by TWCS Authors
“And you don’t know that it won’t be. If you want to wait then wait. We’ll go have lunch before I pick up the kids and you can do this whenever you feel up to it again. But . . .”
Kennedy’s eyes widened at the word. “But what?”
Vanessa dropped her hand and shrugged. “But if you want my opinion, it’s not too early at all. There are tests now that know you’re pregnant even before you are pregnant,” she joked. “You’re a week late; it’s not too soon to test.” Vanessa held out a box to her. “Your choice.”
Kennedy stared at the box for one long agonizing minute before finally taking it from her friend. The words First Response stared back at her and the nausea she had yet to feel suddenly came rushing over her. Kennedy pressed her lips together and closed her eyes as Vanessa encouraged her to take deep, slow breaths.
“Are you sure you don’t want to do this with Memphis?” she asked once the feeling had passed. “You know he’d want to be here for you.”
“I know. I just . . . I don’t want him to know that it’s even a possibility until I know for sure.” Kennedy looked at Vanessa and tried to blink away tears. “I’m scared either way. I’m scared if I’m not then maybe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe something happened after the mis—the miscarriage.” Even after so many years it was still hard to think about what happened.
“Well, it’s not like you’ve been trying.”
“No. But it’s not like we’ve been all that careful either the last year or so since I went off birth control.” Kennedy paused and looked down at the box again. “And I’m scared if I am . . . that it will just happen again. What if my body isn’t made for babies?” Tears spilled down her cheeks as she let Vanessa pull her into a hug.
“It’s going to be okay.”
“Easy for you to say.” Kennedy gave her a watery smile. “All Joe has to do is look at you and you’re pregnant.”
“Well, that and the adventurous sex we may or may not have. “ Vanessa bumped her arm with hers and nodded at the test. “So? Moment of truth?”
“Moment of truth,” Kennedy agreed. “I wish I could do this right now before I lost my nerve.”
“So do it right now.” Vanessa looked around before grabbing Kennedy’s hand and dragging her off in the direction of the bathrooms.
“Are you crazy?” Kennedy cried. “I can’t take this,” she waved the box around, “here!”
“Sure you can. All you gotta do is pee on the stick, Kennedy. You can do that anywhere.”
“You know what I mean.”
Vanessa rolled her eyes.
“You’re still going to pay for the damn thing.” She turned Kennedy around and pushed her to an empty stall. “You said you wanted to do it before you lost your nerve. So do it. Pee, Monroe.”
“It’s Adams now, you know.”
“You’ll always be Monroe to me.” Vanessa nudged her into the bathroom stall and gave her two thumbs up and a big grin. “Good luck.”
Kennedy chewed on her bottom lip as she nodded and closed the door. She hung her purse on the hook and leaned against one of the walls, closing her eyes.
Could she really be doing this again? It had been almost five years since she had taken her first, and only, pregnancy test. The uncertainty and fear she had felt that day quickly vanished when those two pink lines showed up. Sure, she had still been nervous and even a little scared, but she knew in that moment having that baby was what she was meant to do. She was meant to be a mother.
Sadly, Mother Nature didn’t agree with her, and five weeks later she lost the precious gift she had been given.
The pregnancy had put a strain on her relationship with her boyfriend, Ian Brooks. But after the miscarriage things went downhill fast. Only neither of them really cared at the time to do anything about it. If it hadn’t been for Memphis she didn’t know what she would have done. He had been her rock during that time. He had helped her, saved her from drowning in the sadness that she had felt . . .
Kennedy had opened her apartment door and found Memphis standing on the other side, gorgeous smile in place, messy hair, tired eyes and hands weighted down with grocery bags.
“I brought ice cream and all the fixings for our famous sundaes,” he’d said instead of greeting her with a sympathetic smile and an “I’m sorry”, or “How you doing?” like everyone else did.
He entered the apartment, kicking the door closed behind him and pausing to kiss the top of her head before proceeding into the kitchen to unpack his loot.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice hoarse from all the hours of crying and little talking she had done. In fact, if she’d stopped to consider her appearance at all she knew she probably looked like shit. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, the sweatshirt was two sizes too big, she was wearing ratty old sweats, and her eyes were red and puffy. But she couldn’t seem to care.
“You’re here,” he said simply, pulling out a can of whipped cream.
“But you were in Germany.”
“Yes, and you weren’t.”
“But . . .” Her throat closed up and new tears threatened to spill down her cheeks as she thought of what he had sacrificed for her to come back home. “But your work,” she said weakly.
“I finished what I needed to do and caught an early flight home,” he explained without meeting her eyes and she instantly knew he was lying.
“Memphis, you didn’t—”
“It’s just a job, Kennedy,” he said, finally meeting her gaze. “You’re what’s important right now.”
Kennedy shook her head as the tears won out and she started sobbing. Memphis wrapped his arms around her as she clung to his shirt and carefully lowered them to the kitchen floor as he cradled her against his chest.
“Why did this happen, Memphis?” she cried into his shirt. “Why is life so cruel to give me a child and then take it away?”
“I don’t know, beautiful.” He kissed her temple and rubbed his hands up and down her arms.
“I didn’t even make it to my first appointment,” she told him. “My OB doesn’t see patients until twelve weeks and I was only nine. When the cramping started Brooks said it was normal, that many women cramp during pregnancy, but then—”
“Shhh.” He tightened his hold on her. “I’m here now.”
“Thank you for coming home, Memphis.”
“Always. Let me take care of you, okay?” He looked down at her and she nodded.
Brooks couldn’t even be bothered to take a day or two off from the hospital to be with her. He told her that what she was going through happened to thousands of other women all the time and there was nothing he could do about it. But this, what Memphis was doing right now, was what he could have done. He could have held her and told her it would be okay. He could have stayed with her, even if they didn’t do anything, just so she knew she wasn’t alone in this. He could have made her dinner, or taken a walk with her, or he could have bought her the damn ice cream. There was so much he could have done.
But instead it had been Memphis who picked her up and set her on the couch and made her a sundae, who had listened to her talk about what happened, who had held her while she cried, and who had tucked her into bed when she passed out from exhaustion. It had been Memphis who was there in the morning making her breakfast, who had dragged her out of the house and made her go for a walk on the beach and stop by the art gallery to see everyone. It hadn’t been Brooks who took her to her follow up appointment with her doctor and it hadn’t been Brooks who packed away the few baby things she had bought so she didn’t have to deal with it. It was her best friend, her rock . . .
“I don’t hear tinkling!” Vanessa sang.
Kennedy opened her eyes, the memory popping like a soap bubble. She looked down at the box in her hand and suddenly felt a wave of calm. She could do this. No matter what the result was or what happened, she could do this because she had Memphis.
“What are you doing in there?”
“Reading the instructions,” Kennedy lied.
“Reading the . . . Girl, you’re not making the damn thing, you’re peeing on it!”
Kennedy chuckled and fished the stick out of the box. Moment of truth, indeed. She quickly did what she needed to do, replaced the cap on the test and set it down on the toilet tank.
“Don’t accidently drop it in!” Vanessa cried when she heard the toilet flush.
Kennedy opened the door and yanked her into the tiny stall with her. Vanessa looked down at her jacket and wrinkled her nose.
“I really wish you would have washed your hands before touching me.”
Kennedy ignored her and grabbed her hand, twisting her wrist so she could check the time on her watch.
“Three minutes.”
“How are you going to tell Memphis?”
“I haven’t thought about it,” Kennedy said, not taking her eyes off the watch.
“Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. You should do it then!”
Kennedy frowned. “Isn’t that a little cliché?”
“To propose or get married on, yes. To tell your hubby he’s going to be a daddy? No.”
“How did you tell Joe?” Kennedy looked up just in time to see the blush in Vanessa’s cheeks before she turned her face away. “What?”
“I didn’t actually tell him the first time. I, uh, kind of threw up on him when I was . . .” She waved her hand in circles and cringed. “You know.”
“Oh my God!” Kennedy was about to slap her hand over her mouth to stop the giggles but quickly remembered what she had just done.
“Yeah. He kind of put two and two together after that.”
“Wow. Poor Joe.”
“Poor Joe? What about me? Anyway, you should definitely tell him tomorrow!” Vanessa said, the excitement returning to her voice.
“I don’t even know if there’s anything to tell him.”
Two minutes later Kennedy was staring at her answer.
“Well, now you know,” Vanessa said softly.
Kennedy looked at her and then back at the stick.
“Do you think they give discounted prices for used tests?”
After she had paid for the already used test, Vanessa dropped her off at home and made her promise to call her as soon as she spilled the beans to Memphis.
“He’s going to be ecstatic, you know that, right?” Vanessa said. “He isn’t Brooks.”
“I know that. But like you said earlier, it’s not like we were trying. It’s still going to be a surprise for him.”
“And he’ll love it.”
Inside the house was quiet, a rarity since Luke had entered their lives. He brought chaos with him everywhere he went. Kennedy smiled as she thought of the new chaos that would soon be entering their lives.
She looked down at her still flat stomach and gently placed her hands on top. It was hard to believe there was a little life growing inside her. And, even though she felt calmer about the whole thing, there was a part of her that was terrified of going through the same hell as before. Only this time her heart wouldn’t be the only one broken.
Kennedy shook her head and tried to push thoughts like that out of her mind. She needed to stay positive. She needed to stop comparing this pregnancy to her last one and living in fear of the unknown. She needed to figure out a way to tell Memphis.
She didn’t want to just blurt it out. You only got to be told you were going to be a parent for the first time once, and she wanted to do it in a way he’d never forget. But she didn’t want anything too over-the-top either. She wanted to keep things simple but memorable. Like the way he had proposed to her . . .
“I think I finally unpacked the last box of yours today,” Kennedy had said, hopping on the bed next to Memphis.
He’d looked at her over the paper he was reading and smiled. “That only took us four months.”
“Us?” Kennedy snorted. “If I had left it up to you, you would still be living out of a suitcase.” She paused and waited until he went back to reading. “You know what I didn’t find though?”
“What’s that?”
“Your little black book.”
“Oh yeah. I should probably stop using that now, huh? Guess that means I have to cancel the date I have this weekend.”
“Nah, you shouldn’t cancel on the poor girl,” Kennedy said, slipping off the bed with a saucy smile. “I can always make plans with Alec. Ryder mentioned he would be in town this weekend.”
The sound of the paper being tossed to the side told her she had hit the mark and taken their banter a little too far. Memphis still didn’t like the fact she was friends with the other artist. Alec was the only man he had ever been jealous of. And even though it shouldn’t, it kind of turned Kennedy on to taunt him about their friendship and see his animalistic side come out.
“That dick is in Vancouver for the weekend?” Memphis huffed.
Kennedy tried to hide her smile as she turned away from the dresser to face him.
“That’s what Ryder said.”
“You know that the only reason he’s working with Strokes of Passion is to get close to you, right? It has nothing to do with Ryder.”
Kennedy laughed and crawled back onto the bed, straddled his lap and cupped his face.
“Aw, baby,” she cooed. “Are you afraid Alec is still trying to get into my pants?”
“You and I both know he wants more than that.”
Kennedy dropped her hands and frowned.
“So you’re saying if that’s all he wanted you’d be okay with it?”
“Fuck no! You’re mine. He just needs to realize that.”
Kennedy ran her hands through his hair and nodded. “He does.”
“But do you?”
She stopped stroking his hair and met his eyes. “What—”
“Do you realize that you’re mine? Forever. For always.”
“Who else’s would I want to be?” The question came out whispered, unsure of where he was going with the conversation.
“Do you know, really know, how much you mean to me, Kennedy? There isn’t anyone else that I would want to do all of this with. There isn’t anyone else who makes me not only be the man I want to be but makes me feel like I’m that man. You are my everything. There isn’t anyone or anything that’s more important to me than you are.”
Tears stung her eyes and she nodded, fearing if she opened her mouth to speak all that would come out would be sobs.
“I thought of how to do this,” he said softly, running his hand over hers. “I thought of all the places I could take you to make this special for you. I could take you back to Alaska, or wait until our trip to Croatia, but none of the scenarios I thought of seemed right. But this seems right. Right here, right now in the home that I want to make a life with you in and raise our family in.” He brushed a curl behind her ear and gently wiped a tear that had escaped off her cheek. “Do you know what today is?”
She shook her head, the tears falling freely now.
“Thirteen years ago today you ran into me on campus and turned my world upside-down. Ever since that day I haven’t been able to imagine my life without you. You’re my best friend, my soul mate, my entire reason for being. You are the person I want by my side for the rest of my life.
“Will you be that person, Kennedy? Will you let me take care of you and love you like no one else ever has? Will you marry me, beautiful?”
Kennedy sat motionless, afraid to breathe in case this was a dream and she would wake any second.
Memphis stopped stroking her hands and looked at her with fearful eyes.
“Kennedy—”
She pressed a finger to his lips and nodded.
“Yes, Memphis. I’ll marry you.”
She was half laughing, half crying as she wiped her cheeks and smiled at the man in front of her, and barely caught his grin before he pulled her mouth to his, her tears running over both their lips. When they had finally broke apart, Memphis laughed and pressed his foreh
ead against hers.
“I feel like an ass for not having a ring.”
Kennedy had shook her head, holding his head in her hands.
“I don’t need a ring. All I need is you . . .”
Kennedy rubbed small circles on her stomach as she thought of that night. A love like theirs had created something beautiful. That had to make everything okay, didn’t it?
“Something wrong?” Memphis asked later that evening as they were cleaning up dinner dishes. “You’ve seemed a little preoccupied since I got home.”
“No, everything is great.”
“Great, huh?” He gave her a cheeky grin. “How big of a hit did the bank account take this time?”
Kennedy laughed and swatted at his butt with the dish towel.
“The bank account didn’t take a hit at all today, smart ass.”
“I thought you were going shopping. How is that possible?”
Kennedy shrugged and draped the towel on its hook to dry.
“We mostly just browsed. Vanessa had to pick up the kids from daycare at noon.”
“Oh. So there really wasn’t time to do any damage is what you’re saying.”
“Exactly.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. “How did Luke do?”
“Can dogs sulk? Because he sure as hell seemed sulky all day. I even took him to the park and let him run off some steam and all he did was mope.”
“Aw and now you feel guilty?”
“This dog is playing us.”
“No, this dog is trying to play you. Stay strong.”
Memphis ran his hands down her back until they rested on her butt and he squeezed.
“I want to play with you,” he murmured, rubbing his nose against her ear.
“That can be arranged.”
Memphis moved her backwards until she hit the kitchen table and seated her on top of it. Kennedy widened her legs so he fit nicely in between her thighs as he cupped her face and angled her head so he could control the kiss. His tongue swept along hers, taking what he wanted but giving her exactly what she needed.
Kennedy dragged her hands slowly up his arms, feeling the muscles beneath her palms as she slipped them under the sleeve of his T-shirt and over his biceps causing Memphis to moan into her mouth. She had discovered his arms were one of the most sensitive parts of his body. One stroke along his biceps and he was putty in her hands. Of course that always came with payback since he knew exactly where to stroke her to drive her up the wall, but really, did he expect her to complain?
