His eyes widen in anticipation as he hurries to the driver’s side. I hesitate, but only for a moment before dropping the keys into his palm.
He runs his hands over the leather wheel, eyes half-hooded like he’s making love to it. I clear my throat. “It’s just a car. This is only the beginning of what you can have now. The world is yours for the taking.” Then I drape myself over him, settling a hand on his thigh as he drives so I can whisper the directions in his ear.
We pull up at the closest steakhouse that meets my standards, the kind of place that serves everything à la carte and puts your napkin in your lap for you. If I’m going to be with Noah for awhile, I need to teach him what’s worth asking for. A tray full of hamburgers? Seriously?
Be with Noah for awhile… I tingle at the thought of that. I’m enjoying his company more than I thought I would, even judging by his looks. But who knows what Lucifer’s plans are for him? Now that the deal’s technically off, the Boss may not want him to be a Demon at all. Best not to get too attached.
I order a fine, aged Scotch for us. Noah downs it in one gulp, trying not to cough, and orders a second. I cringe and show him how I swirl and sniff and sip. “Savor it,” I say, licking my teeth suggestively. “Sometimes things are better when you don’t rush them.”
He nods appreciatively and lets me order him a large hunk of meat. “He wants it still mooing,” I say to the waitress, whose tip goes down every time she wrinkles her nose at us.
“Tell me more about you,” I say when Noah gets halfway through his steak and slows down a bit.
“What you see is what you get,” he says with a grin that makes my heart lurch.
I wish Lucifer hadn’t put me through my past again. Now I can’t stop thinking about my wasted life, searching for something unobtainable. My stupid head is getting wistful. I detested the pain of hoping the next man I picked would be the one. I stab a piece of my potatoes. All those years of learning to stifle my painful emotions nearly down the sewer in a matter of hours. Well, I’m not letting that happen. Time to get my shit together.
“What do you want to be?” I ask, forgoing the whole ‘when you grow up’ piece.
“It doesn’t matter,” he says, shoveling some more food in his mouth. He has quite the metabolism. “I can do anything I want from now on, right? And I have my whole life to enjoy it, so why rush to decide?”
Hmm. I consider this, then laugh to myself.
He stops, a forkful of bloody meat hanging in the air between us. “What?”
“Nothing,” I say, shrugging and taking a sip of the Zinfandel I ordered with our meals. I swirl the wine in my mouth before letting it slide down my throat, waiting.
“That wasn’t ‘nothing.’ What did I say that was so funny? I do get pretty much everything I could ever want, right? I mean, that was the deal.” His voice rises, garnering a few looks from the other restaurant goers.
“Yes, I believe the exact deal was for ‘sex, money, power, and a free pass from the law.’ Sure, you can do anything you want—but you don’t even know what that is. What will you do with your money, power, and sex when you have nothing to care about and no one to care about you? You’ll have nothing to spend money on, no one to overpower, no one to love you back—you’ll be empty. You have to figure out what will make you feel fulfilled and go for it, not just sit back and wait for everything to magically come to you. The Devil isn’t about granting wishes.”
If Lucifer heard me encouraging him to think instead of being another mindless yes-man, I’d be back in my last moments getting murdered again—possibly on repeat for a few years. But I want Noah to be more than the average, corruptible soul.
I want Noah to be a Demon—the Demon I hoped for and lost in Josh. You’d think there’d be more company in my profession, but Lucifer’s been pretty lax on recruitment for the last century or so. He compares good Demons to fine chocolate. You can’t stomach just anything once you’ve found that special flavor.
Noah shakes his head, dropping his fork on the plate with a clatter that makes me wince. “I’m supposed to believe you know what you’re talking about? I may not know you too well, but, Demon or not, I think it’s pretty obvious you haven’t figured out what’ll make you happy yet either, or you’d be out going after it instead of hanging out with me.”
I don’t care that a couple more people have looked around. Even if they heard, it’s not like they’ll believe I’m a real Demon, anyway. But still, my chest squeezes tight and I feel my eyes burn red. Noah settles back in his seat when he sees them.
I can’t let him know that what he said was right. I’m not happy. I’m simply resigned—resigned to squeezing the most enjoyment I can from the existence I’ve been granted because the only thing that would ever make me happy is unattainable. No one’s given a shit about me since I was a child, no matter what I do, so I stopped trusting a long time ago. If I was so unlovable in life, I’m positive that finding someone to love me as a Demon is about as likely as convincing Lucifer to give me a warm hug.
I cross my legs and lean back in my seat. “This is about you. Do what you want, Noah Howard, but don’t sell yourself short. I’m with you because that’s what I want for now. As for me, I know exactly what I’m doing. And, by the way, I don’t bother advising just anyone. I’m not going to beg or repeat. Is that clear?” The words come out low and soft. Whispers are far more threatening than raised voices.
A mischievous twinkle lights his eyes and I strain not to indicate how much my insides heat up in response. Mentally, I replace the warm brown with red, just to see what that look would do for him as a Demon. Don’t get ahead of yourself, Keira.
I wait for a response, one perfectly arched eyebrow challenging him to defy me. But he settles back in his chair and chews on another piece of meat, watching me.
“A year ago,” he says finally, swallowing down another way-too-big gulp of Scotch, “I would’ve fallen all over myself if someone like you paid attention to me.”
I let the corners of my mouth twist upward ever so slightly. So far, I approve.
“Your attention would have been all I wanted. I’m not saying I don’t love your attention, but now that I’ve met Lucifer and know the afterlife is real—something people spend their lives trying to figure out—” he continues, leaning forward, elbows banging on the table, “I guess I’m having trouble narrowing down what it is I want. It’s hard to choose something when everything is there in front of you, waiting to be taken, you know?” Noah’s eyes narrow. “Wait. Are you trying to get me to focus on one goal so Lucifer doesn’t have to give me as much as he promised? Is this speech something you’re supposed to tell me because you’re a Demon?”
My eyes burn again, as do my cheeks. I clip my words as they come, trying not to lose it. I’m trying to tell him something important and he thinks I’m playing him. “Yes, I work for Lucifer. Yes, I do his bidding. But he did not tell me to say that. I still have a brain, you know.”
He gives me a perfect, white grin. “You are so hot when you’re mad. Your eyes are glowing red, which is totally freaky, but it makes me want you even more.”
“Oh, Noah.” Sweet as sugar, I rise and slip into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and touching my mouth to his ear.
The waitress comes over before I can speak and I glamour her to make sure no one bothers us before returning my attention to Noah. I let my breath warm his ear and shift in his lap, pressing close to him with as much skin as possible.
He’s frozen in place, breath speeding up. As moldable as clay. Time for the next lesson on being a Demon.
“I want you, too,” I start, “but I don’t give myself so completely to just anyone. I know what it was like for you before. I know what it feels like to be underestimated, but instead of buying into it, use the anger and mistrust to come up with better ways to get back at those people that underestimated you.” I slide a palm over his chest, enjoying the feel of his heart beating beneath his ribs. “Use what’s in
that delicious mind of yours to control those who would use you first. Drugs are a small-time project. Think bigger. When you’re a Demon, you will have glamour and can do what I did just now with the waitress. But, as a human, you can use your charm to manipulate just as well. And that may be the most potent power there is. Try it.”
“What? Like now?” he asks, hand on my thigh.
“Call the waitress over and talk us out of paying the bill. Don’t worry, I’m here if things don’t work out.” I nod encouragingly.
Noah clears his throat and calls the waitress over. She returns the smile he gives her and I encourage him with a squeeze. “I have a problem,” he whispers. “This is so embarrassing, but I seem to have forgotten my wallet.” His pale skin burns red, lending credibility to his claim.
“Of course you did.” The waitress’ smile drops.
Noah draws a deep breath in and his eyes flash with anger, but only for a moment. Use that, I silently will him.
Noah’s face becomes a mask of innocence. “Look, I’m not trying to dine and ditch, obviously. I’m telling you the truth. What can I do? How do I make it right?” He puts a hand on hers, fluttering those gorgeous eyes of his. She shifts, unsure what to say, but I sense her wall crumbling. That’s right—turn it around on her.
“You can’t do dishes if that’s what you’re thinking; there are health codes. Doesn’t your girlfriend here have any money?”
“Nowhere to put it,” I say, batting my eyelashes.
“Please, ma’am. My dad’s gonna kill me when he finds out,” Noah continues, “I can tell you’re a nice person. Hasn’t anything like this happened to you before?”
She hesitates again, but he waits.
“Oh, fine. I’ll tell them your steak was overcooked and there was a hair in your drink. They’ll let me take it all off the bill. But don’t you even think about showing up here again without money.” She waves a finger at him and winks as she walks away.
I cuddle closer, nuzzling his neck and working my way up again to his earlobe. “Think of the mountains you could climb by using persuasion, Noah. Positions you could claim in which you cannot be ignored. I’m talking president. King.”
“It’s just a meal,” he says, but I hear the hunger behind his words…the possibilities that dance in his mind.
“It’s just the beginning,” I whisper.
His hand cups the side of my leg and I smile over his ear. “But never forget that no matter who you are, I am capable of doing many horrible things to you if you doubt me.” I pat his cheek and slip off him and back into my own seat, dropping my napkin back in my lap.
He shakes his head a little, eyes clouded from all the good liquor and my speech. “I believe you, Keira. I like how you think. King, huh? Maybe one day. But in the immediate future…you mentioned you want me, too.” He wiggles his eyebrows and I feel a smile curl my lips.
I run the tip of my finger over the edge of my wineglass as it fills automatically. “Remember what I said. I’m giving you a rare gift here—I don’t have to give you advice. But for some reason, for you, I did. So don’t make me regret it.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Chapter 21
Josh
I spend most of my time with Lucy. That way, I can avoid Mr. Griffith and stay clear of Grace for fear I’ll be too weak to keep up my end of the bargain. I’m doing it for her, but every fiber of my being wants to beg for her forgiveness. Not having her with me—even though I know it’s temporary—is like not having my right arm.
The only time I leave Lucy’s is when Ms. Alvarez is over. I can’t stand her, nor do I want her to know I’m around. So when she shows up, I pay a visit to Noah and Keira, who’s always with him. I need to keep on top of that situation, too. I might have already saved him once, but if he screws up again because of her, it could all be for nothing.
I can’t reveal myself to Noah. I wouldn’t mind being forbidden from visiting Earth, but I won’t risk Grace losing visiting rights with her family.
Keira, though, is another story. I can bug her as much as I want. So I do.
“I’m going to take a shower, babe,” Noah says, slipping out of bed. The second I hear the water running in the bathroom down the hall, I appear at the end of the bed, arms folded across my chest.
Keira barely acknowledges me and simply stretches and yawns.
“What are you planning?” I ask, getting right to the point.
She pushes some hair from her face and grins. “No plan. Just enjoying the screw-pportunity.”
“Bullshit. What’s Lucifer’s game? Why Noah? Is it really all to torture Grace?”
“The Boss doesn’t tell me all his plans,” Keira says. “But yeah, it could be about Grace. He doesn’t enjoy being made a fool. I’ve never seen it happen before.”
“She didn’t do what she did to make a fool out of anyone. It wasn’t even about him,” I say.
“In his mind, it’s always about him.” Keira stands up and pulls on jeans that are so tight I’m amazed she can get them on so easily, and a cutoff shirt that reveals her pierced navel.
“Okay, fine. But he got his revenge: I broke up with Grace. So why are you here? There are plenty of other guys for you to screw.”
Keira shrugs. “Maybe I like this one. Is that so hard to believe?”
“Yes.”
We stare at each other a long time.
“Look,” Keira says, sitting back on the edge of the bed. “I don’t care about your feelings, or Gracie’s.”
So far, so true.
“But I do know Noah is special.” She actually bites back a smile as she tucks more stubborn hair behind an ear. I notice she’s wearing it longer than she used to, closer to chin length. “I like being around him. I like teaching him things. I want more for him than becoming just another soul in Hell. So, don’t worry—and leave us alone.”
I let out a single, bitter laugh. “So, I’m supposed to buy that you have Noah’s best interests at heart and leave him in your care?”
Keira fidgets, mussing the bed sheets even more than they already are. “I never said our idea of his best interests are the same, but you pretty much got it. Don’t you have anything better to do than bother me? Or is Heaven that boring without your girlfriend?”
“I’d like nothing better than to leave you alone. But that’s not going to happen as long as you’re in Grace’s family’s house. So unless you want my company, I suggest you find someone else to teach.” I lean forward over Keira’s face, a fist on the mattress on either side of her. I want her to know how serious I am.
Her face darkens and her eyes flash red, but I don’t budge.
“You’re not my boss. You don’t get to decide what I do. Besides, Noah wants me here. He understands me better than you ever did.” She bites her lip like she didn’t mean to say that.
Could she actually want Noah? I narrow my eyes. “You’re right about one thing—I never understood you. And I don’t trust you. Especially with Grace’s brother.”
The water turns off and we glare at each other for a minute.
“You better get out of here, Joshy,” she says. “Unless you want to watch. I wouldn’t blame you.”
“I’ve seen enough of you to last a lifetime, Keira.” I back up. “Just know that if you seriously care about Noah, the best thing you could do for him is leave him alone.”
*
“Josh, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” Lucy asks the moment I enter her room. She sits up straighter on the bed and tucks her book behind her.
“Hello to you, too,” I say, pulling up her flowered, purple desk chair.
“Fine. Whatever, don’t tell me. It doesn’t matter. But you said it was pretty bad, right?”
“Yeah. It was bad.” I close my eyes and press my fingers into my forehead between them, trying to erase the most painful memory of Grace’s face—not before my car hit her, but when Keira informed her I’d knowingly made her fall from Heaven. The accident th
at killed her was mostly Ms. Alvarez. The decision to sleep with Grace without telling her what would happen? That was all me.
“How did it feel?” she asks. “When it happened?”
I fight off the blush that comes with the memory of being with Grace, our bodies entwined. “It was amazing.” I focus on Lucy’s inquisitive face and add, “At the time.”
She nods, tapping her chin with a finger while her gray eye roves over me again and again. “And later?”
“It sucked,” I say honestly. “I would do anything to take it back, but it’s impossible.”
“Let’s go back to the part when you were excited about it.” Her face is eager. Young. But her earnest hope that we can talk about the pleasure in hurting someone else disgusts me. It’s like Cam all over again—but this time, I can say how I really feel.
“Doing what you want is easier than doing what’s right, but it’s nowhere near as rewarding in the long run. What’s with the twenty questions, Luce?”
“I want to know if I’m a freak.”
Her answer forces me to my feet. Her good eye swims with unshed tears and it’s the first I’ve seen her show any kind of remorse. I have to seize this moment. I just hope I don’t blow it. If only Grace were here.
“You can’t help your feelings,” I say carefully. “I’d say it’s a good thing you’re worried about it, though. It means you’re normal.” I sit next to her and put an arm around her, pulling her into my side. She could use the support and I could use a break from that eye.
She sniffles. “She says it’s normal to be drawn to those kinds of things. She’s been teaching me about different massacres throughout history and she noticed how interested I am in them.”
“Ms. Alvarez?” I ask to make absolutely sure.
She nods against my side and plays with the edge of her sweatshirt. “She said something else, too. She said if I do something to ‘satiate my urges,’ which is such a weird way to put it, then I’ll feel better. Less obsessed. More relaxed. More sure of my purpose.”
“I see.” If I were still a Demon, my eyes would be scarlet and I’d be snarling at the evil bitch for interfering in this confused girl’s life. “Well, I thought we’d already established how creepy that lady is.”
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