by S. E. Green
I’m aware Camille falls forward. I’m aware Razo does. But still I kneel and keep my eyes glued to Alexior. I need to focus on something and he seems the only thing I’m able to hold. His face clenches into a multitude of hard planes and he fights everything in himself not to intercede, not to cry, not to yell.
There’s nothing anyone can do. We are shackled. We are outnumbered. There is nothing Alexior can do, but keep his focus on me like I am on him as the whip lashes across my skin. Again. And again. And again.
Eventually it is over and I am now cheek down in the sand, my wrists underneath me. My eyes still directed on Alexior, but I no longer see a clear image. He is hazy and blurry. My scalp prickles again, and I wonder if that means my soul is merging back with my body.
Pain comes next, coursing along my back, vicious and licking a fiery path along my nerve endings. With a cringe, I stifle a groan. Bitterness tangs my mouth and nauseates me. I hear my shallow breaths—slow, raspy, in, out.
Faint laughter and conversation filter through my senses next, coming from the terrace. Fading, and I know they are heading back into the villa.
Finally, I close my eyes and drift with the pain. I am aware someone unlocks my shackles. I am aware but I don’t open my eyes to see.
I hear a tight voice, “Leave her alone,” and know it is Alexior.
Careful hands are on me next, gently touching my cheek. Despite it all, gratefulness hovers over me and gradually settles in. This is exactly what we needed. The truth about my sister. About Gem. Her daughter. Ignatius being banished. The whipping.
Desperation can be powerful in its motivation and lure to a dark place. There isn’t one warrior here who won’t be motivated to kill every one of them now and escape with me.
~53~
Talme spends hours tending to our wounds. As does Alexior and one of the house slaves Dominus sent down. The place is eerily quiet as afternoon transitions into evening and the moon finally appears in the sky.
Ignatius was escorted away without being granted the right to speak to any of us. I have no clue where he’ll go, what he’ll do. No one is ever free. Everyone down here knows something else has happened to him. Banished to The Hunts perhaps or something equally foul. I don’t even want to think about it. It’s too horrible to process right now.
I look over to Sera to see her staring at the gate, like she’s willing Ignatius to come back. I’m sure her thoughts mirror my own. She knows he hasn’t been freed either.
After Talme is done with the last of us, she comes to stand in front. “No one put your tunics on. Sleep on your stomachs tonight. These wounds need air to heal.”
I push up off the wooden bench and walk across the training ground, more to see how I feel than anything. I swing my arms a little bit and arch my back.
Whatever she put on us smells, as usual, like crap. The least she could do is throw an herb in there to make it tolerable. There is no mirror, so I haven’t seen my back. But I’ve seen everyone else’s and imagine I look the same. Red and swollen, skin split in a crisscross pattern.
I pace in a circle and turn back to see the other warriors heading into the men’s and women’s quarters. I start to follow and glance to the left where Alexior stands in the dark beneath the awning where the water barrel sits.
He’s staring right at me, and his intense gaze thumps straight through me.
I cross the sand to step under the awning and come to a stop in front of him. I look up at the shadows cast by his cheekbones and into his conflicted eyes, and something deep inside of me stirs.
He lifts a hand and runs his fingers through my short dark hair. He caresses my eyebrows, down the length of my nose, across my cheekbones, then trails his index finger over my bottom lip. I close my eyes and soak in the warmth and comfort of his touch.
Cupping the back of my head, he brings me closer. His lips move over my cheek and down to my neck to nuzzle in, and I breathe out on a quiet sigh.
Lifting my hands, I curl my fingers into his hips, and he shifts his face, and our lips meet in a simultaneous open mouthed kiss. There is no preliminary peck. Our tongues dive deep. Circling. Pulsing. Devouring. Our bodies move closer until we are pressed from chest to hip, and every minute nerve in my body awakens.
His erection surges against me, and I go on pure instinct as I reach between us and grasp it. He pushes it into my hand, our tongues delve deeper, and I stifle the moan I so desperately want to let out.
He backs up, pulling me further into the darkness, and sits down on a bench. Our lips never part. I reach into his pants and free him, pull my underwear aside, and climb on top.
My pulse stammers as I slide straight down on top of him and let out a breath that he sucks in and swallows. I want his hands all over me, in me, under me, on top of me, but he’s aware of my wounds and grips my thighs instead.
Our lips finally leave each other, and I drop my head back and start to move. Liquid heat permeates my skin and I’m on fire with need, with desire, with want.
Gently, he bites down on one of my nipples and I move faster. He lifts his hips, and I feel him nudging everything inside of me. Neither one of us makes a sound. We know we can’t. But I pace quicker. And quicker. And quicker.
He scrapes his teeth against my nipple again and I lose it. Something inside of me opens and each particle in my body becomes alive and abuzz.
I dig my fingernails into his shoulders and ride the spasms that pulse through my core and dizzies me. Eyes closed, I feel him grab my hips, lift his own, and sail into his own release.
Opening my eyes, I watch as he swallows and then opens his. He’s still inside of me, and my inner muscles flex in an involuntary spasm that makes us both jump with the sensitivity.
I wish we could do something normal like hold each other, or take a bath, or curl up and sleep. But we can’t.
In the shadows of our hiding spot, we stare, taking in the confusion swirling in each other’s eyes. What does this mean for him and his job here at this ludus? What does this me when I kill these bastards and escape? Will Alexior come with us?
He moves first, placing a kiss in the center of my chest. The gentleness of his touch melts my heart.
I lift off of him and immediately shiver at the loss of his thickness inside of me. I look down at his lap and watch as he tucks himself back inside.
After I straighten my underwear, he reaches out and takes my hand and presses a soft kiss to my knuckles, and my heart melts even more.
“Go,” he whispers, his lips moving against my skin.
It’s the first thing he’s said to me.
I nod and step out from the darkness onto the training ground to see Dominus on the terrace staring down. I forget to breathe. I resist the urge to look back at Alexior. Did Dominus see anything?
I step further out and nod my head and concentrate on not having a strained voice. “Dominus,” I loudly say, more to make sure Alexior knows not to come out.
“In the morning I would like to see you,” he tells me.
I nod again.
“Where is your tunic?” he asks.
I turn around to let him see my back, cutting my eyes over to the right where Alexior still sits. I can just barely make him out. But from the terrace the awning would obstruct anyone underneath. I hope.
I turn back around. “Talme thought it best we let air hit us for the night.”
“Very well. I will see you in the morning after your meal.” He disappears back into the villa.
I don’t chance any look back and instead head straight for the tunnel and the women’s quarters. It’s only after I wash myself and lay face down on my cot that I breathe.
How can this be? How can I be attracted to Alexior? He’s not one of them. But he’s not one of us either.
~54~
When I wake up in the morning my back aches, but it no longer burns with the hot rawness of the lashing. After Talme checks our skin and reapplies ointment, we are given thin tank tops to wear under our tuni
cs as protective bandages.
I skip breakfast and decide to see Dominus instead. I’m more than curious what he wants. Once again I am shackled, and Alexior doesn’t escort me, but a soldier does.
“You are well today?” Dominus asks from behind his desk.
As well as a person can be after being whipped. “Yes.”
He folds his hands and looks up at me. “I’m sorry you had to endure that.”
I don’t respond. I know he’s not sorry.
“It had to be done,” he tells me.
Weight settles on my shoulders at how much I despise this man. “Yes, Dominus.”
He breathes out on a smile.
I glance down to his clasped hands and the papers they rest on top of. But the writing is small and I can’t make anything out.
“Did you know my wife and I have an anniversary coming up?”
I shake my head. Why would I know that? Why would I care?
“We’re going to have a small and intimate gathering here in our villa. Only our closest friends are being invited. Several have requested that you and Sera put on that demonstration that you didn’t get a chance to before.”
I want to remind him why we didn’t get a chance and what happened as a result, but of course I refrain. I also want to ask if Mr. Vasquez will be in attendance. Somehow I doubt it. Dominus and Vasquez do not strike me as being close friends.
Dominus doesn’t immediately follow that up with anything and instead eyes me for several contemplative seconds. I don’t like it when he keeps his eyes trained on me with that vacant yet scheming look. Whatever follows is never good.
“Valoria, what would you say if I asked you to kill Sera during this demonstration? Even if she surrenders, I still want her dead. What would you say to that?”
I would say I’m going to tell Sera. Between this and Ignatius, there is no way she won’t be on our side. “How can you be sure she won’t kill me?”
He smiles. “Oh, believe me, I would assure it.”
I don’t like the sound of that. “What’s at stake?”
Dominus laughs. “You think like a warrior now. And you know me too well. What’s at stake? More money than I’ve ever made in one single fight.”
Of course. “And for me?”
“I will build you your own private quarters downstairs. I will allow you to come and go as you please. As long as you are here every day to train and present whenever you are requested to fight.” He unclasps his hands and reclasps them. “How does that sound?”
I give him a smile that I know he expects. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”
He slams his palms down on the desk and lurches to his feet. “Ha! You and me are going to make one hell of a team.” He waves me toward the door. “You may go.”
As I’m making my way back through the villa, Joseph catches my attention. With a quick glance around to make sure no one is looking, I step into the corner where he is hidden.
“The night of the anniversary party,” I whisper. “I need you to open the gates to the tunnel. Can you do that?”
“The soldier has the key and he’s always there,” he whispers back.
Guilt twinges inside of me that I have to say, “Then kill the soldier and take the key.”
Joseph glances away before quickly bringing his eyes back to mine. “I’ll figure it out,” he assures me.
“I never said this was going to be easy,” I try to soften the killing blow.
“I know.” He takes my hand, and his is cold when he presses a folded piece of paper into my palm. “That’s all I could get from Dominus’ office.”
Hope surges inside of me, and I clench my fingers around the paper. “Thank you.”
“There are a few names on there that I recognize, that’s why I grabbed it.”
A soldier rounds the hall and I immediately step from the corner and keep walking toward the tunnel. When I reach it and glance back, Joseph is gone and the soldier approaches me. He unlocks my shackles and then the gate, and I make my way down the stairs.
Halfway through the tunnel, I hear, “Valoria,” and turn to see Alexior coming from the medic room. I immediately recall last night.
“What did Dominus want?” he asks.
“To tell me about an anniversary party and another demonstration.” Sweat dampens my palm and I shift the paper slightly.
A few awkward seconds pass as we stare at each other in the tunnel’s dimness. We had amazing sex last night, and I wonder if either of us is going to say anything about it.
“My wife was my world,” he softly says. “She meant everything to me.”
Was. Meant. Both past tense. “Is she… dead?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
Can he be any more vague? “Are you upset about last night? Are you feeling guilty?”
“Yes. No.” He sighs. “Yes.” He sighs again. “I don’t know.”
He takes a step toward me and all I can think about is the paper in my palm. I want to have this conversation with him, but I want to look at this paper more.
“When they brought us here, it quickly became evident I was who they really wanted.”
“I don’t understand.”
“In Australia I was a cage fighter. I was good. At eighteen I was already ranked at the top and making decent money. So when I came here the fighting was natural for me, and I started teaching others what I knew so they could survive. Not only was I winning in the arena, but all the warriors in this ludus began winning. Eventually Dominus approached me with a deal: my life for my wife. She goes free and I stay to train others.” He stops a second, like he’s thinking about his next words. “That was seven years ago.”
I reach for his hand and massage my fingers into his calloused skin. “Alexior, that is the most honorable thing I have ever heard. You are amazing.”
“As long as I stay, she remains safe and free away from Saligia.”
“But… are you sure she is really free?”
He nods. “Every year I get a letter from her. She’s fine.”
So when he said no one is ever really free, he meant him. Sure his wife is, but he will never be. With this being why he is here, he won’t leave. He has to stay. He won’t be on our side when we kill these bastards.
I squeeze his hand to let him know I heard him, I’m listening, but I really don’t know what to say. To be honest my mind is occupied with the next steps.
He releases my hand. “You missed the morning meal. Eat. Training will be light today with everyone’s injuries.”
I’m torn with staying. With going. There are things that need to be said, but I don’t know what they are and how to say them so I settle with, “Thank you for last night. It was truly wonderful.”
He smiles, just a little. “For me, too.”
~55~
As I’m sparring with Yana, I tell her the plan. “They’ll be celebrating their anniversary. Joseph will get the gate open. We’ll move inside then.”
“What of the weapons that are locked up?”
To my knowledge, Alexior is the one who has that key. But I don’t want anyone else to know that. I don’t want Alexior harmed. “We’ll use our practice weapons and disarm the soldiers and get their swords.”
“I can’t wait to kill these fuckers.” She looks across the training ground to where Alexior stands. “Him included.”
Heat flashes through my face. “No. He is not to be touched. He is not one of them.” I jab her in the shoulder to make sure she heard me. “You got that?”
She holds up her hands. “Yeah. Fine. Whatever.”
I nod to Willem. “Now go spar with your brother and fill him in. And keep your voice down.”
I spy Sera over at the water barrel standing alone and head over. I grab a ladle and stand silently, letting her get used to my presence beside her. I think about making small talk and decide to just dive in.
“Dominus had my sister all along,” I tell her without looking at her. “He tortured, raped, and beat
her until moments before the end of her life. Gem did not die. She is alive. That new little girl in the villa is her daughter. You know as well as I do that Ignatius has not really been set free. And lastly… Dominus met with me this morning and told me to kill you in an upcoming exhibition. He says that he will assure that it will happen.”
In my periphery I watch as she takes a sip of water and continues staring out at the training going on.
“I want to kill them,” I tell her, “and escape, and I want to know if you’re with me.”
“And Alexior?” she simply asks.
“He doesn’t know any of this.”
She steps out into the sunshine and I note for the first time the dirt streaking her dark cheeks. Was she crying before I came over here to talk? Was she thinking of Ignatius?
“You tell him,” she says. “If he’s in, then I’m with you. Every single warrior will be, too.”
~56~
Late that night I meet with Razo and Camille. In the darkness with our voices hushed to a barely audible level, I update them on everything: the twins, Joseph, the anniversary party, Sera… we discuss it all in detail and when I finish I pull out the paper Joseph gave me and unfold it.
I give it to Razo. “You’ve been here longer than anyone. I’ve looked this over and I don’t recognize any of the names. Will you tell me if you do?”
He hands it right back. “I can’t read.”
Razo was born here. Of course they wouldn’t teach him to read. And now I feel stupid for asking. I take the paper back and begin quietly reading the names of people I do not know. Beside each name is basic data: Sex, age, where they came from, who was in charge of bringing them in, money involved, and where they went once they arrived here in Saligia. On that list I see the familiar HOLE and HUNTS and various villa names as well as this ludus.
When I’m done reading the list I look at Razo. “Anything sound familiar?”
“Yeah. Show that to Alexior and he will definitely be on our side.”
