Listen to you lusting over your MILF!! You must have been gay your whole life and were just hiding it from me.
ME
I told you. I’m not attracted to girls. Just Regina. We were made for each other! When I see other women walking down the street I may think they are pretty, but I would NEVER fantasize about having sex with them. Regina threw a monkey wrench into everything I knew and believed about my sexual identity.
VICTORIA
What if Mr. Perfect S&M showed up all of a sudden? I mean, if you had to choose between the perfect kinky guy or this perfect kinky schoolteacher girl, which would you choose?
ME
C’mon, Victoria. That’s stupid. Soulmates are not swappable.
VICTORIA
Now she’s a “soulmate”?
ME
She’s my soulmate.
VICTORIA
(She shook her head in a doubting expression)
I’m sorry. It’s just hard for me to believe that anyone would want to keep their soulmate tied up and gagged in a freaking laundry room. I’m just not feeling the romance.
ME
Trust me, it’s there.
VICTORIA
Then again, I did think it was strange how you never fit with relationships up until this point. I’ve never seen you this passionate and enthusiastic before. This girl must be really amazing…. that or you really, really needed to release the dominant bitch in you.
ME
I’m telling you. I found my person.
VICTORIA
Just imagine… this whole time we have been casually talking, she has been tied up and uncomfortable. You know, I better get going. I feel bad for her.
But then again, she’s probably in need of a big ole spanking for being such a bad girl (wink!)
ME
I apologize for being so distant from you. Now you can see that it was nothing personal. I promise, we can all go out sometime so you can meet each other. She’s so fun.
VICTORIA
You’re a weird fucking chick. I wish I could be a fly on the wall and watch you punish her.
ME
You’ll have to use your imagination. Thanks so much for stopping by!
VICTORIA
I love you. Thanks for sharing.
ME
Love you too. Have a good rest of the day.
And off she went. That was the main thrust of the conversation. Throughout eating the enchiladas, I also learned about her new diet and the usual problems with her dysfunctional family. She may be a crazy mess, but I think she will find a great guy one day. She would be a constant source of fun in a relationship.
After she left, I really felt like racing back to Regina and connecting with her. But the dom in me decided to pour a lemonade and write in my diary. Which I am doing now, “Hi Diary.” But now I think it is way past the time that I should untie her. She probably has to pee sooooooo badly! Shit . I better go get her. Type to you later.
Ok. It’s three hours later and Regina hates my guts! I’m so scared! I’ve spent the last couple hours bawling and trying to make sense of what when down with her.
Here’s what happened. After Victoria left, I took more time to give slave Regina more time in her bondage scene. She has always told me that she loves being retrained and left in the corner like a worthless piece of shit while I go about having the freedom to do as I may, drinking a glass of wine, watching TV, taking a shower, whatever.
But when I finally got back to her in the laundry room, she was laying there hogtied with a completely blank expression. I was expecting her to be insanely turned-on and ready for a spanking and a big fat kiss. But she was just lying there. Clearly, something was up.
My first thought was that something was going on with her physically. Maybe she had been chained up too long and was completely numb or something. I ran several scenarios through my head but none of them added up to the way she was looking. “Oh, Baby. Are you ok?” I inquired. But she didn’t answer. Clearly, there wasn’t a single hint of sexual energy coming from her, no charge of any kind. The one thing that was clearly present in her was a foreboding sense of indifference. It was completely unlike her to ever be anything but beaming with full emotional expression. So to see her like this gave me a pit in my stomach. Something was definitely up… and it wasn’t good. God, I just wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her I loved her. I couldn’t wait to get her out of those chains. I wanted to cuddle with her and warm her with a solid connection.
I asked another time, “What’s wrong?” But it was like I was invisible… persona non grata. Realizing she was obviously still in the game, I changed tack with, “That was some kind of a crazy day I had.” Instantly, she jolted back to reality and demanded in a icy, sterile tone, “Unchain me and get these handcuffs off me.” Absolutely destroyed by her tone, I began babbling sheepishly as I started to unlock her, “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m getting you out right now. What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Can you share with me?”
Once she was free, she stood up, stretched out her aching muscles and then bolted past me without a sound. Ok. Now I understood. She was enraged at me. I scrambled to keep up with her as she headed toward the front door; “Can you share with me what’s wrong? Let’s talk about this, Regina.” But she wasn’t going to let me in at all and marched right out the door without uttering a word or giving me the slightest inkling of what had ticked her off. She took off without ever even looking back at me. Like I said, persona non grata. FUCK ME.
The pit in my stomach swelled over my whole body and grew until I exploded in tears. What had happened? She loved to be treated badly. Why was she suddenly livid with me? What could I have possibly done that was that bad to elicit such a dramatic reaction?
Then if flashed on me. It must have been something with Victoria! All these possible causes raced through my head. Had I said something to Victoria that Regina somehow overheard and was offended by? Had I broken some unspoken promise by sharing about my new relationship? Maybe I had outted Regina as a lesbian when she wasn’t ready for that yet.
My mind kept racing to figure it out. Maybe I had outted her kink and wasn’t supposed to. What the fuck had I said? Or maybe I had forgotten that she had to leave at a certain time and left her too long. No. That wasn’t it. Was she jealous that I had Victoria over? Did Regina think that I was too chummy with Victoria? As that thought crossed my mind, I started remembering back to her mood and tone. In retrospect, it completely felt like jealousy… a slighted lover. Crap. This was bad!
After waiting several agonizing minutes to allow time for Regina to travel home, I started calling to try to reach her. Nothing. I tried texting and emailing saying, “I really need to speak with you. I love you.” Nothing. Her lack of response felt like I was buried alive and suffocating in a coffin.
Feeling more desperate, I texted her, “We have too much invested in each other to cut it off in a single instant. We owe it to ourselves to talk this through. We owe it to our hearts.”
Again, it was an excruciating black hole! Shit. I decided to take a shower. Feeling the hot water pour over my head, along with the repetitive water sound, tends to clear my head and pull me off a ledge. But when I got in the water and exposed myself to those healing negative ions, I still felt buried alive. I left the shower to text her one more thought I had: “One of our rules we set up was not to play emotional games in with our relationship.”
The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t stand that she was playing this non-communication game. My suffocation feeling turned toward anger. I thought, “Ok, maybe I screwed up somehow, but that doesn’t make the silent treatment okay. We had a freaking rule.”
I hopped back in the shower to try again. But my mind was still a swirling mess of sorrow, confusion, anger, and deep yearning. All of the sudden, my phone started ringing!! Holy shit! I jumped out of the shower and sprung for the phone. Sure enough, it was Regina calling. I stood there
sopping wet for the conversation that went like this:
ME
Regina!
REGINA
(Clearly under emotional strain)
We had another rule, didn’t we?
ME
Regina. Thanks so much for calling! What other rule?
REGINA
Think about it.
ME
No playing games. That’s all I remember.
REGINA
And no third parties in our slave game… EVER!
ME
Oh. Of course. But…
REGINA
Victoria was a third party.
ME
What? She just stopped by to catch up.
REGINA
While we were in the middle of a sexy scene with each other!
ME
Regina? Really? Are you really thinking I violated the rule by having Victoria over?
REGINA
I was chained up as your sexual slave. There was a third party involved.
ME
But she wasn’t involved. In fact, I ended up telling her that you were my life-long soulmate and sexual fantasy come true and that you were chained up in the laundry room. She really wanted to see you to check if I was lying or not. But I told her I would never in a million years break that trust I have with you. I would never involve a third person like that.
REGINA
She was involved.
ME
I feel terrible. I didn’t think you would take it that way.
REGINA
Feel that way? It’s like you don’t accept the fact that a third person was involved. Fuck.
ME
Regina. I swear to God I had no idea having Victoria over would bother you or be breaking the third party rule. I was just so excited to finally share with someone about our relationship. It felt good to admit that I am in love with you. I think I needed to get it out into the open. I’m really in love with you.
There was a big, long pause from Regina’s side. I was starting to get really cold from standing naked and dripping. The conversation continued:
ME
I must say, I was actually getting really turned on that you were chained up as my slave while I was casually having lunch with a friend. Isn’t that what you want in your sexual fantasies? Don’t you love the idea that you could be tied up and helpless while I am having a relaxing lunch as I completely “ignore” you? I thought it would be hot for you. You know, my slave isn’t worthy of being at my lunch and has to wait to suffer alone until I’m good and ready to stop her punishment. I swear, I was getting turned on by that idea and I thought you would too.
REGINA
Maybe that could be hot if I had agreed to it in advance.
ME
So it was the surprise that bothered you?
REGINA
Fuck if I know. I just felt stupid.
ME
I’m really sorry, Regina. Do you think you would have felt differently if you had previously met Victoria?
REGINA
I dunno.
ME
Is it because she’s a girl? How would you have felt if I had my office buddy Pete over for lunch instead?
REGINA
(Thinking pause)
Maybe that wouldn’t bother me as much.
But I would still want to know in advance.
ME
I’m really sorry, Regina. I guess I didn’t think it through very well. I swear I never meant to make you feel bad or violate your trust by bringing in a third person.
REGINA
When we play the game, emotions are heightened. As your slave, I feel a hundred times more vulnerable. I started playing all these head trips on myself that you were flirting with Victoria the whole time and that I was the butt of a joke.
ME
Oh no. I’m so sorry. You have to believe me that I don’t feel anything like that for her!! Nothing at all!! We have been buddies forever. That’s all it could ever be. Do you believe me?
REGINA
Yes. I believe you. I realize you didn’t know it would upset me.
(Thinking a moment)
I want to meet her.
ME
Ok. I’ll arrange something. You’ll see that we merely have camaraderie and a history. Nothing else. I swear.
REGINA
It’s ok. I’m ok now, Meg. Well, except that my face is all puffy and red from crying so much.
ME
Mine too. I love you, Regina.
REGINA
I love you too.
(Long pause)
Can I whip you?
ME
Whip me? You mean in the game?
REGINA
No. I want to whip Meg, not the Mistress.
ME
You want to whip me?
REGINA
Yes.
ME
Ok. You can.
REGINA
Leave a key under the mat and handcuff yourself to the bed with your bottom up.
ME
Jesus. You mean right now.
REGINA
I need some catharsis.
ME
Ok. So, you’re going to come over to whip Meg?
But the call went dead. She had hung up on me. Never have I been so happy to have someone hang up on me. We were going to be ok. We worked it all out. I felt like I could fly!
I dried myself off as fast as I could and put a key under the mat. I raced to my bedroom, found my new corset and put it on, and laced it as best as I could by myself. It was pretty tight, but nothing like the feeling when Regina had done it. I handcuffed my wrists together to the lower headboard railing. My ass was exposed as she had requested.
Can you say rollercoaster of emotions? That was the big fight and it looked like make-up sex was up next. Then there was this whole confusion about our slave game. Clearly, she was going to dominate me. Did that mean she was no longer going to be my slave? Did that mean the roles had completely reversed in a single instant? Even though I was excited to see what was going to happen, I really wasn’t ready to give up my slave. I wasn’t ready to stop topping her. Like I said, rollercoaster city.
I heard the front door open and I felt myself literally dripping with anticipation. I was super turned on to have myself exposed like that. I was so curious.
Regina came into the room, not saying a word. No bright smiles or forgiving expression. She just looked at me coldly. But it wasn’t the same sterile expression she had when she was chained up and emotionally wounded. This cold stare was full of emotion that read, “Hey you, Girl – The one in the corset; now you are going to pay.”
I really couldn’t believe this was all happening. She went to my closet and pulled out a plain leather belt, then stood over me menacingly. Even though my face was down, I could feel her staring at me. Still, she didn’t say a word.
Smack!! I felt a soft blow from the belt. It felt like magic. Then there was dead silence for what must have been two minutes. What was she doing? What was she thinking? Whatever was going on, the giant lapse had me dripping even more than I thought was possible. I was hoping she was going to shove a giant dildo up me and fuck me blue. It was such an unbearable anticipation.
Smack!! She hit me again, this time a bit harder. Smack!! Another blow came after only a second. Smack!! A hard one came a second later. Smack!! Now with the steady pace of a metronome, she whipped me with the belt at a consistent medium painful level. Smack!! Smack!! It must have been thirty blows at a second apart. Now it was starting to hurt. I was moaning with equal parts pain and ecstasy. Instead of craving more spankings, I was ready for our bonding. I really wanted her to kiss me and fondle my clitoris.
But that didn’t happen. Smack!! She kept up the pace of a whipping every second. The blows were getting more severe. She still never said anything. I moaned and whined under the pain. Smack!! She kep
t the pace. My ass was on fire. I was starting to really struggle to get away and felt the handcuffs cutting into my wrists. Smack!! She kept going.
Pretty soon, I was really in pain. It was beyond sexual. It was raw pain. I begged her to stop. Really. I was begging her as in, “Please! Please stop!! I can’t take any more! Please!! PLEASE STOP!! I BEG YOU!! PLEASE” But she wouldn’t stop. I started to thrash around involuntarily against the pain. Then I started to cry. Smack!! She kept going. I turned into a bundle of nerves, bawling at full force and begging her with all my might under my tears, “PLEAAAAAAASSEE STOPPPPP!”
And she did. It was quiet. Again, I could feel her staring at me as I lied there sobbing, handcuffed. I was literally weeping uncontrollably. There was nothing left in me.
Finally, she put her hand on my shoulder with a soft and loving touch. It was just a hand, but it conveyed everything. It conveyed that the revenge was over. It conveyed that I was safe. It conveyed that she loved me.
She got the handcuff key from the nightstand and unlocked me. I immediately turned over on the bed and extended my arms to beckon her. She came to me and we hugged souls. We hugged and gave gentle kisses to the neck and cheek. My ass still burned like a blowtorch wound. But the hugging and connecting did a great job of masking the discomfort of a non-consensual whipping.
Pulling back the sheets, she gestured for me to crawl in; which I did. She joined me in bed and we hugged some more. The contact was heavenly. During the hug, she untied my corset and gradually unlaced it, then tossed it to the floor. She broke the embrace long enough to remove all her clothes and our sexy brick boots. We were two nude lovers in bed, two girls together… staring in each other’s trusting eyes.
After a long, but silent communication, she started to softly cry and finally spoke:
REGINA
I really wanted to hurt you. I’m so sorry. That was infantile of me. I don’t like surprises like that. I don’t want to be the butt of a joke.
ME
Regina, I know more than anyone exactly what you mean. That’s why I despise April Fool’s day. I promise I will always protect our boundaries.
REGINA
And I promise I will never harm you again outside of the game. I love you, Meg.
Needless to say, I melted and offered a warm smile that forgave her for her revenge. She didn’t need to hear the verbal words. Our connection said it all. And then came a sweet chuckle from her. “I don’t want to dominate you. I want to be your slave,” she confessed. Chuckling myself and taking note of the pain on my ass, I responded with “Thank, God!”
Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman Page 15
