"God, no," he said with a definitive shake of his head, remembering the struggle of his youth.
"Really?" she asked doubtfully.
"I grew late, Julie. When I was twelve and thirteen, I was a lot smaller than the competition. In a way, it worked in my favor. I couldn't depend on physical attributes to get the job done, so I had to be technically good at the mechanics of baseball. When I finally did pass the six-foot mark, I had excellent skills to back up my newfound size and power." He took a breath, choosing his words, wanting her to understand a little of where his passion came from. "It wasn't just my grandfather's love of the game that drove me on; the baseball field was a happy place for me, especially after my father died. I could forget about everything but the game for those two hours."
"That makes sense."
"And when I started to realize that I could be really good at the game, I saw baseball as my ticket to college. I knew there wouldn't be money to pay for that, so I would need a scholarship. That became my goal. And I worked really hard. I took more swings than anyone else. I was the first one to get to practice and the last one to leave. I had to play my way through obnoxious asshole coaches and team politics, but I just kept my head down and focused on getting the job done when I had the chance. By the time I was a junior in high school, I was breaking hitting records, pro scouts were calling me, and universities were offering me a full ride."
"Very impressive. I'm sure it helped to have natural talent to go along with your work ethic."
"Oh, it did. There is never just one thing that makes someone successful. It's always a combination."
"So you went to Stanford, right?"
"For a year, and then the scouts started offering me a lot of money to go pro. I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I spent a year in the minors. Then, by some miracle, I was pulled up to the Cougars starting lineup when their shortstop got injured. I've been there ever since."
"And you turned into a superstar," she said with a small smile.
"Not right away. But when we made it to the World Series three years ago, I had a fairly spectacular run at the plate, which helped my contract negotiations. And last year's run in the playoffs will hopefully help me out next year, but my contract will be up at the end of the season, and I want another one. It's never about what I did in the past but what I can contribute now and in the future that matters."
"Are you really that worried?"
"Let's just say I don't take it for granted."
"But even if it ended tomorrow or this year, you've obviously made a lot of money, achieved fame and you have a World Series ring. If it was over at the end of this season, wouldn't it have been enough?"
He thought about her question for a long moment. "I've asked myself the same thing," he said, meeting her gaze. "But it's not just about me, Julie. I support my mom and my siblings with that money. I need the income to last as long as possible so that everyone gets to where they need to go. I don't want to quit until I know I can walk away and everyone I care about will be fine. I also know that my career has an expiration date. In other professions, you can work into your seventies, but there's going to come a point where I have to figure out what to do next, and I'd like to push that point back as long as possible."
"That happened to my friend's boyfriend, Michael Stafford. His football career ended at twenty-five when he blew out his knee. He had to reinvent himself. He's doing well though."
"You have a friend that's a professional athlete, and you actually like them?"
She made a face at him. He's my friend's fiancé, and we all went to high school together, so I knew him before he was a superstar. Now, he's just a working guy like the rest of us. But getting back to you, I think it's really generous of you to take care of your family."
"I try. I bought my mother a house with a garden last year, which she loves. And I'm trying to help out my siblings, although sometimes that gets wearing, especially when they make stupid choices."
She raised an eyebrow. "Like what? Do you have an example?"
"Yes, I do. Connor is in the Marines. He called me last night to tell me he's getting married to a woman he met three months ago. He's always been impulsive, but this is crazy. They're going to get married when they both have a couple of days of leave, which means they're not even going to have time for a honeymoon. And he's in the middle of a war zone. What the hell is he thinking?"
"Maybe he's not thinking; he's just in love."
"He's always in love."
She smiled. "Obviously, he thinks this time is different."
"So he says, but he's being ridiculous. Why the rush? Why not wait? Date a while, survive deployment, and then get hitched?" He paused. "But Connor isn't my biggest concern at the moment. He's old enough to figure things out, but he told me last night that David, my youngest brother, wants to drop out of college. I just paid his tuition, and I can't even get him to text me back."
"They have to live their own lives, Matt. You had the chance to pursue your dreams. Why shouldn't they?"
"Because they're not being smart."
She laughed. "I'm sure they think they are."
"I'm sure they do, but they're not. You're lucky you don't have siblings."
She sucked in a quick breath, her face paling at his comment.
"What did I say?" he asked quickly.
"I do have siblings—two half-sisters. After my father left my mother and me, he had two girls with another woman. They're about eight and five now."
He realized now that he had heard about Jack's second family. He just hadn't really thought about it until this moment. "Have you met them?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No, I haven't seen my father in person since the night he told me he was leaving my mother."
He was shocked at her answer. "That's crazy. You're his kid, why wouldn't he see you?"
"I asked myself that, too. In the beginning, I didn’t want to see him. He did tell my mother he wanted to come to my high school graduation, but I said absolutely not. The little contact my parents had during the divorce proceedings were always followed by three days of crying and anger and bitterness on my mom's part. I didn't want my graduation to put them anywhere near each other."
"I can understand why you wouldn't want to see him, but you have no interest in meeting your sisters?"
"They don't feel like they're anything to me," she replied. "I haven't even seen a photo. And my dad's second wife is five years older than me. It would feel so weird to see him with her." Julie shuddered at the thought. "I don't need any of that. It took me a long time to get past my father's betrayal."
"You know," he said carefully. "There are usually two sides to every divorce."
Her lips tightened. "And you're trying to suggest I don't know my father's side?"
"You just said you haven't seen him since you were a teenager. I'm guessing you haven't talked to him much, either."
"I didn't need to hear his side, Matt. I had a front row seat to his life. And even before the divorce, he wasn't around that much. My parents fought for a long time, and every fight ended with him leaving, because he had a game to go to. He always said, 'I can't do this right now'. But a better time never seemed to materialize. So yes, I took my mom's side in the divorce. How could I not? He didn't just leave my mom; he cheated on her. And it wasn't just once."
"It sounds like they were unhappy for a while."
"Because he put baseball before everything else."
"Can you really blame it all on baseball?"
"It was my father's whole life, Matt. Just as I'm sure it's your whole life."
"I have time for family," he protested.
"Then you're a better man than my dad."
"How long were your parents together?"
"A long time. They met when they were eighteen. My mom supported my father through years in the minors. And when it came to the family, the house, she did everything. He wasn't there in the middle of the night when I got sick, but she was. And when
he needed her, she was there for him, too. What did she get for her loyalty? Nothing." She let out a breath. "I can still here the dismissive tone in his voice when he said there was nothing to do but get a divorce, as if it wasn't his fault that he didn't love her anymore. You know Jack Michaels the hero; you don't know the man."
She had a point. "I don't know what Jack was like as a husband or a father, but I do know what he was like as a teammate, as a mentor."
"You should stop there, Matt. You're not going to change my mind about him. I don't care that he was nice to you or the other ballplayers. That's great for all of you, but my experience was different." She set her wine glass down. "I should go."
"We can change the subject."
"Can we?" she asked with a sigh. "With you, it's always going to come back to baseball. You live a life that I have no interest in knowing about. I don't really know why I'm even here. Do you?"
Chapter Five
"That's harsh," he said, her words cutting to the bone.
"I'm being honest, Matt."
"Then let me be honest, too. There's a spark between us. I felt it when we kissed yesterday; I think you did, too."
Her eyes brightened at his words. "Even if that were true, and I'm not saying it is, it doesn't matter. I could never date a baseball player."
"You do know that bad husband/father behavior isn't just for ballplayers, right? If your father was an accountant, would you paint all accountants as losers?"
"I doubt my father would have had as many opportunities to cheat if he were an accountant, and don't pretend you haven't seen your fellow ballplayers cheat on their girlfriends or wives."
"I've seen guys cheat, but they weren't all ballplayers. That's my point."
"So your point is that all guys cheat," she countered.
"You're twisting my words."
"Am I?"
He let out a sigh. "So what would it take for a man to convince you he's trustworthy?"
"I honestly don't know. Maybe I'll just end up alone with a couple of cats. Actually, I don't really like cats, so let's make that a dog." She blew out a sigh. "I know you think I'm a head case, and maybe I am. I actually haven't talked this much about my father or my past in years. It's just you and your profession that brought it all up."
"So the guys you've been going out with have no clue just how high a bar they have to reach?"
"I wouldn't say there have been a lot of guys."
"But some…"
"I did go out with an interesting man last week, and we have a second date set up. He runs a non-profit in Marin County."
"A do-gooder like yourself. Sounds like just the right guy."
"I do good, but I am not a do-gooder," she protested. "Or if I am, so what? Why is that a bad thing?"
"It's not bad. It's just frustrating to be judged by your career, isn't it? You don't like being called a do-gooder, just like I don't appreciate being painted as a cheater who doesn't know how to treat a woman or how to be faithful."
"Have you ever cheated, Matt?"
"No," he said flatly.
She stared back at him. "You've never been tempted?"
"If I were dating a woman and I was tempted by someone else, I'd break things off."
"You didn't answer my question though. I asked if you'd ever been tempted."
He thought for a moment. "That would be a no."
"Have you been in a serious relationship recently?"
"That would also be a no."
"Well, maybe that's why you haven't been tempted. You haven't committed to anyone, so it doesn't matter what you do."
"I take commitment seriously. I don't make one unless I can back it up. What about you, Julie?"
"I feel the same way," she returned. "And I'm very committed to my work. I need to make things happen in my career as much as you need to have another great season. I don't have a family to support, but I do have to take care of myself. I don't ever want to end up like my mother. She didn't work the whole time my parents were together and then she ended up not knowing how to do anything, needing him to give her support just so she could survive. That's never going to be me."
"Where does your mom live now?" he asked curiously.
"Sunnyvale."
"How is she doing?"
"She's fine. She actually remarried three months ago. He's a psychologist, which is probably good, because she has even more baggage than I do."
He smiled, appreciating the fact that Julie could acknowledge that her feelings were a little off base. "Do you like him?"
"I do. I don't know him that well. He's kind of quiet, and he often seems to be watching me, analyzing me, but I give him credit for never offering his opinion. He seems to treat my mother well, and that's what really matters. She's happy, and to be honest, I wasn't sure she ever would be."
"Interesting," he said. "So your mom got over her anger and bitterness against men to marry again."
"Or she's just making another mistake, and it's too soon to know. They haven't been together very long."
"You're really a glass-half-empty kind of woman, aren't you?"
She made a face at him. "Only when it comes to love and professional athletes. I'm pretty optimistic in other parts of my life."
"That remains to be seen."
"You don't have to see anything. We're just ships passing in the night."
"We're going to be in the same hemisphere for at least the next ten days," he countered.
"I do appreciate your supporting the cook-off, Matt. I'm sure you'd rather have your focus completely on baseball, but your efforts will help a lot of people, I can promise you that. The Foundation does really excellent work. It takes very little money for overhead. The majority of funds go to the actual programs that we support."
"Sounds like you don't have a big salary."
"No, I definitely do not have that, but I do get a lot of satisfaction from my work."
He liked that she was passionate about her job. He'd always found women who had something else going on in their lives to be the most interesting. "Did you always want to work for a non-profit?"
"No. Like most people, I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I was an English major in college. I liked to read and write, but I didn't think I could make a living with that. When I got out of college, I saw an ad for a promo assistant at a non-profit, and I was lucky enough to get it. The pay was terrible. The hours were long, but the people were great. I learned a lot, and I started to realize how rewarding it was to actually work towards something that would make someone else's life easier. So I guess you could say I kind of fell into it. Now I love the job, but it's not easy. There are a lot of nonprofits competing for the same dollars, and I've never been great at wrangling money."
"Just reluctant ballplayers," he teased.
She smiled. "I have been somewhat successful at getting celebrities, but that’s because I shamelessly use my connections. I've also gotten really lucky in the last year because two of my friends have fallen in love with some very well connected men. Michael Stafford, who I mentioned earlier, has helped me get some football players for our upcoming telethon. And my friend Andrea just married Alex Donovan. I don't know if you've heard of him—"
"I know Alex. He's a huge baseball fan. He's been my guest at the park a few times. Why isn't he cooking at your event?"
"He's already participated in a couple of other fundraisers and he has his own foundation to run, so I try not to overstep with too many requests. Alex and Michael have both bought tickets for the event, so you'll see them there."
"And hopefully I won't poison anyone."
"I feel pretty good, so I'm confident your entry will be well received by the judges."
"You helped me a lot," he reminded her. "Am I going to get the same help at the event?"
"No. I will have a ton of things to do that night, so you might want to make the dish again before then." She paused, glancing down at her watch. "I should go. I have a walkathon meeting early t
omorrow."
"When is the walkathon?"
"In two weeks. We have a lot of events and not enough staff to run them all."
"I'm beginning to see that."
She got to her feet. "This was more fun than I expected."
He laughed. "I guess I'll take that as a compliment." He walked her to the door. "Thanks again, Julie. I do appreciate the time you gave me tonight. In fact, I'd like to take you out to dinner to repay you."
She hesitated. "I'm sorry but I can't."
"You're really turning me down?" Despite her honest admission that she didn't care for baseball players, he was still shocked that she'd said no.
"First time?" she teased.
"In a while," he admitted.
"I already have a date for tomorrow."
"With environmental guy?"
She nodded. "Yes."
"What about Sunday?"
"Sunday night I'm taking a hip-hop dancing class at my friend Isabella's studio. If you want to join me for the class, we could get some food afterwards."
He stared at her in disbelief. "You want me to do hip-hop dancing with you? Seriously?"
She laughed. "It's a great workout, good for coordination, balance, sweating out the toxins, and it's fun. You wouldn't be the only guy there, in case you're worried."
"I'm never worried about being the only guy anywhere," he retorted.
"Then what do you say?"
"What time should I pick you up?"
"I could meet you there."
"Let's go together. Text me your address."
"All right."
He followed her to the front door. She opened it, then paused. "What you said before about me was true—I am a lot of work, Matt. I'm sure you could find plenty of women who are a lot easier to be around."
He knew he could. But he'd done easy. And difficult was far more interesting. "I'll see you Sunday."
* * *
After suffering through a rather boring Saturday evening date, Julie had woken up Sunday morning with Matt on her mind. Actually, he'd been on her mind since the first moment they'd met, since he'd impulsively kissed her in the parking lot and then charmed her the next evening with stories about his family.
All Your Loving (Bachelors & Bridesmaids) Page 5
