Bracing the Blue Line

by Lindsay Paige

  “That would be me,” I confirm.

  Patrick turns to his sister, his interrogation over. “Ready? Corey is going to meet us for dinner.”

  Lucy lets out a quiet squeal of excitement, and Patrick shakes his head goodnaturedly. “Good. I miss him.”

  “Do you want to join us, Grant?” Patrick asks. It almost seems like there’s a challenge in his question.

  “Patrick,” Lucy chides. “Leave him alone. I’ve traumatized him enough for today. Let’s go. Corey’s going to be upset if we’re late,” she tells him before turning to me. “Thanks again, Grant.”

  “No problem, Lucy.”

  She walks off with her brother as he puts a protective arm around her shoulders. Lucy doesn’t seem to mind how her brothers are with her. But that’s based on a very short encounter. What do I know? I rub my hand over my head, feeling the soft, quarter-inch, light brown hair beneath it. What the hell just happened?

  I shake my head, deciding to let the ordeal go, and start reading again. My stomach growls a couple times, but I ignore it as I switch to studying. I’ll grab something to eat when I’m done. After I hit the books, I even manage to write some papers. I hate typing. My fingers never move as fast and efficiently as I would like. So I’ll handwrite my papers, go home, and use one of those talk-to-text programs to type for me.

  It’s been a long day thanks to these past few hours studying, but I think I may go to the rink. I love skating. It’s a good thing I’m a goalie because I’m slow as hell. Much slower than all the other guys, at least. The only place I have speed is in the net, but that doesn’t take away from my natural love to skate around the rink.

  I love the movement of my legs, the burn I feel, and my overall body motion. Being a lean 6’ and 180 pounds, this is a completely different kind of workout than being at the gym. I’m not on the ice five minutes when I find Lucy looking nervous by the benches.

  “I’m sorry for interrupting,” she offers first. “I didn’t think anyone would be here.”

  “How did you get in?” I ask curiously because I locked the entrance behind me.

  “I borrowed a key for tonight from your coach.”

  The sound of my skates on the ice as I glide over are loud and almost echo around us. “Did you have a good dinner with your brothers?” I question. As an only child, her relationship with her brothers and seemingly love even for their overprotectiveness has me very curious.

  Lucy smiles, the fondness clear on her face. “Yes, I did.”

  I nod. “What are you doing here?”

  Her smile falters a little. “I can come back at another time, Grant. I really didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “You aren’t, depending on why you’re here.”

  She holds up her camera that’s hanging around her neck. I don’t know how I overlooked it. “I wanted to get comfortable here if I’m going to take more pictures.”

  I cock my head to the side to examine her. “What do you mean?”

  Lucy rocks on her heels slightly. “Well, I’m used to the football field or the baseball field. I feel at home there, almost. The rink is relatively new to me, so I thought I could get some generic shots, get a better feel for the place, and my shots will come out even better.”

  “Well, come on. Be careful or you’ll fall.” I start to skate backwards, away from her. “And yell if I get in your way.”

  “Thanks, Grant.”

  From the corner of my eye, I watch as she slowly walks along the boards to behind the net. She tilts her head as if thinking about what she wants to do. Lucy shuffles her way in front of the net. She squats down, and it looks like she’s taking a picture of the pole itself. I skate around this side of the rink, watching as she takes shot after shot.

  “Grant,” she calls out when I’m standing in the middle of the ice. She’s crouched behind the net, her camera already in place. “Come this way, please. I’ll tell you when you’re out of the way.”

  I start to skate towards her, and she calls out as promised. I keep going because this is a picture I want to see. She takes a bunch of different ones while I lean against the boards before she pulls away. Without paying me a lick of attention, she stands, reviewing what she took and nodding in approval as she turns to the left.

  Lucy lifts her head and jumps when she sees me. She’s so startled that she loses her balance. I quickly reach for her elbow to steady her.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Her cheeks burn with embarrassment, so I decide to move on to why I was back here. “Can I see?” I remove my hand and point to the camera.

  “Of course.” Lucy looks down at the camera, finds a shot she’s happy with, and I skate around to look over her shoulder. Wow. The outer edges is the netting, but the center of the shot is the other net across the rink. “It needs some editing,” she murmurs.

  “That’s an awesome picture, Lucy.”

  “Thanks. I’m going to get some of center ice, if that’s okay?” She turns her head to look up at me over her shoulder.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  She slowly makes her way over there. She's so absorbed by what she's doing that even though I can't take my eyes off of her, she doesn't notice me at all. I'm fascinated watching her. At one point, she lays on her stomach to get a better angle at whatever she’s wanting to take a picture of exactly.

  “Hey, Grant?”

  “Yeah?” I ask as I skate towards her.

  “This was a bad idea.”

  I glide to a stop in front of her and bend down. She’s resting on her elbows with her camera firmly in her grasp. “Why is that?” I ask, confused.

  “How am I going to get up without messing up my camera?”

  A laugh easily falls from my mouth. That was the last thing I was expecting. Lucy frowns at me. “Do you want me to hold the camera for you or just pick you up?”

  “You can take the camera. Be careful with it, though.”

  My fingers brush hers as I grab it with one hand and slide my other hand up the strap to lift it over her head. Damn, her hair is ridiculously soft. I clear my throat as my gaze drops to her revealing chest thanks to how she’s laying and her v-neck shirt. As she goes to stand, I do the same, tense and ready to spring in case she loses her footing again.

  “Thanks,” she says, reaching for her camera. “I think I’m done for tonight. Laying on the ice before I was done wasn’t my best idea,” she mumbles, looking down at the wet spots on her clothes.

  I chuckle. “Probably not.”

  I follow her to the bench because I’m done for tonight too. Once I sit down to take off my skates, I realize that she’s waiting for me.

  “Could I ask a huge favor?” she questions nervously.

  “You ask a lot, you know. First, you make me play reporter, then you sneak pictures of me at the library. Next, you crash my skating. Now, you want a favor?” I tease. Her cheeks turn bright red, and it makes me feel bad. “I’m just messing. What is it?”

  She shakes her head, changing her mind. “Thanks for letting me invade. I’m going to go.”

  When she turns to walk away, I joke, “Want me to walk you out? It’s pretty late, and a murderer could be out there.”

  Lucy immediately tenses and slowly faces me. “That’s not funny,” she says quietly. “I’ll be fine.”

  And then she gets the hell away from me. Her reaction seemed too severe. That’s the second time in less than five minutes that I’ve said the wrong thing. Maybe she just scares easily. It would explain how she seems extra nervous sometimes. I shake my head, lock up the rink for tonight, and head home. Winston is in his room, and I can't say I blame him. It looks like Neil is back in his pissed off mood. What the hell happened to set him off today?

  EVERY SUNDAY, BO and I make the hour trip to have dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Lanier. We've been having this dinner since the summer before I started college, which was about four years ago. I didn't want to go alone, so I made Bo tag along, and he hasn't missed a dinner yet. But right about n
ow, I wish I had left him at the house. And it's not because he bitched at me this morning for sleeping with a girl last night. Apparently, I should be celibate now.

  When I walk into the house, Alice, their six year old daughter, rush up to me, jumping into my arms.

  “Neil! I've missed you! I'm glad you came,” she squeals excitedly.

  “I always come, Alice.” I pick her up and she hugs me tighter.

  “Don't let go, Neil,” she warns like usual. “It's a long way down.”

  I laugh. “I won't. Where are your parents?”

  “Setting the table. Oh, hey, Bo,” she greets like she just now noticed him. Bo has always been a second thought for Alice. I'm her favorite visitor after all.

  As we walk into the dining room, I ask her, “How's school? Are you in high school yet?”

  Alice giggles. “No! I'm in the first grade, Neil.”

  “Oh yeah, you just grow so much every week. I keep forgetting.” Mr. and Mrs. Lanier smile at me as we walk in. “Hey,” I greet, kissing Mrs. Lanier on the cheek and dipping my chin in a nod at Mr. Lanier.

  After we start eating, things go south, thanks to Bo. Conversation was flowing smoothly like normal. Mrs. Lanier was asking about school and hockey and plans after college. It's nearly the exact same conversation every Sunday. She likes to keep tabs on me to make sure that I'm doing well. They both do, which is why I come. And because of Alice, too. Although, sometimes, it's hard to see her family's resemblance in her. Plus, the Lanier's are like second parents to me. In all honesty, I care more about what they think than I do my own parents. So I come each week, giving her answers that will make her happy, even if they aren't always true. Next, she asks the question I always dread.

  “Have you met anyone?”

  Just as I'm about to answer, Bo blurts out, “He's gotten a girl pregnant.”

  God damn it! Slowly, I turn towards him in my seat. He better be so fucking happy that I don't have a knife in my hand because I'm sure I would stab him. Why the fuck would he say that to them? He has the nerve to simply shrug.

  Alice gasps. “You're having a baby like my teacher? She's pregnant too. Mrs. Perry says she'll bring him to class for us to see one day.”

  All the words that I could possibly say to these people, to this little girl, disappear. My vocabulary has been wiped clean, and my mouth is parted with no hopes of speaking.

  “Oh, Neil,” Mrs. Lanier says.

  God, I hate Bo so much. With a deep, controlled breath, I face her again. However, Bo opens his giant mouth, and I want to punch him so many times that he has to get it wired shut for it to heal.

  “He told her to put it up for adoption.”

  I drop my fork and put my fisted hands in my lap. This isn't for him to share, and it damn well isn't his place to tell them.

  “What's adoption?” Alice asks.

  “Sweetie, why don't you take your plate into the living room and watch cartoons?” Mr. Lanier suggests. Alice squeals with excitement and takes off as fast as she can while being cautious. He then turns his attention to me. “Neil, please tell me that you had a lengthy conversation with her before you two came to that decision.”

  “Nope. She was a one night stand, and she came over to tell him. Then he told her to put it up for adoption. We haven't seen her since,” Bo happily answers.

  I'm going to fucking murder him. I'm not that guy to them, and he has showed them who I am when I'm not here on Sunday. He had no business telling them about Audra, and he's going to pay for it when we leave.

  I see Mr. Lanier shake his head from the corner of my eye, but I'm looking at Mrs. Lanier. I don't want to break her heart again. There's a sad expression on her face. Bo put that there, the bastard. She reaches across the table with her palm up. Reluctantly, I put mine in hers.

  “I know you're only twenty-two, but you are too old to behave like that. You need to find her and have a conversation with her, no matter how much you don't want to. You need to do the right thing, Neil. We know first hand that you're capable of that.”

  My heart shreds at her words. My throat feels like it's closing, and I hate it. This is exactly why I didn't want them to know. Slowly, I nod my head.

  “You're smart, Neil,” Mr. Lanier starts. “And you're a good man. Don't forget that. Remember, we're here for you too. My wife is right. You need to do the right thing. I'm sure I can talk to my brother-in-law and get you a job. It won't be great, but then you'll have some of your own money coming in.”

  All I can do is nod. They ask me to keep them updated, to call if I need anything, and then I tell them that we need to go. They seem to hug me extra tight before we leave. Alice wants me to stay longer and play with her, but I tell her I'll play twice as long next time. The rage is boiling my blood and if Bo gets close enough, I'm going to knock the motherfucker out. We're not a mile from their house when he speaks.

  “I'm sorry, but I knew you would listen to them. You respect them too much not to.”

  “You had no fucking right, Bo! It wasn't your place, and they didn't need to hear that shit,” I yell, my voice entirely too loud for the enclosed space of my car. “No. Fucking. Right!” My knuckles are white as I clench the steering wheel, fighting for control over my emotions. I feel like he just betrayed me to my parents, except Mr. and Mrs. Lanier aren't my parents. He did betray me though.

  “Someone had to get through to you,” he starts.

  “Not them! They are the last people on this God damn earth who you should have told that I knocked a girl up! You should know better, Bo. You had no fucking right to bring that up to them. None. And you didn't just say she was pregnant, you had to add that she was a one night stand, and I threw her out the moment she came to me. And in front of Alice? God, you're a fucking bastard.”

  “Neil,” he tries.

  “No. You stay the hell away from me.” I throw my car into park and get out, storming into the house. Every door I reach gets slammed shut. The front door, the cabinet door, my bedroom door, if it's a door, I force it closed as hard as possible. Let the damn things break, I don't care. I go to my room, blast some music, and lay on my bed.

  What am I going to do now?

  Every drop of blood in me is telling me to not do the right thing. It isn't worth the risk, and I don't want that life. Yet, on the other side of the argument is Mr. and Mrs. Lanier and Alice. How am I going to face them every week if I don't go hunt down Audra and be there like I'm supposed to be? I can't do that. It would be worse to do nothing and face them than stepping up to take care of my responsibility. Either option sucks.

  How am I even supposed to make it work? My future only goes as far as tomorrow with the exception of possibly getting signed this year. God, do I even want to try to figure this out? Because if I do, then I'm going to have to find Audra. If I find her, then I'm going to have to face the reality. I sigh, burying my face into my pillow.

  This is all Bo's fault. If he hadn't said anything to them, then I could have gone at least another month without worrying about a guilty conscience. I'll give him a couple more days of grief before I let him know what I've decided. I just hope I'm ready for my world to turn completely upside down.

  For now, I'm not thinking any more about it. There's homework I need to do because if I expect to keep my scholarship, I need to keep my grades up. I can't focus, though, so it takes three times as long to complete than normal, which makes sure that I stay in my foul mood. When I do leave my room, I slam the doors and see that Grant is back.

  “Stop with the slamming,” Bo calls from the living room.

  “Fuck off, Bo,” I snap.

  Grant seems confused, but he's smart and doesn't say anything. I grab something to drink from the fridge and stalk back to my room. With my laptop in front of me, I try searching Facebook for Audra, but I don't come up with any results. Either she doesn't have one, or she has it so people can't find her. It's a problem for me because I'm not sure how to get up with her now.

  I think I've had
enough of being awake for one day.

  I STAY IN a bad mood with Bo for another day before I decide he's had enough. I'm out of ideas on how to find Audra, so it's making me antsy. How can I do what's right if I can't find her? Bo is lying on the couch, watching an NHL game on TV when I go into the living room and begin to pace.

  “If I ask what's wrong, are you going to bite my head off?” he asks.

  “No, but if you ever do something like that again with the Lanier's, I'll kill you.” Bo nods. “I've tried searching for Audra online, but nothing shows up. Any ideas on how to get up with her?”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  I stop pacing and sit in the recliner. “Well?”

  Bo leaves before returning and handing me a slip of paper with a phone number on it. “There's her number.”

  “Why do you have this? How do you have it?” I ask, staring at it. The nerves have taken over, but I'm trying not to freak out again. Calling her will have me cornered and will start a new journey in life, one that I already don't want to be on. Not to mention everything that could go wrong.

  “When I went outside after her, I told her not to make any decisions for a week or so and that you would come around. I asked for her number, so I would have it when you were ready. You're welcome.”

  I sit in silence for a few moments. The rat bastard has had her number all this time? He knew that I would change my mind? That partly pisses me off, but I'm relieved too. Bo doesn't deserve an answer, so I go back to my room to call Audra, wearing the carpet down while I wait for her to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Audra? It's Neil.”

  She sighs. “What do you want?” Well, that wasn't what I was expecting.

  “Could we meet and talk? Please?” Audra doesn't say anything for the longest time, but I know she's there because I can hear movement in the background. “Please, Audra,” I beg.

  “Okay. I get off work in two hours, and I'll have a little time before my class tonight. You can buy me dinner. Do you know where that little pizza place is near Ladybug Road?”