“Sorry,” he said, sounding sincere. “Guess I rolled over in my sleep and pinned you beneath me.”
His deep morning voice sent unexpected chills of excitement through me. All of my senses were heightened, in part from the fear and panic that had gripped me, and another part from the strong male presence sill pressed firmly against me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked when I didn't say anything.
Talk about it? Talk about what? How badly I wanted him in that moment? How hard it was to fight the mating call that reached out to me in constant torment, even when he wasn't right there with me? Or was he asking about the kidnapping and how helpless and weak it had made me feel?
My elevated awareness of him caused an arousal in me that was borderline painful. I needed my mate. My fears of the kidnapping were at the surface, too. He protected me. He saved me. I knew that perhaps there was still too much alcohol in my system from the night before. Lily and I had polished off five bottles and I think I had taken the brunt of that while pouring my heart out to the girls. The overall consensus was that I was a chicken and needed to stop fighting my destiny. Patrick O'Connell was mine.
I had come to his place the night before to make things right, to complete our mating bond once and for all, but he had rejected me. I couldn't remember a lot from the previous night, but the sting of his rejection still radiated with me.
“You rejected me,” I said sadly.
“What?”
“Last night,” I said, trying to sit up, though my head was throbbing so much it hurt to do so. “Last night, I tried to complete the mating bond, and you rejected me.”
He sighed and rubbed his face and the day old growth there. “You remember that? You were so gone, I wasn't sure you would.”
“I remember. You don't want me as a mate, so what are we doing here?”
“Don't be ridiculous. Of course I want you as a mate, love. I just—” He paused like he was trying to determine how best to word his next statement. “I just needed to be sure it's what you truly want. You weren't in a condition to make that decision last night. You weren't. I had to carry you home. Even in wolf form you couldn't walk a straight line had your life depended on it. You've been struggling with the thought of taking me as a mate. It would have been selfish of me to take advantage of the situation last night. I couldn't do that to you.”
He toyed with a piece of hair framing my face before tucking it behind me ear and cupping my cheek.
“Look at me, Elise.” There was authority in his voice that my wolf demanded I submit to, so I looked him in his sparkling, deep-blue eyes. “There is nothing I want more in this world than to be your mate, to bond myself and my life to you, but if you don't feel the same, if you have any doubts at all, I can wait. Stopping you last night was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life, but I want you to come to me on your terms, and if you need that much in spirits to do it, then you aren't ready, and that's okay, love.”
I sighed. “I know I drank a lot last night. It was girls’ night. They helped me see things more clearly, but trying to explain it all to them took a lot of liquid courage.” My head throbbed and I rubbed my temples. “A lot. I've been such a chicken, and haven't handled any of this well. Kyle and Kelsey had a really difficult time through the challenges. Hell, it led to a war. We're at war, Patrick.” I shuddered. “Those wolves, they kidnapped me to get to Kyle. What do you think they will do to get into this pack? If I take you as a mate you're as good as dead. My position in the pack is too high. It scares the shit out of me.” I had never voiced it so honestly aloud before, and it felt like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders.
He smiled sweetly. “Have a little faith, love. God doesn't match true mates wrong. I am strong enough to accept the risk and pack position you offer. I've trained my entire life to dominate the strongest alphas out there. I've got this, and I'm honored to have the opportunity to prove that to you . . . someday.”
“I know that. I do, but it doesn't stop the fear.” I laid back down beside him and nestled into his side, using his broad chest as a pillow. We had argued. We had made love. We had never truly just talked.
“I worry too, you know.” He took a deep breath and I felt like talking about feelings wasn't really his thing, but I needed to hear how he felt. “When you went missing—” He struggled to continue and I stayed quiet to give him time. “I thought I'd lost you forever. You don't know how terrified I was. I had just found you and then you were just gone. My first job as your mate, and I hadn't been able to protect you. I didn't fight Kyle on his decision to banish me, because I couldn't disagree with him. My most important job should be to protect you, and I didn't.”
“You couldn't, because I didn't let you. Not because you weren't capable, but because I was fighting you every step of the way. It's not fair to take that all on yourself.”
He squeezed me tightly, but remained quiet as he battled his own demons. This was my fault. Not his.
“If I hadn't run away like a coward, if I had just had the guts to talk to you about how I was feeling, none of this would have happened and I'm sorry.”
“Don't take that all on yourself. Neither one of us handled this well. You were the last thing I expected to find coming to San Marco, but once I had your scent, it was like I was obsessed. I was arrogant and hurt at the same time, and I should have just been grateful to have found you. I should have tried to understand what was going on with you. My obsession made you more of a conquest than anything and I was blinded to your needs. I'm sorry.”
“We both need to just stop apologizing. I'm tired of being scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. I'm tired of hiding from the people I care about. Peggy, from work, she mated last month and I didn't even know. I've not just been hiding from you, but from my life and everyone in it, and I'm just tired of it. I've missed just being me. Sometimes I wonder if I even remember who that is anymore, and I know you've never actually met her.”
I chanced a look up at him. I was raw with honesty and didn't think I could handle it if he laughed, joked, or rejected me in this moment. I had never felt this vulnerable in all my life as I was lying there, literally naked, pouring my heart out in Patrick O'Connell's arms.
He smiled. “I haven't exactly been at my best either. Tell you what. Why don't we stop worrying about the bond and just get to know each other?”
“Huh?” I wasn't sure I had heard him right.
“Elise, we have the rest of our lives together. I want to know who you are, the real you. I want this to work, and I want to do it right. So, Elise-I don't even know your middle name-Westin, will you go on a date with me tonight? New year, new start.”
It was my turn to smile up at him. “Cameron. Elise Cameron Westin, and yes, I would like that.”
“It's a date then!”
My mind was suddenly swirling. A date! I had a date with my mate. That was quite unorthodox, but I loved the idea of spending time with him and getting to know him. I cared for Patrick O'Connell, but I couldn't say I loved him, not like Mom loved Dad or Kelsey loved Kyle, that forever kind of love. At least I didn't think so. Time to get to know him and maybe even actually fall in love with him seemed almost like too much to hope for.
The phone rang, reminding me that my headache was still there. I saw Kelsey's face smiling back at me and wanted to throw it across the room. “Hello?”
“Well, good morning to you, too. Wanted to check and see how you were feeling this morning. Lily already called in sick. Massive hangover. Figured you were even worse off, but Liam said Christine was coming in this afternoon for an interview and you're apparently expected to be here for it.”
I groaned, “Yeah, okay. What time?”
“Two o'clock.”
I glanced at the time on my phone. It was already eleven. “I'll get moving and head on in.” I grinned up at my handsome mate, and he quirked an eyebrow up at me. “And then, after that, want to play hooky and go shopping? I have a hot date ton
ight and could use a new outfit.”
Patrick laughed. “Uh-oh, what have I gotten myself into?”
I showered quickly, shooing Patrick away before he tried to join me. When I got out I was mortified to realize I didn't have anything to wear. I mean literally nothing. I had no clothes at his house and I had arrived in my wolf form. Embarrassed, I wrapped in a towel and made my way out of the bathroom, finding him in the kitchen making peanut butter crackers and heating up a can of vegetable soup.
He shrugged and gave me an apologetic look. “It's not as gross as it sounds, and the only thing I really have here. I promise to go to the shop for the messages today and stock up. Your brothers already warned me that pizza and carryout weren't going to cut it if you were going to hang around here.”
My heart might have melted a little at his thoughtfulness. “I'm really happy you get along with my family so well. The other night with everyone here was nice, though I may have been a little jealous at times. I think you fit in better with them than I did.”
He frowned. “That's not true, they love you.”
“Oh, I know. Enough that from what I heard, they practically lived here, and yet you had no idea I even existed.” I was joking, but a part of it really did hurt.
He pulled me into his arms and kissed me, leaning his forehead against mine. “In hindsight, yes they did. I was the dense bloke who didn't understand it. I thought 'E' was a nickname for Lily, and some of the things they said never quite fit what I knew of her. I know now they were actually talking about you, not her. Your siblings love you. I've never seen such closeness in a family before. If anyone's jealous here, it's me. I didn't even know a family could be like yours, and it makes me envious because mine was nothing like that. Sure I'm close with my brothers in our own way, but it's just very different.”
He sounded a little sad and I realized I really didn't know anything about his family, or his life. Chase had told me he didn't have anywhere to go after Kyle had tried to banish him. Had he really given up everything? For me?
The soup was bubbling and he moved away to turn it down. “Lunch is ready. Sorry it's not much.”
We ate in companionable silence, each of us seemingly lost in our own thoughts. I watched him dip a peanut butter cracker into his soup, and I crinkled my nose in disgust. Side by side was one thing, but literally eating them together looked gross.
“Don't judge me until you try it.”
“No way.”
“Come on, one bite,” he challenged as he dipped another cracker and held it out in offering. I leaned in and ate it from his hands, watching his eyes dilate in surprise.
I knew I had made an awful face and I had prepared to tell him just how gross it was, but much to my surprise, it was actually really good.
“Huh?”
“See,” he grinned in triumph. “It's good, right?”
I shrugged. “It's not bad, I'll give you that much.”
He moved the plate of peanut butter crackers closer to me and even though I tried to resist them, I couldn't. There was something about his odd combination that was quite addictive.
After lunch I remembered what I needed to ask him. “Um, Patrick?” I started awkwardly, blowing out a breath as I prepared for the ultimate walk of shame. “Can I, uh, borrow some clothes to get home in?”
He tried to hold in his smirk. My needing him, or at least his stuff, seemed to really please him. “What's mine is yours. Take whatever you need.”
I rose and kissed his cheek. “Thanks.”
Going through his drawers I settled on a pair of his boxer briefs that made for great shorts—I could get used to these—and a T-shirt that was easily two sizes too big, but would have to do.
“My underwear?” he asked, sounding amused.
I shrugged, “Who knew!” With my hand on the doorknob, I turned and asked, “Um, so tonight?”
“Pick you up at six?”
I nodded happily. “See you at six.”
I ran home to change quickly, thankful no one was around to see my walk of shame. Once at work, I was bombarded with questions from Kelsey as I started to fill her in
“A date, huh?” She asked.
“Yeah, Patrick's idea.”
She walked close and took a big sniff, frowning. “What happened to 'Operation Go Get My Mate' last night?”
“Didn't happen. He said, 'This isn't happening when you're so ossy-something.' I can't remember what the word is he uses for drunk! I was drunk and he wasn't going to take advantage of that. Leave it to me to find a stubborn, considerate mate who refuses to let me take advantage of him with a little liquid courage.”
She laughed, but I cringed, remembering how obnoxious I had been and how I had announced to the girls that I was not backing down or changing my mind, that I was going straight to Patrick and completing the bond once and for all. It had been a stupid plan, and I was grateful he hadn't let me go through with it. He was right. I would have felt terrible about it afterwards, just given the situation and being so wasted. Books and movies always played up how romantic and perfect wedding nights were, and for shifters, that was equal to completing the mating bond. Sex usually played a big part of that, but it wasn't a must for the actual bonding either.
The bond between shifters was solidified when, either in turn or at the same time, they bit each other, marking their mate and sealing it through the exchange of blood. It was very sacred amongst shifters. The idea of it was a little gross. I mean, I had to bite him, and then suck his blood. Not much, just a little, but still, gross. I had heard that the sharing of your mate's blood created a sort of frenzy and a deep need from within, hence why bonding and sex seemed to go hand in hand. They said that a mated pair was never closer than in that first moment when they sealed their bond. The idea of it all both frightened and excited me.
Most true mates sealed their bond quickly once they found each other, like in the first few days, because the pull was so strong that it was like a drug that you couldn’t resist. Kelsey had resisted it for two years! I had been fighting against it for several months already, but it wasn't until I had actually come face-to-face with Patrick that the need began to overwhelm me at times.
After our talk that morning, I had begun to already resign myself to my fate. No, to our fate. It was like suddenly coming to peace with it had settled me. I was ready to take the next step, but I also loved the idea of getting to know him better first. I was excited and a little nervous about our date.
Fortunately, the interview I had to sit in on with Christine and Liam helped occupy much of the afternoon. It was awkward at first. We had known Christine forever. She and Kyle had been inseparable for years. At one point everyone had thought they'd end up together, but when they came of age and discovered they were not true mates, she had turned into a complete bitch. Almost losing her life in her challenge against Kelsey had changed her. Kelsey didn't have to save her. No one would have thought less of her for it, but she hadn't been able to go through with it. She told us that Christine was pack and pack needed to be protected, not killed. I think that was probably the moment everyone realized what an awesome Pack Mother she'd someday be.
No one thought that someday would come so quickly. My dad had been seriously injured in the first battle of the war with the Bulgarians, and pack power had transferred to Kyle in the process. Kelsey had saved Dad's life, but it was too late; in order to restore his Alpha rights, he'd have to fight Kyle to the death for the position, and that was never going to happen. I think Mom and Dad were both settling into retirement better than any of us suspected, and looked forward to having a grandchild soon to, no doubt, spoil rotten.
With the new pack responsibilities, Kyle was turning the Westin Foundation over to Liam. I'll admit, even I had my doubts on that decision, but he seemed confident in our younger brother's abilities. At only twenty-three years old, Liam still had a lot of growing up to do. Dad was going to be stepping in and helping out some, too. In that regard, I felt a little sorry
for my brother. Neither Dad nor Kyle were fully ready to let go of the reigns, all the while putting the expectation on Liam that they were doing just that.
“So? What did you think of Chris?” I asked Liam after walking Christine out at the end of the interview. I thought it had gone well, personally.
“Better than I expected. You were right, E, she's not the same person she was before the challenges.”
“We still have Merriweather to interview, and you can either make a decision then or I'll go back to the drawing board.”
“No offense, but Merriweather is an old gossipy crow. That's the last thing I want up in my office.”
“Liam, be nice.” I laughed, even knowing he was telling the truth.
“Chris really surprised me. She took the interview seriously. She was polite and professional. She answered all my questions well. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think she's going to work out okay. Or at least, I'm willing to give her a chance.”
He opened the door to his office as I went to leave, but I threw my arm around my brother and squeezed. “I'm glad! I think she'll be an excellent assistant for you, and the sooner we get Kelsey out of here the better. She's only going to get bigger and doesn't need the added stress of this place.”
“Hey,” Kelsey frowned, overhearing us from the doorway between their offices. “I love working here. Don't be too quick to throw me out. I take it the interview with Christine went well?”
We both nodded.
“Are you sure you'd be okay with training her for your replacement?” Liam asked, sounding sincerely concerned about it, given her and Christine’s history.
She smiled. “Chris and I have no issues that I'm aware of. It will be fine, I promise.”
He nodded. “Well, okay then.”
“You still need to get through the Merriweather interview.” He grimaced and I linked my arm through his, escorting him back to his office. “It's the right thing to do.”
Fighting Destiny (Westin Pack Book 2) Page 15
