by Anna Cuffaro
After a lot of talk about boring politics, which Gatwick didn’t know anything about, they spoke about a big bank robbery that had taken place the day before yesterday. Someone was being questioned about it, the police thought they were on the right track. The police were continuing their search for others who might also have been involved. Though they assured the population that the super criminal they had behind bars was the brain behind the whole operation. They had an idea about where the money and gold bars were, but couldn’t give information out about that just yet, so as not to spoil the enquiries. The Chief Inspector appeared on the screen. Gatwick got excited because he knew the man. The Inspector made a statement: “We will get every single one of them. We have to send out a message to these criminals that dishonesty does not pay. We live in a civilised society and will not let criminals ruin what we have fought for for centuries”.
‘Mmmm, civilised?’, thought Gatwick. That word came over his ear again. The police would do what was necessary to get these horrible criminals. He hoped they would get them soon because they certainly were not civilised.
He climbed down from the top bunk and thought he’d had enough now. It was time to go home. He tried the cell door, it was locked! Gatwick couldn’t get out. He knocked on the door, but nobody came to his rescue. The only other way out was through the window above the bunk bed. That had iron bars running from side to side, and from top to bottom. What could he do? He’d have to stay the night. He switched the television off and put the light out, then he climbed onto the top bunk again and lay down, with his head on the pillow. Cuddling his wooden spoon, he looked up at the stars through the iron bars, until he fell asleep.
25 The Real Big Box on Wheels, Tied Up with Red Rope
That same evening big things were happening in the White Alp bunker: the Eagles were in a right kerfuffle. Stud was freaking out on the warpath. He had told Sam to go and fetch Jet and Bird Dog. He wanted them all there, to listen to what he had to say. All three birds were perched on the edge of their chairs, shivering with fright. The air in the bunker was as thick as glue. The smell of cow dung coming from Gatwick’s box was incredible, it clung and clung to everyone’s nostrils. There were no windows to open and air the place. Then Stud started shouting at the three:
“How dare he put cow dung and garbage in the box! He must’ve known we were gonna take that there box, and he played a dirty trick on us. How did he know? I tell ya guys, no low-level trickster gets the better of me. Sam! Take that there box out, it smells like hell gone bad! Empty it, then store the box and the rope in the basement, ya never know when we might need them.
“You Bird Dog! Contact Miss Acid and ask her to go through CCTV footage carefully. I wanna know everythin’ he did in the three days before he left London. I even wanna know how many times he went to the toilet: any suspicious movement! Anythin’! Go do that now and get outta my sight.
“Now, Jet! You dumbhead, did ya tell Gatwick ya were gonna take his box?”
“No, I never told him”.
“Then, how the hell did he know?”
“No idea. Sorry, sir”.
“That’s great! That’s so great, nobody knows. Who is this guy that he can run rings round me? Where is he now?”
“Sorry, sir, I don’t know”.
“Ya dunno! Jet you thick skull, now listen carefully to what I tell ya, I ain’t gonna tell ya twice. Just go and find him and bring him here. Have ya got that? I’ve had enough of this, I wanna question the guy myself. It’s the only way I can find out what he’s up to. I can’t rely on ya useless lot. D’ya hear me? Do me a service, willya? Get outta here pretty damn quick!!”
Jet left without knowing where to go. As he came out of the bunker he saw Sam trying to get the cow dung off his claws. It was spreading out in all directions because it had melted in the sun, and Sam was a bit slow.
“Now it’s melted, I ain’t got a clue how to get it away from the entrance here”, he confided to Jet.
“Why don’t you just leave it there, then?”, Jet said.
“Man, d’ya think I can do that?”
“Yeah, why not? Stud said to take it out of the bunker, and that’s what you’ve just done, isn’t it?”
“Man, ya so bang on. It ain’t in the bunker, so it must be outta the bunker. Yeah, good thinking, I’m gonna leave it here”.
Jet went off and thought he’d see if he could find a nest to sleep in that night. He’d go looking for Gatwick very early next morning, Jet would be up with the larks. He would also get some worms then. Swiss ravens seemed to get up very early in the morning, long before English ravens, so Jet had to be quick off the mark.
26 The Imitation Big Box on Wheels, Tied Up with Red Rope
In the meantime, Dazbog had taken the imitation big box on wheels, tied up with red rope, to his superiors. Then Dazbog began to tell the General what he’d done:
“General, I tooked box from cub I meeted in Grand Hotel near airport. He was with girl bear; she had suitcase full of money. I niever take suitcase with money because, you know, General, we don’t need money. We got so mich money from population, we not know where to put more money: Ferrari, yacht, Grand Hotel, we got mich. I just taked box because I thinked would tell me you who they are”.
“Comrade”, the General answered. “I look, I look, just look now”.
Dazbog started untying the red rope with his beak. Then he ran his beak along the sticky tape, like you would with a pair of scissors. The box fell open.
“Vhat is this?” said Dazbog. “Paper, mich paper. Moment, moment, I read. Zis is all rubbich paper – crumbled little balls – I uncrumble them for you”.
So he took out all the balls of paper from the box and unfolded them, ironed them with his claws and then placed them in a pile on the General’s desk. They started reading the documents. Not that interesting. Invoices for office supplies, for bird seed, etc. Until after about fifteen minutes, Dazbog stumbled on a report, which read:
TOP SECRET MISSION
To: Regal Eagle, y’know where.
From: Stud, Bunker, White Alp.
Ref. SBMB/REYKW
Date: 11/8/0011
PLAN TO BLOW UP THE KREMLIN
INTRODUCTION
The other day you asked us to investigate the possibility of blowing up the Kremlin.
FINDINGS
We can now advise as follows:
it is a big place with many rooms;
we suspect that they have burglar alarms;
we spoke to the caretaker who advised that, despite the extensive security, it would not be that difficult to place bombs around Red Square;
observation and discussion with other members of staff confirmed that this was true.
PRACTICES
Staff leave early to go home and drink vodka (which is cheaper than water, they are also given drink vouchers by the state for three one-litre bottles each per week).
COSTS
The cost for the operation will be 30% higher than expected: $ 50 million, but we will have another increase in price. AW will provide the explosives. He will manufacture the bombs for us and detonate them when we ask him to.
CONCLUSIONS
It seems the best time to blow up the Kremlin is in the evening when the staff are home and drunk. We do not want to harm anyone. The aim of the attack is to send a clear message – we need to make an impact.
I would like a meeting with you to discuss the problem and to discuss possible improvement.
THE END
The General of the Red Vultures and Dazbog looked at each other and couldn’t believe their luck: they had discovered the Eagles’ plans to blow up their main government building.
“You will be award biggest medal we have. We will even make new one especially for you. Dazbog I niever think you are best in our secret service. We need send more troops round Kremlin, keep eyes open for enemy want to put bomb. And, we also poison dis Gatwick”.
27 The Morning After the Day Before
“Do you have salmon?”, Gatwick asked, very nicely.
“No, I’m afraid we don’t, sir. It seemed a bit off and we didn’t want to give you belly ache”, the guard joked.
“Oh, thank you. That’s so nice of you. You know, at the Grand Hotel they gave us kippers as well”.
“Well, our customer care service is probably not as good as theirs. Anyway, enough messing around now. Eat up because the Chief Inspector will be here in a moment”.
Gatwick watched television while he had his breakfast. They weren’t talking about criminals any more. There was a documentary about rooks. They were really horrible to each other, they called it ‘war’. One big rook ordered some rooks to kill other rooks, even their own brothers and sisters. The TV cameras moved to another place. But there were more rooks there doing the same thing. There were images of rooks chopping other rooks in half using axes. Luckily, Gatwick had finished his breakfast by then so wasn’t put off his food.
The Chief Inspector walked in. “Here we are, Gatwick, we’d like you to sign this confession”.
“OK, and then can I go?”, asked Gatwick.
“No, you can’t go whether you sign it or not. It just makes life easier for me”.
Gatwick wanted to please the Inspector and make life easier for him. Though, he’d locked the door of his cell, and wouldn’t let him go, the Inspector did treat him quite nicely. But, they had a long way to go before they could come anywhere near to the standard of the Grand Hotel.
“Right, here we go. Sign here, on the dotted line?”
Gatwick drew a muffin on the dotted line. The Inspector didn’t look at the signature. It had taken Gatwick about ten minutes to draw that muffin with chocolate chips, and the Inspector had got fed up with waiting.
The Inspector told Gatwick that he was going to be questioned again and that the interview would be recorded:
“Anything you say may be taken as evidence and used against you”, he told Gatwick. Now, let’s talk seriously. Where’s your accomplice, your little sister?”
“Sorry, Inspector I can’t tell you that”.
“OK, let’s try another one. Where’s the money?”
“The money? Why do you want to know that? It’s mine”.
“Oh, it’s like that, is it?”
“Of course, it is. I was the one who had to scratch and scratch with my wooden spoon to get it”.
“You mean to say that you got to the money using that wooden spoon!?”
“Yes, sir. That’s right”, said Gatwick proudly.
“And your sister didn’t help you?”
“No, but she was there. She rejoiced with me and has helped me spend some of it”.
“Where’s the money now?”
“It’s in her suitcase”.
“Finally, we’re getting somewhere. What does the suitcase look like?”
“It’s the latest model. It’s a luxury Smartmite made of very tough ABS material. It’s pink with silver trim and has two combination locks, which makes it the most secure suitcase ever made. When you open it, it plays Knees Up Mother Brown”.
But, Gatwick didn’t tell the Inspector that Mother Brown was his Mama. Otherwise he might tell the shepherds on Emerald Mountain, and they would shoot her.
“So where’s the suitcase now?” the Inspector asked.
“Little Sister’s got it. And, I can’t tell you where she is, so I can’t tell you where the suitcase is. So, please don’t ask me again”.
“I have news for you. We’re going to look for your little sister and for that suitcase. You mark my words. We will get both, I promise you”.
The Inspector left. Gatwick started watching television again. There was another documentary about rooks. It was in a different part of the world, but the events were the same. Rooks killing rooks. Baby rooks were starving to death, and they were dying of illnesses because they didn’t have medicines. Some of the poor baby rooks were crying and some had flies all over them. Gatwick wished there was something he could do to help.
After the documentary, he thought he’d just lie in bed and look out of the window. He fell asleep proud of himself for not telling on Little Sister.
*
Jet had got up early, too. He went looking for worms and found some very juicy ones, indeed. The Swiss ravens were already around as well. When a worm was found, they stood in a line and voted on who was going to eat the worm. This they did by each raven putting its wing up when it wanted to vote. The Swiss called it ‘direct democracy’, and they were always doing it. They voted on everything. Jet was English so he just ate his own worms. He’d eaten so many worms that he had to rest a little before he could fly off.
He finally felt fit to fly. ‘The best place to go’, thought Jet ‘is on Emerald Mountain, the last place I saw Gatwick’. So, up, up, up, he flew.
Little Sister and Mama had left the cave and were making their way up to the secret lake. Mama had to hide during the day. She didn’t care for herself so much, but she knew Little Sister would be devastated if her Mama was shot and she was left all on her own. On their way up, they kept looking around to see if Gatwick was anywhere to be found. They kept shouting: “Gatwick, Gatwick, where are you?”
The two bears had decided to hide Little Sister’s suitcase and Gatwick’s Edwardian case in the cave’s secret extension that Bertie and Mama had carved out of the rock. They’d be safe there. But, they decided to take the fishing rod. They wanted to catch fish for lunch. Up the mountain they went, calling and crying for Gatwick.
Jet heard the shouts, then he saw the bears. Swooping down, he was soon in front of them.
“Hello, there. Little Sister, do you remember me? I’m Gatwick’s best friend, Jet. We met at the Grand Hotel”.
“Oh, yes”, answered Little Sister. “We’ve lost Gatwick. We don’t know where he’s gone. He went out to play and never came back”.
“Really? Do you think he’s lost on the mountains?”
“We don’t know where he could be. We don’t even know if he’s alive because he only had a waistcoat on and no food or drink. Such a pain in my heart. I was the one who sent him out to play”, answered Mama.
Little Sister introduced Mama: “Jet, this is my mother and Gatwick’s mother”.
“Pleased to meet you”, Jet said holding his wing out for her to shake.
She said: “Ciao”, to him.
“Please, both of you, don’t worry I’ll look for him. I’ll look everywhere for him. I’ve got to find him” Jet said thinking of the punishment he’d get from the Eagles if he didn’t take Gatwick to White Alp soon.
Little Sister and Mama Bear thanked him again and again. Jet flew off. The bears continued their climb up to their secret lake. When they got there, they took turns in fishing. In one hour, they caught ten fish. Far more than Gatwick had ever caught in one day!
Jet flew around over the mountains turning and twisting in flight, and spinning in the air. He could do all sorts of somersaults and make patterns high up in the sky. In the distance, he could see two helicopters coming his way. Who were the people in them, and where were they going? They kept circling round and round making such a terrible noise; disturbing the peace and the tourists. Jet saw some uniformed men in the helicopters, it looked as if they were members of the police force. Were they looking for Gatwick, too? Jet followed the helicopters. Maybe they would lead him to Gatwick. After circling the mountains a few more times, they turned around on themselves and started to fly away. Their destination was the police station. One of the police officers got out of the helicopter and went to speak to a man in plain clothes. Jet listened to their conversation:
“Sorry, sir, we weren’t able to find her. We’ll try again after lunch”.
“OK, maybe she’s hiding. Gatwick wouldn’t tell us
where she is. Such a stubborn bear. If he doesn’t co-operate, he’ll be in jail for the rest of his life”.
Jet had understood it all now. Gatwick had been arrested for the bank robbery, Jet himself had seen it all from the rooftop opposite the bank. That would explain all the money he’d been splashing around. Well, who’s crying now? Anyway, Jet had to get to Gatwick then take him to Stud. The Eagles would have Jet’s guts for garters, if he went back without Gatwick. Jet flew all around the prison looking into every cell, until he found the one with Gatwick in it. The raven started pecking at the window to see if he could wake Gatwick up. Gatwick thought he could hear the pitter patter of rain on his window. ‘It’s so cosy to be in bed when the rain is beating against your window pane’, Gatwick thought. It went on and on: pitter patter pitter patter... Gatwick opened his eyes to look at the rain and to his great surprise, there, on the other side of the thick glass was Jet.
“Jet, Jet, my friend! Oh, Jet, you’re always there for me”.
“I’m going to try and get into the prison and help you escape. Do you hear?”
“Oh, yes, I do. It will have to be through the door. I can’t get out through these prison bars. I’ve already tried, I’m too fat”, said Gatwick.
“Don’t worry! I’ll find a way”.
Gatwick was so happy. At last, he would be able to see his Mama and Little Sister again.
When a guard went into the prison, to start his afternoon shift, Jet flew in through the door; swiftly and stealthily so nobody would notice him. Then he flew around to look for the right cell. “I think it’s this one”, he said to himself. He picked at the lock with his beak. It wasn’t easy-peasy. Not at all. He had to turn it so that it would unlock, but they used such heavy locks in prisons. He tried again, it moved a little way round. Gatwick was standing on the other side of the door anxiously with his wooden spoon in his paw. On the right track. Let’s try again. This time, the lock moved further, one last wrench. Yes! It’s done. The lock went round one full turn. Now, the door was unlocked, but Jet couldn’t push it open. It was too heavy.
