“You love your job though, right?”
“I feel like my job has meaning, but I’m not sure I make a difference in the big picture. Is it worth risking my life for this? Do I have it all wrong?”
“From an outsider’s perspective, what you do does make a difference.”
“Yeah, but the kinds of things I put a stop to, shouldn’t there be laws or common sense about not doing them?”
“Probably. What got you thinking this way? I thought you were dead set on getting to the bottom of what’s going on?” Riley flipped on the bedside lamp.
“I still am. That’s different.” She glanced at him, her gaze locking on his bare chest. She was a sucker for a six pack in cans or flesh. Something about those little ridges of muscle did it for her in a way that didn’t make sense.
“How’s it different?”
“Because... Those people were hurt because I didn’t make people listen, and now they’re involved in something someone wants to cover up. I need to get to the bottom of this before anyone else is hurt, and then...” She shrugged.
“You want to do something else?”
“Maybe? I mean, I’m missing out on my nieces and nephews growing up. My parents growing old. And for what? A job? I’m not sure it’s worth it, in the big picture. Anyone who knows the language can work with the locals. There are people here who could do my job, maybe better than I can, so why not let them?”
“That’s a good question,” Riley said. “Is that what you were lying awake thinking about? Work?” he asked.
“Sort of.” She wasn’t ready to reveal her weaknesses to him.
“You can tell me to stop asking questions, you know?”
“Stop asking me questions, Riley.” She chuckled.
“Got it. Loud and clear.”
“No—I’m kidding.”
“When you were a kid, and your mom told you not to touch the burner when it was on, you touched it, didn’t you?”
“Two or three times, if memory serves me right.”
“Are you serious?” He laughed and crammed a pillow behind his head.
“I am my father, she likes to say.”
“Is he stubborn, too?”
“He makes me look reasonable.”
“That must be a trip.”
Erin smiled. Her father had taught her a lot about what determination could accomplish. Maybe that was why she’d dug in about her job, refusing to give it up even when she wasn’t happy here.
“My dad’s a softy,” Riley said. “I think that’s why my brothers were such assholes as kids. He’s a great guy, though. And my brothers aren’t complete assholes.”
“I miss my family. I don’t think I realized it until now.”
“It’s easy to take them for granted. I don’t go home near as much as I should, and I know it.” Riley’s voice changed.
Erin studied him, the far-off look and the way his face creased. “What happened?” she asked.
“Oh, the usual story. Me and a friend joined the Army, got into the Rangers. That’s where I first met Grant, but we didn’t serve together. My friend died. I didn’t. I can’t go home without thinking—why me and not him? You know? I still don’t know how to talk to his family. It’s just easier if I stay away.”
“That’s the hard part, isn’t it? Being the ones who survive, figuring out how to go on.” She stared at her hands. Tiny scars dotted her skin, reminders of days she’d rather forget.
“Some days, yeah.”
“And then you feel even more guilt because you’re alive and they’re not.”
“That’s when you start drinking.”
“Every time I came home my dad would pick me up. Just him and me. The first time, I was a wreck. They cut our deployment short because... Well, just because.” She shook her head as though she could shake off the memories. “Dad took one look at me and drove to the nearest bar. This little dive of a place full of old, Cuban men. We drank. Didn’t talk much. And after a few hours he took me home.”
Erin hadn’t thought about those times in a long while. She could still hear the clink of the glass, ice hitting the bottom. The smell of mint and lime covered up the unpleasant odors built up by age. The chairs were uncomfortable, and her legs were too short for the stools, but she’d loved that dive.
“Here.” Riley stood next to her chair and held out a glass to her. When he’d gotten out of bed or poured a glass, she didn’t know. Memories were a weird thing.
She took the glass, and he clinked the other against hers. They both tossed the liquid down without another word. The burn in her chest was proof she was alive at least. The taste was another matter.
“Yuck. What the hell was that?” She handed him the glass.
“Hell if I know.” He puckered his lips and blinked. “It seemed like a good idea at the time. I regret that.”
Riley set the glasses on the dresser, perched on the foot of the lounge chair, and patted her ankles. He stared at the ground, the muscle at his jaw twitching. She was content to watch him, take comfort in his presence.
What would it be like to find someone? A man she could share her burdens with?
What she felt for Riley was lust. The passion of desire. The pull of chemistry.
The man she wanted would have to be unique, patient, probably make her laugh and remember to be human. Basically, a lot like Riley.
“If you aren’t happy, find something else.” He finally looked at her. “My dad nearly killed himself working the farm, taking care of the livestock. Literally. Had this heart attack, and it made him—and us—realize he needed a break. Now? He drives a truck. He listens to self-help gurus, and he drives when he wants to.”
“Not sure I want to become a trucker.”
“You sure? The pay’s not bad.”
“If I quit, the whole point is going to be around family again.”
“You could probably find all kinds of translation work, couldn’t you?”
“Probably. I’ve done some freelance translation for the military from time to time.” With her background she could probably get a job in the government sector, but was that what she wanted?
“Well, it sounds like you’ve got some research to do.” He flexed his hand around her ankle.
“One thing at a time. I need to sort out what’s happening here, first.”
“And on that note, think you can sleep?” He slid his hand up her calf and back down.
“I need to. I don’t know if I can. I keep wondering what I did wrong, what I missed...”
“Don’t beat yourself up. You aren’t the bad guy here. From where I’m sitting, you’re one of the good ones.”
How sure was she? What if she had made the wrong call? What if this was her fault?
“Come here.” Riley took her hand and tugged.
She let him pull her around until they sat next to each other. He wrapped his arm around her waist and hugged her. She closed her eyes and leaned into him, soaking up his strength. He kissed the top of her head, sending a spiral of want through her body. She didn’t want to forget what had happened as much as she wanted to remember she was human.
Erin slid her hands around him. Nothing as warm as him could be fake. He was here, and this was real. She hugged him back and buried her face against his shoulder, inhaling the smell of soap and freshly washed man.
“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered again.
She wanted to believe that, but sometimes things happened that were out of their control. Like getting kidnapped and those days in the dark cellar. She’d never been more alone in her life, and during that time she’d thought about what her family would think and grieve about her. That was when she’d realized she wasn’t leaving a whole hell of a lot behind. Sure, her parents and sister would miss her, but she’d been absent from their lives for years. Her death would simply put an end to phone calls and cards.
Erin wanted to matter to someone. She wanted to hold onto another person and know they felt the same way abo
ut her. She wanted to stop being alone. Give up this pretense that her life was fine. It wasn’t. She wasn’t. She’d followed her heart when she chose this job, but it was slowly killing her by forcing her to be alone.
“Hey. Hey, don’t cry,” Riley whispered.
He cupped her cheek and lifted her chin. His face blurred from the tears. Great, one more thing to add to her list of mortifying events with Riley. She should start keeping one of those invisible tallies. She wiped at her cheeks, unsure when she’d begun leaking.
“Come here.” Riley hooked his arm under her knees and lifted her into his lap.
8.
SATURDAY, ERBIL ROTANA, Erbil, Kurdistan.
Erin put her head on Riley’s shoulder.
His comfort made the soul eating misery worse. At every turn he’d been there for her, even when he shouldn’t have. He’d broken rules for her, shown her kindness without pity. He was her sweaty, dirty hero.
“What’s wrong? Tell me how to fix it.” He stroked her face, his fingers drying her tears.
How did she tell him everything she’d said about herself was a lie? That she’d bought into this idea she could do it all, be a one-woman army, and she couldn’t. There was no one to blame but herself. She’d chosen this path.
“You can’t help me. Not really.” She sat up, putting a little distance between them.
“Try me. Come on.” He tugged on her hair.
Riley was one of the good ones. But what she needed he couldn’t give her. “I should just try to get some sleep,” she muttered.
“No, talk to me.” He wrapped some hair around her finger that simple action holding her hostage.
She swallowed.
The kind of help she needed was years of emotional support. A human connection. Someone to grow old with. Hell, maybe have those kids her mother kept bugging her about. She wanted to change her life, to be with someone. But she couldn’t force him into that role, no matter how much she liked him or how he made her laugh.
“Erin? Are you going to make me cash in my points?”
“I don’t think you have enough.”
“Sure I do.” He smiled at her. The starlight seemed to twinkle in his green eyes. There was something almost boyish about him like this.
She swallowed and her heart did that first, painful twinge. It was like an acrobat’s hop before a leap. She clenched her hand in the terry cloth fabric of her robe and braced herself for the free falling rush of her heart diving into feelings she had no business having for a man she’d known for a day.
“What’s going on in there?” he whispered.
“Nothing.” Erin gathered her robe around her and stood. She couldn’t tell him her foolish heart was falling for him. Her head knew better, but this was a losing battle. Riley pulled her back onto his lap.
“It’s never nothing.” He nuzzled her cheek. “How can I make you smile again?”
Erin closed her eyes. By being as much of a hopeless, silly romantic as she was? She’d tried to smother this part of her, refuse it existed, but the truth was she’d always wanted a partnership. Joining the army had given her that for a time, but she craved something deeper. Something on a personal level. Sex was merely a bandage for her deeper needs.
Riley kissed the corner of her mouth, his lips lingering against her skin.
She swallowed. Did she take what he was offering? It wouldn’t be enough, but for a few moments she’d feel like it was. Where was the harm? She was already going to have a broken heart to nurse. Might as well make the best memories to hold onto, because in a day or two, he’d be gone and all she’d have were these moments together to keep her company. At least until she figured herself out.
Erin turned her head slightly, not much. Barely a fraction of an inch. It was her unspoken permission.
Riley pushed his fingers through her hair and gave it a little tug, pulling her face toward him. His nose bumped her cheek. She swallowed and her stomach knotted. The heat unfurling in her stomach rolled through her.
She hungered for Riley. It was illogical, and she knew it, but it didn’t stop her heart from going into a full swan dive. At least he was one of the good ones. Her only regret with him would be not enough time. And falling asleep.
“I’m going to kiss you,” he whispered.
“Is that a threat?” Because her insides were shaking.
“It’s a promise.”
Riley’s stubble scraped her cheek. His mouth found hers in a firm, demanding kiss.
Riley in charge.
Erin was a goner, and she didn’t even care. She sighed and parted her lips, his tongue slipping past. She could still taste the hint of the alcohol and mint. She cupped his cheek and surrendered to her desire.
His hand slid under her robe. She sucked in a breath, her nipples hardening in anticipation. Riley slid his fingers along the hem of her shirt, caressing her stomach. She tipped her head back, her head buzzing too much. He kissed her neck and his palm skated up her side. She clutched him closer, relishing the sensation of his skin on hers. There was something about a man with rough hands that completely undid her. she wanted to feel him touch her everywhere. All over.
There was too much fabric between them for that. The bulky robe had to go. She sat up, putting a little distance between them and shrugged one arm free. Riley stared at her, his green eyes focused on her. From the unwavering gaze to the slightly sunken in cheeks, he wore his desire for her to see. This wasn’t a pity fuck. She got her other arm free. The robe fell to the floor.
“Why stop there?” He grinned at her and pulled her shirt up, his hand rising higher against her spine.
She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. The cool air didn’t register against her bare skin, not with the way he stared at her. she was hot all over.
With the starlight, she could see everything. The desire staring back at her, the way his lashes seemed to catch the light and make the green of his eyes more vibrant. All the scars lining his chest. He was her type, and yet something about this, being with him, was different. She could feel it in her bones. Maybe it was her, finally accepting she couldn’t do this anymore. Or maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, she’d figure it out later.
His hand slid around her ribs to cup her breast.
“When we first met, I didn’t have you pegged as a tactile woman.” He bent his head and kissed the middle of her sternum. His thumb circled her nipple, teasing the stiff flesh.
“What?” She closed her eyes and curled her toes.
“I’m serious.”
“Will you stop talking?” If she began explaining herself she just might dig herself a hole.
“Fine by me.”
Riley wrapped his arms around her, picked her up. Erin yelped, but he moved too fast. One moment she was sitting on his lap, the next she was on her back, laid out on the lounge. He grinned down at her, far too pleased with himself. Her heart did a painful somersault. She couldn’t even tell herself to lower her expectations because she already knew he wasn’t a selfish lover.
He dipped his head, their noses bumping before he kissed her mouth. She curled her arms around his shoulders. His hand slid past the waistband of her yoga pants and into her panties. She groaned, already acquainted with his talented fingers. He cupped her mound, stroking her folds. She groaned and lifted her hips, but he kept the contact gentle.
Erin’s body was too hot, her insides twisted up with need. If she didn’t come soon, she’d burst. Riley clearly had a slower pace in mind, but she couldn’t handle that. Not right now. She was too raw.
She slid her hands down his chest, but the farthest she could reach were his abs. Those wondrous little ridges of muscle. She groaned into the kiss, but he merely chuckled.
“I’m going to do this right,” he said against her cheek.
“What was wrong about the last two times?”
“It’s hard to really enjoy it when you have to worry about people walking in.”
She gr
oaned her frustration
“I’m going to enjoy this,” he muttered against her neck.
She sighed and closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of his lips against her neck and chest. She arched her back a bit as he neared her breasts. The hand between her legs pressed against her more firmly. Her breath caught in her throat as his fingers circled her entrance, teasing the nerve endings.
“Yes.” She lifted her hips again, and he thrust into her.
“God damn,” he muttered.
She whimpered and shifted her hips, hungry for release.
His lips wrapped around her nipple and she gasped. She curled her hands into his hair, holding onto him as his fingers slid in and out of her. She closed her eyes and gave herself up to the sensations zinging through her. Her lust for connection had nothing on her desire for Riley.
He slid another finger inside of her and she groaned, tipping her head back and thrusting up into his hold. He crawled up her body until he could kiss her, possessing her body.
Yes!
Erin reached between them, fumbling with the waistband on his sweats for a moment, but she finally slid past the material and grasped his cock. No underwear. Nice.
She pumped his length, the precome slicking his skin. He rocked into her hold and groaned, hitting notes of need she was familiar with.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
She hadn’t forgotten the bathroom, how she’d caught him off guard, the shock on his face from how quickly he’d come.
“You’re trying to make this short, aren’t you?” He grasped her by the wrist and pulled her hand from around his cock.
“Please, you’ve got at least sixty seconds in you.”
“Sixty seconds? You think you’re funny, don’t you?” He grinned and pushed up, treating her to a wonderful view of his body.
“You are laughing,” she said.
“Well, I hope the next sixty seconds don’t disappoint.” He turned toward the dresser. One, casual shove at the pants and they hit the floor.
His ass was damn near perfect, round and hard.
Erin grinned and pushed her yoga pants and panties down her legs, onto the floor. She rolled to her side and propped her chin in her hands, enjoying the show.
Dangerously Taken (Aegis Group Lepta Team, #1) Page 9
