by Leah Holt
“He pushed you, why did he push you?” Fay's brows turned in, her little face twisting with a hint of anger. “You said pushing wasn't nice, Mommy.”
“Yes, Honey, pushing isn't nice. But Daddy was frightened, and he didn't really do it to be mean. But, do you know why he shoved me into the bush?” Shaking her head no, the curiosity flooded back into her eyes. “He pushed me into the bush because there was a giant raccoon standing on the garbage can, and it scared him so much he just wanted to get away.”
Fay started to chuckle, her small hands flying to her mouth to cover her lips. “He was scared of a raccoon?”
“Yup, he was. So you know what I did? I chased the raccoon away, and saved Daddy from the big furry animal.”
“That's funny, Mommy. I can't believe Daddy was afraid of that, that's so silly.”
Swooping my hand down her cheek, I kissed her forehead. “It was silly, but that was only one of the times I got to save your Daddy. There are a few more, but now it's bed time.” Folding her blanket over her shoulders, I tucked her in tight. “I love you, Honey, sweet dreams.”
“I can't wait to hear another story. Daddy was funny, huh?”
I could feel my eyes start to fill with tears, as I said, “He was, he was very brave, but he was very funny when it came to animals and bugs. Now get some sleep.”
“I love you, Mommy, good night.”
Flipping the switch off, I left her door open a crack, and headed out to the living room. Wiping away the hovering tears on my lids, I sucked in a deep breath and couldn't help but smile.
I loved telling my daughter stories about her father. It made me feel like she knew him, even if she didn't remember him. Those stories meant everything to me now, and sharing them with her was a blessing.
Walking around the room, I cleaned up some toys, tidied up the coffee table, and flipped on the television. Fay usually fell asleep without any issues, and it gave me time to just sit and relax.
Having a child took up so much of my day, and now that she was older, I had to be creative to keep her busy. So down time... well that barely existed.
I found myself making games with her to clean the house, using paper towels and cleaning spray to hunt down dust as if it was a giant alien we needed to save the world from. Other days we would have folding races with the laundry, and at her tender age the questions seemed endless.
I had to admit, my reaction time to come up with an answer had become record winning, even if the answer wasn't exactly one hundred percent correct.
But to Fay, it never mattered. She had an answer and that kept her content.
Searching the guide station, my phone pinged. Grabbing it off the table, I noticed Layne had sent me a text.
Swiping to read the message, it said, “Hope the little person is asleep, put on your dancing shoes, I'll be there in ten.”
What?
Is he serious?
Jumping off the couch, I ran to the blind and peeked at the driveway. But no one was there, at least not yet.
Shit! Is he really coming now?
My heart began to trapeze around my rib cage, slamming around like a trapped bird. All the nerves in my body ignited, electrified and charged with a nervous excitement. I stood like a stunned animal in my living room, starting to walk one way, then turning to go another.
I had no idea what to do with myself, or if he was just bluffing; but I knew deep down, he wasn't joking, he was on his way to my house.
He's coming here, now.
Finally, finding my legs again, I made my way to the bathroom. Staring in the mirror, I tried to at least make it look like I put some effort into my appearance. Fluffing my hair with my fingers, I teased the bland strands, scrunching it up at the roots repeatedly.
What a bad idea that was.
The prickles riding my spine transformed into trembling fingers, fingers that explored more scalp than hair. Fingers that shook and rocketed around my head like I was trying to scratch away bugs.
Oh God, I look like I stepped out of an eighties music video.
I had on straight leg yoga pants, a tank-top, and an old sweater that the collar had been stretched out on. Thank you Fay for using it as a cocoon. And the teasing of my hair only knotted up the roots, and made the back go static from shuffling it around.
What the hell am I doing?
Leaning on the sink, I cursed myself in the mirror. I was being ridiculous, completely and utterly insane. Layne was technically working for me, which in a black and white sort of way, made me his boss.
Yes, he was in charge of my 'program,' if I had to put a name to what I had signed up for. But I was ultimately in charge, I had the final decision.
So why the hell did I care what I looked like if he came over?
I was his client, he was my dating coach; there had to be rules against the way my body was melting to the idea of him being in my house.
Knock Knock
My head jerked over my shoulder, eyeing the door. Fuck me.
Taking one last look in the mirror, I perched my lips to the side and reminded myself that he was here on business. Layne didn't care about what I looked like, he could probably care less if I answered the door in a brown sack with bare feet, and dirt smudges across my face.
This is crazy, he's not the one you need to impress.
Walking to the door, I unlocked the deadbolt and opened it. “Hi, this was wildly unexpected,” I said.
Looking him over, Layne had traded his suit for a fitted green t-shirt, and loose jeans. His hair was still darting in all directions, but looked as if he had methodically placed each lock.
I froze, his piercing eyes glinted with a hint of arousal as they licked up my body. “Are you ready for me?” He asked, bringing a bottle of champagne out from behind his back, and an unlabled disk to his face.
Trying to force my legs to move, I stayed static. “What's all this?”
“This is me apologizing for how the date went, Kinsley.” Lifting his shoulders, I watched each muscle as it danced beneath the thin fabric. “Are you going to let me in, or make me stand here like a delivery man with your package?”
I couldn't stop my eyes from dropping to his waist, and staring at his bulge after he said the word package. Even behind the thick material I could see he wasn't lacking in size. His cock was outlined, the large mass shifting as he moved in place.
Layne caught my stare, a smug grin filling his face. “This might be the first time in the history of man.”
Clearing my throat, I ran my fingers down my neck. “The first time for what?”
His lips peeled back revealing his pearly whites. “The first time a guy has ever had to say, my eyes are up here.”
A nervous chuckle escaped my mouth, making me sound more like a hyena tickling a pig. Smooth, Kin, real smooth. “Come on in, you know I should be the one apologizing for beating up my date.” I said, trying to divert the conversation elsewhere, and remove it from my stupidly blatant gawk at the size of his manhood. “What's on the disk?”
“Well, I know there are some things I'm going to have to do differently with you, my usual spur of the moment dates aren't going to work with the little person you have.”
Little person?
Okay, what's this guy's deal?
“You don't have much experience with children, do you?”
Layne stepped inside, head turning in different directions as he looked over my house. “To be honest, no. But this isn't about me, it's about you. I know I'm not going to be able to do things my normal way, so I'm going to improvise. But...”
“But...” I said, as more of question, drawing it out in way for him to finish his sentence.
“But, this weekend, I need you Saturday night. I'd recommend taking care of your babysitting needs as soon as possible.”
“So what's the meaning of this then? You could have just told me that over the phone.” Crossing my living room, I peeked down the hall to make sure Fay was still in bed. Turning back to face
him, I folded my arms over my chest, waiting for his answer.
“I told you, it's a peace offering that all dates won't be like the other night. And I still need to learn about you. I figured this would be a good way to find out more and maybe teach you something at the same time.” Twisting the case, the CD shined, catching the light of my lamp. “Can you dance?”
No, I suck at dancing.
“I can dance...” Waving my hand with the palm out, I leaned into the door frame. “A little.”
Liar, I'm such a liar.
Why am I lying about such a stupid thing?
“So you can't dance.” Holding out the disk, he smiled. “Here put this on.”
“What if I don't have anything to play it on?”
“I'd believe you, except there's a radio right there on the entertainment center.” Pointing he chuckled, and said, “You might as well be honest with me, I don't need words to see the truth. Why do you think I'm so good at what I do?”
Grudgingly stepping to the radio, I hit the open button. “I just thought it was because you were a manwhore, excuse my term. But to me, it seems a guy like you, knows women by having been with so many.”
“Again, what I know, is for me to know. I'm not going to answer any personal questions about me, because it doesn't matter. This is about you, I'm not the one who needs the help.” A loud pop exploded behind my back causing me to jump. Snapping over my shoulder, I stared at him. “Just the bottle, Sweetheart, didn't mean to frighten you.”
“We can't be too loud, my daughter is sleeping, okay?”
“Sorry, I didn't expect it to be so loud. But I'll keep that in mind.”
Laying the disk on the tray, I pushed it closed. “So you're basically telling me I can't ask you any questions?”
“Yes, I have a set of rules, and that's number two. I'm here for you, and only you. But my life is off limits.”
Standing to face him, my fingers wrapped my hips. Layne's lip curled, eyes falling to my waist. Immediately I unlatched my hands, and let them fall to my side. “Well that doesn't seem fair. Why can't I ask you anything?”
“Look, my rules are basically my law. It keeps everything running the way it should. And my life, my past, even my present—it doesn't matter. I'm not getting paid to talk about myself.”
“So I'm basically supposed to just do what you say, even though I don't know a thing about you?”
Eyeing the ceiling, Layne bounced his head from shoulder to shoulder. The large muscles flexed, tempting my eyes to ride over his arms. “Yeah, that's right.”
Giving up on my interrogation, I decided I'd figure out another way to learn about him. I was sure there might be a time I could catch him off guard. Ask him questions when our conversation was flowing, and maybe it'd land me some insight into this man. “Alright, no questions. So what now?”
“Got any glasses?”
Heading into the kitchen, I grabbed a couple wine glasses. My heart was racing, stomach doing flips. I hated dancing.
One: Because I was no good at it.
And two: Because the last time I did dance, was the night before my husband was deployed.
After everything happened, dancing made more tears than I could handle.
Stepping back into the living room, Layne was holding a picture from the top of my entertainment center. “Who's this, your brother?” He asked, not taking his gaze off the image.
I felt the air leave my lungs, my heart freezing. Layne was holding the only picture I had of the three of us. The one and only reminder Fay had that her father had been in her life.
“Well, that's me, my daughter, Fay, and... My husband Max.” Biting back a loud exhale, I pinched my lips, eyes searching him for what he was thinking.
“Husband? I thought you were single, are you guys divorced?”
Lowering myself to the couch, my hands wrapped around my knees. “No.” My eyes fell to the floor, scanning the carpet. “I guess now's as a good a time as any to tell you why I'm really single.”
Layne's head jerked up, eyes making every attempt to read my thoughts before I said the words.
“My husband was in the Army, and well...” Running a hand through my knotted hair, I forced out the words, “He died in action, it was five years ago, Fay was just a baby.” My fingers gripped around my brows, squeezing my temples.
“I'm so sorry, Kin, I had no idea.” I felt his body standing above me, his hand falling to my shoulder. I hadn't even heard him walking. The scent of aloe and musk swept my face, his thigh brushing the edge of my arm.
“It's alright, it was years ago. But that's why this whole dating thing is just really strange for me. I'd never really thought about trying to meet someone else, but my friends were right, I don't deserve to be alone either.”
“Kinsley, dating someone, maybe even finding someone you end up falling in love with, it doesn't change who Max was. And it doesn't change that he was your husband, and it won't change that he's your daughter's father.” His fingers brushed over my hair, scooping my nape. Forcing my head up to look at him, he smiled. “And I know you know that too.”
Shaking my head, a tear broke free, cascading down my cheek. I wanted to sweep it away, suck in the sadness and bury it deep.
But Layne caught the single droplet of water, swiping it with one finger. His massive palm cupped my jaw, keeping my face on his. “So, can I have that dance now?”
Sniffling, I couldn't look away from his gaze. It was serene, holding me hostage in his eyes. His words were soothing, blanketing my body in a welcomed feeling of comfort.
I knew he was right, and I had tried to tell myself the same thing so many times before. Max would always be a part of me, he was the love of my life. But that life was over, and a new one had emerged. A part of my heart would always belong to him and what we had.
But our time had ended, it was time for me to move forward. I was still here, living, breathing, caring for our child. And being alone wasn't making me any happier, living in the dream that I would some how hurt him if I moved on had to end.
Max would want me to be happy, he would want me to live again, love again; he would want to free me from the burden I'd felt since he was taken from us. But he wasn't going to be forgotten, he wasn't going to be erased.
Nothing would change who he was, and what he meant to me.
My heart grew warm, buzzing with a revelation I had denied for quite some time now. I deserved this, I deserved everything that might show up at my door.
And tonight, Layne had graced me with his kind words, his tender touch.
His hand was splayed out, waiting for me to take his offer. “Yeah, but don't get mad at me if you end up with bruised toes. I'm giving you fair warning.” Wrapping my fingers around his, he tugged me up off the couch.
“I wore my steel-toe boots just in case.” Smirking, he placed my arms on his shoulders. The music started around us, our bodies swaying gently together. “So, now that I know you were married, why did the principal refer to you as Ms. Davidson?”
Following his lead as we turned in a small circle, I shifted my eyes to his face. “Well, when I got the job at the school I guess I thought it'd be easier that way.”
“How so?” Arching a brow, his fingers found the small of my back.
My muscles jerked, tensing and causing me to stiffen my arms. Having his arms around me was a welcomed touch, it brought back the comfort of feeling a man. A feeling I had set free ages ago, a feeling I had forgotten and refused to remember.
But that feeling felt so good it scared me.
“Honestly, I just didn't want people asking me about my husband. I'd had enough of answering questions and hearing how sorry people felt for me. Using Ms, was just a way to avoid the wonder.”
Pulling me into his chest, his arm coiled tighter around my waist. “Kinsely, I will never tell to you stop loving your husband, but I will tell you to make room in your heart for another.” His lips brushed my ear, the heat of his words searing my brain lik
e wildfire.
“Thank you,” I said, whispering under my breath. “I needed to hear that.”
The long strum of a guitar played through the speaker, a burst of high pitched chimes followed, and Layne held me close. Letting him lead the way my body moved, we danced in my living room.
His face was never far from my cheek, the heat of his body radiated through me, sending electric pops through my veins.
For the first time in ages, I didn't feel the need to make myself invisible. I wanted him to feel my hips, I wanted him to glide his hands over my ribs. And as if he could read my mind, his hands found their way to the places I desired him to touch.
Thick fingers gripped the dip in my spine, tickling their way higher. Tilting my head, his mouth hovered above my neck, hot air expelling over my tender flesh. Goosebumps broke across my skin, my lungs jumping with need.
“I'm here for you, Kinsley, even if I'm about to break one of my rules.”
“The rules again,” I said, eyes glued to the muscle bulging across his shoulder blades.
His hands drew up and caught my jaw, bringing his lips mere millimeters from mine. I could smell the champagne, the sweet cherry aroma pulling me in closer. “I'm usually stern on my rules when it comes to my clients, but I'm about to break the most important one.”
“What do you mean?” My eyes darted between his, making every attempt to figure out what the hell was going through his mind.
“This—” The soft skin of his mouth pressed against my lips, turning from gentle and unsure, to strong and passionate.
And I accepted, my body giving in to its desire.
I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted him to touch me and caress me. I wanted Layne to give me what I'd missed for so long. To be felt, to be enjoyed, to lose myself in pure bliss.
His tongue slipped into my mouth, twirling and dancing, bringing me back to life. Our tongues licked and coiled, the muscles fiercely colliding around each other.
My body was tingling, the heat zipping from my chest to my toes, and back up my thighs. My sex was growing warmer, wetter, eager to feel.
I had forgotten how good it felt to be intimate, to be filled with lust and nothing else. I had been lost for so long, blocking out any needs that might have tried to creep up and steal me away.
