by Kage Baker
Chee looked up from a found magazine with a bright yellow car on the cover. “Do they even exist anymore?”
“They better.” I grabbed the manual and looked up their customer support number.
It wasn’t even in the same format as our numbers. Not a single letter of the alphabet in the whole damn thing.
Not only did PressureDyne not exist, they’d gone bankrupt more than forty years ago, victims of their overly well-designed pump products. They’d killed their own market. The only bright spot was that their technology had slouched into the public domain, and the net was up for once, so I could download schematics of the PressureDynes. There was a ton of information, except I didn’t know anyone who could understand any of it. I sure couldn’t.
I leaned back in my desk chair, staring at all that information I couldn’t use. Like looking at Egyptian hieroglyphs. Something was there, but it sure beat me what I was supposed to do with it. I’d shifted the flows for Pump Six over to the rest of the pumps, and they were handling the new load, but it made me nervous thinking about all those maintenance warnings glowing down there in the dark: Mercury Extender Seal, Part# 5974-30, Damaged, Replace . . . whatever the hell that meant. I downloaded everything about the PressureDynes onto my phone bug, not sure who I’d take it to, but damn sure no one here was going to be able to help.
“What are you doing with that?”
I jumped and looked around. Suze had snuck up on me.
I shrugged. “Dunno. See if I can find someone to help, I guess.”
“That’s proprietary. You can’t take those schematics out of here. Wipe it.”
“You’re crazy. It’s public domain.” I got up and popped my phone bug back into my ear. She made a swipe at it, but I dodged and headed for the doors.
She chased after me, a mean mountain of muscle. “I could fire you, you know!”
“Not if I quit first.” I yanked open the control room door and ducked out.
“Hey! Get back here! I’m your boss.” Her voice followed me down the corridor, getting fainter. “I’m in charge here, dammit. I can fire you! It’s in the manual! I found it! You’re not the only one who can read! I found it! I can fire you! I will!” Like a little kid, having a fit. She was still yelling when the control room doors finally shut her off.
Outside, in the sunshine, I ended up wandering in the park, watching the trogs, and wondering what I did to piss off God that he stuck me with a nutjob like Suze. I thought about calling Maggie to meet me, but I didn’t feel like telling her about work—half the time when I tried to explain stuff to her, she just came up with bad ideas to fix it, or didn’t think the things I was talking about were such a big deal—and if I called up halfway through the day she’d definitely wonder why I’d left so early, and what was going on, and then when I didn’t take her advice about Suze she’d just get annoyed.
I kept passing trogs humping away and smiling. They waved at me to come over and play. I just waved back. One of them must have been a real girl, because she was distendedly obviously pregnant, bouncing away with a couple of her friends, and I was glad again that Maggie wasn’t with me. She had enough pregnancy hang-ups without seeing the trogs breeding.
I wouldn’t have minded throwing Suze to the trogs, though. She was about as dumb as one. Christ, I was surrounded by dummies. I needed a new job. Someplace that attracted better talent than sewage work did. I wondered how serious Suze had been about trying to fire me. If there really was something in the manuals that we’d all missed about hiring and firing. And then I wondered how serious I was about quitting. I sure hated Suze. But how did you get a better job when you hadn’t finished high school, let alone college?
I stopped short. Sudden enlightenment: College. Columbia. They could help. They’d have some sharpie who could understand all the PressureDyne information. An engineering department, or something. They were even dependent on Pump Six. Talk about leverage.
I headed uptown on the subway with a whole pack of snarly pissed-off commuters, everyone scowling at each other and acting like you were stealing their territory if you sat down next to them. I ended up hanging from a strap and watching two old guys hiss at each other across the car until we broke down at 86th and we all ended up walking.
I kept passing clumps of trogs, lounging around on the sidewalks. A few of the really smart ones were panhandling, but most of them were just humping away. I would have been annoyed at having to shove through the orgy, if I wasn’t actually feeling jealous. I kept wondering why the hell was I out here in the sweaty summer smog taking hits off my inhaler while Suze and Chee and Zoo were all hanging around in air-con comfort and basically doing nothing.
What was wrong with me? Why was I the one who always tried to fix things? Mercati had been like that, always taking stuff on and then just getting worked harder and harder until the cancer ate him from the inside out. He was working so hard at the end I think he might have been glad to go, just for the rest.
Maggie always said they worked me too hard, and as I dragged my ass up Broadway, I started thinking she was right. Then again, if I left things to Chee and Suze, I’d be swimming up the Broadway River in a stew of crap and chemicals instead of walking up a street. Maggie would have said that was someone else’s problem, but she just thought so because when she flushed the toilet, it still worked. At the end of the day, it seemed like some people just got stuck dealing with the shit, and some people figured out how to have a good time.
A half-hour later, covered with sweat and street grime and holding a half-empty squirt bottle of rehydrating Sweatshine that I’d stolen from an unwary trog, I rolled through Columbia’s gates and into the main quad, where I immediately ran into problems.
I kept following signs for the engineering building, but they kept sending me around in circles. I would have asked for directions—I’m not one of those guys who can’t—but it’s pretty damn embarrassing when you can’t even follow a simple sign, so I held off.
And really, who was I going to ask? There were lots of kids out in the quad, all sprawled out and wearing basically nothing and looking like they were starting a trog colony of their own, but I didn’t feel like talking to them. I’m not a prude, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere.
I ended up wandering around lost, going from one building to the next, stumbling through a jumble of big old Roman- and Ben Franklin-style buildings: lots of columns and brick and patchy green quads—everything looking like it was about to start raining concrete any second—trying to figure out why I couldn’t understand any of the signs.
Finally, I sucked it up and asked a couple half-naked kids for directions.
The thing that ticks me off about academic types is that they always act like they’re smarter than you. Rich-kid, free-ride, prep-school ones are the worst. I kept asking the best and brightest for directions, trying to get them to take me to the engineering department, or the engineering building, or whatever the hell it was, and they all just looked me up and down and gibbered at me like monkeys, or else laughed through their Effy highs and kept on going. A couple of them gave me a shrug and a “dunno,” but that was the best I got.
I gave up on directions, and just kept roaming. I don’t know how long I wandered. Eventually I found a big old building off one of the quads, a big square thing with pillars like the Parthenon. A few kids were sprawled out on the steps, soaking up the sun, but it was one of the quietest parts of the campus I’d seen.
The first set of doors I tried was chained, and so was the second, but then I found a set where the chain had been left undone, two heavy lengths of it, dangling with an old open padlock on the end. The kids on the steps were ignoring me, so I yanked open the doors.
Inside, everything was silence and dust. Big old chandeliers hung down from the ceiling, sparkling with orangey light that filtered in through the dirt on the windows. The light made it feel like it was the end of day with the sun starting to set, even though it was only a little past noon. A heavy blan
ket of dust covered everything; floors and reading tables and chairs and computers all had a thick gray film over them.
“Hello?”
No one answered. My voice echoed and died, like the building had just swallowed up the sound. I started wandering, picking doorways at random: reading rooms, study carrels, more dead computers, but most of all, books. Aisles and aisles with racks full of them. Room after room stuffed with books, all of them covered with thick layers of dust.
A library. A whole damn library in the middle of a university, and not a single person in it. There were tracks on the floor, and a litter of Effy packets, condom wrappers, and liquor bottles where people had come and gone at some point, but even the trash had its own fine layer of dust.
In some rooms, all the books had been yanked off the shelves like a tornado had ripped through. In one, someone had made a bonfire out of them. They lay in a huge heap, completely torched, a pile of ash and pages and backings, a jumble of black ash fossils that crumbled to nothing when I crouched down and touched them. I stood quickly, wiping my hands on my pants. It was like fingering someone’s bones.
I kept wandering, running my fingers along shelves and watching the dust cascade like miniature falls of concrete rain. I pulled down a book at random. More dust poured off and puffed up in my face. I coughed. My chest seized and I took a hit off my inhaler. In the dimness, I could barely make out the title: Post-Liberation America. A Modern Perspective. When I opened it, its spine cracked.
“What are you doing here?”
I jumped back and dropped the book. Dust puffed around me. An old lady, hunched and witchy, was standing at the end of the aisle. She limped forward. Her voice was sharp as she repeated herself. “What are you doing here?”
“I got lost. I’m trying to find the engineering department.”
She was an ugly old dame: Liver spots and lines all over her face. Her skin hung off her bones in loose flaps. She looked a thousand years old, and not in a smart wise way, just in a wrecked moth-eaten way. She had something flat and silvery in her hand. A pistol.
I took another step back.
She raised the gun. “Not that way. Out the way you came.” She motioned with the pistol. “Off you go.”
I hesitated.
She smiled slightly, showing stumps of missing teeth. “I won’t shoot if you don’t give me a reason.” She waved the gun again. “Go on. You aren’t supposed to be here.” She herded me back through the library to the main doors with a brisk authority. She pulled them open and waved her pistol at me. “Go on. Get.”
“Wait. Please. Can’t you at least tell me where the engineering department is?”
“Closed down years ago. Now get out.”
“There’s got to be one!”
“Not anymore. Go on. Get.” She brandished the pistol again. “Get.”
I held onto the door. “But you must know someone who can help me.” I was talking fast, trying to get all my words out before she used the gun. “I work on the city’s sewage pumps. They’re breaking, and I don’t know how to fix them. I need someone who has engineering experience.”
She was shaking her head and starting to wave the gun. I tried again. “Please! You’ve got to help. No one will talk to me, and you’re going to be swimming in crap if I don’t find help. Pump Six serves the university and I don’t know how to fix it!”
She paused. She cocked her head first one way, then the other. “Go on.”
I briefly outlined the problems with the PressureDynes. When I finished, she shook her head and turned away. “You’ve wasted your time. We haven’t had an engineering department in over twenty years.” She went over to a reading table and took a couple swipes at its dust. Pulled out a chair and did the same with it. She sat, placing her pistol on the table, and motioned me to join her.
Warily, I brushed off my own seat. She laughed at the way my eyes kept going to her pistol. She picked it up and tucked it into a pocket of her moth-eaten sweater. “Don’t worry. I won’t shoot you now. I just keep it around in case the kids get belligerent. They don’t very often, anymore, but you never know . . . ” Her voice trailed off, as she looked out at the quad.
“How can you not have an engineering department?”
Her eyes swung back to me. “Same reason I closed the library.” She laughed. “We can’t have the students running around in here, can we?” She considered me for a moment, thoughtful. “I’m surprised you got in. I’m must be getting old, forgetting to lock up like that.”
“You always lock it? Aren’t you librarians—”
“I’m not a librarian,” she interrupted. “We haven’t had a librarian since Herman Hsu died.” She laughed. “I’m just an old faculty wife. My husband taught organic chemistry before he died.”
“But you’re the one who put the chains on the doors?”
“There wasn’t anyone else to do it. I just saw the students partying in here and realized something had to be done before they burned the damn place down.” She drummed her fingers on the table, raising little dust puffs with her boney digits as she considered me. Finally she said, “If I gave you the library keys, could you learn the things you need to know? About these pumps? Learn how they work? Fix them, maybe?”
“I doubt it. That’s why I came here.” I pulled out my earbug. “I’ve got the schematics right here. I just need someone to go over them for me.”
“There’s no one here who can help you.” She smiled tightly. “My degree was in social psychology, not engineering. And really, there’s no one else. Unless you count them.” She waved at the students beyond the windows, humping in the quad. “Do you think that any of them could read your schematics?”
Through the smudged glass doors I could see the kids on the library steps, stripped down completely. They were humping away, grinning and having a good time. One of the girls saw me through the glass and waved at me to join her. When I shook my head, she shrugged and went back to her humping.
The old lady studied me like a vulture. “See what I mean?”
The girl got into her rhythm. She grinned at me watching, and motioned again for me to come out and play. All she needed were some big yellow eyes, and she would have made a perfect trog.
I closed my eyes and opened them again. Nothing changed. The girl was still there with all of her little play friends. All of them romping around and having a good time.
“The best and the brightest,” the old lady murmured.
In the middle of the quad, more of the students were stripping down, none of them caring that they were doing it in the middle of broad daylight, none of them worried about who was watching, or what anyone might think. A couple hundred kids, and not a single one of them had a book, or a notebook, or pens, or paper, or a computer with them.
The old lady laughed. “Don’t look so surprised. You can’t say someone of your caliber never noticed.” She paused, waiting, then peered at me, incredulous. “The trogs? The concrete rain? The reproductive disorders? You never wondered about any of it?” She shook her head. “You’re stupider than I guessed.”
“But . . . ” I cleared my throat. “How could it . . . I mean . . . ” I trailed off.
“Chemistry was my husband’s field.” She squinted at the kids humping on the steps and tangled out in the grass, then shook her head and shrugged. “There are plenty of books on the topic. For a while there were even magazine stories about it. ‘Why breast might not be best.’ Stuff like that.” She waved a hand impatiently. “Rohit and I never really thought about any of it until his students started seeming stupider every year.” She cackled briefly. “And then he tested them, and he was right.”
“We can’t all be turning into trogs.” I held up my bottle of Sweatshine. “How could I buy this bottle, or my earbug, or bacon, or anything? Someone has to be making these things.”
“You found bacon? Where?” She leaned forward, interested.
“My wife did. Last packet.”
She settled back with a
sigh. “It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t chew it anyway.” She studied my Sweatshine bottle. “Who knows? Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s not so bad. But this is the longest conversation that I’ve had since Rohit died; most people just don’t seem to be able to pay attention to things like they used to.” She eyed me. “Maybe your Sweatshine bottle just means there’s a factory somewhere that’s as good as your sewage pumps used to be. And as long as nothing too complex goes wrong, we all get to keep drinking it.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Maybe not.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me, anymore. I’ll kick off pretty soon. After that, it’s your problem.”
It was night by the time I came out of the university. I had a bag full of books, and no one to know that I’d taken them. The old lady hadn’t cared if I checked them out or not, just waved at me to take as many as I liked, and then gave me the keys and told me to lock up when I left.
All of the books were thick with equations and diagrams. I’d picked through them one after another, reading each for a while, before giving up and starting on another. They were all pretty much gibberish. It was like trying to read before you knew your ABCs. Mercati had been right. I should have stayed in school. I probably wouldn’t have done any worse than the Columbia kids.
Out on the street, half the buildings were dark. Some kind of brownout that ran all the way down Broadway. One side of the street had electricity, cheerful and bright. The other side had candles glimmering in all the apartment windows, ghost lights flickering in a pretty ambiance.
A crash of concrete rain echoed from a couple blocks away. I couldn’t help shivering. Everything had turned creepy. It felt like the old lady was leaning over my shoulder and pointing out broken things everywhere. Empty autovendors. Cars that hadn’t moved in years. Cracks in the sidewalk. Piss in the gutters.
What was normal supposed to look like?
I forced myself to look at good things. People were still out and about, walking to their dance clubs, going out to eat, wandering uptown or downtown to see their parents. Kids were on skateboards rolling past and trogs were humping in the alleys. A couple of vendor boxes were full of cellophane bagels, along with a big row of Sweatshine bottles all glowing green under their lights, still all stocked up and ready for sale. Lots of things were still working. Wicky was still a great club, even if Max needed a little help remembering to restock. And Miku and Gabe had their new baby, even if it took them three years to get it. I couldn’t let myself wonder if that baby was going to turn out like the college kids in the quad. Not everything was broken.
