by A. E. Radley
“If we die, I will never let you hear the end of it,” Holly mumbled as she walked towards the aircraft door.
As predicted, the take-off had been horrendous. Holly had gritted her teeth and held the armrests in a vicelike grip.
Victoria had no idea how to comfort her, so she had left her to her panic. Instead, she flicked through the inflight magazine with a critical eye and a sneer. Despite her attention being focused on the magazine, she was very much aware of what was happening next to her. She wondered if offering Holly the much desired window seat was such a good idea. Out of the corner of her eye she had seen the girl flipping between staring in awe and tightly closing her eyes.
It wasn’t long before she started to feel a headache creeping at her temples. She had forgotten how exhausting it was to look after someone else. Hugo was fifteen and practically an adult in his own mind. Alexia was eight going on fifty. Then again, she’d always employed the services of a nanny from the moment her children were born.
Watching over Holly was like having a second full-time job.
Once take-off was over and Holly had released her death grip on the innocent armrests, Victoria leaned her head into the leather headrest and closed her eyes.
Victoria was no expert when it came to the art of sleeping. She spent her entire life in a state of hyperawareness. Even with her eyes closed, she was completely aware of her surroundings. The rumble of the cabin crew trolley, the chuckling of someone watching an inflight movie. And, of course, the woman sitting next to her.
It would be fair to say that Holly wore her heart on her sleeve, but knowledge of that fact didn’t stop Victoria being surprised at her ability to monitor Holly’s emotions, even with her eyes shut.
She could sense the girl’s fears slowly fade. After a while, she heard a pen scratching its way over the scrappy notebook the girl seemed so fond of. She could practically feel excitement emanating from the girl.
Victoria had been lying with her eyes closed for around fifty minutes, but it had seemed like hours. It was clear that sleep wasn’t going to come and whisk her away. She was far too curious about what Holly was up to. She opened her eyes and tilted her head towards her neighbour.
“Out with it,” she muttered.
“Oh! You’re awake!” Holly beamed. “I’ve been making plans.” She folded printed pieces of paper up and slid them back into her notebook.
“I know,” Victoria sighed.
“Sorry, did I keep you awake?”
Victoria waved the question away. “No, no… just tell me what you’ve been doing.”
“Well,” Holly started excitedly, “I think I’ve finally chosen a hostel. I had three to pick from. One is a good backup in case the first one is closed or not what I was expecting—”
“Hostel?” Victoria questioned with distaste. “You mean hotel? Why would you need a hotel?”
“I don’t, I need a hostel,” Holly corrected her. “You know, somewhere to live. My apartment will be long gone, even if I knew where it was. So, for now, I’ll get a hostel until I can find a job and get a few months’ pay. Then I can try to rent a room in a house…” Holly drifted off as Victoria stared at her.
“You will not be staying in a… hostel,” Victoria almost spat the word. “You will, of course, be staying with me.”
“I can’t stay with you forever, Victoria. It’s not right. I already owe you so much. No, the sooner I’m independent and out from under your feet, the better,” Holly said triumphantly, her accompanying nod seemingly agreeing the matter for both parties.
“Who said forever?” Victoria pinched the bridge of her nose to relieve some of the stress that was building.
Holly rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Once we land, I’d like to go to this hostel to have a look around. I have the emergency funds they gave me at the embassy. It will depend on their availability, of course, but I hope I can get settled immediately. And then I won’t be such a bother to you.” Holly circled the address in her notebook.
Victoria picked up the tatty book and peered at the addresses. To say the addresses were located on the wrong side of town would be an understatement.
“Absolutely not.” She tossed the book back to Holly. “I forbid it.”
Holly’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me? You what?”
It felt like the cabin temperature dropped by five degrees.
Victoria sighed and started again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. It’s just that it… it will be late when we get back to the city. And I don’t want you, or me, to be lost in one of those neighbourhoods late at night looking for a hostel when I have a perfectly good guestroom for you to stay in.”
Holly looked like she was going to argue.
“At least for tonight,” Victoria hurriedly added. “Of course, you are welcome to stay as long as you like. But at least tonight, maybe the next as well, until you settle a little. We have so much to do, speak with your doctors, find your old apartment, locate your friends, find your bank account… so much to do. It would be better for you to remain at the townhouse. At least for the first week.”
Victoria wanted more. She wanted Holly to stay for the first six months, maybe even a year. After spending so much time without her, it now felt imperative that she have Holly close. If only to ensure that she was safe and well. The thought of her living out of sight in New York was too much to bear. How would she know if Holly was safe if she were out of sight?
Holly still had a face like thunder but appeared to be taking the words into consideration.
“Fine.” She nodded. “But as soon as the administrative stuff is done, I will go to the hostel.”
Victoria rolled her eyes. “Why a hostel?”
“Because they’re cheap. I’m unemployed and I need to get back on my feet again. I can’t afford a New York hotel.”
She frowned. “You’re not unemployed.”
Holly frowned in return. “Yes, I am.”
“You work for me, you’re my second assistant. I told you all of this.”
Holly looked incredulous. “I was your second assistant, a year ago. I’m sure you’ve replaced me by now, and even if you haven’t, I can’t do that job now. I know nothing about it. I’d be no help to you at all. No, I need to start over. I need a new job, a new home. A new me.”
Victoria headache spiked. She massaged her temple.
“You seem intent on causing me pain and removing yourself from my presence as soon as humanly possible,” she mumbled.
“That’s not true,” Holly said softly. “I’m sorry your head hurts, and I’m sorry you can’t sleep. But I want to get back on my feet as soon as possible. I haven’t been able to do anything for myself for a year. Before that, I can’t even remember. I want to be independent. I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m trying to help me.”
“I’m trying to help you, too,” Victoria whispered.
“I know,” Holly admitted. “And I can’t tell you how much I appreciate everything you are doing. I know you want to protect me and look after me, but I need to do some things for myself… I don’t need you mothering me.”
Victoria turned away and stared at the back of the seat in front of her.
Holly gently placed her hand on hers. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Victoria gave a small nod and closed her eyes.
18
After the argument, Holly had spent her time reading on the iPad. No matter how much she tried to bury herself in her book, she couldn’t forget the altercation. She was split between feeling angry at Victoria’s bossy behaviour and guilty at causing her pain. Victoria had seemed genuinely upset that Holly wanted to leave her so soon.
Holly wanted to talk about it, but Victoria’s sudden silence and refusal to even look at her was a clear indication that the subject was closed. Soon after, Victoria had fallen asleep, or at least presented a good approximation of sleep.
The crew started to breeze through the cabin, issuing instructions at a blistering r
ate. There was talk of window blinds, chairs, hand luggage, restrooms, and tables, all at such a dizzying speed that Holly struggled to keep up.
She decided that the whole flying business was bonkers. Clearly the airline staff just enjoyed the buzz they received in bossing first-class passengers around.
During the flurry of activity, Victoria opened her eyes and looked around with a calculating glance. Holly watched as she pushed a button and returned her seat to an upright position. Then she pushed her handbag under the seat in front of her with a shoeless foot.
Holly hadn’t reclined her seat and her luggage was in the overhead compartment, so she presumed that she was ready for the horror that was about to be the landing.
She itched to say something to Victoria. But after the hours of uneasy silence, she really didn’t know what it was. She was so grateful for everything that Victoria was doing for her. Holly felt she needed to somehow pay her back, but what Victoria had given her was truly priceless. And now she wanted to give her more, a guestroom, a job, a life. Her old life. But Holly didn’t remember that old life, she didn’t even know if she wanted that life back.
“Seatbelt,” Victoria whispered.
“Oh!” Holly glanced down at her lap and quickly pulled the belts together. “Thank you.”
She sensed that Victoria wanted to say more. She was relieved that she wasn’t the only one struggling with the way they had left things.
After a few more moments, Victoria spoke so softly that Holly could only just hear her.
“I’m sorry if you feel I am… mothering you… too much. I don’t wish to lay down the law or use words like ‘forbid.’ It just happens because I worry. I don’t want to see you hurt again. I feel I know best and I want to protect you from things, but I know that is wrong. I know you need to live your own life.”
Holly got the distinct impression that Victoria didn’t often apologise or admit fault.
“Thank you,” Holly replied. “I can see you care for me a lot, and I really do appreciate that. I think maybe I need to try to take my independence one step at a time. I think I have a tendency to leap in with both feet. We need to meet each other halfway…”
“Agreed.”
Victoria looked relieved and her tensed shoulders slowly started to lower. They shared a smile.
It was short-lived, as the plane banked sharply. Holly pressed her back into the chair and grabbed hold of the armrests.
Why people continued to fly, she would never understand.
19
Victoria had thought ahead and asked for a new driver from the agency. The last thing she needed was someone who would recognise Holly and cause a whirlwind of gossip in the office.
The second they exited the airport, Holly’s nose was practically glued to the window, staring at the famous skyline before them. Victoria used the opportunity to get some work done.
She found herself distracted by Holly’s occasional gasp at the scenery. After a while, she found her attention drifting towards the window that Holly was looking out of. She calculated the route they were taking and waited with a smile for Holly to be wowed by the view of Manhattan from the Robert Kennedy Bridge.
A small fear had lurked within Victoria, one which dreaded that Holly might dislike the grittiness of New York and prefer the beauty of Paris. That fear shrivelled up and vanished at the reflection of Holly’s excited face.
The journey from the airport to the brownstone on West 96th had never seemed shorter. The driver opened the front door and started to take the bags up the exterior flight of stairs and into the hallway.
Victoria climbed the stairs but suddenly felt a chill surround her. She’d expected Holly to be beside her, but the girl had vanished.
She whirled around only to let out a breath of relief when she saw Holly petting the neighbour’s Persian cat. She exhaled the panic and inhaled a calming breath.
“Holly?” she called softly.
She wanted to get Holly into the safety of the house, as if the sanctuary of her own home would magically cleanse the fear and stress she had been suffering from.
Holly looked up at her and smiled.
“He’s so cute,” she said, gesturing her head to the cat.
“He is,” Victoria agreed.
She hated the overly friendly, pretentious ball of fluff. The cat was one of the main reasons she’d bought a dog. A big dog.
Holly stood and walked up the stairs and into the house.
“Wow,” she whispered in awe as she entered.
The driver had finished with the bags, and Victoria nodded her appreciation to him. He jogged back down the stairs and Victoria stepped into the house, closing the front door behind them and letting out a sigh. It was over. They were home. She’d done it.
She watched as Holly strolled around the entrance hall. She pressed her lips together in a worried, thin line. She’d been concerned about this moment as she wondered if Holly would suddenly remember the house and her time inside it.
Holly had often been asked to deliver things to the house. Victoria imagined that the entrance hall had been a highly stressful location to the once shy girl.
Holly didn’t seem to be experiencing a terrifying flashback. Instead she was staring at the high, ornately decorated ceilings and then shifting her gaze down to study the marble floor. She approached the long staircase to the right-hand side of the building, looking up and then down.
“Wow,” she repeated. “You have a beautiful home.”
“Quite the statement seeing as you’ve only seen the hallway,” Victoria muttered. She felt a satisfied smile tug at her lips. She removed her coat and hung it in the closet.
“I’d happily live in the hallway,” Holly replied.
“Well, luckily for you, you won’t have to. A guestroom has been made up for you downstairs.”
Holly looked over the bannister rail again. She turned her whole body around to look up. “How many floors are there?”
“Five. The guest area is downstairs, there’s a bedroom, an en suite, and kitchen facilities. But I’d love for you to dine with the family, if you are agreeable?”
Holly removed herself from the bannister and nodded. “I’d prefer to. Where are your children?”
“With my mother, they’ll be back next week.”
“Have you… told them? About me, I mean?”
Victoria shook her head. “No, not yet. I’ll speak with them before they return, though.”
“Will they be okay with it?” Holly asked.
“I don’t see why not. We’ve had guests come to stay before.”
“But presumably not former second assistants who have brain damage?”
She didn’t really have a reply to that, and she didn’t really need one. She was Victoria Hastings, she did what she liked. If she were to be unpredictable, no one would call her out on it.
“Please do go down to you room. Unpack, freshen up, etcetera. I’m going to get changed and then I’ll prepare us a small dinner if you like?”
“Thank you, that’s very kind.” Holly walked over to the stack of luggage and picked up her holdall.
“Not at all.” She picked up the smallest of her four suitcases. “Shall we say thirty minutes?”
20
The holdall slipped from Holly’s fingers and fell to the thick carpeted floor with a muted thud. She stared at her surroundings, her mouth hanging open in shock.
The so-called guestroom was out of this world. Immaculately decorated, homey and comforting. It had the feel of a boutique hotel, the soft tartan wallpaper matching the bedspread on the king-sized sleigh bed.
Two large sash windows drew light from the back yard, but an outside wall covered in ivy and lilac roses maintained a level of privacy.
Holly walked into the en suite bathroom, flipping the switch to activate the spotlights in the ceiling. The first thing she noticed was a shower big enough for six people, a series of water jets built into the wall and the ceiling made it look like an exp
erience not to be missed. A shelf in the shower area was filled with shampoos, conditioners, body washes, and other products she couldn’t recognise.
She turned to look at the bathtub and noticed more beauty products lined up along the edge. The sink and vanity area held wrapped toothbrushes, toothpaste, hairbrushes, and makeup.
Holly couldn’t remember if she’d ever stayed in a luxury hotel, but she was pretty sure that no hotel was as luxurious as this.
She walked back into the bedroom and opened the nearest wardrobe. It was full of clothes, beautiful designer clothes. She pulled out a garment on a hanger and noted it was her size. Along the bottom of the wardrobe was a variety of shoes for all occasions. Again, in her size. She put the hanger back and closed the door of the wardrobe.
She turned and started to explore further. A set of drawers held a large selection of underwear. The bedside cabinet was full of stationery, including leather-bound notebooks and a selection of pens. The vanity unit contained face cleansers, moisturisers, and perfume.
She stood in the doorway to the bathroom and gaped at the two rooms in astonishment.
Victoria had taken care of absolutely everything. Anything Holly could need for the next month was available to her. It was obvious that great thought and care had gone into making the temporary stop a home. She felt touched at the thought of Victoria taking so much effort just for her.
She wondered if it was Victoria, or maybe her first or even her second assistant. But surely they would have had guidance from Victoria?
Holly picked up her holdall and placed it on the bench at the end of the bed. She opened the bag and took out her notebook and cheap ballpoint pen. She walked around the room a little, taking everything in for a few moments. Eventually, she sat on the corner of the bed and started to write.
At first, writing had been a training exercise, a way to improve her motor skills, but it had soon become a big part of her life. She enjoyed jotting down her thoughts and feelings, mentioning noteworthy moments about her day and reading back through days gone by. It became a way to process what she was going through.
