Tess’s heart felt like the great glass elevator in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory—lurching sideways, then up, up, up. She knew she should explain why this could never be, that Carla Scout could marry a girl, but not her mother. Or her father, to whom she would probably propose tomorrow.
But all she said was “Why not?”
Still in her dress—a vivid print, now decorated with grass stains and Carla Scout’s chocolate fingerprints, which was one reason Tess had chosen a vivid print—she watched her daughter’s eyes flutter and close, fighting sleep with every fiber of her being. The girl didn’t want to miss a thing. Once her eyelids were finally shut, Tess noticed they had a purplish cast, as if her beautiful blue eyes were shining through. The girl was gorgeous. She was impossible. She was everything. Why had Tess done this to herself? Why had she handed all her happiness to this small, impetuous creature? Was there any rational case for parenthood, or did the universe trick you into it? What if she failed her? What if she did something that Carla Scout could not forgive? If she lost her daughter, what would she do to get her back? How far would she go? Would she kill someone who stood between her and her child?
Tess remembered Emmett Verlaine, curled up like a potato bug on Kitty’s floor. Yes.
Crow had fallen asleep, but he awakened when Tess climbed into bed and spooned him.
“That was fun,” he said. “Why did we wait so long?”
“It never seemed to matter. Being married. And then it did. Because of Carla Scout. But then there was never time. Because of Carla Scout.”
“Yet we found time. We pulled this together in two weeks. When you wanted to find time, you found it.”
“Are you saying we didn’t get married because I wasn’t really committed to you?”
“No. I’m saying there’s always time for what you really want. For what we want. We may never have as much money as we’d like. And our days may seem overfull, but if we want something, anything, really desire it, I have to believe that we can figure out a way to get it. A trip to Europe. A bigger house.”
He flipped over so he and Tess were face-to-face.
“A bigger family?” she asked.
“Is that what you think I want? Or is it what you want, Tess?”
“I think it’s what I want.”
“You should be sure.”
“I’m never sure about anything. I wasn’t sure about you, remember?”
“It will be harder.”
“I know.”
“Exponentially harder.”
“I know.”
“It—”
“Oh, shut up and let’s make another one.”
Author’s Note
Blame mom-brain. I can’t remember everyone who helped me with this book. Probably because everyone helped me with this book. Husband, family, friends, neighbors, people on social media, former colleagues. My agent, my editor, everyone at William Morrow. The team at Faber & Faber. The FLs. The moms on William Street and the moms on Eighth Street. Some dads, too, particularly the one who helped me fact-check a detail about Inwood.
The stay-at-home writer and the stay-at-home parent have a lot of interesting overlaps. This book is dedicated to my nanny, who has no overlaps with the nanny in this book. When my daughter was born, a lot of people happily predicted that I would no longer write at the same pace. They were wrong. Sara Kiehne deserves most of the credit.
Laura Lippman
Baltimore, 2014
About the Author
LAURA LIPPMAN has been awarded every major US mystery writing prize. Since the publication of What the Dead Know, each of her hardcovers has hit the New York Times best-seller list. A recent recipient of the first-ever Mayor’s Prize, she lives in Baltimore, New Orleans and New York City with her family.
To find out more about Laura visit:
www.lauralippman.com
By the Same Author
IN THE TESS MONAGHAN SERIES
Baltimore Blues
Charm City
Butchers Hill
In Big Trouble
The Sugar House
In a Strange City
The Last Place
By a Spider’s Thread
ALSO BY LAURA LIPPMAN
After I’m Gone
And When She Was Good
The Innocents
Don’t Look Back
The Girl in the Green Raincoat
Life Sentences
Hardly Knew Her
Another Thing to Fall
What the Dead Know
No Good Deeds
To the Power of Three
Every Secret Thing
Copyright
First published in 2015
by Faber & Faber Limited
Bloomsbury House
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London WC1B 3DA
First published in the United States in 2015
by William Morrow
an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers
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All rights reserved
© Laura Lippman, 2015
Design by Faber
Cover photograph:
© Reuben Schulz/Getty
The right of Laura Lippman to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly
ISBN 978–0–571–32142–1
Hush Hush Page 29
