David stepped up to the door and pulled the chain. The chime sounded deep in the recesses of the house.
Anna came to the door, her eyes looking him up and down harshly. It was an intimidating beat before she finally spoke. "Can I help you?”
"Is Jessica available?”
Anna jumped in, her voice icy. "Just a moment." She slammed the door, leaving David waiting on the front step. He could hear voices inside the front room.
David turned and looked off to the street, running a hand through his hair. He strained to hear what was being said, but it was just muffled tones.
He spun as he heard the door to the house reopen behind him.
"David," Jessica said, stepping out of the house onto the stoop. She tightened her coat around her waist, before throwing her arms around his neck. She sighed deeply as she pulled herself into the embrace, the tension in her body seemed to melt away at his touch. "I missed you.”
"Hi," David said, holding her tightly. He ran a hand through her thick hair, which trailed loosely down her back.
"Sorry," she said. Her face was surprisingly pale in the gas lamp light coming from the foyer window. She stood up quickly, straightening the lapel of his jacket. "I'm glad to see you.”
"I missed you too," David replied, running his hands over the back of his neck. The skin prickled and burned. "Can I take you out?”
"I'd like that," Jessica replied. He saw her eyes shift inside the living room window. Her tone dropped as she caught sight of Anna watching them through a crack in the curtains. Her hand fluttered across her stomach as she shifted her eyes back up to him. She sighed softly as she continued, “I just need to let them know.”
As Jessica reentered the house, David forced out a centering breath. He glanced out to the street, snow had just started to fall. Big, fluffy flakes were visible under the street lamps. His stomach pulsated with the nerves which had been building in his stomach for the last three days as he turned back to the doorway.
"Where are we going?" Jessica asked, looping her arm through his as she shut the door quietly behind her.
"Have you had supper?”
Jessica shook her head. "I haven't been able to hold anything down all day." He could hear the exhaustion weighing down her voice. As they passed under one of the gas street lamps, he could see the deep circles under her eyes. She looked exhausted.
"Can we stop for a second?" David asked, wrapping his fingers around the ring box in his pocket.
"What's wrong?" Jessica asked.
David exhaled sharply as he pulled the ring box out of his pocket. He spoke slowly, thinking through each word as he said them. "I know this isn't how I envisioned doing this…”.
"What are you doing?" Jessica asked, glancing up and down the street quickly. Her voice cracked with emotion as she continued. "David?" She looked at him with wide eyes, not quite sure how to react.
David paused, before he continued quickly. "Jess... do me a favor and let me get this out."
Jessica nodded her head. She was chewing her thumbnail like she always did when she got nervous. Emotion brimmed in her eyes as she realized what he was doing.
David gingerly got to one knee. His back didn't feel like his own, his skin felt tight and rigid. Meeting her eyes, the speech he had practiced the entire walk over flew from his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, centering himself. He continued slowly, doing the best he could. "Jessica, this isn't the proposal you deserve. And you have no idea how truly sorry I am that everything has came together in the way in has, but will you marry me?”
"Yes," Jessica said, her voice overwhelmed. She held out her hand, allowing him to slide the ring onto her finger. "Yes, I will.”
The next picture he picked up was of Jessica and Thomas sitting on the steps outside of the apartment. There was snow on the ground. Thinking back, the picture had been taken just before Christmas. Jessica crouched on the steps, her arms wrapped around Thomas' waist as he played in the snow. They were both grinning ear to ear. Closing his eyes, he could still hear them laughing as he took the picture.
Tucking the last two pictures into his wallet, David piled the rest of the pictures into the box and slid it back onto the shelf. Walking into the kitchen, he sprawled Anna's address onto the box, ensuring the container of memories would be mailed to Thomas.
The building felt oddly silent as David moved around, collecting the few clothes he needed to take with him. With over 100 families living in such a tight space, the building rarely felt this quiet. He walked in the direction of the bedroom, pausing a moment with his hand on the doorknob.
The bedroom had been scrubbed clean, probably while Anna was sitting with the baby. The bed was clean, and white sheets were gently laid out at the foot of the bed. David shifted his eyes as he noticed the faded red stain on the otherwise clean mattress.
With just enough clothes to get by, David picked up his suitcase. He kept his eyes focused on the front door, trying to avoid getting pulled into memories which would pull him back from his decision.
He took one last look around the room as he pulled the door closed and once again stepped into the hallway. David took the stares two at a time on his way out of the building.
"I won't lie," Jessica said, looking over at David as they walked across the grass of Battery Park. Her voice cracked slightly; she forced out a chuckle to cover the frog in her throat. "I wish you didn't have to go over there.”
The late afternoon sun hung high in the sky. The early summer air was still pleasant, it would be for a while more before the humidity nestled in tightly over the city.
"It's something I have to do," David said, he took a look around the park as he wrapped his arm around her waist. She was wearing a baby blue, satiny dress. It was cut very high on her shoulder, exposing her toned arms underneath. The material was cut in a 'V' around her breasts, revealing a lacy fabric underneath it. It was his favorite dress, and she had worn it specifically for him.
He let his arm dangle to his side, enveloping her hand in his as they walked.
Jessica rested her head against his shoulder as they walked towards the Aquarium. Her heels clinked softly on the peach pavement which wound through the park. She was definitely thinking things through, after a moment, she spoke again. "I can understand that, I guess.”
He looked over at Jessica, a smile crossing his lips. Her face was pursed in concentration, and he could see the nerves in her posture. David brushed his finger against the slightly upturned tip of her nose. "You're worrying…”.
She stopped walking, and abruptly turned to face him, her hands on her hips. A blush spread across her normally porcelain cheeks."Of course I'm worrying! Haven't you read what the papers are reporting?”
He never argued when she was like this. Jess knew she was more well-read than he was, and she wasn't afraid to argue until she made her point. “Jess...".
Jessica looked over at him. She was giving him adequate time to respond. When he didn't say anything, she continued, "I- I kinda like you. I don't want anything to happen to you.”
"It won't," David said.
They passed from the warm sunlight into the shady outer rung of the New York Aquarium. A group of people were crowded tightly around the sea lion enclosure in the middle of the room.
"Let's go over here," Jessica said. Her arm was looped through his; she gently guided him towards the dark outer wall of the aquarium. There were dozens of smaller exhibits lining the walls, which were shrouded in a comforting, intimate darkness.
"Are you all right?" David asked, reacting to the suddenness of her movement. He followed her lead, letting her direct him towards a wall lined with tanks of exotic fish.
He ran her other arm through her hair, which was streaked with sweat. Her voice was quiet as she continued. "I want some privacy, just you and me.”
"I think we came to the wrong place for that," David said, his eyes glancing in the direction of the six or seven exhibits in the middle of the room. There were dolphins,
small wales, even a walrus in one of the smaller, corner tanks.
"It's your last day," Jessica said. She stopped walking. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling herself tightly into his body. "Can I help it if I'm feeling possessive?”
He wrapped his arm around her body, bracing his other hand against the back of her head. He could hear her sucking in sharp breaths, trying to collect herself. “Baby..."
She stepped back and looked up at him; her eyes were wide and puffy. Her voice went up an octave, as she continued. "I know. I know." She stopped, and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
He couldn't repress a chuckle. "What do you know?”
"Don't you belittle me..." Jessica replied, pulling back. She dropped his hand, folding her arms across her chest.
David bit back his smile, putting on a serious face before continuing. "I'm sorry. What do you know?”
"I shouldn't..." Jessica stopped abruptly, and suddenly took off like a shot, in the direction of the main entrance of the aquarium.
"Jess!" David shouted, after her. He jogged after her, zigzagging through groups of people. He shielded his eyes as he stepped into the unrelenting sunlight. He stopped, scanning the busy park for her.
Jessica was sitting on an isolated park bench; her chin was braced in her hands as she stared onto the river through a thin bank of trees. He stopped, taking his hat off his head. As he sat down, he ran his fingers through his hair, wiping at the sweat building up on his forehead.
"Talk to me," David said, sitting next to her on the bench. He reached over, resting his hand on top of hers. He looked over at her, squeezing her hand gently. He paused, making sure to check his tone. "What was that about?”
"I'm fuckin' scared," Jessica said, squeezing his hand in return. She twisted on the bench, looking over at him. "I'm sorry…"
"Will you stop apologizing.”
"There's something about this which is about you being a man, and proving your Dad wrong. I've been hearing for six weeks from everyone how I need to be loving, supportive, understanding and feminine... and I'm having a lot of trouble doing that.”
"I love you," David said, wrapping his arm around her.
"I just don't want you to go over there and get killed. Not for that..." She took off her hat, and slowly fanned herself with the wide brim. "I feel like such a bad person, because I can't wrap my head around this. I know what you need from me, and I'm sorry that I can't give you that.”
She sniffled, reaching for her bag, which was sitting next to her on the bench. She pulled out a handkerchief, and quickly dabbed at the corners of her eyes.
"I know how you think, baby." David said. He wrapped his arm around her, and she leaned into him with a soft sigh. He thought for a moment before speaking again. He had never gone into his reasons with her, but she was smart enough to put it together. The look in her eyes told him that she knew. "And yes- there is a reason why I wan- why I need to do this.”
"Dave... You don’t..."
David continued, cutting her off gently, "I need one thing from you, Jess.”
“David..."
He ran his fingers through her hair, which she had curled the night before. He gently tugged on one of the ringlets which hung out of her up-do, framing her face. "The only thing I need, is for you to wait for me.”
Jessica looked over at him, studying his face. She spoke slowly at first, a soft smile crossing her face, breaking the tension. "You know I will.”
"It feels better hearing it," David said, shifting his glance out to the river. A horn sounded as a trash barge slowly chugged by. He dug in his pocket for a cigarette.
"Is your father home?" Jessica whispered into his ear, leaning into his body. The sensation of her breath on his ear sent a shiver through his muscles.
David pulled out his pocket watch, checking the time. "He should be well into his third or fourth whiskey by now," David replied. He pushed himself up to his feet, and held his hand out for hers. "We should have plenty of time.”
"Good," Jessica said, smiling at him.
He and Jessica had spent that last night together. They both seemed to want to take things the rest of the way on his last night, but it didn't progress. They had spent the whole night wound around each other in bed, talking about a little of everything.
Looking up and down the street, David blew out a centering breath and tightened his grip on the ratty suitcase in his hand. He set his eyes on his destination across the street, silently hoping that he was strong enough to go against the nervous knot of doubt weighing him down.
CHAPTER EIGHT
"Go on in," Alexander said, holding open the hotel room door for David. As they stepped inside, they were overwhelmed by the earthy odor of cigarette smoke mixed with marijuana which hung heavily in the air. A slow smile crossed Alexander's face. "Welcome to the most exciting place in the Caribbean, my friend.”
The ship had docked in Havana early that morning, and it had taken them only a few hours to get the lay of the land once they could escape the claustrophobic constraints of the ship.
David exhaled deeply. His muscles tingled with relaxation and uneasy relief at finally being away from New York and everything it stood for.
Havana felt bright and open compared to the increasingly crowded and dank Manhattan streets. The ocean breeze kept pleasant, fresh air circulating over the city. The cool, salty air was a welcomed change from the stagnant, fishy stench blowing off the river.
They had found their way over to the Plaza en la Playa. It was probably a bit too kind of a name for the strip of rickety motel rooms built on top of a less than picturesque section of the beach. It had probably been ritzy and luxurious fifty years ago, but the glossy exterior had faded long ago.
As David stepped further inside the cramped room, he surveyed the dingy space. The double room swelled with people enjoying what appeared to be a raucous party. The smell of alcohol and reefer slowly mingled with the musky odor of humanity, giving the crowded room an even tighter, claustrophobic feel.
"Drink?" Alexander asked, shooting David a playful glance as they maneuvered deeper into the hotel room. Alexander's eyes shot around the room as they moved towards a less crowded corner.
Somewhere a gramophone was playing a jaunty jazz record. David stepped around a tipsy couple trying to Charleston as Alexander continued, "I'm sure they keep the good stuff here somewhere."
David inhaled deeply, holding the smell of reefer deeply in his lungs. He popped the top button on his jacket and leaned against the corner.
"Drink," Alexander said. He materialized in front of him, holding out a glass of heavy brown liquor. David gripped the drink tightly in his shaky fingers as he slowly swirled the brandy. Alexander took a sip of his own drink before he continued, a wince crossing his face. "I would drink that slow. It's pretty strong stuff."
David took a long sip of the drink; the whisky burned his throat the whole way down. The sudden influx of the alcohol into his system flushed his cheeks with relaxation almost instantly. "I'm twenty-five," David said, looking around the room. He could feel Alexander's eyes on him. David chuckled at the abruptness of his statement. He ran his fingers through his hair as he took another sip. "I'm twenty fucking five. Why can I not pull myself out of this?"
David's eyes were drawn across the room to where two girls were sitting. Their limbs were intertwined as they alternated sips from a brandy glass, fully engrossed in each other's company.
"You need to relax," Alexander said as he took another big sip of the thick drink in his hand. He stepped into David's body, running his hand down David's bicep. They exchanged an intimate glance in the crowded room. Alexander continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "You're here to have fun."
"Thank you for everything," David said, resting his head on Alexander's shoulder. "I appreciate everything you've done for me. It feels good to have a friend."
Alexander looked around the room, suddenly distracted. "Here." He walked over to the bookshelf
and quickly returned, holding a small syrette between his fingers. A mischievous smile spread across his lips as he continued. "Why don't we try some of this."
"Morphine..." David asked, recognizing the familiar looking print on the small tube. He had seen plenty of them while he was in the hospital.
"Roll up your sleeve," Alexander said.
David rolled his sleeve up to the elbow, and held his forearm out to Alexander. In his time in the hospital, David had been given a lot of morphine. The nurses said it was to get him through the pain.
David closed his eyes as the hollow needle plunged into his vein. The fuzzy feeling of relaxation was virtually immediate as the pain killer pumped into his system, propelling any anxiety he still felt into the foggy haze.
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