I hesitated, uncomfortable with sharing anything personal. "I have a meeting with her tonight. I should find out more."
As I spoke the words, they felt wrong. Erika didn't suspect me at all. Maybe I could find a way to do this without hurting her.
My father let the silence hang. He took in a sharp breath. "I'm going to let you take point on this, Luisa. This is your chance to prove yourself to me."
A chance? My father didn't give out many of those. I nodded once. "I've got this."
"You better. I can't take—"
"I know. You can't take the embarrassment. I won't embarrass you."
Father sighed. "This girl is winning the hearts of the committee."
"How do you know?"
"Just because I'm not voting, doesn't mean I don't have my ear to the ground. I saw her little viral stunt. Clever, I will admit."
Rosa had only just told me about that. How did he already know?
"If you have a plan, now is the time to put it into action, my girl."
He said this softly, almost like he'd meant the affectionate tag. What would happen if I actually won? Would he finally be proud of me? Would he dedicate his next book to me? Would he give me the business?
Or would he just go on treating me like a child?
I had a problem. Two problems. Erika was not only winning the heart of the committee, but she was winning my heart, too.
...
ERIKA
Friday blurred past. I gave my best tour ever to the largest group of people I'd ever guided. My supervisor even attended, and I felt none of the self-consciousness that often plagued me leading the group under observation. At the end of the day, I floated home like I was on a cloud. And I was.
I was falling in love... with a woman who would no doubt break my heart into a million tiny pieces. But I didn't care. Not really. Jada listened to me. She heard me. We connected in a way I'd never felt with anyone else. We hadn't gone further than a couple kisses here and there, but I would bet anything the sex would be dynamite.
How could it be anything else with a woman like Jada?
She had invited me to her hotel that night for some "business and dinner and fun."
So I floated home and made excuses with Dad and fired up my computer. I had to get at least a little work done before then.
Each night, I'd gathered a bit of information about the committee members and crafted a draft email for each. Tonight, I would send them off.
My computer took about twenty minutes to start functioning properly. In the meantime, I texted Jada.
Can't wait to see you tonight.
Me too, she sent back right away.
Want me to bring anything?
A bathing suit?
"Oh, Lord." Just picturing Jada in a bathing suit got me all kinds of hot and bothered. I thought about leaving right then, but I had to accomplish something first.
My computer made a noise, drawing my attention. It was some BIOS error and after I hit a few random buttons it cleared. It had slowed down to the point where it was almost unusable, but I had nothing else. If I won the Calver that would change. It would all change.
I had a few unopened emails in my inbox, one from a friend from high school. The subject said, "You're so sweet." And the beginning of the email spoke of some video she had seen. I had no idea what she was talking about, and despite my better judgment, I opened the email.
My computer froze on a white screen. I had to reboot it.
It took another thirty minutes for me to bring up my draft of the email and send it to each individual member of the committee. It felt great. It felt like I was doing something for myself for once. That alone was reason to celebrate.
But I was also now late.
In my haste to get out the door, to get Dad ready for bed and all the rest, I forgot my bathing suit. I didn't realize until I was almost at the hotel and by then, you couldn't have made me turn back if you were Bigfoot. I was going to get to Jada. And I was going to show her how I really felt.
CHAPTER NINE
JADA
"I want to celebrate tonight." Erika burst through the door, cheeks flushed.
"What's to celebrate?" I said, catching her smile and mirroring it back to her as I closed the door.
She waited for me to finish and turn toward her before she spoke. "Me, taking c
harge of my life."
"What did you do?"
"I sent emails to the committee, just like you told me to do. And someone just stopped me on the street asking me about the cake I baked with Jimmy. It seems I'm a little famous."
Jealousy and attraction fought for dominance within me. This new, confident Erika was hot. But if she was gaining good press without even trying I was done. Either way, alcohol would help. "Let's order some champagne. I'll call room service."
Erika was all energy as she sat on the bed. I picked up the phone and dialed and ordered a bottle of champagne for us to share. As soon as I finished speaking, she slid to the floor, sending her legs out long.
I hung up the phone and watched as she stretched, practically flattening herself to the floor.
"Do you do yoga?" I asked.
"Yes, I have my teaching certification. That's part of what I'd like to do with the money. I want to start a studio to teach people how to connect to the natural world with their bodies and their minds as a sort of therapy. For free. I've already started doing free classes when I have time for the people at the soup kitchen."
"That's, uh..."
Erika swung to the side, bending her body, arching her back so her small breasts stretched with her. I could see her nipples through her shirt.
Where the hell was that champagne?
I got up to pace the room.
"Jada?"
"Hm?"
"What's wrong?" Erika flipped to her knees, grazing her fingers along my calf. Her touch sent shivers through me.
I tried the thing she had taught me only yesterday, breathing into my stomach, ignoring her fingers on my legs. Making my belly round and huge. Nothing to see here.
Just then there was a knock at the door and the champagne arrived with what couldn't have been better timing. I needed liquid help to get through this. Not all the breathing in the world would calm me enough for what was next. I was almost giddy with adrenaline as I poured two glasses of champagne and handed one to the now standing Erika.
"To you, taking charge of your life."
"And to you who made it all possible."
