For the next hour, I talked and she listened. I told her about the army, where I fought and with whom, but no specific, gory details. I told her about the house in South Dakota and how I’d found a sort of peace there. I didn’t tell her about the PTSD. It wasn’t something I was comfortable talking about, but I did tell her about running into Blake and taking a job with his firm. That was where she interrupted me, “You took a job?” I nodded, and she said, “Does that mean you intend to stay here?”
“I intend to get to know my son,” I told her.
She nodded then and said, “He’s not going to make it easy. I don’t know where he gets that temper.” She smiled, and once again that old familiar warmth filled my veins.
“I don’t care about easy. I’m used to hard. I wish things were different, but they’re not. I know I can’t make up for seventeen years, but I can make sure he doesn’t want for anything the rest of his life.”
She smiled again and said, “He’s a good kid, but trust me when I say your father and mine have never let him want for anything. The only thing he ever wanted was a father and because of mistakes we both made, he didn’t have that. In our defense, we were kids and we didn’t know any better, but that’s not his fault and now that I’ve gotten past the hard part of admitting to him that I lied, I feel relieved. I’m glad that you want to get to know him. I’m a better person for knowing him. I don’t know what I would have done without him to live for all of these years.”
“I’m sorry, Ariana.”
She moved closer to me and put her soft hand on my face. My body convulsed at her touch. “No more apologies,” she said. “The past is the past and now we have to just keep moving forward.”
I leaned my head into her hand and closed my eyes. When I opened them I said, “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
“I never stopped loving you.”
She was quiet for a really long time before I felt her let go of my face and stand up. She looked down at me and said, “I never stopped loving you either. You can come out and see him when you’re ready.” I sat there and watched her go. I knew it was too soon to hope that anything could ever happen again between us, but knowing she didn’t hate me would have been enough. Knowing she still loved me was enough to repair almost all of the cracks in my soul.
********
It took me a couple more hours to work up my nerve to go and see my son. When I got there, Ariana wasn’t around, but Max told me Conner was out back in the shed where he kept his dirt bikes. I made my way around the house feeling sick to my stomach. When I reached the shed, I saw him standing over one of the bikes working on something. He didn’t see me so I took a minute just to look at him. He had my dark hair and Ariana’s big hazel eyes. He was almost six feet tall, taller than I was at that age. I grew a lot that year I left home, and I didn’t doubt that someday I’d be looking up at my son. When he finally looked up and saw me, I saw the anger flash in his eyes. We stared at each other for a long time before I finally found my voice and said, “Hi Conner.”
“Hey.”
“What are you working on there?” I was making stupid small talk again. I didn’t know where to start.
“You don’t have to do that. I know why you’re here. I don’t know why it took you seventeen years.”
“Conner, I didn’t know about you.”
“Would it have mattered?”
I stepped closer and stopped when I saw him flinch. “Yes, it would have. I left when I was just about your age. I was a kid, and my mother had just died, and I thought my father didn’t like me, and I was lost. I’m not making excuses; I’m just telling you like it was.”
“You left Mom.”
“Yeah, and not a single day went by in seventeen years that I didn’t regret it. I love your mother, Conner. I’ve never loved anyone else.”
“She’s been alone all of this time. I never understood it. She’s so pretty. I didn’t understand why she turned everyone down that asked her out. I guess she was waiting for you.”
I wasn’t sure if that was said to make me feel good or not, but it did. It made me feel better than anything had in a very long time. I wasn’t happy that she was alone, but I was happy that she loved me as much as I loved her. “Maybe” was what I said to Conner. “But right now what’s important to me is how you feel.”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel. Mom lied to me. You stayed away for my entire life. Grandpa is dead…” I saw the hurt in his eyes when he mentioned my dad. I took another cautious step and sat down on a metal bench near his bike.
“You and your grandpa were close?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Grandpa Max is great, but Grandpa Bobby and I had a lot more in common.”
“Like what?”
“He taught me how to fish. He coached my peewee football team. He taught me how to take an engine apart and put it back together. We did everything together…and he talked about you, a lot.”
“He did?”
“Yeah. He told me it was his fault that you went away. He lied to me to though. He went along with Mom’s story that you died. Where were you anyways?”
“I was in the army. I was Special Ops, and I spent most of my time overseas. I got hurt a couple of years ago and I’ve been living in South Dakota since.”
“You have a lot of tattoos.”
I smiled. “Yeah, too many. I got them to cover my scars.”
“What are the scars from?” He sat down a foot or two from me and I started talking. I told him about his Uncle Brandon and how he was to this day the best friend I’d ever had. I told him how my heart broke the day that he and my mother both died. I told him about his grandmother and how much she was like his mother. And I did my best to answer whatever questions he had. When I left that day, it was with a handshake and not a hug, but I had hope and that was enough for the time being.
CHAPTER TWENTY
TYLER
The next two months were some of the busiest and the best of my life. I sold my father’s businesses. I was sad and nostalgic about it, but I’m not a businessman and I’d rather see them go to someone who could make them succeed rather than run them into the ground myself. I kept the house, and when Leif got out of the hospital, I invited him to stay with me until he got back on his feet. I teased him a lot about being a Green Beret and getting beat down by a “potato” as we refer to the average citizen. He took it well and gave as well as he got. He grew on me quickly, and when it came time for him to leave and go back to his own place, I was sad to see him go.
I met Abrahem, the retired Iraqi soldier on my new team. He was one of those super intelligent guys that sort of hides behind his sense of humor in real life situations. I couldn’t imagine how overwhelming it must be for him to be in a completely different country that was worlds apart from the only home he’d ever known. He seemed to be handling it well, and he was the one I talked to when I was ready to start looking for a plane for the team to use.
Ryder Grant came home from his honeymoon, and like the other guys, he accepted me into the fold without question. His wife was a pretty Russian lady, and they had the cutest little girl. It made me wonder what it would be like to have a daughter someday, which made me wonder if Ariana and I worked out this time, if she’d agree to it.
The most interesting day with my new team came when Ryder invited us all to a couchon de laits. I’d lived in Louisiana my entire life and I’d never seen the likes of it. It was the first day that Ariana and Conner both agreed to spend with me, and once I got over the initial shock of the loud people that I could hardly understand, it was the best day of my life so far. Ryder’s grandmother was the funniest and sweetest person I’d ever met in my life, and as soon as she saw Ariana and me, she said she “sensed a great love.” I wanted to kiss her just for that. She has an infectious laugh, and there was no way anyone could stay in a bad mood around her. Even grumpy Staff Sergeant Donovan smiled all day. Conner was shy at first, but even he co
uldn’t resist the laid-back charm of the people who lived in the swamps, and by the end of the night, when we all sat around the bonfire, he was making eyes at a cute little Cajun girl and reluctant to leave when it was time to go home.
That night, when we got to the Douglas house, Conner said goodnight, and once he’d gone up to his room, I turned to Ariana and said, “Thank you so much for coming today. I had a great time.”
She smiled. “Me too. I like your friends.”
I nodded. “Me too. For a long time I thought I was better off on my own, but something about these guys have renewed my spirit. I’m glad I stayed—mostly because of you and Conner—but I’m also glad I got to know them as well.”
“Conner is coming around.” He’d been sulky for a while and he’d cycled between being in an almost manic state of happiness back to being pissed at the world. But she was right, lately he seemed to have settled into an even temperament and I didn’t feel like he was resistant to get to know me any longer.
“Yeah, he’s a good kid. You did a great job.”
She took a step toward me, and I felt actual butterflies in my stomach. We didn’t spend much time alone, but every time we did, I had to resist the urge to taste her lips. This time I was beyond resisting. I reached out and wrapped my arm around her waist. I waited a beat, and when she didn’t resist, I pulled her into me. She rose up on her toes, and I brought my face down to hers, and after seventeen years of dreaming about it, I finally got to taste those sweet lips. She had the most perfect mouth of any woman I’d ever kissed. I let my lips rub up against hers, and when she parted them, my tongue didn’t waste any time finding its way into her warm, wet mouth. I both heard and felt her moan as I explored every dark crevice. Every nerve in my body stood on end as we kissed and my desire for her was raw and fully on display. Her tongue danced with mine, and her arms draped around the back of my neck as she pulled me down into a deeper kiss. When I had to come up for air, I couldn’t stand the thought of parting with her just yet. I let my mouth and tongue trail kisses down the side of her long, soft neck. She tipped her head back to give me access, and as I kissed her, the soft tendrils of her long hair tickled the side of my face. Every part of her felt good and I never wanted to let her go again.
********
As hard as it was to go slow with Ariana, we both agreed that it was best not to rush back into things. More than a decade had passed between us, and we needed to get to know each other all over again. I was just happy that she was willing to give me another chance. With each day that passed, Conner and I got closer. Ryder took us out on the swamp in his Granny’s boat and taught us how to catch crawfish, and we rode dirt bikes together, and one long rainy day we spent in the attic going through all of the old photos and mementos my mom had stored up there. He got a kick out of seeing photos of both me and his mom and a lot of his Uncle Brandon, as well.
On his eighteenth birthday, Ariana and I threw a party for him at that house. His friends were there, and the little Cajun girl he’d met at the couchon de laits. Her name was Allie and I could tell that he had it bad for her. I was getting ready to put the meat on the barbecue when Blake showed up. He hovered for a while and then finally said, “You’re doing it all wrong.”
I laughed. Blake definitely had control issues. There were a few things I’m sure I might someday end up fighting, but barbecuing meat was not one of them. “You want to do it?”
“If you want it to be edible, I suggest you let me.”
I gestured at him with my middle finger but handed him the spatula and fork with a smile. While he worked whatever magic he had on the meat, I went over and sat with Ariana and Ryder’s wife, Alicia. Alicia was talking about Russia and the long, cold winters there, and while she talked, Ariana absently reached over and took my hand. That slight contact sent my body into a frenzy, and I didn’t know how much longer I could wait before I just attacked her and ripped off her clothes. She looked over and smiled and winked at me, and I thought, That’s it. I can’t wait any longer. The second we’re alone…it’s on.
“Hey Mom, I’m going to show Mikey the 200.” Conner got a new dirt bike the week before, and he was thrilled to show it off to his friends.
“Okay, but if you guys take it out, stay off the street and be careful.”
Conner rolled his eyes, but he leaned down and kissed his mother on the cheek and said, “We will.” I wasn’t worried because I’d never seen him drive recklessly or without his equipment and helmet. I kissed Ariana’s hand and left her with Alicia while I went over to talk to Leif. He and Abrahem were playing a game of cards, and I pulled out a chair and took a seat at the card table with them.
“You want us to deal you in?” Leif asked.
“Next hand. I found a plane.”
“Hot damn!” Abrahem cheered. He was the pilot in the group, and he was happier about me getting the business a plane than Blake was. “It’s a 1981 Dornier Alpha Jet.”
“No way!”
I laughed. “Yep.” I took out my phone and pulled up the ad I’d found for it. It said: Advanced trainer jet, .95 Mach top speed with a 50K ceiling. German built, transonic aircraft with an 800-1000 nm range. Extremely clean, low time and rugged high-performance aircraft.
Abrahem was practically salivating. “Can I test fly before you buy?”
I laughed. “Sure.” I was about to show him another plane I’d been considering when I heard an engine rev loudly and the sound of Conner’s name being yelled out by one of his friends. I knocked over the chair I was sitting in as I jumped up and ran toward the front door. As I pulled it open, I heard myself scream as a car slammed into the side of Conner’s bike. I saw him fly up ten feet in the air, and I felt like things were happening in slow motion as his body came back down and slammed first into the windshield and then after bouncing off of the shattered glass, out into the street. I was trying to get to him as the driver of the car gunned the engine again and jumped the curb. The dark sedan spun out across the lawn as I knelt down on the asphalt next to my son. I could hear chaos around me, but the only thing I could focus on was my son…that was until I heard Ariana’s heart-wrenching scream.
“Conner! Oh my God! Tyler! What happened to him?” Ariana was at my side on her knees. I felt like I was in shock, as I looked at Ariana’s face. Conner was bleeding from the back of his head underneath his helmet. A pool was forming around his neck. One of his arms was twisted at an unnatural angle. I was aware enough to know that Ariana was about to try and hug him to her.
“No!” I didn’t mean to say it so sharply. I lowered my voice and said, “Don’t touch him. Don’t let anyone touch him until the ambulance gets here.” Blake was standing next to us with his phone to his ear. I could hear him talking to the nine-one-one operator. Max was hovering over me, and I could see that he was shaking. I looked around for the car that struck Conner, but I didn’t see it. What I did see was the blue Mustang that followed Blake around. She was parked all the way at the other end of the street…watching. Without thinking about what I was doing or what I’d do when I got there, I raced through the crowd of people that seemed to have just appeared out of nowhere. I was almost to the car when I saw her tires begin to spin and smoke. She must have jerked on the wheel because she jumped the curb sideways and using the well-manicured lawns, she made her escape. I saw Blake watching after her, but not attempting to go after her, and then my eyes refocused on Ariana, sitting in the middle of the street with tears streaming down her face as she sat next to our son and resisted touching him. Conner was still not moving as I made my way back to them. I dropped down to my knees again next to Ariana. The blood pool underneath his head was larger now, and although I could still see his chest moving slightly, his breaths were slow and shallow. “Where the hell is the ambulance?” I screamed out to no one in particular.
“It’s coming, son. I can hear it.” Max dropped down next to me. He looked as helpless as I felt. I could finally hear the sirens too, and I watched toward the end of t
he street as the blurred shape of it appeared. I looked back down at Conner’s face. He was white as a ghost. It was like I was watching the life drain out of him onto the black asphalt. The ambulance stopped behind us, and I had to physically move Ariana out of the way. She felt as strong as an ox as she tried to break out of my grasp and get to her baby. I held her tightly, and we sat there helplessly as the EMTs started an IV and then, with the helmet and all, strapped him down to a body board. They loaded him onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. The red and orange lights spinning on top were almost blinding, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of my son.
I felt Ariana wriggle out of my grasp and stand up. She followed Conner to the ambulance, and when she got to the open doors in the back she said, “I’m going with him.” She didn’t leave room for argument as she climbed inside.
“We’ll be right behind you,” Max told her as the doors closed. I just stood there like a zombie and watched as the ambulance rushed off down the street. When it disappeared Max said, “Come on, let’s follow them.” I followed him to his car, and that was when I saw the police drive up. Two uniformed officers got out of their car and one of them approached me.
“Are you the victim’s father?”
“Yes.”
“Can you tell me what happened?”
“If you follow me to the hospital. I have to get there and make sure my son is okay.”
My hand was on the passenger side door as the cop said, “I need to get your statement first, sir.”
Max visibly tensed as I stepped up into the cop’s face. “This is my statement, I’m going to the hospital to be with my family. If you need any more than that from me, you can meet me there.” I got in the car, and Max scrambled quickly into the driver’s side. Neither of us said a word on the way to the hospital.
********
Max barely stopped the car before I stepped out and ran in through the sliding emergency room doors. I went up to the desk and the girl sitting there was on the phone. I could tell she was talking to a friend or boyfriend or something by the way she was twisting at her hair and giggling. I gave her about two seconds to notice me and hang up. When she didn’t, I slammed my hand down onto the counter in front of her. She lowered the phone and with a mixture of fear and attitude she said, “Can I help you?”
TYLER (Blake Security Book 2) Page 12
