I could hear him clear his throat. “I’m glad I caught you. I know you’re planning to be out of the office for the rest of the week. You never did say where you were going,” he said, blatantly fishing for information.
“No, I didn’t,” I agreed, not giving him anything. A girl had to keep some mystery. And there was no way I was explaining that I was headed for a weekend with my fuck friend.
It wasn’t the first time I felt a sharp flash of shame at the way I rushed to Cole every chance I got.
“Won’t give me any clues will you? I’m starting to think you’re involved in a secret cult with plans for global domination.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Not even close. So tell me why it’s so important that you caught me before I left?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Well, I was wondering, if you’re not too busy, if you’d like to grab some lunch today. We could look over the proposed budget and I could go ahead and approve it for you. You know so it wouldn’t delay things for you next week when you got back,” Theo suggested and I couldn’t help but smile at his less than subtle offer.
“Is that the only reason you want to have lunch with me? To see the budget? Sounds pretty boring to me,” I baited.
I was horrible.
I knew flirting with Theo was a bad idea. But it felt really nice to have the attention of such a hot guy who was genuinely interested in me.
Theo thought I was smart. Theo thought I was capable. He liked to tell me how incredible I was. He cloaked it in professionalism, of course. After all he was a client. But I knew he meant it as so much more than that.
I knew a hot and bothered male when I saw one.
Theo was the man you’d take home to Mom. He was the perfect guy for my slowly evolving lifestyle change.
Yet I was going with Gracie this weekend to Raleigh to see the other man in my life. The one Mom would never, ever know about.
The one I had no doubt would ruin me in the worst possible way.
Theo’s answering laugh was predictably uneasy but happy. He liked my flirting. But I made him nervous. He didn’t quite know if I was joking or being serious.
That made two of us.
“Well, I. . .I’d like your company as well, of course,” Theo stuttered adorably. Knowing I kept him off-balance was such a powerful feeling. With Cole I was always the one off kilter. I couldn’t think of a time he ever stumbled over his words when he spoke to me.
But what more could I expect from a man who gave me orgasms and little else?
“I’m not really worried about delays. We’re way ahead of schedule,” I stated, dialing back the flirting a bit, feeling somewhat deflated by my guilt and Cole based shame.
I had been steeling myself all week for what I expected to find when I got down to Raleigh. Who I would have to fend off and how much damage I would have to inflict.
And I was excited about it. I knew exactly what that said about me. I knew what sort of person that made me.
I had no delusions. I was addicted to the rush only Cole could give me. But it exhausted me as well.
I was torn and conflicted and oh so ashamed to feel anything at all.
Cole turned me upside down and inside out.
I loved it.
But I hated him for it.
“Vivian? Did you hear what I just said?” Theo asked and I shook my head and pressed the receiver to my ear. Fixating on Cole in any way shape or form was not conducive to getting my job done.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.
Theo chuckled good-naturedly. “I said the budget was just my excuse. I’d really like to take you to lunch and not talk about work at all. What do you think?” he asked in a rush.
And there it was. I had been anticipating it. I knew it was only a matter of time. I had practically forced this to happen.
So why did I feel suddenly apprehensive at the prospect of going on an actual date with Theo Anderson?
Was it because I actually liked him?
Was it because with him was the possibility of an actual relationship? A tiny slice of normalcy that I had otherwise been missing in my life.
That to accept would be to take that first step away from Cole for good.
I hadn’t dated anyone since Cole and I started sleeping together. Sure there had been dates here and there but I had always found a reason to call it quits before it ever began.
I kissed some guys. But Cole was the only man I had been with in over two years.
Because Cole had been the only one I wanted. For all of his faults, he fulfilled this crazy need I had inside me like no one else could.
But Theo was different. Or maybe it was me that was different.
I felt something alter inside me. I was reaching a breaking point and I knew that now was my moment for change.
My cell phone dinged in my purse, as if on cue. I pulled it out and looked down at the screen and had to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t laugh in Theo’s ear.
Mr. Winky and I miss you…
A few seconds later another text came in and this time I had to snicker out loud at the cartoon drawing of a penis with sad eyes and a pouting mouth saying, Hurry up, I’m lonely!
My heart thudded in my chest and my stomach coiled up in anticipation. I missed him too, damn him!
I was honestly starting to question whether the man had latent psychic abilities. Even from hundreds of miles away he was screwing up my world and driving me insane.
“Vivian. I wasn’t trying to be funny. I really want to know if you’ll go out to lunch with me today. I’m asking you out,” Theo rambled and I turned off my cell phone. Cole’s Mr. Winky and his cartoon eyes would just have to wait.
I squeezed my eyes shut and did the stupidest thing I could do. I knew instantly I was a fool. But I was a fool who craved the mistake she was going to make.
“I can’t make it today, Theo. Maybe another time.”
Gracie and I drove into Raleigh around midafternoon on Friday.
We called Maysie and I was both disappointed and slightly relieved when she informed us that the guys were over at another radio station for some press and interviews.
The thought of seeing Cole made me jumpy. I wasn’t sure what to do with this weird new vibe between us and whether that would translate into oh-my-god-you’re-fantastic or oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-rip-your-face-off when I saw him.
I was feeling guilty about Theo and my cruel flirting and casual dismissal. I liked Theo. I thought he had great potential. But I was being led around by the wayward bitch between my legs. And she only wanted Mr. Winky.
I was a girl who spent way too much time fixated on guy problems. Ugh.
We made plans to meet up with Maysie at the Chili’s across the street for dinner. I used the time until then to coordinate my best rock slut outfit and to try out a dozen ways to wear my eye shadow.
Because I was feeling magnanimous, I offered to do Gracie’s makeup as well. She declined.
“You’re loss,” I tossed out as I ran my fingers through my hair. I pursed my lips at my reflection when I was finished.
I looked good.
Damn good.
Cole was going to be eating out of the palm of my hand. He wouldn’t be able to look at anyone but me.
He was mine.
I ran my hands down my sides, pulling my teeny-tiny leather skirt higher up on my thighs. My bodice top showed off my navel piercing and tiny heart tattoo on my hipbone. My hair hung to the middle of my back and my eyes were done up dark and mysterious.
Damn, I think I wanted to have sex with me.
Gracie was dressed in her usual sweet and innocent style. This time with faded blue jeans and button up pink shirt that hit her belly, showing a little skin. Her white, blonde hair was straight around her shoulders and her makeup was subtle and understated.
We got a booth by the bar at Chili’s and I ordered a beer and nachos while Gracie got herself water and wings. And while we waited for Maysie, I enjoyed turning some he
ads. In the twenty minutes since we had sat down we had been hit on twice and had a round of shots bought for us by the old dudes in the corner.
Gracie pushed the shots towards me and I noticed the slight tremor in her hands as she did so.
“Do we need to go somewhere else?” I asked her, feeling stupid for suggesting we sit next to the bar to wait for Maysie. It wasn’t the best place for someone to sit when they struggled not to drink.
“I’m fine,” Gracie scoffed, looking insulted at the suggestion that she was anything but okay. Despite her assurance, I returned the shots and quickly downed my beer.
Finally Maysie arrived and I knew instantly that something was wrong. Her face was pinched and there were dark circles under her eyes. She looked as if she hadn’t slept properly in days.
Though I was sure sleeping on a tour bus with a gaggle of men had something to do with it, I knew it was more than that. Call it friend telepathy.
“What’s up, hun? You look stressy,” I said, ruffling Maysie’s hair in the way I knew she hated. She didn’t react in the slightest. Something was definitely up.
“This living on the road stuff isn’t as great as I thought it would be,” she admitted on a sigh and sagged down into the seat. I looked at Gracie who seemed as concerned as I was.
“Talk about it,” I urged, putting my arm around her shoulders.
“Everyone’s on edge. And I think this new manager is stirring up the tension. I don’t like him. He’s shady as hell.”
Cole had mentioned Jose Suarez a few times but it had always been with a respect and reverence reserved for Sierra Nevada IPA and Papa John’s cheesesticks. In other words, for Cole at least, Jose walked on water.
So it was a surprise to hear that from Maysie.
“Why do you think that?” I asked picking apart my loaded nachos.
“He’s always off talking to Cole and Cole’s being different, I guess. I mean he’s still an obnoxious prick but he’s pulling away some. The other guys are feeling it too. Jordan is ready to lose it.”
“Jordan is always ready to lose it on Cole though,” I interrupted.
Maysie shook her head. “No, this is nearing blood bath levels. It’s exhausting trying to keep him from knocking Cole’s head off.”
I bristled a bit, feeling unusually protective over the one person who most likely didn’t need or deserve it.
“Well Jordan’s always been less than patient when it comes to Cole. Maybe you need to remind him to worry about his own bullshit before he goes and starts in on someone else,” I snipped, making Gracie’s eyes widened.
Maysie narrowed her eyes. “Since when are you defending Cole?”
“I’m not. I’m just pointing out that Jordan is anything but perfect. Do we need to talk about Olivia?” I asked, wishing instantly I hadn’t gone there. I had mentioned she who shall not be named! I was entering bitch slap territory.
Maysie recoiled as if I had hit her.
“Viv, seriously. What the hell?” Gracie reprimanded and I instantly felt bad.
“Sorry, Mays. Forget I said that. It sucks you’re getting pulled into boy drama,” I said quickly, trying to remedy my bad case of jerk mouth.
Maysie still seemed prickly but appeared to accept my apology. “Yeah, it does suck. I’m actually thinking of coming back to Bakersville for a while. So I can plan the wedding and get my head together,” she said, causing Gracie and I to gape at her.
“What?” we both asked at the same time.
Maysie shrugged. “I’m just not sure if this tour is the place for me to be. It’s just so draining.”
“You’d leave Jordan? For weeks, maybe even months at a time? I find that hard to believe. You two are joined at the genitals,” I countered.
Maysie rolled her eyes.
“He’d understand. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my life outside of being his fiancé. I can’t follow him around on the road forever. Or however long this ride lasts. It seemed so romantic when I threw everything in to go with the guys on tour. But here we are over a year later and even though there have been breaks and times when we’re not doing the band thing, it’s taken over every facet of my life. I can’t even plan my wedding because of all the craziness going on. I don’t resent it, but I’m getting tired of it.”
I couldn’t have been more shocked then if she had told me she had decided to start a one-woman circus act involving chickens and flame-throwers.
“Wow, Mays. . .just. . .wow,” was all I could say.
“So, do you have space for another roomie?” Maysie asked sadly, giving us a half-hearted smile.
“Of course we do,” Gracie said as I opened my mouth to say, “Not really.”
But that would have been a shitty thing to say. Not to mention completely unsupportive. But I was just thinking of all the extra mess and estrogen fueled drama.
My drama was enough for our two-bedroom apartment.
“Thanks guys. It probably won’t be for a few weeks. I have to talk to Jordan about it first. I know it’s the right thing for me. I know he’s struggling with everything with the band and making me happy at the same time. I just want him to be able to focus on himself for a little while. He’ll understand, right?” she asked. Why the hell was she asking us?
But I knew she just needed the reassurance. I patted her back in an affectionate gesture. “Of course he will, Mays. Jordan loves you. You guys are solid.”
Maysie gave me a shaky smile that reminded me so much of the insecure girl I had known during our Chi Delta days. I hated seeing her like this. Unsure and unhappy.
While it was great that the guys were finally getting the recognition that we all felt they deserved, it seemed to be coming at a hefty price.
For everyone.
Maysie’s less than exuberant mood put a damper on what I had hoped to be a great weekend.
What a downer. And I was looking so cute too! I fluffed my hair and tried to resurrect our dwindling good time.
“Let’s tailgate, ladies!” I announced, slapping some cash down on the table and jumping to my feet. I wiggled my hips in time to the music blasting from the jukebox in the corner and grinned a siren smile, as I became the immediate center of attention.
“But we don’t have a tailgate,” Maysie pointed out. I shrugged.
“Then let’s go borrow one!”
There was to be no tailgating during our evening festivities, much to my disappointment.
By the time the three of arrived at the Pour House Music Hall, where Primal Terror and our boys were playing, it was already packed. The Rejects weren’t due to hit the stage for another hour¸ but people were already lined up around the block.
Pour House Music Hall was a lot smaller then some of the venues where the bands had been performing over the last few months, but Primal Terror had insisted on several “smaller” gigs. They had risen up through the more intimate clubs and bars and apparently wanted to get back to their roots.
“We don’t have to wait in line, do we? Because I’ll start flashing boob to get to the front if I have to,” I complained. Though I meant it. I wasn’t above using some flesh just so I didn’t have to wait around.
“Of course not, we’re going straight in,” Maysie said and I was relieved to see that the doom and gloom had disappeared. It was hard to be pissy when you were going to see your man play to an adoring crowd. There was no greater aphrodisiac out there.
Unless your guy was an attention-seeking slut bag.
As soon as we entered the darkly lit bar, I caught sight of the guys setting up their gear on the small stage. All of them, but Cole that is. He was too busy sitting on the edge of the stage, his legs hanging off the side with some girl stood between his knees.
He was leaning back on his hands. So there was no groping or kissing going on. But that didn’t stop me from wanting to run over there and rip skankarilla’s hair out.
My rage ignited instantly.
Damn, it was going to be a long night.<
br />
I couldn’t help but notice the crusty looks the other guys tossed their lead singer’s way. And how he purposefully kept his back to them.
It was sad to see an end to their easy camaraderie. I really hoped this was only a phase and they’d get back to normal soon. Because no band could withstand the obvious resentment and bitterness that swirled around between them.
I turned my attention back to my erstwhile fellow and noticed that the girl now had her hands on his knees.
I felt my fingers curling into a fist.
Gracie grabbed my arm and gave it a tight squeeze, her nails digging into my skin painfully. “Don’t, Viv. Just don’t,” she warned.
I yanked my arm away and resolutely turned my back on Cole and his bimbo of the moment. I pushed my way through the crowd and slammed my hand down on the bar. The two guys on either side of me looked down and gave me identical leering smiles.
“Let me buy you a drink, baby.” I turned my most seductive smirk on a guy with a bright red Mohawk and a tattoo running along one side of his face.
“I’ve never been one to turn down free alcohol.” I looked up at him through my eyelashes, laying it on as thick as possible. I had no interest in Mohawked and Scary but free booze was the way to this girl’s heart.
“I’ll be buying your drinks tonight,” a hard voice said from behind me. I let out a sigh but didn’t turn around. I put my hand on Mohawk’s arm.
“I want my drinks from you though,” I simpered.
“God damn it, Vivian! Don’t start this shit already! You just got here!” Cole yelled over the dull roar of the crowd.
Mohawk looked from me to Cole and held his hands up. “I’m not lookin’ to get in the middle of a domestic,” he stated, backing away.
I turned around and gave Cole the look of death, hoping it would put him ten feet under.
“Were you planning to fuck that guy?” he asked, nodding his head in the direction of retreating Mohawk. He was angry. His eyes flashed in the dull light.
I leaned my elbows on the bar and pushed my chest out. Cole’s gaze slid from my face to the part of my body he could never resist. And so did several other men around us. I shook my hair out behind me and gave him a bored look.
Seductive Chaos Page 10
