I look up to find Grace, awkwardly twiddling her thumbs and trying not to make eye contact with me.
“Hi, Grace!” I greet her with feigned enthusiasm. I’m still trying to process what’s happened with Noah. “Have a seat.”
“I was looking for Josh,” she says.
“Well, he’s not here.” I spread my arms, indicating the empty chairs around the table.
“I see. Well, thanks anyway. Please tell him I’m looking for him if he comes by.”
“Wait.” I stop her from leaving. “Please sit down. I was hoping to talk to you.” I’m stopping her because the Boss sent me here, not because I’m worried about Noah—right?
Grace swallows, eyes darting around in search of an escape route. Finally, she sits.
“Were you and Josh a thing?” I ask, leaning in, telling myself to do my damn job.
She gasps a little and nods. “He didn’t tell you?”
I shrug. “I haven’t asked. And to be fair, we’ve been kind of preoccupied with other things. You know how it is when you first fall in love.”
“In love?” Grace’s voice is weak. Her whole body wilts in defeat. “Yeah. I remember what it’s like.” She lays her chin on her arms on the table. “All you think about is the other person. You don’t feel whole until you’re with him. No—it’s more than that. You’re more complete than you thought you could ever be when he’s there. You feel safe and understood. Everything becomes more beautiful, more exciting, more fun.” She stops, choking on her next thought. For once, I don’t press.
“That’s exactly how it feels,” I say, Noah’s face dancing in my head. Golden Boy. He understood me. He was the only one. He made everything more fun. I felt like…more when we were together.
Does that mean I’m in love?
It’s all I ever searched for. All I ever wanted before death and since. The realization barely hits me before reality crashes down.
If he’s the Antichrist—Lucifer’s equal on Earth—then he’ll never be my Demon companion. He’ll be like…like Lucifer. I’ll be no more than a slave. He won’t love a slave.
“Grace, I’ve screwed up. Royally.”
Grace raises her head in question.
“I have to tell you something. But first you have to promise not to leave until I’ve told you everything.” I pick at the tips of my gloved fingers.
“Okay,” Grace says, curious.
“We can’t do this here. We need to go somewhere private.” You can’t hide from the Devil, but I have a pretty good idea where he won’t want to look. I won’t be safe there, either—but it’s my only option.
*
“Why here?” Grace asks, confused.
She probably assumed I meant we needed to be alone somewhere, not in the middle of one of those Christian gift shops. It’s the closest I can get to a church while still getting inside. I just have to be careful not to touch any of the crosses or other various, religious paraphernalia.
“Okay. Here goes. But remember—you promised,” I point out again, making sure no one is looking our way before I morph back into the form she’ll recognize.
I brace myself, hoping she won’t try to strangle me, because then I’d surely die. Clearly I have gone insane.
“Keira?” she whispers, backing away.
“You can’t run away,” I say, reaching out, but not touching her. “Please.”
She hesitates, eyes swimming with tears yet again. This girl could solve the world’s drought problems.
“Hear me out,” I say. “It’s about Noah. And Josh.”
“Okay. But I go first. You seduced Josh?” she asks, crossing her arms. “Then why hasn’t he been cast from Heaven?”
Of course she’d ask that. She knows about those rules firsthand.
“He knows it’s me and hasn’t touched me. Well, that’s not completely true.” I pull off my glove for her to see my withered pinkie.
“Josh did that?” she asks, letting her arms drop to her sides.
“He hates me. He believes I’m pure evil, so his touch is deadly to me. Remember, it’s all about belief, and he’s an Angel—pure goodness. Get it?”
“Okay, then why did he pretend to date you? Was he that desperate to get rid of me?”
“Grace, you idiot. He loves you. The only reason he’s not with you is because he made a deal with Lucifer to break up with you in exchange for making Noah’s deal null and void.” I’m dead. Lucifer’s going to tear me atom from atom when he finds out I’m doing this.
Grace sits down on the floor, probably because there are no chairs and her legs won’t hold her. I guess that was a lot to spring on her. I squat nearby, waiting for her to recover enough to continue.
“Noah made a deal with Lucifer? And Josh knows about it?”
“He was trying to save someone you love from making the worst mistake of his life. Because he loves you. But that’s not important right now.”
She glares at me, golden sparks in her eyes. I didn’t know her eyes could spark. “This is about Noah,” I say hurriedly. “He’s in trouble and I’m afraid it’s my fault.”
The sparks go out and her face blanches for a moment. “Noah’s in trouble because of you? What a surprise,” she mocks. “Why do you care?”
“Because I do. Because maybe I might have some feelings for him.” I clear my throat quickly. “But that’s besides the point. Let’s focus here. See, I apparently did such a good job that he’s now—” I stop. What good would it do to tell Grace her brother’s the Antichrist? According to Lucifer, she can’t touch him. But we’re talking about Grace here—do-gooder-fixer-of-all-problems-already-beat-the-devil-once Grace. And there’s no one else to ask for help.
“What?” she demands.
“He’s not in a good place,” I say vaguely, though she’s going to figure it out sooner or later. “Lucifer says Heaven can’t interfere anymore.”
“How is that possible? Even if I’m not allowed to see him, why wouldn’t some other Angel be able to?” Grace rises, growing more and more shrill and attracting the attention of the pimply salesman.
“Um,” I say, “see, things have changed now, because…” I stop again. I guess breaking news gently isn’t my forte.
“Spit it out!” Grace yells, stalking toward me and backing me into the corner display of gospel music. “I am so damn sick and tired of everyone trying to spare my feelings.”
“He’s the Antichrist,” I hiss. “Okay? And before you go blaming me—I had no idea. Lucifer didn’t let me in on that little secret. But it’s done. Over. He belongs to Lucifer and there’s nothing Heaven can do. It’s all up to Noah now.”
“All Noah?” Grace’s voice is so high I’m surprised I can still hear her. “How did this happen? When did this happen? This is a mistake. A lie.” She glares at me and I back away. “He’d have to commit murder first. That was the deal with Cam.”
“He did.”
Grace stops breathing for a moment, eyes wide with shock, followed by determination. “You’re the one who did this, Keira. If he hurt someone, it’s because of you—whether you knew about the Antichrist thing or not. I should kill you right now.”
I stare at her hand as she reaches for me, but instead of running or begging or crying, I straighten up and close my eyes, thinking, I deserve this end. I hope she’ll find a way to save Noah from becoming like the Boss. When Grace’s hand finds my bare arm I squeal in fear of the pain, but there’s nothing but unpleasant static. I check my arm to be sure and find no shriveled or blackened skin, just my own satiny-chocolate color.
“You didn’t end me,” I say, despite the obviousness of the statement, and throw my arms around sweet, sweet Grace. She doesn’t believe I’m completely evil. She, Little Miss Perfect, sees something redeemable in me.
“Get. Off. Of. Me.” Grace barks and I let go. “Of course I didn’t kill you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. We have to find a way to save Noah.”
“We?” I ask.
“
Yes, we. You claim you have feelings for my brother. Was that just a load of shit or are you serious?”
“I am. I do. But I can’t go near him. Lucifer said so. So what do we do?”
“I have to go to Mr. Griffith,” Grace says, as though that name means anything to me. “If you see Josh, tell him to find me.”
“Wait—Grace?” I tug at her wrist to get her to stay. She glares at my touch, but doesn’t move. “You can’t let Lucifer know I told you this. You can’t let on that you know Josh made that deal.”
“Will it endanger Noah?” she asks, concern in her eyes.
“It’ll be the end of me,” I say. “Lucifer will torture and destroy me.” Or give me to Maxwell for a few hundred years. “You don’t rat out the King of the Underworld.”
“And I care because?” Grace asks.
“I don’t know,” I say, hugging myself. “Because you have mercy?”
“I might be a little low on mercy for Demons that seduce my brother, force my boyfriend to break up with me, and, oh yes—try to kill me by giving a psychopath an Angel-destroying knife.” She vanishes.
I guess I should’ve expected a response like that. But if she can stop Noah from becoming like Lucifer, I can suck it up for a little while. Then a new thought occurs to me. What if Grace does succeed, but succeeds so well she saves Noah? I can’t be with him if he goes to Heaven. I consider this for a moment.
Then I smile, running my finger along the wooden trim of the bookcase behind me.
It doesn’t change a thing. I would’ve done it anyway if it means there’s still an iota of a chance I can be with him.
Let Lucifer come.
Chapter 31
Josh
Mr. Griffith paces in front of me as I sit on a bar stool in front of our usual pool table. He’s been quiet since I spilled my guts. I told him everything, right up to Lucy being thrilled about “killing” Alvarez. I imagine steam shooting out his ears, but instead of being funny, it makes me squirm on my stool like a worm waiting to be stuck on a fisherman’s hook.
I have no idea how long I wait before Mr. Griffith stops and turns to face me, rolling his shoulders back, face blank but stern, eyes fathomless orbs of obsidian that somehow still manage to convey kindness. And, worst of all, disappointment.
“I figured I didn’t really belong up here,” I say. It isn’t a challenge. I’m just on a roll, telling the truth.
Mr. Griffith shakes his head slowly and my stomach sinks. Here it comes. I might have expected it, but it still hurts.
“You doubt my judgment?” he asks in a deep voice that resonates down to my bones.
What? “No. Of course not.”
“But I am the one who welcomed you and offered you the position as Angel, Mr. Gaynes.”
“But I screwed up pretty royally.”
“Yes. That you have.” He smiles.
“How can you be smiling?” I ask. “I lost Grace. I made a deal with Lucifer, which I’m pretty sure has to be a criminal offense, and I helped a soul commit murder.”
Mr. Griffith sits on a stool right in front of me. I’m pretty sure he conjured it as he sat and I wonder how long I’d have to be here to do that without checking first to make sure it’s actually there. Guess I’ll never get to find out.
“You did not lose Grace, though you hurt her badly. You made a deal with the Devil, but did it to save someone you love and not in exchange for your soul, and you indeed helped that young lady attempt to murder Irma—however,” he pauses, repositioning himself on the chair, “I may have similar urges myself when it comes to Irma Alvarez.”
I allow a small smile. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“But you are right, you were never supposed to go down to Lucy in the first place. You were supposed to watch the potential Antichrists with Grace. It was when you saw Irma that you decided to intervene. Is that correct?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Mr. Griffith nods. “And you let Lucy try to kill Irma because…?”
“Because I had this insane idea that when she did it, the reality would hit her and she’d regret her choices—kind of a scared-straight type of deal. And I knew she couldn’t really kill Alvarez.”
“So, aside from attempting to intervene without permission, you didn’t really do anything wrong,” Mr. Griffith concludes. “Could you have made better choices? Could you have come to me sooner? Yes. But you’ve made inroads with Lucy and she’s at quite a delicate point.”
I stare at the man before me. When I messed up in the slightest on Earth, my dad would beat me to a pulp, or at the very least make me feel like slime. But Mr. Griffith didn’t even raise his voice. He cared about what I had to say and talked it out.
“I trust you, Mr. Griffith,” I say. “What can I do now?”
“You mean you don’t think you should be thrown from Heaven?” He smiles when he sees me balk. “Good.”
Mr. Griffith stands as the room around us flickers in and out of existence only to be replaced by an outdoor restaurant on a sunny street somewhere with cobblestone walkways and lots of little shops. And a shitload of birds.
I’m in a chair at the table, but I never felt the barstool shrink.
“Come in,” calls Mr. Griffith and the sky on the horizon opens in a rectangular shaped hole to reveal Grace.
Our eyes meet as she walks toward us. Hers are red like she’s been crying and the ends of her hair look clumped like she’s been twisting and chewing them.
I stand, scattering the birds that have been milling around at my feet. “Grace,” her name feels so good to say. Like a relief from all the stress I’ve been accumulating.
“We have a problem,” she says in a hoarse voice. “I’ve found the Antichrist.”
Chapter 32
Grace
Josh is here, right in front of me, watching me with unmistakable longing—and I’m furious. Furious that he can simply hang out with Mr. Griffith while the world falls apart around me. Furious that he took it upon himself to solve my problems and “protect” me from the truth once again. But I can’t get into it with him now. I have to tell Mr. Griffith everything Keira told me about Noah.
Mr. Griffith nods the whole time, folding and unfolding his napkin, taking it all in. I finish with, “So I don’t know how much to believe, but I’m scared.”
“Please sit, Grace.” A chair slides out next to Josh and I slip into it, perched on the edge. I don’t look at Josh’s face.
“You were banned from Antichrist duty, Grace.”
“I didn’t go looking for it! It was Josh I wanted to find and Keira happened to be there.” I stop short of giving Shona away.
“I do believe the young lady—Keira, you say?—believes she is in love with Noah.”
“Did you know about this? About Noah?” I ask. I have to know. If he did…
“No,” he answers, clearly and quickly. “It makes no sense. He would have appeared in the screen as a potential.” Mr. Griffith rises from the table.
“Oh crap.” Josh’s mouth opens in shock. “He did. I thought he only showed up because Grace was thinking about him, but we had just asked to see potential Antichrists.”
Mr. Griffith sits again, composure at least mostly maintained, but he can’t stop his eyes from widening.
“I should’ve gotten it,” Josh continues. “I’m so sorry, Grace. I should’ve understood that Noah was on the screen because he was one of the potential souls we were looking for, not because you wanted to see him.”
“I assumed it was me conjuring him there, too,” I say.
“That’s where I saw him with the Bo—I mean, Lucifer. That’s when I went to find out what was happening.” He slips his hand over mine and I nearly moan from the electric warmth that travels up my arm, but I still can’t forgive him. Not yet.
I pull my hand away and into my lap where I interlace my fingers. “What matters is what we do now.”
“There is nothing for you to do now, I’m afraid,” says Mr. Griffith.
>
“What do you mean, nothing?” I snap. “We can’t just let this happen.”
“It’s done. Noah has decided and is no longer our concern.” Mr. Griffith slams his hand down on the table, making me jump. “The End Times are upon us and we have to prepare. Heaven must be ready to accommodate more souls at once than ever before.”
I won’t look into his eyes. I can’t. “He is and always will be my concern.”
“Even so,” Griffith says, sounding a bit softer, more like himself, “the rules are clear. We can no longer interfere even if we want to.”
My chest burns with anger. “Screw all your rules. Lucifer had his chance to corrupt him. We deserve a shot with him, too.” I stand up, daring either of them to disagree.
“Grace, you need to take some time to calm down,” Josh says, also standing.
“Calm down? You don’t get to tell me to calm down. You could’ve come to me instead of rushing out on your white horse. If you’d told me before, I could’ve done something to help.”
Josh’s face loses all color.
“It wouldn’t have changed the situation because of who you are, Grace,” Mr. Griffith’s infuriatingly reasonable voice cuts in. “This happened when you disobeyed and interfered. You’ve been told to rest. You’ve already done otherwise. Don’t force my hand by refusing to listen yet again.”
“Force your hand? By trying to save my brother when everyone else has given up on him?” I ask, hysterical. I back toward the exit. “If you’d taken the slightest interest in saving his soul, you would have known!”
“Grace!” Josh tries to grab for me, but I dart out of reach.
“I will save him,” I say. “With or without your help.” And I leave them there.
I’m shaking. I’ve never lost it like that.
But I meant every word.
*
Resting my hand on Tommy Two’s warm body comforts me, but doesn’t entirely stop the trembling. I will not accept that my brother is the Antichrist. Just the thought is insane. A new bout of tears swells behind my eyes when Josh appears in the doorway.
His shoulders drop in relief as I glare at him from the corner of the leather couch. “Thank Heaven, Grace, you’re here.”
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