* * *
Cam had packed with his usual efficiency, even as he kept one eye on the door. He kept expecting to see Lily come barreling through it to stop him, but she didn’t. When he had no other choice, he loaded his belongings in his car and said his good-byes to everyone and drove away.
For the first twenty miles, he was numb. For the next sixty miles, he was indecisive about whether or not he had done the right thing. Indecision turned to sadness, and sadness gave way to anger. “Dammit!” he cursed, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. Why hadn’t he fought more? Why didn’t he demand that Lily tell him what she was feeling? He’d known her his whole life, so he knew that when Lily was faced with a difficult situation, she tended to retreat and say what she thought other people wanted her to say. How could he have forgotten that?
Thinking about the upcoming trip, Cam felt annoyance rather than excitement. He was damn good at what he did, and he had made a name for himself in his field. This was a great opportunity, but it wasn’t a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, no matter how much his bosses tried to tell him that. And even if it was, what would it really do for him? He would have a higher title; he’d have the accolades and the fame, but when he returned home, what would he have?
Nothing.
Just like six weeks ago, he’d still have nothing. His work was thrilling and fulfilling, of that he was certain. But it wasn’t everything. It didn’t give him joy, it didn’t make him smile, and it certainly didn’t fill him with a sense of lightheartedness or make him laugh.
Only Lily did that.
And he had walked away.
For as successful as Cameron was, his career was fairly safe. He was studying the universe and there were infinite possibilities and new things to find, but he was part of a very small community where even if people didn’t agree with his theories or his findings, the masses still did.
Taking a risk with Lily was something completely different.
What if he drove back to the mountains and professed his love to her and she told him it hadn’t been real? That what they had shared had been nothing more than a pleasant diversion and that was it? What if she laughed in his face, and he lost the best friend he had ever had?
Could he risk it?
Should he risk it?
Back at his house, he looked around. Everything was neat and tidy. The only personal items were the things Lily had given him, not just for Christmas but over the years. Cam had already placed the collage from their trip over his fireplace. Standing in the middle of his living room, he looked at the images and his chest ached. Over on his coffee table was a photo of the two of them from their high school graduation.
Turning around, Cam realized that every photograph in his home was of the two of them or of his family. Lily was everywhere, surrounding him because he needed her to feel safe, to feel secure in his lonely home and to feel loved.
What had he done? Had his plan—his stupid plan that had seemed so simple when he thought it up—ruined everything? By avoiding a few unwanted dates, had he lost everything important to him and vital to his very existence?
Cam’s first instinct was to get in the car and go back. Go back and beg Lily’s forgiveness, profess his love, and even if she didn’t love him back, ask for just one more night to hold her in his arms. He’d have to learn to be okay with having her in his life as just a friend and watching as she went on and found the man she would settle down with, have children with. He’d do his best to be happy for her.
He was tired. He was used to spending hours pondering the workings of the cosmos, and yet the exhaustion he felt after doing that was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. His sense of duty told him he had a team of scientists expecting him to do the right thing.
And Cam always did the right thing.
It was what was expected of him, and what he was good at.
Sometimes doing the right thing and living up to everyone else’s expectations wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
Chapter 10
“Lily, sweetheart, come inside,” Mary called from the doorway. “It’s freezing out here.”
It was New Year’s Eve, 11:00 p.m., and Lily stood out on the far end of the deck and stared up at the sky. It was a cloudy night and there were no stars to be found, but she was determined. “I’ll be in soon, Mom,” she said distractedly. “Don’t worry.”
Mary Cavanaugh stepped out onto the deck and walked over to her daughter. She came to stand beside her, leaned against the rail, and looked up at the night sky with her. “It looks like snow again.”
Lily nodded. “Smells like it too. I love that.”
Sighing, Mary placed an arm around Lily and pulled her close. “I’m so sorry,” she said quietly. “I know how upset you are about Cam leaving, and although I still have hope the three months apart won’t mean the end of your relationship, I hate that it happened now, over the holidays and when everything was so new for you.”
Surprisingly, Beth had kept Lily’s secret. She didn’t tell anyone that Cam and Lily’s relationship had been a sham. Part of Lily was thankful, but another part of her simply wished Beth had been her usual self and blabbed the news to everyone so they would be angry with her rather than looking at her with sympathy and pity.
She hated the pity.
Lily knew how to deal with a bratty sister. She didn’t know how to deal with a sister who was kind. It was a novelty, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she was waiting for the time when Beth would use that secret information for her own personal gain and to make Lily look stupid.
It felt wrong even thinking it.
During those precious thirty minutes when they had sat on the cold ground and actually talked, Beth had shared how her own marriage was less than perfect. She told Lily that she had actually been jealous of her and Cam because she and her husband had never had the kind of affection they had. Hearing that had filled Lily with both pleasure and pain. There had been affection between her and Cam, and it had been real. It wasn’t the stuff of friendship; it had been the kind of affection shared between two people who were soul mates.
Cam and Lily had often joked about how they believed they were soul mates but in the context of being friends. She realized now that really wasn’t the case. Looking back, she knew she had always been in love with Cameron Greene, scientist, computer geek, and all-around good guy—and she had let him walk away.
“You really should come inside by the fire,” her mother said, breaking the silence.
Lily turned to her mother and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. “Soon.”
Once Lily heard the door close, she breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t want to cry in front of her mother. Again. She had done enough of that yesterday and today. Most of the current day had been spent wallowing in bed—until her mother had physically dragged her out of the bed and forced her to take a shower and come downstairs for something to eat. Lily had to admit she had been starving but it had taken too much energy to physically move.
She missed Cam.
She’d hated having to sleep alone last night and dreaded going to sleep tonight.
Maybe after the ball dropped at midnight and they spent the next hour drinking and laughing and having fun, Lily would sneak down to the media room to watch a movie and sleep in one of the plush leather recliners. No one would have to know, and it would save her from another night of torture. The sheets still smelled of Cam’s soap and cologne, and that big bed was just too much for one lonely person.
Nodding with approval at her own plan, Lily resumed her search of the night sky. Why couldn’t she find one measly star? It was one of her favorite things to do every New Year’s Eve. She’d step outside right before midnight, find the biggest and brightest start to wish upon, and then go back to whatever party she happened to be at and wish on it again at midnight before she kissed whomever she happened to be at
the party with.
Funny how she’d never wished to be with the person she was actually at the party with. They were all very nice guys who just… Well, they weren’t Cam.
Another sad sigh escaped her as the clouds seemed to move restlessly in the sky. “Just keep moving,” she said with an urgent whisper. “Just clear out for a little bit so I can find my star.”
The door opened behind her, and Lily silently prayed that another family member wasn’t coming out to offer her sympathetic advice.
“You have your star,” a deep voice said from behind her.
No. It couldn’t be. Lily was too afraid to turn around. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her. Ignoring the voice, she leaned out farther over the railing, craning her neck to get a better view of the night sky.
And then a pair of strong arms wrapped around her from behind.
Okay, that was a little harder to ignore. “You have the brightest star around your neck, over your heart, for whenever you want to make a wish,” he whispered against her ear and felt her shiver slightly before she relaxed against him.
Without missing a beat, Lily spoke. “I can’t break tradition,” she said simply. “I always stand outside and find a star to wish on. Help me find one.”
Wrapping her more securely in his arms, Cam felt like he had truly come home. He looked up as the clouds seemed to part, and there, barely visible to the naked eye, was one lone star. “Look up there,” he said softly and pointed to the break in the clouds. “It may not be the biggest one, but it’s there just for you, Lily.” He inhaled the sweet scent that was solely hers and said, “Make a wish.”
Lily closed her eyes tightly and did just that. Satisfied with her wish, she turned in Cameron’s arms and looked up at a face as weary as her own. “You came back.”
He nodded. “I did.”
“You got all of your things organized that fast?”
This time he shook his head. “There was nothing to organize.”
Lily’s brows furrowed at his words. “Why? Are you just going to use the notes from your New York presentation?”
He shook his head again. “No, I’m not recycling my notes.”
Now she was even more confused. “Then what are you going to do? Did your boss make up a presentation for you? Can he even do that? I mean, doesn’t it work better if you create the presentation for yourself so you know what you’re—”
He cut off her words with the kiss he’d needed and craved ever since he left. Cupping her face in his cold hands, Cam pressed his body fully against hers and did his best to pour everything he had, everything he felt, into the kiss.
At first, Lily was too stunned to respond. Cam was here! He came back, and he was out here under the night sky kissing her. As soon as her brain shut off, she wrapped her arms around him and returned his kiss with the same urgency she felt from him. Soon she no longer felt chilled. The coolness of the winter night was no match for the body heat they were generating.
Finally, Cam lifted his head and rested his forehead against Lily’s and took the first real breath he’d had in days. She was here, in his arms, and no matter what happened next, he had this moment with her under the stars.
Well, star.
“Stop talking,” he said as he caught his breath.
“But…”
Cam placed a finger over her lips to silence her. “I have something I need to say, and if you keep talking, I’ll never say it.” He took a small step back and smiled at the wide-eyed confusion on her face. “I’m not going on the lecture circuit.”
“What? Why?”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re talking again.” Lily promptly closed her mouth and pretended to zip it so he could continue. “I made it all the way home before I realized I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to be away from home for three months.” He stepped back to her. “I didn’t want to be away from you for that long.” His heart felt full to overflowing when he watched her sigh with obvious relief. “This whole thing between us started out as a joke, as a way for us to pull one over on our parents to keep them from making our holiday miserable. But the joke was on us because it’s real.”
Cam’s gaze deepened as he looked into Lily’s upturned face. “It stopped being fake for me the first time you kissed me. I’ve wanted you for so long, and once you took that step, even though I know it was for show, it just made me realize I didn’t want to pretend. I want you for real, Lily Cavanaugh. I want what we’ve had these past six weeks to be real.”
“Cam—”
“I’m not finished,” he said, cutting her off gently. “I know I’m not the type of man you usually date. I’m boring and straitlaced. And we’re best friends…but I don’t want to go back to just being friends. I’ll do it, if that’s what you want, but I want more, Lily. I want to be your boyfriend, your lover, and if you’ll have me, your husband.”
“Cam—”
“Still talking,” he said and put his finger back over her lips to silence her, because if he didn’t finish what he had to say, he might never get the chance to do it again. “I went back to my house, and it was quiet and empty. Yet everywhere I looked, you were there. The only items that personalize my home involve you. If it wasn’t for you, Lily, I wouldn’t have a life. You make me live. You make me step out of my comfort zone and try new things. You make me stop taking myself so damn seriously, and I don’t want to be that man anymore. Please don’t make me be that man anymore.” Cam rested his forehead against hers and let out a breath. There. He had said it all. The ball was now firmly in her court. He waited for her to respond.
And waited.
And waited.
Finally, he realized his finger was still resting on her lips and she was looking up at him with amusement. He quickly pulled his finger away and rested both of his hands on her waist. “Sorry.”
“Am I allowed to speak now?” she asked, tapping her foot in mock irritation. Cam nodded. “One of the greatest things about our friendship was that we always told one another everything. It was the thing I treasured most. Whenever I had a problem or something was bothering me, I always knew I could talk to you.” For a moment she just stopped and studied Cam’s face. He looked so serious and she knew he was patiently waiting for her to speak her piece, and she gave a small smile at that.
“But then I fell in love,” she said with a shrug. “And I really wanted to talk to my best friend about it, but I couldn’t because the man I fell in love with and my best friend were one and the same. I didn’t know how to tell you what I was feeling because I thought I’d scare you away. As much as I know you’ve always been there for me, I also know that you, just like everyone else, think I have a short attention span. That simply isn’t the case here, Cameron Greene. You see, I don’t see myself ever tiring of being with you. And not just as a friend, but as your girlfriend, your lover, and yes…even your wife.”
Cam felt as if his knees were going to give out because his relief was so great at hearing his words coming back to him. Lifting Lily into his arms, he held her tight. “I’m so sorry I left,” he said, his breath warm against her neck. “And I know exactly what you mean because I fell in love with you, but was afraid to talk to you about it because I didn’t want to risk hearing you didn’t feel the same.” He placed her back on her feet. “No one has ever loved me and accepted me for who I am like you have, and I realized when I was all alone last night that I don’t want anyone else. It’s you, Lily. It’s you and only you I want. I love you.”
Not waiting another minute, Cam kissed her. Lily’s arms immediately wound around his neck as her fingers raked through his hair, anchoring him to her. They stayed like that, drinking from one another, for a long time until a strange noise slowly brought them out of their haze. Cam lifted his head. “What is that?”
Lily pulled back and looked around and then burst out laughing. “What?” Cam asked. “Wha
t’s so funny?”
Taking him by the shoulders, she spun him around so he was facing the house. There, lined up against the wall of windows were their families, watching them and applauding. Lily rested her head on Cam’s back until she could compose herself.
“We’ll never have any privacy, will we?” Cam asked with a chuckle.
“With this group? Never.”
Cam took a step to the side and then put his arm around Lily so that they could both face their families with a smile and a wave. “I guess we should go inside.”
Lily nodded. “Absolutely. My work is done out here.”
Frowning, Cam looked at her. “Work? What work were you doing out here?”
She rolled her eyes. “Sheesh, Cam. You’ve forgotten already?” When he still looked at her with confusion, Lily shrugged and pulled him toward the house. He’d figure it out eventually, but as far as Lily was concerned, she’d done a great job of finding a star to wish on tonight.
And that wish had already come true.
Epilogue
Nine Months Later…
“I feel ridiculous.”
“You look fine.”
“Easy for you to say. I don’t see you wearing anything like this.”
“Even if I were, I wouldn’t feel ridiculous in it.”
Cam sighed. It didn’t matter how long he and Lily had known each other, which was basically since before either of them could talk. She’d always had a way of talking circles around him and making him crazy. “How long do I have to do this?”
Lily looked up at her new husband and grinned from ear to ear…at his ears! Actually, they were mouse ears, compliments of a mouse named Mickey. Lily had asked that they spend at least part of their honeymoon at Disney World, and she had chosen a groom’s top hat with mouse ears for Cam. She was letting him sweat it out for a bit before she pulled out her white sequined mouse ears with the veil to match. After all these years, it was still fun to make Cam squirm.
Mistletoe Between Friends / The Snowflake Inn Page 12
