“This is a great table, isn’t it, Kazumi?” I say more to myself.
Kazumi could not be less interested in the table, but she nods anyway. It’s a beautiful harvest style table, similar to the one in Vincent’s loft, except this one is much larger and longer.
“So, what’s on the agenda today? What are we doing first, bro?”
Benny’s mouth is full, and Vincent looks mildly disgusted at his brother. Benny smiles back at him, his cheeks full of bagel and cream cheese.
“I thought we’d start downstairs, put in the curtain rods, roll out the rugs...”
“MMMH! Mm-mm!”
Vincent looks over at me, perplexed by the jumble of noise coming from my mouth. I swallow my coffee and continue.
“No. Nuh-uh. First thing, we’re putting curtains in your bedroom. I hate waking up to the damn invasion of light every morning.”
Vincent scoffs, shocked by my outburst.
“Ok, Benny. You heard the lady. We’ll start with our bedroom.”
Our? Fuck, I walked into that one, didn’t I? I glance up at Kazumi and she’s looking at me over the paper. Her eyes are blank, expressionless. But I know what she’s thinking. Today isn’t the day to have that conversation with Vincent. Not yet. I’m procrastinating. I know.
I feel Jordan’s eyes on me and look away from Kazumi and at Jordan who has his brow cocked up at me. I roll my eyes at him and he sticks his tongue out. The walls start to close in on me, but I’m saved by the sound of the doorbell. I rise to my feet and beat Vincent to the door.
A small mousy man with the name of a furniture company sewn onto his shirt stares back at me, he’s a complete contrast to the man in charge yesterday.
“Ah, good morning, Miss. I, ah, I am Mario. I’m here for the Mr. Vincent ahReynier,” he says glancing at his clipboard. His Italian accent is adorable; he smiles at me warmly.
“That’s me,” Vincent says from behind me and walks out onto the porch with Mario.
He is bringing the boxes from Vincent’s loft, a few pieces of furniture too. Mario carries a large, and somewhat oddly familiar, red suitcase. I stare after him as he goes up the stairway and into the library.
“He’s putting that in the closet with your safe,” Vincent answers my unspoken question.
“What’s in it?” Something about that red case has made me feel unsettled, I’m anxious, but when am I not anxious?
“Um...not sure. It belonged to my grandfather,” Vincent looks distracted, and I assume it’s because he is trying to think of where to put everything.
I nod, and am easily placated. I shelve my uneasy feeling. It must be because he was putting it with my safe, my safe with my measly belongings. I glance around the vast living room and feel my blood rush through my ears. Vincent is smiling and speaking to his brother, but I can’t hear a word he’s saying. I need to tell him, and tell him soon.
I manage to smile even though I feel the room shrinking, my breath grows shorter, and my heart is beating through my ears. Today is absolutely not the day to have “the conversation” with Vincent. How can I tell him I don’t plan on moving in with him without hurting his feelings?
I’m just not ready. I enjoy being with him, but I also feel railroaded. I feel completely out of control of my own life. I need to have some independence. Not to mention the fact that we hardly know each other, a fact that doesn’t bother me as much as it should, or as much as it used to.
It’s as though the sound in the room gradually gets turned up and I rejoin the group. But the strange red suitcase, the fact that Vincent feels this need to take care of me, the fact that I’m at the mercy of my friends... It’s all lingering and looming in my thoughts now.
I am so absorbed by Vincent’s life. I know soon, he will begin his new career at the university, and that might just be the perfect time for me to discuss my plans to move into Kazumi’s apartment. There will be some distance between us at last. Even though living in Kazumi’s place will be temporary as well, it will afford me the time to formulate a plan, some new goals even. I can figure out what the fuck it is I want. I’m clueless right now.
“Earth to LENORE! Wake up, woman! We have decisions to make!”
Kazumi is opening up packages that contain the curtains and Jordan is holding one up in my face, yelling at me.
“Well, which room do you want this in, oh, Mistress of the Reynier Manor?”
I give Jordan the angriest, deadliest look I can muster once I realize we are alone in the room. Vincent must have gone upstairs with Benny while I was sipping my coffee absorbed in my thoughts.
“Cut that shit out, Jordan. It isn’t funny. I have a real problem on my hands,” I whisper at him.
“I bet you think you’re the only one with problems, right?” He grumbles.
“What?” I ask, bewildered, and slightly affronted.
“Nothing, never mind. Where do you think we should hang these?” He softens his tone. He’s holding up the pale yellow curtains that belong in the kitchen. Thankfully our conversation shifts and we manage to get a lot of work done without my relapsing into another one of my introspective spells.
I’ve barely seen Vincent. Jordan and Kazumi have been keeping me busy in the library. Putting everything together, shelving, cleaning and organizing with me. Vincent has been up in the attic, and has been slinking past the library all day. He seems very busy, and hella sexy walking around in his tattered jeans and tool belt hanging low on his hips. Every time he struts past, I get distracted and need to be snapped back to attention.
We have a late lunch at about 4 o’clock, delivered by the Old Hadley Deli. Everyone is talking animatedly about the house and what little is left to do, and as I look around at everyone, I see how at ease they all are together. Vincent seems to gradually be getting more comfortable with the idea of Benny and Jordan as a couple. They keep their affection in check, but it’s easy to see they are smitten with each other, and Vincent doesn’t seem bothered.
He and Jordan even seem more comfortable with one another, almost friendly. My friends and the Reynier men seem to be a nice fit. But why do I feel so odd about it? Why do I seem like the only piece that doesn’t fit?
I finish the last bite of my sandwich and stand to throw my trash away, and Vincent stands, too. The room goes quite and I feel everyone’s eyes on my back. I don’t want to turn around...but reluctantly, I do.
Vincent appears nervous. He clears his throat and everyone, except Jordan, stands with him.
Okay, now I’m really confused...
“Um, come with me, Lenore. I have something I want to show you,” Vincent says, a slow blush creeping up to his fair cheeks.
I look to Jordan and Kazumi for an answer, but they are looking anywhere but at me. I feel a sense of alarm; some sudden dread or panic fills me.
“Why?”
“Just, come on.” Vincent smiles awkwardly and Benny steps forward, beaming a huge smile at me, pulling my arm and forcing me to follow Vincent who is already climbing the stairs. Jordan and Kazumi trail after us. I keep glancing back at them, and each time I do, they look like they are whispering to one another.
The climb up the stairs feel ominously long, and to my surprise we don’t stop there. Vincent takes a left turn and starts going up the attic staircase.
I relax, slightly. He is probably going to ask me my opinion on what he should do with all that space. But I still feel tense and my legs feel heavy. Kazumi and Jordan are too quiet for comfort. I hear the attic door creak open and light floods the staircase as I climb up after Vincent. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust as I step through the doorway.
Vincent is standing in the middle of the room with his hands held out, ta-da written all over his face.
At first I simply stare at him, perplexed, until at last I peel my gaze away from him and see that the entire attic has been completely transformed. All the racks of vintage clothing I obtained with Viola have been moved up here, as well as the bolts of fabric we acquired,
too. There are several tailoring mannequins, sewing machines, a long table with a ruler tacked along the sides of it, spools of thread, scissors, needles, pins, lace, ribbon...you name it! It’s all here.
Jars with buttons, pins, sewing boxes, the list goes on! On the far right side of the attic is a large, beautifully ornate desk, similar to the one in the library. It’s female counterpart. On it is a lovely brand new laptop, and a high quality Canon camera. There is a printer on the right of the desk, and beautifully organized desk supplies. Directly across from the desk is a vintage drafting table. Propped on it is a sketchpad with containers of pencils, and colored pencils. I have everything I need to keepmy business going, I can startnow. Here in Vincent’s home.
I have no words, my face is hot and my hands feel clammy. My heart feels as though it is struggling to beat. Why would he do this for me? Is he doing this just to keep me here? I try hard to keep the excitement away at arms length, but it creeps into me anyway. For the first time since the fire, I feel hope, mingled with uncertainty. I feel like this is a way for me to begin doing what I love again. Here. In Vincent’s house! Am I okay with this?
I really don’t like that he keeps spending money on me. It makes me feel like I owe him something…
I walk slowly over to the desk and sit down, everyone is so very quiet, but I shut them out. I pretend I am alone in the attic. The desk faces the large window that I so loved when I first walked through this home. I can enjoy the best view from the house right here at this desk. This desk meant for me, this whole entire workspace, just for me.
I pivot in my chair to face the opposite side of the attic. There is even a space for me to practice ballet or burlesque! I hadn’t noticed it until now. Along the wall next to the attic door is a large mirrored wall, with a very small and simple stage and ballet barre. The lighting is similar to what Kazumi has in her studio. From the center of the stage hangs a dainty chandelier. Everything about this space is so perfect! I wouldn’t have chosen anything different. How...how could he have known?
I turn around after an eternity to face everyone. Vincent still looks nervous, and expectant. Jordan looks amused, and smug. Kazumi wears a small, sweet smile.
“How? Uh, I mean...when?” My voice doesn’t sound like my own. I am trying desperately to contain my rising anxiety.
I can see now that Kazumi and Jordan must have helped him. All of this was happening right under my nose. A small giggle suddenly bursts out of my mouth, quickly followed by a sob. I double over in my nice comfortable leather desk chair, and cover my face in my hands and try to control the emotions that are threatening to spill out all over the damn place.
“Thank you,” I manage to croak, my voice laced with emotion. “Ihow much did all of this cost?” I’m red in the face; I know it must have taken quite a bit of effort and cash to put this all together. I’m not comfortable with that. That’s definitely the main issue here.
Vincent sighs with equal parts relief and frustration, I think.
“Lenore, that’s not the point. Do you like it? Is it what you need? I did my research, and I thought this would be a great place for you to start your online store. I can have Gil build a dressing room too, so that you can take clients up here if you need to. Just let me know if you have everything you need.” He seems incredibly anxious, and over the moon excited, though I know he is trying to hold back.
Which reminds me, he said he would hold back on me. This is so not holding back.
This is more than what I need. It’s more than I could have dreamed of. It’s perfect, but is he trying to buy me? I don’t understand why he would do this.
“Yes. Thank you so, so much, Vincent. ButI” I glance up at him, his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans he’s been wearing to work on the house. Tiny flecks of paint are splattered randomly on the legs. His expression is soft, yet I can see his posture is defensive. He knows I am not going to accept this willingly.
“Guys, will you please give us a minute?” I mutter.
Finally Kazumi and Jordan make eye contact with me, and nod quietly. I catch a brief look Jordan throws Vincent’s way, and it looks a lot like sympathy. They’re going to get an ear full. They could have warned me. Benny holds the door open for them and closes it quietly once they make their way out. I’m sure they’ll all be listening at the door. The thought is unsettling, but I know Jordan, and he is nosey as hell.
Vincent turns to face me, his hands still in his pockets. He still looks tense. All his muscles flexed. I sigh deeply.
“Vincent. What are you doing?”
He furrows his brow, and bites his lip. “Trying to help you, Lenore. Your building isn’t going to put itself back together. I know how much you enjoy what you do. I just want to help you get back on your feet.”
“I know. I understand that, but why? Why do you want to help me? Do you think you can just buy me, Vincent? Am I a charity case? Are you just trying to ensure that you’ll get what you want?”
“And what is it you think I want, Lenore?” He looks mildly irritated, and offended. His voice takes on an edge I haven’t heard before. I try not to let his tone derail me.
“To control me? To have me under your thumb? For me to stay here in your house? You are trying to tie me to you, Vincent. And I’m not sure I appreciate the way you’re going about it.” I shake my head; I see he is trying to wrap his head around what I just said. I stand, anger over-riding every other emotion I’m feeling.
“Vincent. Can’t you see! This is too much! I’m not comfortable with this! I did nothing to earn this. I have $10,000 in savings, you could have asked me before you did this. You could have let meI don’t know, have a say? I could have contributed some of my own money. Or…I could have found another small place in Uptown. A studio maybe, somethingon my own! You didn’t have to do this.”
“No. I looked into it, and you wouldn’t be able to afford another place in Uptown. The rent is just too high right now. Your building was a steal, you won’t find something like that again.”
I clench my fists at my sides. “You see! You looked into it? And all without consulting me; Vincent, what are you doing?”
“I’ll tell you what I’m not doing, Lenore. I’m not fighting with you about this. And furthermore, I am not trying to control you. Believe it or not, I want to do nice things for you. I want to make you happy, for no other reason than it feels good to help you. And why not? I’m in the position to do all of this for you. It feels good to make you happy. I didn’t consult you because I thought it would be a nice surprise for you. I didn’t ask for your money, because I don’t need it.”
“Stop. Just stop! You didn’t consult me because you knew I would be resistant to the idea. You know that, and I know that. It’s just like with the clothes, Vincent. I told you I didn’t need you to do anything, and you went ahead and bought me like a half million dollars worth of clothes even though you knew it would make me uncomfortable. Why would you think this would be any different?”
“It was not a half million dollars worth of clothes,” he smiles antagonistically.
Oh, now he just looks smug, and once again amused, at my fucking expense.
“I know, Vincent. I know…about…”
He stiffens, and that amused look is gone, replaced by sudden panic.
“What? What do you know?” He says in a rush.
I stare at him, I know I am throwing Benny under the bus again, but it just needs to be said.
“I know about your inheritance, Vincent. I know that you have money, a lot of money. I do not; absolutely do not want any part of that. I don’t want you squandering your family money on me, just because you can. Unlike you, I like to earn what I get,” my tone is condescending, that wasn’t my intention to sound like that, but it slipped.
He looks as though I’ve just slapped him. His cheeks redden and he takes a few cautious steps towards me. He suddenly looks…scary, intimidating even. I shrink a little as he walks towards me. Maybe I went to
far with my last comment?
“Benny. He has a big mouth,” he grumbles.
I roll my eyes.
“Believe what you will, Lenore. But I haven’t touched a single dime of that Goddamn money. I earned all that I have, with mine own time. This house, this room, your closet full of stupid clothes, all of the dinners I buy you that you get so pissy about…that’s money I worked for. That I’ve saved. I did nothing but work before I met you, Lenore. And I wasn’t working for free. And so what if I have a lot of money! It’s mine.”
He turns around and paces around for a brief moment. I’m not sure how to process what he just said. He runs his hands through his hair, exasperated.
“And and why the hell am I even explaining this to you! All I care about is you staying here, Lenore, about making you happy and giving you what you need. It makes me feel good, and satisfied, to do things for you. Are you going to” He catches his breath, his angry eyes dance and sparkle with a million different emotions; I watch him warily.
“Are you going to live here? Or not? This room isn’t to make you stay or to convince you to be with me. That’s not what this is about. And I’m sorry if it seems that way. Thisit’s to help you start doing what you love again. If you don’t want it, I’ll tear it down and put all this back into storage! But I want you to live here because you want to. I want you to say yes because you want to live with me, in this house, not because I’m forcing you to. So, please, Lenore, tell me the truth and be honest with yourself, do you want to live here with me?”
I don’t know how to feel, or what to think. I have never in my life ever had to deal with someone like Vincent, someone so generous, and annoying, and kind, and trampling. I don’t know if I want to throw something at him, or kiss him.
I’m touched, but I feel there is an ulterior motive. One I can’t seem to understand. The fact that he isn’t spending his inheritance does bring a small sense of relief to me. I don’t want to give his mother another reason to hate me.
“I just want to understand why you want to help me so much. I don’t even know why you want me to live here with you, if it isn’t to control me and get your way, then why? I don’t get it,” I shake my head, truly perplexed by his generosity.
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