by S. E. Hall
“And you are?” the judge asks him.
“Trevor Kincade.”
“Are you Mrs. Reynolds’ counsel?”
“Not legal counsel, your Honor, but I am here in an advisory capacity to assist Mrs. Reynolds.”
“That’s what lawyers are for, Mrs. Reynolds,” the judge admonishes me. “Your friend may have a seat behind you, and is not to speak aloud. Understood?”
“Yes, sir. I mean, your Honor,” I stammer then glare at Trevor, who just managed to make things worse. ‘Leave,’ I mouth to him, in the most silently scathing way possible, but he merely grins, and finds his seat directly behind me.
What I just witnessed, until my third outburst, when the bailiff escorted me out, was a joke. A humorless joke, of gross proportions, and a glaring example of why I define marriage as a ludicrous step in the direction of impending disaster. Lily got trampled over, torn to absolute shreds, by the man who once supposedly loved her enough to vow his life to her.
Not that I can possibly fathom ever wanting to get married in the first place, but if I were to imagine it, I’d like to think that I’d never be able to truly hate the same woman whom I once foresaw my forever with the way Ethan so obviously loathes Lily. That bastard didn’t even bother trying to hide his snide smirks of victory and vengeance, thoroughly enjoying each blow his lawyer landed on Lily.
Sweet, pure, defenseless Lily.
And for that, he must pay. For that, he will pay. Dearly.
Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see to it personally.
The spineless prick may have reigned supreme in that farce of a hearing, but the show’s over now, which puts us back in my ring. Out here, in the real world, he doesn’t stand a chance against me. I have more money, influence and power than he could ever dream to, and Ethan’s turn to feel powerless is coming. The calls have already been made, putting the wheels of Ethan Reynolds’ ruin in motion, but there’s still a few finite details I want to nail down myself before we leave.
“Maxwell, please see Miss Myers to the airport; I’ll meet you there shortly,” I instruct my driver as I open the rear door for Lily, helping her inside. “Beautiful,” comes my plea for her to give me those emerald eyes, which she denies me, “everything is going to be fine; I promise you. I have something to take care of, so go with Maxwell for now, but I won’t be long. Then, I’ll get you fed, and far away from here.”
She continues to withhold her gaze from me, simply nodding and speaking solemnly. “I understand. It stands to reason that you were flying here for something, and would need to get around to it eventually. Good luck, with whatever it is, and thank you, Trevor, so much, for everything.”
The dejection in her voice only serves to confirm the opposite — she doesn’t understand; not at all. She thinks, much like what she just endured, that I’m now done with her, dismissing her… which couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, after watching her in the courtroom, I’m more invested than ever in getting to know her better. My respect and admiration are now involved as well, which never happens, intriguing me on a whole new level.
She was unbelievable, almost literally, in there. No matter what they threw at her, from thinly-veiled insults to insinuations of laziness and co-dependency, Lily remained composed. Humbly regal, as though too far above such loathsome behavior to be bothered to react, unaware of her own aura. And the many times the judge called upon her directly, handing her the chance to reciprocate with accusations of her own, she held firm to her character, responding in calm civility. Honesty.
She already had my attention, obviously, but she now has me curiously captivated beyond reason. Beyond everything I felt sure I knew, for sure, about myself.
How does one train their eyes to always look first for the good, and, even if slightly hidden, search harder? How does one remain so genuinely pure of heart, non-vengeful, and content while in the direct line of spiteful fire?
Though it borders shamefully close to the edge of short-sightedness, I remain of the general opinion, infuriated heavily by multiple, personal experiences, that everyone begins on their best behavior, showing only what they think others want to see, but in the end, everyone is out for themselves. What they can again, take, steal, as though owed it.
No, I don’t believe that authentically truly good people exist.
But Lily seems to be just that. And then some. Thus, my quickly growing fascination.
I have so much more than her; money, possessions, power, opportunity, options. Everything. So how is it that she is stronger? Happier?
It baffles me.
“Lily, sweetheart, you have my word; I will meet you at the airport,” I halt my reeling mind and reassure her.
“Of course you will. I still have no idea why, but I believe you,” she mutters toward the floorboard… and my plans instantly change.
“Slide over, beautiful,” I prompt as I seat myself beside her, pulling the door closed behind me and pushing the button to raise the partition. “Look at me, please,” I urge one last time, waiting, again denied, taking what I must have by gliding a hand up her cheek to turn her face to mine. “I know you’re upset, as well you should be, but I need you to trust me when I say everything is going to be all right, Lily.”
“It has to be,” she produces a shrill laugh. “What other option is there? I can’t just give up and roll over, stop living, right? I’m still young enough to start over, thankfully, because that’s exactly what I have to do. I was alone and looking for my future when I met Ethan, so, I’ll be alone and looking for my future when I find it next too.” Now, her eyes lock, freely and directly, with mine. “Go, Trevor. You have things to do, and I, I have a new life to start building.”
I stay focused on her, easily feeling out the familiar button. “To the airport, Maxwell.”
“You are too stubborn for your own good,” she huffs, rolling those vivid pools of green skyward.
“You have no idea just how very persistent I can be.” I grin the devilish I suddenly feel. “Tell me you don’t like it, at least somewhat, being cared for, seen to, and I’ll have this car stopped right now, so I may exit, never to bother you again. But, if you’re going to say it, make sure I believe you, Lily.” I rub my thumb along her supple cheek, awaiting her reply, that doesn’t come. Instead, she closes her eyes as a soft sigh slips past her parted lips and she leans into my touch. I dip my head, sure to tease those lips with my next words. “All right, then tell me this, beautiful. Have you ever, even once, let go and done what you wanted, manners aside?”
“Like what?” she purrs, her pulse flickering in her closed eyelids as she pets herself against my hand.
So beautiful. Sweet. Starved for affection, attention. She’s been living amongst the blind, the ignorant, the unfortunate… their loss, my gain.
“Anything, that you wanted to do, or say, or see, that you did, right then and there. Without planning it first, or asking permission. Without guilt. Have you ever just indulged?”
Her eyes slowly open, peering up at me while she bites at her bottom lip. “I, uh, paid for my ticket in first-class on Ethan’s credit card,” she confesses, the naughty twinkle in her eyes conveying a triumph her voice won’t.
I laugh, though perhaps I shouldn’t, at the risk of scaring her back into her shell, and quickly replace it with a warm smile. “Anything else, rebel?”
She pulls away from me, face bathed in adorable affront. “That was a bold move, Trevor, almost like… larceny, or something. That ticket was expensive, and I just, just went for it.” She snaps her fingers. “I can’t believe you’re not impressed.”
“Oh, make no mistake, I am quite impressed,” I murmur, edging in closer.
“Good.” She nods, then tilts her chin up in pride, but only for a second. “I mean, it’s not exactly good, stealing, or that I want you to be impressed by my stealing, but at least you weren’t mocking me. That’s the good part… I guess.”
Again, I must laugh, the number of time
s I’ve done so since meeting Lily now totaling more than that of the last many years combined. “Darling girl,” my hand reclaims her cheek, “you didn’t steal anything, nor is that what impresses me; supposing, of course, that you had.” Her brows meet in confusion, prompting me to explain. “Lily, any money spent on a credit card, in either of your names, was accounted for in your divorce as marital debt. So, my dear, you paid for that ticket too, technically. And the thing, about this, you, that leaves the biggest impression, is the fact that even after everything he did steal, from you, your love, loyalty, time, heart, you genuinely harbor no ill-will toward him. That’s a very unique quality, Lily. Almost unbelievable. And… impressive.” She’s silent, studying me, her eyes touching every part of my face for what fast becomes an uncomfortable amount of time. “Lily?” It leaves me unfiltered, more telling than I would have liked.
She won’t be rushed though, finally meeting my gaze long moments later, on her terms. “You’re telling the truth,” she whispers.
“I am.”
“I just needed a minute to make sure. You’re so good at hiding what you’re really saying, what you really mean, behind all those stiff, proper words of yours that it takes a while to decipher it.” She lifts one hand and slowly reaches out to trace a single fingertip over my lips, my eyes tracking every tentative tremble. “Your truths are far more impressive than your extensive vernacular, Trevor. You should share the former as freely as you do the latter; might surprise you to see what you’d get in return if you did. Oh, and just so you know, you assumed a few things before that you shouldn’t have, because, like most assumptions, you were wrong. Ethan didn’t steal my love; I gave it. And my heart? I tried to give it too, but, looking back, and being honest with myself, I failed. I never really gave him all of it. Maybe that’s why I’m not as angry with him as you seem to think I should be; because that’s the one thing he didn’t take. It’s still right here,” she pats her chest, over her heart, “safe and sound. A little battered, yes, but sound.”
“Lily,” I groan past her finger still learning my lips.
Her eyes shift, lighting into mine with unmistakable warning. “Whatever you’re about to say, you better use real words and, make sure I believe you.”
He doesn’t utter a single word, his actions speaking for him… and I believe everything he says.
All at once, in a deft arrest I never see coming, I’m hoisted onto his lap, my knees bending and finding their own way around his hips. And I believe him — this is exactly where he wants me to be. Also truthful — he likes my mouth, and loves how my tongue naturally obeys his — the deep groans of male satisfaction I’m swallowing confirming it. And in further proof of what I already knew, Trevor must have control, in every aspect of his life, the two bossy hands tangled in my hair, and their rough tugs of direction an electrifying tell of command.
As he devours my mouth, pausing only to tease my lips with tiny bites, realization of epic, comforting proportions hits me, hard and out of nowhere: I didn’t really lose much at all today. Sure, Ethan took most of the things that matter to him — material items and a sense of victory — but he got nothing, perhaps ever, of what I value. I’m still the kooky, sillyheart who refuses to even stop dreaming, and now, as in right now, my faith is restored — there are people, places, moments and memories to be amongst, found, and enjoyed. It’s never too late to make my own magic. So while the ink on my divorce papers dries, I’ve already gained more than imaginable. A renewed zest, fire, for life. How crazy is that?
I’m not delusional, just inspired, certainly not expecting more from Trevor; but I am soaking up every second of our dance together. Ethan never came at me with half as much passion as Trevor’s treating me to now; not even in the beginning… not even when, fewer and farther between with every year passed, we made love. And I, nor my body, ever lit up for him the way it’s currently glowing now, fully inflamed by only a kiss from Trevor Kincade.
And I want more. Need more. Of this rare, raw energy throttling throughout me.
“Trevor,” I pant, rather than my intended plea, into his mouth, struggling to pull from his grip on my hair. “We, uh, I…”
He’s nodding as he sighs, stealing a few last licks and nips of my mouth before relaxing his hold and meeting my gaze. “You needn’t say anything more, beautiful,” he exhales heavily, shoving a hand through his own hair. “I know, and I apologize. I-”
“No, don’t apologize!” My huff’s paired with a small slap to his chest. “That means sorry, and I’m not. Are you? Are you sorry we just kissed?”
“Not. At. All.” His eyes darken to match his growl and hone in on mine, as if scrutinizing my reaction as he slides his tongue across his lip, tasting me there. “Nor will I ever be. However, I am sorry to have bombarded you, completely disregarding your comfort zone for my own selfish desires.” I shake my head, and snicker. “Does my groveling amuse you, Lily?”
“Yes,” I immediately reply in a full laugh.
“And why is that?”
I hold up a finger, asking him to wait as I settle my laughter. “That was nowhere near groveling, Trevor. It’s impossible to actually grovel and narrate the dictionary at the same time. Face it; you, sir, are incapable of groveling. And while I’m at it, here’s another thing…” I try to think up some impressive phrasing, but easily bore with the effort, “you can take what you assume to know about my comfort zone, and, and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine!”
His eyebrows spring up in surprise, his hands finding my hips and bearing down. “I beg your pardon?”
“Granted.” I snicker again, tapping his forehead. “You’re pardoned, kind sir. And, bequeathed, or beseeched… whichever one means asked, to turn off all versions of your manners, modern and medieval, and listen to me for a second; I need to get this out and off my chest before proceeding without caution, okay?”
He bobs his head once, wrestling with a smirk, hands moving from my hips to around my back, his arms now my own little circle… where I can be who I want.
To dodge my nerves, and his curious stare, I fiddle with his tie, loosening the silk knot for him. “I’ve been out of my comfort zone, literally, since before the moment we met, Trevor. Do you not remember how very uncomfortable, for everyone, my grand entrance onto the plane was?” I lift my eyes so they, too, can ask.
“Grand indeed,” he smiles, “and adorably captivating. I could never forget it, even if I had the slightest desire to try.”
“Well then,” I scoff, “you’d be spellbound if you ever watched me try to do Zumba. It’s quite the spectacle; trust me. In fact, I may have just sprained something even thinking about it. I still can’t believe they don’t make you sign a waiver. They’re just begging for lawsuits.”
“Absolutely captivating,” he murmurs, as though to himself, cinching his arms tighter around me. “Where have you been hiding, my precious Lily?”
“I wasn’t hiding. I just, no one ever looked for me, and that’s okay. I’m actually glad they didn’t, because now… now I get to find myself.”
“Tell me what that means,” he says, rather than asks, with genuine interest.
“This whole thing; I’ve learned a lot in a little time, and surprisingly enough, uncomfortable is starting to fit pretty well. I thought I was afraid of flying, until I sat down next to you. Not that we flew anywhere,” I laugh, “but had we, I’d have been just fine. And while the old Lily is still lecturing the new one for all the crazy risks she’s managed to pack into the last few days, I can’t say I regret any of them. Who gets in a stranger’s car, cruises around in lingerie, then rides said stranger’s lap like a horny cowgirl right after her divorce? Not me, that’s for sure. Or so I thought. But I did, all those things, and, and I’ve never felt more alive in my life. Especially since you didn’t turn out to be a serial killer, and I am, in fact, alive.”
He pulls me closer, pressing his forehead to mine as he lightly chuckles. “I’m very pleased to hear you feel that way.
You deserve the best of what life has to offer, Lily; lavish, extraordinary experiences that can only hope to compete with your amazing spirit. And I would be more than happy, honored, to continue showing you such.”
This is it, my opening, that I’m going to dance through… dance in absolute abandonment, losing myself and all sense of reason, but only sense of reason — I want to expose and memorize everything else — exactly how Trevor Kincade sounds, smells, tastes, feels, while in the throes of what I suspect will be utter ecstasy.
I do have intentions of changing, in many ways, but I’m not going to kid myself; I won’t be able to keep my emotions out of this. I’ll carry it with me for the rest of my life… and I’m okay with that too. I don’t want to change that part of myself; who would? Without emotion, you lose instinct, intuition… and your soul. No, the only thing about my emotions that needs altered, slightly is my control over them. And that I can do, am already doing, aware and accepting of what this, with Trevor, will and will not mean. But if I’m leaving this town all but empty-handed, thrown a few leftover scraps of the empty life I tried so hard to fill, then by God, I’m at least taking this with me — “That one time I celebrated my divorce by having sex with a suave, near-stranger in the back of his car.” I like it; an excellent start to my new resume.
I tug his tie through his collar and tease trembling fingers at the top button of his shirt. “Show me,” I whisper, my lids as heavy as the nerves in my voice. “Show me right now, Trevor, please.”
“Lily,” I groan in pure torture, snaring both her wrists lest she tempt me further. “You couldn’t begin to imagine the things I want to show you, and if you let me, I will, but not right now. Not here.”
“Yes, now. Here. That’s what makes it perfect,” she begs in staggered breaths, unaware what her wiggling in my lap is doing to me.
“You are what would make it perfect, will make it perfect, but I refuse to burn through this, beautiful girl. I won’t be deprived, Lily, and I certainly have no plans to deprive you. When I have you for the first time, we will have nothing but time to fully explore each other and this connection between us. And unfortunately, you have a flight to catch.”
