Seeing David's unsteadiness, William lifted the baby out of his hands, cradling his nephew tightly against his chest.
With his hands free, David braced his weight on the edge of the counter as the spots continued to cloud his vision. He closed his eyes, sucking in deep breaths, trying to calm the nausea pulsating through his system.
"Doctor? My wife?" David snapped, already knowing the answer he was waiting for. He opened his eyes and looked over at the Doctor.
"Mrs. Freeman didn't make it," the Doctor said, his voice dropping a sympathetic octave. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his black pants, suddenly aware of the stark coloring of the blood. "Jessica hemorrhaged during the delivery; the blood loss was just too much for her.”
David threw his hand over his mouth, and ran to the wash-basin as his body was racked with heaves. As the sickening sensation passed, his stomach feeling empty, David braced his head against the wall, sucking in shaky breaths as a sudden calm flooded his muscles.
"And the baby?" William asked, stepping forward as David struggled to collect himself in the corner of the room.
Thomas was propped against his Uncle's shoulder, his dark eyes shooting around the room anxiously.
William braced a supportive hand on David's shoulder; his own hand was trembling.
The Doctor shook his head in the negative."The baby was a girl." His voice was exhausted, devoid of tone or emotion after the exhausting, four hour delivery. He remained near the door, the blood on his hands keeping him from reaching out to David. "I'm sorry David. There was just no way to save either of them.”
David wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and slowly stood up. He blinked against the tears he could feel building in his eyes. Feeling as if he had just been punched in the gut, he inhaled sharply as he watched Stern continue to wipe Jessica's blood from his hands. "Can I see her?" David spoke slowly, his voice sounding hoarse to his own ears. In the last six hours, he had probably smoked a half of a pack of cigarettes, the evidence was starting to build up in the small ceramic ashtray on the kitchen table. His hands searched his pockets for another cigarette.
Stern looked him up and down, studying him with a reluctant, medically trained eye. "Are you sure? Take a minute and sit down." He reaching out with a steadying hand, placing it on his elbow.
William put Thomas back down in his crib, and turned to face David. He reached out, grabbing David by the arm. "Please sit down, David. You look about ready to faint.”
David raised his hand, stepping away from the two men on unsteady feet. The spots were slowly starting to fade. He blinked back the sensation further. "I want to see my wife." He paused, his voice was sharper than he had anticipated. He paused for a moment, trying to put a check on his tone. He licked his parched lips and looked up at the Doctor. He continued, his voice softer. “Please."
The Doctor continued quietly. He had gone through this too many times in the past,”Your wife's sisters are paying their respects. You may go in after. I'm sure you want to be alone with her." The Doctor took a moment, and disappeared into the corner of the room, slowly scrubbing his hands in the washbasin.
After a few minutes, the door opened once again. Katherine and Anna Conlon shuffled out of the bedroom, their arms wrapped around each other for support. The spinsters had lived together their whole lives, only recently moving out of their family home into a tenement on Second Avenue, while continuing to work at the family dry goods store. Jessica was the youngest, and had been the first to split off from the family. David had always assumed that was why her family had never particularly warmed to him. He had stolen their little girl.
Both women were sobbing inconsolably as they moved through the living room. Anna spun abruptly as she passed David. She quickly wiped her nose, her emotion immediately exploding into a passionate anger. "You! You did this to her!”
Though she barely reached five foot, Anna was a feisty and intimidating figure as she threw herself right up against David's five foot ten inch frame. Her voice wavered with repressed emotion as she jabbed her finger in his face, emphasizing her point further. The Irish accent she worked so hard to repress came back in full force, as it always did when she became really angry. "It's your fucking fault! You killed her. The doctor said she shouldn't...that she couldn't have any more children. You did it anyway! How could you do that to your own wife?”
"Typical English ass," Katherine said, chiming in. She wrapped her arm around Anna's shoulder as her sister dissolved into tears.
William rushed up, trying to insert himself between his sisters and David, but Katherine continued her sister's argument with ferocity. "Using up everything in your path! Jessica was in no condition to have another baby! Yet you went and did it to her anyway.”
"Let's get you home," William said, guiding the two women to the door. He held open the door as he attempted to steer the women into the hallway. "You both need sleep.”
"You couldn't turn it off!" Anna cried, her voice a hysterical screech. "You're an animal!”
William turned back to David. His eyes reflected the exhaustion permeating the room. "I'm sorry. She didn't mean it.”
"Yes, she did." Blinking back tears once again, David pushed passed them, shutting the door to the bedroom behind him.
David stared at the knots on the unpolished wooden door, suddenly petrified to turn around. He knew reality was staring him in the face as he was swallowed up in the oppressively still room.
The longer he stared at the door, the longer there was still a chance for Jessica to say something, to prove it was all a mistake, that she wasn't really gone.
Turning around, he slowly walked up to the bed. Had it not been for the torrents of crimson blood violently soaking the sheets, Jessica could have just been sleeping. Her hair was still pulled up on her head in the quick bun before she had fastened before she went into labor. Her forehead still glistened with sweat. Despite the sounds which had been coming from the room just a short time before, her face was peaceful. Her eyes were closed.
"I think it's that time," Jessica said, struggling to sit up in bed. She reached for her stomach, struggling to breathe through the sharp contraction which had knocked her out of a sound sleep.
"Baby," David said, reaching over for her hand as he got his bearings. She had nudged him out of a sound sleep. He leapt to his feet, reaching for the robe draped over a chair near the bed.
Fastening the tie around his waist, he turned to the bedside table searching for his glasses. The night had been yet another heavy one. David had propped the bedroom window wide open, trying to encourage any breeze to make sleep come easier.
"I'm fine," Jessica said, closing her eyes. She slowly exhaled through her nose, hoping to ease the pain coursing through her system. She looked up at him, mustering a pained smile as she collected herself. "It just took me a little by surprise. I'm all right.”
"I'll telephone the Doctor," David said, moving into the living room. As he opened the closed door into the living room, he turned around as he heard her let out a repressed gasp. “Jess?"
"I'm okay," she called after him, mustering another smile. He could see a look of concern quickly pass over her face as she shuffled slightly in bed. She brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes as she continued. "Telephone Doctor Stern please, darling. Just hurry.”
Crossing the living room to the telephone, David looked over at the baby, who was snoring soundly in his crib. Thomas sprawled out on his stomach, he had kicked off his blanket in the heat of the night.
"David," Jessica said, reaching for him as he reentered the bedroom. He took her hand inside his as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He ran his free hand through her hair, which was already coated with a thin layer of sweat. "I'm here," he said. He grabbed her hand inside of his. "I'm not leaving you, Jess.”
"Is Thomas asleep?" She asked. Her head was resting against the metal headboard of their double bed, her eyes closed. The color had drained from her cheeks.
"Sno
ring soundly." David said, smiling at the image. He watched her carefully, moving his other hand on top of her’s. "Drooling a little too.”
She turned her head and looked over at him. "Would you tell him that Mommy loves him?" She asked, after a moment of contemplation. She reached over, running her fingers down his cheek. “Please?"
David felt his stomach flip as he brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Her normally calm eyes were moist, the slightest hint of fear visible in her eyes. "He knows that, Jess." He said, trying to keep his tone soothing for her. A soft smile spread across his face as he ran his thumb over her full lips. He wrapped his other arm around her neck, leaning into her body until they were nose to nose. "He knows you love him.”
"Just tell him that for me," she said, exhaling softly. She squeezed his hand. She looked up at him, making unblinking eye contact. "Please, David.”
Leaving a heavy hand on the doorknob, David looked Jessica up and down. He bit his lip, and climbed back into the bed next to her; he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He buried his head in the silky material of her floral print nightgown at her shoulder. "I love you Jessica," he said, the words choking from his throat. He hugged her body tightly as his eyes filled with tears once again. The simple sentence was all he could muster. His voice, hoarse from one too many cigarettes, could hardly string two words together.
He forced out a sharp, shaky breath before continuing, "You- you promised me you could get through this." He ran his fingers down her cheeks. Her skin was warm and soft. "You can't leave me. I-I don't think I can do this by myself. I love you so much."
He stared at the ceiling, taking a minute to form the words he searched for in his head. His tongue tripped over the words, which were slow coming out of his foggy mind. "I'm sorry, Jessica.”
David looked up as the street car rattled to a stop.
He and Jessica had moved into a tenement on Second Avenue and 42nd Street two years earlier.
It was a massive brick building, filled with young couples and growing, working class families. Compared to the rodent infested shack he had grown up in, it felt almost palatial.
Jessica was almost twenty-one and just over five months pregnant when they were married. She had tailored the dress herself, desperate to keep her tell-tale bump hidden from her mother and sisters.
As long as he had known Jessica, she had struggled with her reputation as the rebel of the family. Of her four sisters, two had become nuns, while Anna and Katherine remained chaste in their own way, living together rather than with men. Jessica had been the sister who moved out of the family tenement. She flirted with an interest in politics, especially the conditions in her family's home country of Ireland. While her entire family were in favor of Irish Independence, she was the only one who could actually speak to what was occurring.
Stepping off the streetcar on the corner of Second Avenue, David felt a pang in his stomach as a wave of nausea passed over him. He had been avoiding coming back here, trying to stay away from all the memories, but he had run out of excuses. He could feel his chest tightening, and it took all his restraint to put his hand on the doorknob to enter the building.
Stretching along the eastern edge of Midtown, the long blocks of Murray Hill were lined with new brownstones and freshly planted trees. It felt quiet and insulated, protected from the dated construction and constricting crowds which had taken over the rest of Manhattan.
He and Jessica had circled the blocks half a dozen times before they rented the space. They had liked the quiet nature of the neighborhood. Jessica had been won over by the sight of a young mother playing hopscotch with two toddlers in front of their brownstone.
The tenement dated back to just after the Civil War, and the interior was just starting to show the creeping onset of age in the once elegant decor. As David climbed the creaking and chipping wooden staircase to the 10th floor, the yellow patterned wallpaper was starting to fade and peel in the most traveled areas. The local kids had started leaving graffiti on the walls, the wallpaper had smeared where the landlord had attempted to scrub the landings clean.
He took a centering breath before pushing open the door to apartment 1027. The door scratched loudly against the hardwood floors of the living room as he stepped inside.
"Where the hell were you?" Anna asked, looking up from where she was sitting. A stack of photographs spilled over the kitchen table. Anna's lined eyes were harsh under her thick spectacles as she braced her hands on her hips, waiting for an answer. She had Thomas propped against her shoulder, sleeping soundly. She spoke softly, attempting not to disturb her sleeping nephew.
"My sister asked me over for coffee," David replied, hanging his cap on the hat rack just inside the door. He walked into the living room, and draped his suit jacket over one of the dining room chairs.
He stopped for a moment and looked around the living room; he rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. "I was held up at work and have been running late all day." He deliberately shifted his eyes from the signs of Jessica which still littered the apartment. He hadn't had the time or the strength to move the shoes which were still by the door, or the handbag which was open on the kitchen counter. "I'm sorry.”
Jessica had spent months delicately decorating the tiny set of rooms. The walls were covered in a lightly patterned, ivory colored paper. The furniture, while purchased second hand, was still three months of his salary. The room was lit through the tiny living room window. The sun was setting just to the west over the river.
David walked over to the kitchen and looked down at the pictures which were strewn across the table. Anna had found his stash of family photos, and was paging through them. "What are you doing with these?" He asked. He tore his eyes from the photographs and looked up at her.
She had been looking at their wedding photographs. Looking through the stack, he saw pictures of himself looking dazed and completely unsure of how he had managed to find such an amazing girl. Jessica stood next to him on the warm pavement outside the church. Her dark eyes contrasted against her thick, white satin dress. Her fingers white knuckled her large bouquet tightly in front of her body, covering their unplanned pregnancy.
He looked at the pictures on the table. Even though they had been a couple for three years, he had still found it difficult to read Jessica. She always had an inherent complication to her manner. It was in her eyes. She had dark, intelligent eyes which seemed to have experienced more than she would have normally in her twenty-one years. He always had the feeling she was reading him.
"Happy?" David asked her, not bothering to look over at the photographer capturing the crowds mulling outside of St. Agnes' Cathedral. The wedding party had spilled out of the close, hot church onto East 43rd Street. The unseasonably warm March sunlight was beating down on the hot asphalt.
Stifling was the best word to describe that particular day in Manhattan. Heat waves could be seen bouncing off the cracked sidewalk. A summertime like humidity hung in the air like a wet blanket, making the air feel heavy and sticky.
Jessica turned to face him, a slow smile crossing her lips. She took a step into his body, wrapping her arms around his waist, pulling her body tightly into his. "Very happy, Mr. Freeman.”
"You look beautiful," David said, staring down into her open, heart shaped face. He brushed the veil gently away from her eyes which stood out against the creamy white satin of her floor length wedding gown. He let his hand graze over her stomach, and for the first time she didn't flinch. "You're glowing.”
"I wish I could say it was as delicate as all that," Jessica said, her eyes darting to the photographer. She began fanning herself gently with her free hand. A layer of sweat covered her forehead. She chuckled as she looked around at the wedding goers who were hovering around them. "Layered satin in the middle of August wasn't my smartest decision, especially in my current condition.”
"I'm not sure marrying me was your smartest decision," David said.
"I disagree," Jessica said, flashin
g a bright smile in his direction. She shook her head slightly. "My family seems to think it's you who are stuck with me." She held onto his hand tightly, firmly pressing her body into his. As they dissolved into a kiss, they were alone on the sidewalk.
"Can you put those away?" David asked, looking up from the table full of painful memories. His voice was pleading as he turned to face Anna. "I can't look at those right now." He crossed the room to the kitchen, terminating the memories playing in his head.
"She was my sister too," Anna said, walking over and laying his sleeping son in his crib. She was struggling to keep her voice at a civilized level as she turned back to face him. He had touched a nerve. Her voice was a sharp whisper as she continued. "You aren't the only one who loved her.”
"You don't think I realize that?” David snapped.
David opened the cabinet, and slowly brought a loaf of bread down onto the counter. He looked down at the bread; he closed his eyes, fighting to keep his composure under control. He grabbed a nearby knife.
"I understand that," David snapped, looking up at her. The knife was white knuckled in his fingers, and crashed loudly on the tile floor. He looked up at her and ran his fingers through his hair as he dropped to his knees to pick up the knife.
Drowning in the East River Page 2
