Love & Betrayal & Hold the Mayo

by Francine Pascal

  It’s not quitting if you get fired. But I can’t do that now. I have to stick around for Henry. We made a deal. I apologize, but she doesn’t even wait to acknowledge me. Steven’s so deep into his fried egg that he doesn’t even get the satisfaction of watching me get zonked. Well, it was worth it, and I think it helped Henry a little. At least he knows he has a friend.

  Even though I’m still the last one to finish serving, it seems a little better than yesterday’s breakfast. Not as much improvement as I think, though, when I remember that I didn’t serve breakfast yesterday. My disaster started with lunch.

  “Torrie,” Steffi says, poking her head back into the dining room, “we’ll wait for you on the porch, okay?”

  I would love to say no, but there’s no way. I can’t avoid my best friend every time she’s with her boyfriend. She’s sure to catch on pretty fast.

  “I’ll be out in a minute,” I call back. I have to pull myself together for this. Just the sight of Robbie shakes me up so much that I’m sure everybody can see. And that would be horrendous—if Steffi knew, I mean.

  I can see them through the screen door. They’re sitting at the far end of the porch, very close on the wooden bench. And they’re talking. It all looks very private, so I decide just to wait. And wait.

  Obviously they could do this forever, so I cough a few times to give them warning, groan, shove the screen door open and go out onto the porch.

  “Hi, Steffi,” I say very up and looking only at Steffi. “Hi, Robbie.” Still up and only looking at Steffi. I don’t think I can carry this off.

  “That was pretty fast,” Steffi says, trying to look on the bright side. “You’re really getting into it.”

  Now Robbie tries his helping hand. “It’s only ten minutes extra. That’s not too bad, you know, ten minutes.”

  “Yeah,” I say, looking over his head. “Ten minutes later than Claire and all the other retards. Great.”

  “Well, it’s only for another day or so, right? When are they going to pick you up or what?”

  “They’re not going to. I changed my mind.”

  Steffi jumps up and hugs me. “That’s fabulous! Oh, I’m so happy. Now it’s going to be a perfect summer. The three of us. That’s the way it’s going to be!”

  Ugh!

  “That’s great,” Robbie says. “Steffi really felt terrible about your going home. So did I.”

  I don’t even look on his side of the porch, for that one.

  “What happened?” Steffi wants to know.

  “I just thought some more about it and decided that I would give it another chance. One day isn’t enough, I guess.” If Robbie weren’t around I would tell Steffi the truth about Henry and quitting, but with Robbie here I just feel strange. I can’t be myself. In fact I struggle just to speak regular. It’s going to be one long horrendous summer.

  “Let’s all get a Coke, okay, Robbie?” Steffi says.

  “I can’t, Stef,” he says. “I have to be down at the waterfront in about ten minutes. Want to walk me down?”

  “Sure,” Steffi says. “How about it, Torrie? You haven’t even seen the waterfront yet, have you?”

  “I’ll go down this afternoon,” I lie, because I intend never to go. At least not while Robbie’s on duty, and that’s probably all the time, since he’s in charge of the waterfront.

  “Come on, Torrie, you’ve got time.”

  “I can’t.” Another lie. “I promised Nina that I would stop by and see her bunk.”

  Steffi gives me a funny look. That was stupid—she knows me too well.

  “Okay,” she says, “I’ll catch you back at the bunk.” And she and Robbie go off toward the lake. I stand there on the porch, alone. I feel terrible. The most important friendship in my life is going down the tubes, and I can’t stop it.

  Let’s face it, I’m just like Steffi—madly in love with Robbie. And something else. Is it my imagination, or is he beginning to give me strange looks? Nice strange. Too nice strange.

  What a mess!

  I don’t want to look like too much of a liar, so I stop by Nina’s bunk. Lucky for me it’s empty. I take back my vest, which of course is thrown on the floor in true Nina slob way. By the time I get back to my own bunk, good old D. J. is there.

  “Lucky you,” she says.

  “How come?” I say, probably falling into the biggest trap ever made.

  “You pulled dock duty for all of next week. Don’t look so innocent. You may fool your dear best friend, but I’m a lot smarter.”

  “Hey, gimme a break, huh? I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

  Just as I say it, I realize what she’s talking about. Robbie runs the waterfront. I have to be his assistant for seven days. I can’t do it. That’s all. I just can’t do it.

  “If you think it’s so sensational, we can switch, then you can be the lucky one.”

  “I think Mr. Robbie Wagner is absolutely adorable. A real hot ticket. But not worth a week of shivering in a wet bathing suit. No thanks, you keep it.”

  “Maybe Claire …”

  “Are you kidding? She hates the water worse than I do. Why don’t you ask dear old Steffi? I’m sure she’d love to switch places to be near her boyfriend. If she was smart she would.”

  “I don’t even know why I talk to you about this anyway. You’ve got such a warped view of everything. Robbie is my best friend’s boyfriend, period.”

  “Sure thing,” she says, giving me that sly nasty smile.

  I wonder about people like Dena Joyce. She must like being disagreeable. I wonder if there’s anyone she would be nice to. So far I haven’t seen any sign of niceness. And I’m finished trying to be nice to her—from now on I’m going to treat her like she deserves. Let her say one more thing to me, and I’m really going to sock it to her. Just one more thing.

  And she does. “Hey, Victoria, you got the time?”

  “Leave me alone, will you?” I answer, just as Claire, Alexandra, and one of the twins come into the bunk. So everyone thinks I’m nuts. So what?

  Staying was a stupid idea. It can only get worse. I should have minded my own business with Henry and I would have been able to go home right this minute.

  “Anybody want to switch dock duty for anything you want?” I ask generally. Nobody answers. “I’ll exchange for anything.” I look at Claire.

  “Who wouldn’t?” Claire says, rolling her eyes. “That’s the worst job around.”

  “Claire’s right,” one of the twins says. “Everyone’s got to do it, so I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to get out of it.”

  “If someone wants to change with me, it’s my business. Besides, I was just asking.”

  “Well,” twinny says, “I’m saying no.”

  “Fine. Anyone else?”

  Only Alexandra is nice about it, but she loves what she has, arts and crafts, so she doesn’t want to change. So far I’m stuck, and everyone thinks I’m just trying to get out of a hard job. Maybe Steffi wants to change. I have to be careful. She’d probably think I can’t stand to be near him for a whole week. Boy, is she right, but for all the wrong reasons.

  When Steffi and I are walking to the mess hall, I tell her I would be willing to change dock duty next week if she likes, and then she could spend a whole extra week with Robbie.

  “Oh, I’d love to but I don’t think I can get out of Drama Group. Becky Walker specially requested me for the first week to help organize the summer play. I was very involved last year. I’ve already said yes, but an extra week with Robbie is tempting …” Steffi is really struggling. Finally she says she can’t.

  Unless I can think of something brilliant over the weekend I’m stuck for dock duty starting Monday.

  I make one last try with the other twin on Sunday, but she’s not interested either. Somehow Steffi finds out that I’ve been trying to dump the assignment, and of course she thinks it’s because I don’t like Robbie.

  “That’s not true, Steffi,” I tell her. “It’s
just that I’m going to get my period next week and I hate to be stuck in a bathing suit.”

  She buys it, but that’s not great. Now I have to pretend to have my period all next week and pretend not to have it the following week when I really will have it. This whole thing gets worse by the minute. A week of dock duty. Horrendous. I’ll never make it.

  Seven

  Monday morning starts like all Monday mornings—rain. Well, not exactly rain, just slight drizzle. The light gray kind of day that looks like it might clear up any minute. Just promising enough to keep the people on dock duty at their stations.

  Alone.

  That’s just what I needed—to be alone with Robbie. Of course he’s very friendly, welcoming me, showing me around and explaining rules like how we handle the safety equipment and all that. I force myself to pay close attention because it’s serious business, but half my brain is stuck on thinking how handsome he is close up and how much I like the sound of his voice. Every once in a while I forget and look up at his face, at his bottom lip, especially, when he smiles. He’s got the sweetest smile, with just a trace of a dimple on one cheek. I guess I knew all this from Steffi, but I never knew what it would make me feel like. It makes me feel like I want to reach out and touch him.

  And when we do touch, accidentally, the feeling ripples through my body and I get warm all over. How am I going to last seven days? That thought almost makes me want to cry.

  I find a little trick that helps. Whenever I get too carried away, lost in the sound of his voice or the sight of that bottom lip, I say, “Steffi.” That’s it, I just say her name over and over again like it’s some kind of magic charm that will break the spell.

  When I run out of charms I just clam up. At first he chats with me, the way you would with someone you’re working with, but all I can manage are one-syllable answers so the conversation just kind of dribbles away. Then it gets silent, and that’s hard to break. It’s obvious he thinks I don’t like him, but that’s the price I have to pay.

  One bad thing happens in the morning. The two of us are out there reading, about ten feet apart, when a frog croaks and we both look up at the same instant. For a second neither of us realizes that we’re staring at each other.

  It’s intense, the way our eyes get locked together for that moment. Finally I force myself back to the book, but that’s it; I can’t read another thing for the rest of the morning.

  The afternoon is just as horrendous. At about three, Steffi comes down to visit us, and I feel so guilty I can’t even look at her. I haven’t done one thing wrong, but everything I think is horrible.

  And she doesn’t have much luck with Robbie, either. I guess just sitting around here in this funny kind of gloom has hit him too.

  Steffi pulls me aside. “What’s up? Are you both in the dumps or what?”

  “It’s just the weather. It’s really depressing to sit around here in this drizzle.”

  But she doesn’t buy my explanation. “Look, I know you’re not crazy about Robbie, but at least you could try to be a little friendly….”

  “That’s not fair, Steffi. It’s really hard. Here we are alone all this time and we barely know each other.”

  “I guess you’re right, Torrie, I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s so important to me that you two like each other. Maybe I’m pushing too hard.”

  “Yeah, it just takes time.”

  By now Robbie has finished checking the lines and we’re all back together. It’s awful-time again.

  “What do you think?” he says. “Is it going to clear up?”

  We do the weather bit for a few minutes, and then I find an excuse to leave them alone.

  They walk over to the end of the dock and talk. I watch them. She loves him: I can see that. I can see it in her eyes, in her face, in the way she moves close to him and touches his arm whenever she can. I hope she can’t see it in me.

  They talk for a while, then he bends down and kisses her lightly on the forehead. When he straightens up he looks in my direction.

  I look away. Why did he do that? There’s something strange about his attitude toward me. I’m not sure if it’s just me seeing him through my feelings or if he really is acting different.

  Finally, after a hundred years, Steffi goes back to her drama group. Great how I love to get rid of my best friend, isn’t it?

  The rest of the afternoon is spent in serious silence. The weather’s getting worse, drippy and chilly, but I’m not even cold. In fact, I’m practically in a sweat.

  At five we say good-bye and he goes in one direction and I go in another. Intense.

  Tuesday is a total nightmare. Between waitressing and dock duty, my life is a total disaster. We are now, that’s Robbie and me, at the point where we don’t talk at all. When he comes around to my side of the dock, I smile nicely and walk around to the other side. If he does ask me something, I practically jump out of my skin at the sound of his voice.

  By the way, it’s drizzling again. All day.

  I spend the afternoon in dread of Steffi’s visit. That’s the worst time. It’s very tricky because we both have to come up with all sorts of crazy things that make us look busy. I must have tied the knot on the line to the raft ten times. The last time I do it I’m trying so hard to look involved that I forget what I’m doing, and the minute I turn my back it opens, the rope slides off the dock, and the raft is free.

  Nothing to do but go in after it. It may be cold and awful, but it’s better than facing Steffi.

  It comes to me sometime during the hours I spend sitting, damp and shivering, trying to concentrate on the book I’ve been staring at for the last two days: Summer camp is like a prison sentence.

  And I feel like a criminal, too, trying to steal my best friend’s boyfriend. That’s the truth. Sure, I’m not doing it outright, but I love him, and inside my heart, I want him to love me, too.

  At night I don’t take part in any of the activities. I say I’m not feeling well. Steffi thinks I have my period, so she accepts it. Maybe she doesn’t accept it completely, but she wants to, so that helps. Besides, she spends a lot of time with Robbie now.

  The only one of the other girls I’m friendly with is Alexandra. Liza is okay, but just not my type, and I couldn’t care less about the twins. Claire is a dodo and I outright hate and despise Dena Joyce.

  “How’s dock duty?” D. J. asks every chance she gets. And the way she says it is so nasty that I’m afraid Steffi will notice. For some reason she doesn’t. It’s like she’s oblivious. Why shouldn’t she be? Would she suspect her best friend of betraying her? Of course not.

  Meanwhile, Ken is around a lot. I don’t give him any encouragement, but then I know why he’s hanging around. He wants to be near Steffi. She’s so dense about anyone but Robbie that she doesn’t even notice, except to say how nice he is and how much he likes me.

  “Why don’t we all go down for a soda?” he asks me, staring at Steffi.

  “I’m going to pass,” I say. “I’m too tired. Thanks anyway.”

  “How about you, Steffi?” He’s practically drooling.

  “Only if Victoria wants to. I’m sort of tired myself.”

  Now he’s got to turn back to me. I never saw so much pleading in anyone’s eyes. How can I say no? I’m such a horrendous person lately that I better grab my one little chance to be nice to someone.

  “Okay,” I say, “I’ll go.”

  He practically kisses me. Naturally Steffi in her great denseness whispers to me that he’s out-of-his-mind-happy that I’m going. I don’t even bother to tell her the truth.

  When we get down to the rec hall, the music is blasting, and it’s jammed. Everybody is there.

  But not Robbie, thank goodness. For the first time since I arrived, or more accurately since he arrived, I’m having a good time. I love to dance and I’m pretty good at it, so I get asked a lot Nobody really sends me wild, but it’s fun, and I even have a good time with Steffi.

  “This is great,” she say
s to me. “You’re like your old self again.”

  “I think I’ve gotten a second wind.”

  I dance with Ken a couple of times, but he only has eyes for Steffi. They really get along pretty well. If Robbie weren’t in the picture they’d make a good couple. But Robbie is not only in the picture; when I turn around to get a cold drink, he’s also there in the flesh. We see each other and turn away quickly. I’m back where I started. My evening is ruined.

  Rather than start making up reasons why I’m suddenly back to gloom-face, I whisper to Steffi that I’m really exhausted and I’m going back to the bunk. She’s disappointed but understands. I get out before she sees Robbie, so there’s no way for her to connect his coming with my going.

  When I get back to the bunk there’s a message from my parents asking me to call them. It’s still early enough, so I hurry down to the front office and phone them.

  “How’s it going, honey,” my dad asks.

  “Great,” I tell him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  How can they always tell so fast? “Nothing. It’s just it’s a lot harder than I thought.”

  “Maybe I should have told you about the time I worked as a waitress at the Carnegie Deli. What a mess. I dropped a tray loaded with pickles and mustard all over a customer who turned out to be the owner’s father-in-law.”

  “Oh, Daddy, now I know where I get it from. What happened? Did they fire you?”

  “On the spot. But I wasn’t defeated. Now I could tell everyone I was an experienced waiter. I just left out a couple of details.”

  “I don’t even think I’ll be lucky enough to get fired. I’ll just end up with so many fines that I’ll owe them money at the end of the summer.”

  “Hang in there, honey. I guarantee you’re going to end up loving it.”

  “Ha!”

  “Take my word for it,” he says, and then tells me a few more things about his short but brilliant career in the restaurant business. And somehow I feel better. Nothing ever seems so horrendous after I talk to my dad.

  Of course, I don’t tell him about Robbie. Nobody can help me about that nightmare.

  Walking back to the bunk, the air is warm and smells delicious, like the forest after a rain. The sky is clear and filled with stars. It’s supposed to be beautiful tomorrow. At least we won’t have to be alone again: We have swimming groups all day, plus two general swims with the whole camp.