by Diane Lau
I wasn’t sure how I would be able to find voice after that. But I looked into his eyes and drew strength from him, and when I spoke it was clear and loud and fine, and seemed to fill the Hall with all confidence: “I, Aelida Camil, Padawan of the Jedi Order, humbly accept this title from you, my Master Brenan Auri-Owan. I pledge myself to you as your Padawan, to pay full heed to your instruction, to trust your guidance, and to submit to your leadership as the Force empowers me, until that day you have fully prepared me to become a Jedi Knight. To this end, may the Force be with us both.”
Then Master Windu laid his hand over ours and said, “So you are pledged, so may you live. Master and Padawan, this Council adjures you to go forth and serve the Jedi Order in all accord and faithfulness, in the service of good, and by the power and guidance of the Force.”
We all three released our hands. Brenan and I turned to face the Council. First he drew his lightsaber and then I followed, and when the two so similar gold hilts were raised over our heads, I felt Brenan’s unspoken signal, we ignited our sabers and the golden beams sprang forth. There was an audible gasp from the assembly behind us. I could only imagine how impressive those two lightsabers looked, springing to life in unison. Their beams illuminated the faces of the Council with magical light. Brenan and I brought the hilts to our foreheads in salute, and then in perfect tandem lowered and extinguished the sabers.
Then Master Yoda stepped forward and touched us both on the arms, first me, and then Brenan. I could see the pride in his eyes as he smiled up at his former Padawan. Finally, he lifted his face to address the assembly and said, “Concluded is the pledging. May the Force be with all.”
There was a moment’s silence, then Brenan returned his saber to his belt and I followed suit. Behind us, clapping began and as we turned rose to loud applause. This was customary, but I was still surprised at my reaction to it. Rather than pride, I felt humility and a great debt to my fellows. For the first time, I understood fully what an honor it was to be chosen for this mission, to be the Jedi’s hope for the future. If I had to give my life in that cause, so be it. If Brenan had to give his…well, as for that, there was almost nothing I wouldn’t do to prevent it.
* * *
So, have you been keeping up your running, and your trainee’s workouts?
Brenan was in the guest quarters, I was still in my old room; it was late and probably everyone else in the Temple was asleep. The afternoon and evening had been quite hectic, and whenever nothing else was happening, it seemed Brenan was in meetings with various important personages. However, his improved psychic skills meant that if he wished it, we could “talk” after we went to bed, like this. I snuggled down deeper into my blankets. In my head I replied, “On Tatooine I didn’t have to work out, the daily routine was exercise enough.”
You should be doing some running. You’ll need the stamina.
“You are a hard Master!” I chided him silently.
I told you. But did you keep up your lightsaber practice on Tatooine?
“Of course. I never neglect that. Well, maybe a little.”
I think your abilities in that area are quite adequate, but there’s no sense in letting them slip now that you’ve achieved them. But I’m certain you need work in hand fighting.
“I’m a woman…I hope I don’t have to do a lot of hand fighting.”
He didn’t have to reply in words, I could feel his disapproval of that statement.
“All right, you’re right…I’m adequate, but I could use improvement. Can you help me with that?”
It would be my pleasure. But you know we have to leave here the day after tomorrow. We might be a little busy after that.
“Might we?”
I’m not about to make it even harder for you to sleep by telling you the details tonight. Patience, Padawan. Everything in the morning.
I sent him a little wave of exasperation; the response was mirth. “Oh, I’ll never be able to sleep anyway,” I told him, flipping over in the bed and trying to resettle.
Learning to fall asleep is as important as any Jedi discipline. No, Aeli, I’m completely serious! There have been times the only way I got sleep was grabbing it 20 minutes here or there. One time when I…but, no, it’s too late for stories.
“Please, Brenan, you tell stories better than anyone!” My enthusiasm came out like childish begging, but of course there was no point in trying to conceal my attitude.
We were talking about falling asleep, remember?
“All right, I’ll try,” I agreed, contritely. I sighed and tried to relax. There was a pause of quiet from Brenan and I almost wondered if he had retreated. Then I felt a wash of warmth crash gently over my body. All the tension left my limbs. I was losing consciousness, in a most delicious way. “Are you…doing…that?” I managed, feeling the humming alpha waves overcome my brain.
See you in the morning…
His voice was the last thing in my mind, and then I fell asleep.
PART THREE
The sun was fairly high by the time it woke me. I found I had a happy heart. “Get up, Padawan,” I told myself with pride and contentment, stretching and throwing off the covers. And it wasn’t but a moment later that my Master greeted me softly, more a wordless acknowledgment than any specific salutation. I sensed he was busy. Several minutes later he was more articulate, although brief:
Good morning, Aeli.. Have some breakfast and then come to my chamber…there’s some work for us to do.
Work to do! At last some of the mystery would be revealed. I quickly dressed in my Padawan uniform, holstered my lightsaber, and went to the dining hall. I tried to keep some semblance of humility as I took my meal among the trainees, while also allowing myself to enjoy the wonder of the moment: I was dressed for Jedi work, and Jedi work I was about to commence.
Soon I found myself being admitted to Brenan’s room in the guest quarters. To my surprise, Master Yoda himself was just leaving. We exchanged greetings, then he gave one final word to my Master: “Of your success give me word, Brenan. The promise I trust, all will be well.”
“I try to share your optimism, Master Yoda,” said Auri-Owan earnestly, and closed the door behind his old Master. I noticed he locked it.
“Good morning, my Master,” I said to him, my elation subsiding at his gravity.
“Good morning, come in. You’ve eaten?”
“Yes.”
“Good, I have no idea how long this will take. Have a seat.”
He directed me to a very small table at the window, flanked by two chairs. We sat. Brenan leaned forward and spoke in low tones. “You slept well?” was his mundane question.
This amused me; of course he asked out of politeness, he knew how well I had slept. I supposed he wanted to make at least a feeble effort to ease me into the weighty matter that was obviously on his mind.
“Yes, thanks to you.”
That got a slight smile. “Good. What we are about to attempt will take some energy, I think.”
“And what are we about to do, Master Brenan?”
He leaned back. “Where do I begin? First, what we speak of here must pass to no one. Only the Council knows of these things.”
I nodded.
“You’re aware of the disappearances, of course. And the mystery surrounding them. Well, in recent days it has no longer been true that we know nothing. Since I returned from Aleyra, my powers are much augmented as you know. My Master Yoda had confidence that they could be put to use in this matter, and he was right. I am…able to see things. Some things have become clear.”
I leaned to him. “What has become clear?”
“This is the work of the Sith Lord and his Apprentice, of that I have no doubt. I also know what is happening to the Jedi.” His face waxed stern. There was something in his eyes that suggested to me there had been some anguish involved in this discovery. He continued, “They are being taken to the Dark Side.”
“Turned?” I asked, aghast.
“Not turned,
that is the only good news about it. They are in thrall against their will, but they are not corrupted. Still, the conversion is so complete, they serve the Dark Side unswervingly.”
I shuddered. “This is horrible. Why?”
“The Lord and his Apprentice are but two, and they no longer care to be served only by droids and rabble. They recognize they can only gain power by using the Force, and the Force can best be channeled through Jedi. So they plan to use us—as many of us as possible—against ourselves.”
“How?”
“That I can’t tell you—yet. The specifics of the plan have been hard to discern. There are suggestions…but they are careful.”
His hand rested on the table; I reached to cover it with mine. “Brenan, do they know who you are?”
“No. Not who, nor where, as yet. But believe me, they would very much like to know. Their hostility is…potent. Unfortunately, neither do I know who nor where they are. I know they seek me, but for now, they are more concerned that I don’t find them.”
“And all this happens…in your mind…”
“All this happens in the Force, my mind just travels it.”
I drew back and leaned against the back of the chair. “It’s amazing.”
“It must become more amazing in order for us to stop the Sith. That’s where you come in.”
“Me?”
“The Golden Padawan. Whatever must be done, you play a part in it. Yoda believes, and I don’t doubt him, that you need to play a part already in this.”
“I don’t know what to do, Master—will you tell me?”
“I’m counting on the Force to tell us both.”
He put out his hands on the table, palms up, and raised his eyes to me. I leaned forward and laid my hands in his. He gripped them and turned them over, palms up, so his hands covered mine. My fingertips rested against the inside of his wrists, I felt his pulse, and the weight of his hands, acutely. I stared down at them. I had no idea what to do, except that I didn’t need to ask any questions. I just sat, gazing at his hands, at the pearly moons of his fingernails. Conversation, I noted, had ceased. Brenan didn’t need to tell me he was…going…wherever it was he went.
And then I was distracted by all thoughts but one: I discovered I could feel the blood in the veins at his wrists. I could feel it passing by, in steady, even surges, pushed by his strong heart. It seemed made up of billions of tiny stars, bright specks in black fluid, moving by over my fingertips. When I saw the small stars in his blood, I felt myself smile: I was entranced at the beauty of it. I wondered if it were possible to fall in, to be carried in his bloodstream. Anything could be possible…with the Golden Padawan’s Gift.
I could sense he was moving…exploring…but I also felt him yearning for more power. His reach would not extend as far as he willed it. If he were aware of me, I couldn’t discern it. Yet the connection was there…I felt it in my fingertips. I could reach all of him that way, I knew it. I felt an overwhelming hunger to fall into his blood, a strange hunger indeed except I was also completely certain that the Force was guiding me. How to fall in, that was the question.
The Force’s instantaneous reply was so simple, so obvious: jump. I focused on that stream of dark, starry fluid passing over my fingertips, the rhythm of the flow, and I jumped.
What happened next took me by surprise. I did not find myself traveling about in Brenan’s body, like some small boat on a network of rivers. Instead I began at once to dissolve and spread, to flow and intermingle, like wine in his blood. In moments I was, in fact, everywhere: his limbs, his heart, his mind. But my perception was not so much of him but of myself inside him; that is to say, I knew no more than before about where his soul was traveling at that moment, but I had a good idea of what I was doing to him. A part of my consciousness noticed his hands had tensed up and were gripping mine tightly…in fact, his wrists bore down hard on my fingertips as if he understood the connection. And I knew he was keenly aware of the flush of strength that had entered him. That seemed to be what I was now: strength like a fever, like a rush of adrenaline a hundred times over.
Something was leaving me as well, I was depleting. I feared suddenly that in a moment I would be tapped out and Brenan left abruptly unassisted. But again I felt the Force’s urging, the unmistakable truth: it was my passion, of course, it was the Padawan’s Gift. So I cleared my mind of every thought save the image of my Master, and all he inspired in me. For the first time I felt my passion not as a weakness but a strength. After all the times I had tried to fight the adulation he provoked in me, it was such a relief just to indulge without hesitation.
I thought of him doing Celanarian’s with Master Wed’azon, in fact just one moment of it, in the final series when he switched momentum and swung down. I knew what it was like to do this move, and do it well, which made the impossible perfection of Brenan’s execution all the more sublime. His strength, his control, his complete serene mastery of space, I dwelt on the magnificence of all these. It was a killing blow, but it would never kill unless he willed it, and he would never will it unless all other possibilities were exhausted. A fearful man would be different, but Brenan didn’t fear. He acted, he acted in wisdom, with calm certainty ruling over the power he wielded.
There could be no folly nor wrongdoing in loving such a man. And so I do, I thought, intending for him somehow to hear me, I do love you, my Master, with all my heart and spirit.
I went richer in his blood then, richer and brighter, and to feel him draw upon it was exhilarating. After that I kept no other focus but to feed him. I spun about, floating freely in the star-filled darkness of his blood, warming and illuminating it, over and over, through and through. I was unaware of anything beyond the boundaries of his body, anything, that is, except the place where my fingertips pressed against his pulse…I was unaware of the passage of time…
He lifted his hands.
I opened my eyes.
Brenan’s face was gilded with sweat, the strands of hair that brushed his temples clung together and curled with the moisture. His lids lifted halfway but all I could see was the whites of his eyes; he squeezed them shut again. I realized how wet my hands were with his sweat…wait, and mine as well, I could tell now that I was damp all over. Brenan’s lids raised again and his eyes were still rolled up into his head, but then the irises drifted back down. He tried to focus, then he collapsed onto his arms on the table. He was breathing so hard it frightened me. Instinctively I put my hands on his head and stroked his hair.
“Master?” I called to him. I started to stand up, thinking I should go for help.
But then he lifted his head and looked at me coherently. A smile spread across his face. “Aeli…” he said hoarsely. His hand reached and grabbed mine and squeezed it hard. I had never seen such emotion on his face before.
“Master?” I asked again, still concerned.
He took a deep breath and sat up, gathering his strength and wits again so swiftly.
“They’re on Naboo,” he said.
I stared at him in wonder. My next thought was, “Did they notice you?”
He almost laughed. “No.” Then his face drained of mirth. “I saw it all, where they’re living…I saw their prisoners…I saw Puer Xis.”
“Is he—all right?”
“None of them are all right.”
I noticed then that Brenan’s hand still clung to mine. He caught my thought and looked at our hands, but still hung on. “What did you do? How did it happen?” he asked me.
“I can’t describe it.” But then, I didn’t need to. Instead, I closed my eyes and pictured it all.
He observed through my mind, silent until I finished. Then he whispered, “Amazing. I had no idea how you would know what to do, but Yoda said the Force would lead you. So it did.”
I nodded. “It seemed to help you,” I said quietly.
He released my hand then, and did finally laugh. “Yes, it helped me! You have no idea.”
“Can you show me?”
“I could, but you don’t know what it was like before, so you won’t appreciate the difference. Words might do better: Before, it was like watching a shadow play, you could guess the color and shape and location of the things that cast the shadows, but that was all. This was like looking at the real thing. Vivid, certain. I don’t know the name of the place the Sith were hiding, but I saw enough detail that we should be able to figure it out.”
“Did you learn more about the plan?”
“That wasn’t my focus this time. When we try again, that will be our goal.”
I believe it was when he said those words that we both realized our exhaustion. Later, I heard Brenan say, as if he were so weary now he didn’t wish to speak. I felt the same—suddenly all I wanted to do was sleep.
“Take my bed,” my Master said, finding voice after all. “I must report to Yoda.”
“Brenan, you haven’t the strength.”
He gave me a half smile. “A Jedi Master always has the strength, Padawan.”
I was starting to tremble, feeling chilled after the hard sweat. Brenan took my arm and pulled me up, then after a few steps I collapsed on his bed. He pulled the blanket over me. I could barely keep my eyes open.
“Just sleep, Aeli. That’s my order, for I will need you again later.”
I obeyed easily, and didn’t wake for a couple of hours. When I opened my eyes I found no sign of my Master’s return. I wanted to find him. I reached out to discern where he was, and determined it was with the Council. I wished to be with him, but I knew if the Council wanted me there, I would have been summoned. It was a time for patience.
