“Stop,” she gasped, then shook her head and held up a hand. “You have to stop. We have to stop. This is crazy.”
His blue eyes were bright with passion as he reached for her again, but she stepped back.
“I mean it,” she said as forcefully as she could. It was difficult to be stern when all she wanted was to throw herself at him, to be held by him, to make love with him.
“I don’t understand,” he told her. “I thought…” He looked away. “My mistake.”
“No.” She grabbed his arm to keep him in place. “I’m sorry. I’m saying this all wrong. Stephen, this isn’t about you. It’s about me and us and where we are in our lives.” She stared at him, willing him to understand.
“You’re twenty-one years old. You need to finish college and go live your life. You have so many firsts, so many new experiences ahead of you, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
He didn’t look the least bit understanding or appreciative of her attempt at self-sacrifice. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re acting like you’re a hundred years older than me. What first do I have in front of me that you don’t have, too? Sure, you’re a couple of years older, but so what? I like being with you. I thought you felt the same.”
He liked being with her? It was hard to focus on what was important and not revel in that information. As for the firsts… “What about falling in love for the first time? You need to do that with someone your own age.”
He stared at her with the expression of a confident male. At that moment there wasn’t nine years between them. They were equals—or maybe he was a little in charge.
“Who have you been in love with?” he asked.
“Um, well, technically I haven’t been in love, but we’re not talking about me.”
“Your point is that you have a whole world that I haven’t experienced. But that’s not true. You told me that even during college you were coming home every weekend. It’s not like you had a great love affair. And since then, you’ve been involved with work and dealing with your mother.”
Aurelia began to regret all the things she’d told Stephen. She hadn’t realized he would use the information to win an argument.
“You’re not a virgin, are you?” he asked.
She flushed but managed to keep looking at him. “No. Of course not.” She’d had sex. Once. Back in college. The night had been a disaster. For once, she hadn’t gone home for the weekend. She’d stayed on campus and gone to a party where she’d gotten drunk for the first time in her life. Not to mention the last time.
She remembered going to the party and meeting a guy. He’d been cute and funny and they’d spent a couple of hours talking. Then he’d kissed her and… She’d never been sure what had happened next. Events were blurry. She remembered him touching her everywhere and being naked and that sex had hurt a lot more than she’d thought it would. But there were no details, just vague images.
She’d spent the next three weeks sweating whether or not she was pregnant, and the next few months waiting to see if there was anything else she had to worry about. She’d managed to escape relatively unscathed, but nothing about the encounter had made her want to repeat it. Until now. Until a twenty-one-year-old boy held her and kissed her. Suddenly there were possibilities.
Life was nothing if not unexpected, she thought sadly. She’d finally found someone she could care about, and everything about him was wrong. She supposed it could be worse. He could be married or eighty or gay.
“I know what I want to do with the rest of my life,” she said. She had to do the right thing. “I have an established career and something resembling a life. Yes, I have issues with my mother, but I’m working on them. I’m going to keep working on them. You need to go finish college and find out what you want to do with the rest of your life. You need to find a girl your own age and fall in love and get married and have beautiful babies.”
It was difficult to talk. Her throat tightened, and her eyes began to burn. “You’re really special, Stephen. I want the best for you.”
“This is bullshit. You think I care what other people think? What does age have to do with it? Why can’t you be that girl? As for what I want to do with my life, why can’t I figure that out with you?”
“Because you can’t.”
“There’s an argument.” He grabbed her by the shoulders. “You’re the one that I want.”
“You say that now. But you could change your mind tomorrow.”
“So could you,” he told her. “I should trust you because of your age?”
What she wanted to say was that he could trust her because he knew her. But she knew he would tell her the same applied to him. The part that scared her was that she knew he could be right. Which left her exactly where?
“You scare me,” she admitted in a shaky whisper.
He immediately dropped his hands and took a step back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Not that way,” she said quickly. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of what I feel when I’m around you. I’m afraid of what I want.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to see you again privately. We’ll go out on our dates for the show but that’s all. I can’t do anything else.”
“Aurelia, no!”
She turned and walked away. It wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do. She heard him start to come after her, then he seemed to change his mind. It was for the best, she told herself. It didn’t feel like it right now, but eventually she would get over him and move on. He needed to be with someone else. As for what she needed, she’d always been very good at thinking about others first.
FINN HELD the front door open as the last of Dakota’s guests left. When he’d returned with the prescription, the house had still been full of helpful friends. As he watched, they’d shown her the best way to feed the baby. That had been followed by a diapering demonstration and lots of other advice.
Denise, Dakota’s mother, had offered to stay, but her daughter had refused.
“I need to know if I can do this,” Dakota said, sounding brave.
“Call me if you need anything,” her mother said. “I can be here in ten minutes.”
Dakota looked like she was going to change her mind and ask her mother to stay, then shook her head. “We’ll be fine.”
Finn led Denise to the door.
“If things look desperate,” Denise whispered, “you call me.”
“I will,” he promised. Although if things looked desperate, his plan was to stay the night. It might have been a long time since his brothers were babies, but Finn remembered the drill.
He returned to the living room only to find it empty. Making a logical assumption, he went down the short hallway and into the baby’s room.
Hannah lay in her crib. Earlier, Dakota had changed the baby’s clothes. Everyone had agreed that she could wait on the bath. There had already been enough new experiences for one day.
Hannah stared up at the gently turning mobile. She was mesmerized by the rotating bunnies. But even as she stared, her eyes slowly drifted closed.
“I didn’t expect her to be so beautiful,” Dakota whispered as she brushed her daughter’s cheek.
He came up behind her and put his hand on her waist. “In about fifteen years, you’re going to have guys lined up around the block.”
Dakota smiled at him. “Right now I’d settle for getting through the night.”
“She’s on her medicine and seems to be feeling better. Her tummy is full, you know how to change a diaper.”
She stepped away from the crib. He followed her into the living room.
“You’re right,” she said brightly. “I’ve had a crash course in parenting. I’m going to be fine.” She smiled, which didn’t fool him. “You’ve been great. I really appreciate all your help. It’s been such a long day, you must be exhausted.”
She was working the program, he thought. Faking it with the best of them. He could see the terror in her ey
es, but she was determined to be brave. At least on the outside.
This was where he told her he was leaving, he reminded himself. What they’d had before had been great. Fun and uncomplicated. Hannah changed everything. Dakota was now a mother. There were new rules, and he wasn’t going to screw with them. Getting out while he could made the most sense.
Except he couldn’t seem to leave. Her pretend bravery touched him. Her willingness to throw herself into a situation for which she was desperately unprepared made him admire her. Add that to the fact that he already liked her, and there was no way he could walk out. Even though it was the smart thing to do.
“I’m staying,” he told her. “You can’t change my mind, so don’t bother trying. You’re stuck with me for the night.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
She sank to the sofa and covered her face with her hands. “Thank God. I was trying to make everyone think I know what I’m doing. I don’t have a clue. I’ve never been so scared in my life. She’s completely dependent on me and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
He sat down next to her and pulled her against him. “Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to get the baby monitor and put it in the bedroom. Then we’re going to get ready for bed. I’ll be here, so you’re going to sleep as much as you can.”
“I’d like to sleep,” she admitted, leaning her head on his shoulder.
“Then here’s your chance.”
She raised her head. “Thank you for everything. You’re my hero.”
“I’ve never been anyone’s hero before.”
“I doubt that.”
He stood and pulled her to her feet. Together, they walked toward the bedroom.
Inside of him, a voice screamed that this was trouble, but he silenced the words. He wasn’t getting involved. He was staying for one night and then things would go back to the way they’d been before.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“WE NEED TO MAKE THE SHOW more interesting,” Geoff said. “I want to use one of the festivals as a backdrop. This town has them every other week.”
“Sometimes more,” Dakota agreed. “I think the Tulip Festival is next. I’ll talk to the mayor and see what she says about you filming there.”
She had a feeling Mayor Marsha would be less than amused at the idea but would still probably agree to it. After all, keeping Geoff in plain view was safest for everyone.
“Good,” Geoff told her. “We need to add some drama to the show. I’ve been getting complaints from the executives. I’m not sure the festival is going to be enough. Do you think we could get a police band radio and follow the cops? Maybe if there was an explosion or something.”
“We don’t have an explosion rate here,” she told him, doing her best not to roll her eyes.
“Too bad,” he muttered.
Dakota wasn’t sure what to say to that.
Geoff glanced at the pad in his hand, as if checking to see if there was more. Just then, Hannah made a cooing sound.
The producer turned toward the noise and saw the baby in her playpen. Hannah was on her back, staring at the mobile Dakota had attached to the side of the crib.
“Is that a baby?” Geoff asked.
“Uh-huh.”
“Yours?”
She hid a smile. “Yes.”
He turned to leave, then looked at her again. “Were you pregnant and I missed it?”
“She’s six months old.”
“So that’s a no?”
The smile escaped. “I wasn’t pregnant before.”
“Okay. Because I’ve been told that I’m not very observant when it comes to anything other than the show. But I would have noticed if you were pregnant.”
“I’m sure that’s true.”
He looked at Hannah. “She’s yours, right?”
Dakota thought about explaining about the adoption, but decided he really wasn’t that interested. “She’s mine.”
“Okay, then. You’ll ask about the explosion?”
“No, but I’ll ask about the festival.”
Geoff sighed. “I guess that will have to do.”
“I guess it will.”
He left.
Dakota laughed, then crossed to the playpen and picked up Hannah. “What a silly man,” she said, holding her daughter in her arms. She felt the girl’s forehead and was pleased that it was cool. The antibiotic was working quickly.
Her mother had stopped by that morning to check on her and warn her that Hannah’s fever could climb during the day. Dakota was prepared with Tylenol drops. So far, though, everything was going well. Hannah had been eating and seemed less frightened of all the new experiences.
While Dakota sat in her chair, holding the baby, she called the mayor and explained about the festival.
“If I say no, will he take his show and go away?”
“Probably not.”
“Then I suppose he can film it. How’s Hannah?”
“Doing well. She slept for a few hours last night. She’s eating well.”
“Good. You know you can call me if you need anything.”
“Yes, I know. Thanks.”
Dakota made a couple more calls, then walked around the production office with her daughter. No one seemed overly interested in the child, which was fine. These people didn’t know her.
When they got back to her desk, she put the baby in her car seat and placed her so that she could see the morning filming out the window. Dakota did her best to work but found herself glancing at Hannah every few seconds.
She had a baby. A child of her own. The true miracle of it all had yet to sink in.
A few minutes later, Bella Gionni, one of the feuding Gionni sisters, walked into her office.
“I wanted to see how things were going,” the dark-haired, forty-something woman said. “We were all worried about your first night. How was it?”
“Good,” Dakota told her. “Hannah slept relatively well. She’s doing better. I don’t think her ears are bothering her as much.”
What she didn’t admit was that Finn had spent the night with her. Every time Hannah had whimpered, Dakota had jumped to her feet and raced into the baby’s room. Finn had been right there with her, helping with the formula, getting her settled in the rocking chair. She couldn’t have done it without him.
“Can I hold her?” Bella asked.
“Of course,” Dakota said. The doctor had told her to make Hannah’s life as normal as possible. In Fool’s Gold, that meant knowing lots and lots of people.
She took the baby out of the car seat. Bella held out her arms, and Hannah seemed to lean into her. From what Dakota could tell, the little girl was enjoying the attention. Perhaps there hadn’t been enough at the orphanage.
“Who’s that beautiful little girl?” Bella asked, cooing softly. “That’s you. Yes, it is. You’re going to be a heartbreaker.”
Dakota knew this was the first of many visits. Not only would Bella come back again, but there would be others. The women in town would take care of them both.
While she appreciated the support and knew she could depend on it, she knew that last night it had been Finn who had kept her sane. Having him stay had meant everything to her. It had been better than sex. Not that she would say so if he asked, because the sex was amazing. But last night had been about taking care of her. About being the man she needed.
She’d never been able to depend on a man before. The experience was new, and she found she liked it. Still, it wasn’t something she should get used to. After all, Finn was leaving. He’d made that very clear.
Even so, she was determined to enjoy what she had while it lasted.
AURELIA KNEW there was a problem when three more days passed and she hadn’t heard from her mother. Normally they didn’t go an entire day without speaking at least twice. While she knew she had to learn to stand on her own, there was no reason she also had to lose contact with the only relative she had. After work the following Friday, she went
by her mother’s house.
Her mother answered the door right away.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Are you here to see me?” her mother asked, feigning surprise.
“Yes. We haven’t spoken in a few days. I wanted to check on you.”
“I can’t imagine why. You’ve made it clear that you care nothing about me. I could drop dead in the street and you would simply step over me.”
Aurelia told herself to be patient. She had established new boundaries that her mother didn’t like, and they were going to be tested. If she respected herself, her mother would learn to respect her, as well.
Instead of getting angry or frustrated, she smiled. “You have such a way with words. You always create the most amazing visuals. I wish I’d inherited that ability from you.” With that, she slipped past her mother and entered the house.
“Have you made tea yet?” she asked as she made her way to the kitchen. Her mother always made tea after work, unless she was going out with friends.
There was no kettle on the stove, which meant her mother was going out that evening. Good. Conversation couldn’t drag on for hours.
Her mother followed her, then came to a stop in the middle of the kitchen. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest and her mouth was pinched.
“Did you come here to mock my poverty?”
Aurelia raised her eyebrows. “There you go again. Mom, have you ever thought of writing fiction? You’d be so good at it. Maybe short stories, you know, for those women’s magazines?”
“I don’t appreciate you making fun of me.”
“I’m not,” Aurelia said gently. “I wanted to check on you and make sure everything was all right. I’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable calling me. I hope that will change.”
“It will change when you stop acting so selfishly. Until then, I want nothing to do with you.”
There it was. The gauntlet. In the past, Aurelia had always given in. The thought of being abandoned by her mother had crushed the little spirit she had left. But today was different. Sure, she felt like throwing up, but that would pass. She meant what she’d said before. She was happy to help in an emergency, but she was done being a financial and emotional convenience.
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