Ah, so it’s a competition. This shouldn’t be a surprise to me though; Carla’s mom and my mom have had this silent competition between each other since Carla and I were infants. It started out with baby things. I won the “Who’s Going to Get a Tooth First” contest while Carla got the coveted “First Step” award. As we got older, it was grades, extracurricular activities, boyfriends, and now it’s a race to the altar.
Okay, so Carla is getting married before me but, hey, I was able to eat solid foods first. And that counts for something. Right? Right?!
Wow. That may be the most pathetic argument that I have ever made.
“I’ll be in here one day to get my wedding dress, Mom. I’m not going to risk my future happiness just to get married before Carla. I’m not that competitive.” I say as I head into the changing room to get out of the awful dress. I only have to wear it one more time. For a long period of time. In front of 200 people. And have it forever documented in Carla’s wedding photos. Help.
Mom snorts from the other side of the door, “The hell you aren’t competitive. You almost took out your father’s eye when you played Scattergories three Christmases ago.”
“That was an accident. I threw the ink pen on the ground. I didn’t know that the pen would ricochet off the floor and hit Dad in the face. It’s not like it really hurt him; he barely bled. Besides, he totally deserved it. He had been taunting me all day about stupid stuff. . .”
“About Riley, you mean.” Mom reminds me.
“Like I said, he had been taunting me about stupid stuff and the ink pen nailing him in the cheek was just Karma doing its job.”
I walk out of the changing room, now back in my comfortable, non-hoop skirt clothes, and hand Mom my dress.
“And it’s not like the ink pen left a scar.” However, it does serve as a guilt trip. Whenever I’m at home and Dad wants something, he’ll grab his cheek and talk about how he was “cut down in his prime” until I help him out. That’s how he conned me into helping him redo the master bathroom. And tar the driveway last July.
“I know I’m sounding like a broken record here, but Jess, I’m just worried about you. Riley’s a good boy, but I’m just concerned that rumors will spread.” Mom says as she heads to the front of her shop, my dress in her hands. I follow behind her, rolling my eyes as I do so.
“Rumors? What, is this town so boring that people actually have nothing better to do than talk about me and Callahan?”
“You two have caused so much ruckus over the years. Everyone knows your names because of the way you two behave. For Pete’s sakes, both your and Riley’s faces made the front page of the newspaper for the Home Depot incident.”
“Which was Riley’s fault.”
Mom ignores me, “I just don’t want my daughter’s name dragged through the mud.”
“I’ll be fine, Mom. I’ve just secured a great job, I have a nice place to live, and if I ever get a date, I’ll tell him that Riley’s gay.” I smile, “See? I have it all figured out.”
Mom walks into her office while I just stand at the door and watch her fiddle with my dress.
“When are you going to grow up, Jess?”
“I am grown up.” I pout. “And, about guys not wanting to date me because I already live with a guy. . . you know, I’ve never had guys jumping to ask me out before. I doubt they’ll start now. Besides, maybe I don’t want to date anyone right now.”
This causes Mom to look up from the dress. She raises an eyebrow, “You don’t?”
“Fine, I wouldn’t mind having an occasional date. But still, there’s a lot going on right now. I just changed jobs, I have to decorate Callahan’s house, and Carla’s going to be popping out a baby in nine. . . oh shit.”
Mom drops the part of my dress she had been working on to stare at me. “Carla’s pregnant?”
Dammit, I seriously have to stop talking.
Think of a lie, think of a lie.
“No, um, I’m just saying. You know, with the honeymoon after the wedding, I just assume that she’ll be pregnant and having the kid in nine months...” I sigh, completely defeated. “Yes, she’s pregnant. But you can’t tell anyone. Her mom doesn’t even know yet. Evan’s parents know though. So does Riley. And Annie. Yeah, pretty much the only person that doesn’t know is Carla’s mom.”
Mom is still staring at me, “Are they going to tell Molly?”
I nod, “Yeah. Carla and Evan are having dinner with her right now to break the news.”
It was actually me who suggested that Carla fix dinner and have her mom over, instead of them going out to a restaurant. You know, just in case Carla’s mom reacts loudly, whether it be tears, shrieks, or spontaneous combustion. That’s not the kind of thing you want to have happen in a public place.
Mom’s reaction really is better than I thought it would be. Hell, I was more shocked by Carla’s news than Mom seems to be. I mean, Carla’s always said that she wanted to have kids before she reached 25 and I knew that she and Evan were doing It, but I didn’t think that they were doing It without protection. Plus, I really thought that Carla would avoid pregnancy in her wedding dress. But she’s really excited about it. She already has a baby binder started and it looks horribly similar to her wedding binder. That poor kid doesn’t stand a chance.
Mom, who has already recovered from the news of Carla’s pregnancy and gone back to work at the bottom of my dress, looks up at me. “Jess, I know you don’t need a date to the wedding but would you please make your mother happy and go with Riley? You’re both already going, you’re living together, and I’ve already discussed it with Molly who talked to Riley about it earlier. We’re not saying that you have to go together but, please, think about it. It makes my heart heavy to think about you being all alone at that wedding. And I know that Molly feels the same way about Riley.”
This is the guilt trip from Hell.
I sigh, “Fine. I’ll talk to Callahan. I’m going over there anyway.” I don’t want to get in the way of the dinner party that Carla’s throwing. Seriously, I’m deathly afraid of Ms. Callahan and her reaction to finding out that her youngest is pregnant, and also her being the last to know about it.
“Thank you, Jess.” Mom puts a hand to her heart, “This means a lot to me.”
My mother, the Guilt Trip Queen, ladies and gentlemen.
***
I walk into Riley’s house, surprised by the silence. Riley’s car is sitting outside but the house is totally quiet and empty. Upon further investigating I find a note in Riley’s scrawled handwriting that says he’s taken Jackson for a walk. At least, that’s what I think the note says. How Riley can ever accuse me of sloppy penmanship is beyond me. The only thing I can clearly read is ‘Jackson’ and ‘walk’, and I’m not entirely sure that’s what it says.
I go into my new bedroom to straighten things up. I’ve done a pretty good job of that so far. I already have the bulk of my clothes and shoes in the closet and a collection of books on a small shelf. I’ve hung up my Japanese flowers print and picture frames of family and friends and a poster of Hanson on the inside of my closet. I’m not ashamed of being a Hanson fan (they have more songs than just MMMBop, I promise), I just can’t take Riley making fun of me for it. Of course, he doesn’t have much room to talk since I know that he has a hidden copy of a Wilson Phillips CD on the top of his refrigerator behind his collection of empty liquor bottles, many of which I’ve helped him finish off over the years.
I move a few picture frames onto my nightstand and bookshelf and realize that there’s nothing left that I can do to my room until Riley and Evan move my bed and dresser over here on Friday. Besides, Annie’s novel is sitting on my nightstand and, I kid you not, it’s yelling at me to read it.
After grabbing a bag of Doritos and a Diet Pepsi out of the kitchen (God bless Riley for being insecure about his weight and only buying diet soft drinks), I curl up on the couch with the possible smut novel.
Elizabeth McDonalds was a sweet girl. That is what
everyone said about her: she was a sweet girl. She was never referred to as beautiful, though it was thought by many, one man in particular, that she was pretty. She had soft features that were not unpleasant to the eye and her charm caused everyone to like her. Refusing to go by her proper name and lacking the grace most ladies of the day had, Bess McDonalds was able to keep her family and closest friends on their toes. Her clumsiness was unintentional and her friendliness genuine. Despite her attributes and a fair-sized dowry, Bess remained unmarried in her twenty-second year because, where she was kind and forgiving, she was also stubborn and a firm believer in marrying purely for love, and not for a healthy income, like her mother wished her to do.
Riley was so wrong; this isn’t a smut novel. It’s a story about a girl who doesn’t fit the norm and will, by the story’s end, find love and success and happily ever after. What’s slutty about that?
Mr. Tiley stood in the other room with his ear all but pressed to the door to hear the conversation occurring in the next room. He looked about occasionally to make sure he was not caught eavesdropping by his mother. While five and twenty years, he was still aware that his mother was capable of giving him a smart smack on the head. With the coast clear, he heard the Italian make a joke and the laughter that followed. He picked out Bess’ laugh clearly among the rest. Why, he recognized that voice better than he recognized his own sister’s, who was also in the room with Bess and the Italian. While Tiley tended to be annoyed by his sister’s presence when Bess was near, he was never more thankful that Marla was in that room as well.
I smack the pad of paper and look at Riley, who had came in twenty minutes ago. He looks up from his sketchpad, startled.
“See, this book isn’t smutty.”
“Not yet anyway.” He replies as he continues to draw in his non-work sketchpad. Jackson is lying in between us watching Jimmy Neutron have a brain blast.
I pick at the corner of Annie’s story and think of how to bring up what Mom talked about today, about me asking Riley to the wedding. I open my mouth to say something, though I have no idea what. Thankfully, I’m saved by Riley.
“Did your mom happen to put you on a guilt trip about your singleness today?”
I snort, “My mom always puts me on a guilt trip concerning my singleness. At my dress fitting earlier, she was voicing her thoughts about me going stag to Carla’s wedding. And how she and your mom had talked about us going together. To the wedding, I mean.”
Riley shakes his head. “Our mothers are diabolical.”
“Don’t I know it.”
Riley looks at me, his green eyes catching my blue ones. Something in his face is different, but I don’t know what it is. Even when he talks, his voice, his tone, sounds unlike anything he’s ever said, at least to me anyway.
“Do you want to go to the wedding with me?”
He sounds almost vulnerable, which isn’t like Riley. He’s usually so sure of himself. And, when he’s not, he has humor to make up for his lack of confidence. But right now, he sounds, I don’t know, afraid?
And I’m so unsure of what else to do that I just nod my head.
Riley smiles and maybe even breathes a sigh of relief. I have to be imagining things. Before I can question him about that, his phone rings. By the ringtone, “Lime in the Coconut” by Harry Nilson, I know that it’s Carla. She was given that ringtone after an unfortunate incident that Riley and I both witnessed involving Carla, lime, a toilet plunger, and a lot of tequila. Why he chooses to remember that night every time his sister calls is beyond me. I just know that I’m unable to repress that memory because of the song he has associated with it.
I start back in on Annie’s story while Riley talks to his sister, undoubtedly about breaking her big news to their mom. I’m a good halfway through Annie’s book and there hasn’t been the slightest mention of sex. I knew that Annie was capable of writing something that didn’t involve crazy animalistic humping.
“Unbelievable.” Riley breathes out as he hangs up his phone.
“What? Did your mom not take the news well?”
Riley is almost laughing, but he’s not amused. “No, Mom’s fine with it. She’s ecstatic, even.” His voice turns grim, “But she told Carla that I need to get a move on in fulfilling my duties of supplying my mother with grandchildren.”
I can’t help it; a loud laugh escapes my mouth.
Riley glares at me before adding, “By the way, no one is supposed to know about Carla. Father McCarthy won’t perform the wedding if he knows that the bride is pregnant.”
“I’ve already told Mom. And Annie.” And the barista boy at Starbucks. And possibly the lady behind me at Starbucks, provided that she was listening to the conversation.
“My God, Reynolds. Are you capable of keeping any secrets?”
I smirk at his question. If he only knew that Matt totally wanted him.
Hmm… I wonder what the priest would think if he knew that the bride was pregnant and the Best Man was gay?
“So,” Riley continues, evidently assuming that my answer was a resounding ‘no’, “are we leaving for the church together or do I need to meet you there?”
“Meet me at the church. I’ve seen my itinerary for the wedding day. I don’t get a moment to breath until sometime around 9 p.m. at the reception.”
“What all does she have you doing anyway?”
I pull the itinerary out of my purse and sigh. I hate this single sheet of paper almost as much as the wedding binder.
I unfold the paper and set it on my lap, “Let’s see. I have to be at the church at eight a.m. to make sure that everything is where it’s supposed to be. At nine, I have to get my nails done again because Carla is certain that I’m going to bite them.” I wave my hand in front of Riley to show off my freshly manicured nails. I lost an hour of pay today because of them. I smile, “But I’m not going to chew on my nails and will therefore have forty-five minutes all to myself, which I will spend in hiding.”
Riley laughs, “Does she have an itinerary for everyone?”
I shake my head, “No, just me and Evan. Although the only thing that Evan’s itinerary says is: “show up at the church at 5 p.m., sober and in your wedding tux.” That bastard is getting off so easy.” Of course, I have to remain in contact with him on and off all day to make sure that he isn’t getting into any mischief. Lucky me, right?
“What else do you got?”
I scan the list, “Okay. At ten, I have to be at your mom’s house to make sure everything is set up there for the reception. I also have to call the caterers to make sure, for the forty-seventh time, that the orders are correct. At eleven, I have to be back at the church to meet Mom, Carla, and your cousin, Brittany, to make sure that the dresses fit just right. At this time, I also have to promise not to make one snide remark about my dress for the rest of the day. At noon, I have to actually track down Evan and make sure that he hasn’t forgotten about the wedding.”
“Seriously?” He leans over to me in order to see the paper. As he does so, he slides his arm over my shoulder to steady himself.
He smells really good. And his thumb grazing my neck is giving me goosebumps.
I laugh nervously, “Your sister just wants everything to go right. It’s her day. She’s supposed to have fun. Everyone else can be miserable, as long as they smile in the wedding photos. Which take place at approximately six p.m., depending on the length of the wedding. If you don’t show up, I have been given permission to beat you within an inch of your life. Carla would do it herself, but she doesn’t want to get blood on her wedding dress.”
He nods, “Highly understandable.” He looks closer at the list, “You really don’t get a minute to yourself. I thought you were just lying so you wouldn’t have to dance with me.”
“Trust me, I would gladly dance with you to get out of some of these Maid of Honor chores.”
Riley raises an eyebrow and looks at me, that half-smile playing on his lips, “There was a compliment in there, I think.�
�
“Maybe there was.”
We turn away from each other and he removes his arm from around me. We fall back into silence with him continuing to draw and me reading. I have to admit that I’m completely engrossed in Annie’s story. I totally relate to Bess, the main character. I know that Annie was using me to get ideas and I really think that she put a lot of my traits into the character of Bess. I mean, there’s the clumsiness and the fact that Bess is a little overweight. Even if she didn’t base the character on me, I’m still wanting to know what happens to Bess. Plus, it’s a love story and I have to know that Bess ends up with her dream guy. I mean, I know she will, but I have to find out how.
“Is there a reason as to why you are hiding in the garden, Mr. Tiley?”
“I am not hiding in the garden.” Mr. Tiley said with a cool air. At Bess’s raised eyebrow, he sighed, “I am merely standing behind a large piece of shrubbery that just so happens to mask me from the party gathered inside.”
Bess laughed, “You are hiding from your mother, are you not, Mr. Tiley?”
“It is my little sister’s engagement party. My mother has been reminding me that I am older than my sister Marla and am still unmarried all night long. I retreated outside before she could introduce me to the unmarried society ladies.” Mr. Tiley focused on Bess with a suspicious look, “Might I inquire as to why you are out here, Elizabeth?” He said her formal name in a dark tone eerily resembling the way in which her mother said her name.
“You forget that Marla is my best friend and is younger than me as well.”
“Only by a month though.”
“Yes, and that is enough to send my mother into a fit of throwing every unmarried man in the room in my direction this evening. Like you, I am very much in hiding.” Bess flopped onto the small bench in the garden. She was relieved that it was only Mr. Tiley outside. Having known one another since childhood, the two had an unspoken understanding that the manners their mothers had instilled in them were mere inconveniences easily forgotten when they were alone. Bess leaned back against the bench and watched as Mr. Tiley fidgeted with the buttons on his clothing. He gave up trying to escape his waistcoat, knowing that his mother would raise high heavens if he didn’t appear to be the prim and properbachelor she had been boasting about to all the single ladies at the ball, and sat next to Bess on the bench.
Always the Last to Know (Always the Bridesmaid) Page 12
