‘No! Well—only if you want to. I just don’t want you to feel you have to stay. You see little enough of them, and they’re only small and they need you. You should go, really.’
‘You’re right.’ He smiled, kissed her and rolled out of bed, straightening up with a bone-cracking stretch. ‘Let’s go to mine for breakfast, and then we can wander down to the beach and join up with them later.’
‘Really?’
He sat back down on the edge of the bed and took her hand. ‘Really. I think it’s time you met my children,’ he said seriously, and she felt her eyes widen, her heart suddenly beating just that little bit faster.
‘Are you sure?’ she asked, feeling a little stunned, a little panicked because she’d been sure he’d never let her near them after all she’d said.
‘They don’t bite,’ he said gently, but that wasn’t what she was worried about. It was more the possibility that having met them she’d love them instantly, as part of him, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to expose herself to that much hurt in case their relationship didn’t last.
‘Don’t you want to keep us apart?’
‘No. It’s fine.’ His smile was warm and a little wry. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell them what we’ve been up to.’
‘I didn’t think you would for a moment, but what will you tell them? And how about your mother? What will she think?’
‘She won’t think anything. She knows we’re together, it was her idea, and they’re my children and I’d like you to meet them, unless you really, really don’t want to. I’ll just tell them you’re my friend from work. They already know a bit about you.’
She felt her eyes pop open wider still. ‘They do?’
He laughed softly. ‘Yes, they do. I told them about you falling down the mountain. Amber was walking along a low garden wall, and it was getting higher and higher as the road went down the hill, and I told her to be careful and she said, “Daddy, I’m always careful!”, which sounded so like you. So I told them about you.’
She bit her lip, trying not to laugh and failing. ‘I can’t believe you told them. They’ll think I’m an idiot.’
‘Oh, well, if the cap fits—’
‘You’re so rude,’ she said, swatting him playfully and laughing, but he just hugged her.
‘Don’t worry about them, they don’t judge, they’re just small people. They take everything at face value. And I know my mother would like to meet you.’
To see if she measured up? She chewed her lip, the laughter vanishing in an instant. ‘It’s not that I don’t want to meet them all, I do—’
‘Well, that’s all right, then,’ he said firmly, and twitched the covers off her. ‘Come on, gorgeous. Let’s hit the shower.’
‘Together?’
He grinned and pulled her to her feet. ‘Why not?’
* * *
He hustled her through the shower, keeping it brisk and matter-of-fact in the end because otherwise they’d get sidetracked and he wanted to get home now and get on with the day.
Starting with breakfast, and then going to the beach.
They took the food she’d bought back to his house, made a stack of club sandwiches and ate them on his bench while she ran a critical eye over the new shrubs and the ones that had been hacked back.
‘I think you just need to be patient,’ she said. ‘You’ve got some beautiful things.’
He laughed and shook his head. ‘How would I know? I can recognise wisteria and roses. Beyond that, I’m useless.’
‘My mother loves gardening, she taught me everything I know. Come on, let’s have a look,’ she coaxed, and gave him a guided tour of his own garden, pointing out the names of each of the shrubs she recognised, their various merits and flowering season, and after a while he was convinced she was stalling.
Well, he wasn’t going to let her, wasn’t going to give her any further opportunity to try and talk both of them out of going to the beach so she could meet the children. He’d been thinking about it all night because he knew that until he saw them together, until he saw her reaction to his children and theirs to her, he had no idea what the future might hold for them all, and he needed to know.
And so did she.
* * *
She was telling him about the viburnum tinus which had been cut back hard when he stopped her in mid-flow, a finger on her lips.
‘Enough,’ he said, laughing down into her eyes. ‘We can do this another time. Let’s go to the beach, it’s less challenging.’
Really?
Maybe for him, but not for her, which was why she’d been stalling furiously.
By the time they’d crossed the road, gone down the ramp to the slipway and walked along to the Shackletons’ beach hut, her heart was thrashing in her chest. What would the children think of her? Would they hate her? And would she, as she feared, fall instantly in love with them both? What if she didn’t? What if she resented them? If they resented her?
He was walking beside her but a careful distance away, not quite touching, and all of a sudden there was a flurry of arms and legs and a little girl with their mother’s dark hair hurled herself at him.
‘Daddy!’
‘Hello, my little princess!’
He swung her up and round, his laugh echoing through her, and she felt a huge lump in her throat seeing them together, their obvious joy in each other, the love that shone from both their faces. He put her back on her feet and scooped up a boy, smaller than Amber but the spitting image of his mother except for his father’s smile.
The lump in her throat got even bigger as she watched him hug and kiss his grubby, sandy little son, and when he put him back down on the ground and turned to her, she had to struggle to find a smile.
‘Livvy, meet my children, Amber and Charlie. Guys, this is Olivia, my friend from work. Say hello.’
‘Hello, Amber, hello, Charlie.’
In typical little-boy fashion Charlie mumbled what could have been hello and ran off, distracted by two small boys about a year younger than him, probably Ed and Annie’s twins. She turned back to Amber, who was studying her seriously.
‘Are you the lady who fell down the mountain?’
Livvy bit her lip and tried not to laugh, but it was hopeless. ‘Your daddy’s been telling tales,’ she said, and Amber shook her head, all serious still.
‘He told me you were being silly, just like I was on the wall, and you could have hurt yourself a lot worse.’
Her smile faded. ‘Yes, I could have done. He’s quite right. And he did warn me, and I stupidly didn’t listen.’
She nodded sagely. ‘He said that, too,’ she said, deadpan, and Livvy had to bite the inside of her cheeks. ‘Is your ankle better now?’
‘Yes, thank you. It’s fine now.’
Amber nodded and cocked her head on one side. ‘I like your dress, it’s very pretty.’
She’d pulled on the jungle-print dress she’d worn the night before, just for speed and because it was so easy to wear—and, to be honest, because he’d told her she looked beautiful when she was wearing it, and that made her feel beautiful.
‘I’m glad you like it. It’s my favourite dress.’
‘My favourite dress doesn’t really fit me any more and Daddy says I need a new one, but he hates shopping,’ Amber said sadly.
There was a snort from beside her, and she looked up to see Matt rolling his eyes and laughing. ‘I don’t hate it, but I am hopeless. Hopeless and completely out of my depth.’
‘And Grandma hates it, too, and Daddy says she’s always buying things and taking them back because she can’t make up her mind. And Auntie Sally’s too busy, and I haven’t got a mummy any more,’ she added, and Livvy sucked in a quiet breath.
‘I could take you,’ she said before she engaged her filter, and Amber’s eyes widened in excitement.
&n
bsp; ‘Really? That would be amazing!’
‘Well, that’s me off the hook,’ Matt said lightly, but his smile spoke volumes and she just hoped he didn’t read too much into it.
There wasn’t time to speculate, though, because Amber slipped her warm, sandy hand into Livvy’s and dragged her over to a group of women clustered round the front of a beach hut.
‘Grandma, this is Daddy’s friend Olivia,’ she said importantly, that little hand still holding hers, ‘and she’s going to take me shopping for a new favourite dress.’
Four pairs of eyes locked onto her, and not for the first time today she wished she’d kept her mouth shut...
‘Oh, that’s nice, Amber,’ one of them said, getting to her feet. ‘How kind of her. Matt, darling, why don’t you and Amber go and help Ed with the children? We’ll be fine.’
He shrugged, held his hand out to Amber and left her there feeling slightly abandoned and with a definite case of interview nerves.
‘Hello, Olivia. I’m Jane, Matt’s mother,’ the woman said, giving her a slightly sandy handshake and a warm smile. ‘It’s lovely to meet you at last. Let me introduce you to Marnie, Ed’s grandmother, and Joanna, Annie’s mother, and Annie who’s married to Ed, but of course you know that. And those are their four children on the beach.’
They all greeted her with friendly smiles and welcoming words, but she could see the questions lined up in their eyes.
She glanced across to where Ed and the girls were helping the little ones build a sandcastle, but Matt had his back to her and was clearly not going to be any help at all, and as he reached them Ed lifted his hand and waved at her.
‘Hi, Livvy. How’s it going?’ he called.
She wasn’t answering that loaded question under any circumstances, so she just smiled, said, ‘Good, thanks,’ and turned back to the women, leaving him and Matt to it. She had enough on her plate dodging the bullets she felt were coming her way any minute.
‘What a lovely beach hut,’ she said, casting about for something neutral, and Annie picked it up seamlessly.
‘Yes, it’s amazing. It belongs to Marnie but we sort of share it. So, it’s lovely to meet you at last. How’s the ankle?’ she asked, bringing the conversation neatly back to her, and she laughed and rolled her eyes.
‘I’m never going to live that down, am I?’ she said, and Matt’s mother and Annie both shook their heads and laughed with her.
‘I was just about to make some drinks. Tea or coffee?’ Annie asked, heading for the beach hut’s tiny kitchen area, and Livvy followed her as the safest bet.
‘I don’t really drink either, I’m afraid, unless you have decaf? Or fruit tea?’
‘There’s a really nice peppermint green tea?’
‘Perfect,’ she said, and Annie put the kettle on and smiled at her thoughtfully.
Here we go.
‘So, you’re the person who’s put the smile back on Matt’s face. I’m so pleased. It’s great to see him looking happy again.’
That surprised her. ‘I thought Ed didn’t approve?’
Annie frowned slightly. ‘I don’t think it was that. He was worried—about you getting hurt, and Matt getting in deeper than he was ready for. They’ve been friends for years, ever since they were at school, and he was just worried about him. It’s been really tough for him.’
She nodded slowly. ‘I know. I knew they were friends, that was obvious, but I didn’t realise they went back that far. It sort of explains—well, quite a bit, really. Matt often talks about doing things with you all, but I thought he’d only known Ed since he started at the hospital.’
‘Oh, no, since they were both sixteen. They did the same science subjects, and they spent a lot of time together, apparently. I’m so glad he came back here when the job came up. Jane’s really been through the mill, too, what with losing her husband to cancer and then supporting Matt after Jules died, and it’s been a really positive move for all of them, I think, after such a run of tragedies.’
His father had died of cancer? Oh, no...
Annie straightened up and smiled. ‘Still, that’s all in the past now, and he’s got something to look forward to.’
‘I think it’s a little soon to assume that,’ she said quickly, trying to cut off the matchmaking look in Annie’s eyes before it took hold too firmly, but Annie just smiled.
‘Well, we’ll just have to wait and see,’ she murmured, but then the kettle whistled, to Livvy’s relief, and Annie turned off the gas, reached for some mugs and made everyone a drink, and—for now at least—she was off the hook.
* * *
It was warming up to be a scorching hot day, and by eleven o’clock they’d packed everything up and were heading back towards the clifftop.
‘We’re having a barbecue,’ Ed said, falling into step beside them as they got to the top. ‘Want to come?’
‘Yeah, that would be great,’ Matt said. ‘Livvy?’
‘Yes, Olivia, please, please come?’ Amber squealed, and she looked at Ed.
‘Did you mean me, too?’
‘Well, yes, of course,’ Ed said, as if it was a foregone conclusion that she’d be coming if they did. ‘Unless you don’t want to come?’
‘No, I—That would be lovely, but you won’t have catered for me.’
He laughed as if she’d said something hilarious. ‘We don’t cater, Livvy. We throw stuff on the barbecue until people stop eating. You’ll be fine.’
‘Matt?’
‘Yes. Absolutely, yes.’
‘Well, in that case—thank you, that would be lovely.’
Amber squealed again and grabbed her hand, bouncing up and down on the end of her arm like a yo-yo, and she had to laugh, but deep in the pit of her stomach was lodged a nugget of fear that meeting all these lovely people had been a huge, huge mistake, one she might well regret for the rest of her life.
She was sitting on the grass in the cool, dappled shade of a birch tree, the leaves whispering in the light breeze coming off the sea, and Annie wandered over and sat beside her, snatching a moment of peace.
She’d brought cold drinks with her, and Livvy took hers and sat back with a sigh.
‘Thank you. This shade is just lovely.’
‘It is, isn’t it? So, how are you getting on in the ED? I still miss it in a way, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.’
She laughed, hoping it didn’t sound too hollow. ‘I can understand that. Why swap your children for the ritual abuse of a Friday night?’
Annie chuckled. ‘I have to say I don’t miss that at all. I don’t remember a single one that wasn’t hideous.’
‘No, last Friday was awful,’ she said. ‘We had a girl who’d taken ecstasy. She’s alive, but she’s still in PICU and her parents are beside themselves.’ She looked across at Annie thoughtfully. ‘So, on the subject of daughters, since you have two, any idea where I can take Amber for a new favourite dress?’
Annie frowned. ‘I imagine we’re talking party dress here?’
‘I have no idea. Probably.’
‘There’s a little boutique near the seafront that has a children’s section. It just depends how special, but they aren’t outrageous and they have some lovely stuff. I’ve bought things for Grace and Chloe, and Kate got her wedding dress there when she and Sam got married. Have you met Kate?’
She shook her head. ‘No. I’m not a mum,’ she said, stifling the little pang, ‘so I don’t mix in the same circles. I’m just a lowly registrar with a very full-time job.’
Annie gave her an odd look. ‘You don’t need to be a mum, Livvy. We’re all still ourselves.’
Which was all very well, but since the entire day from the moment they’d hit the beach had been all about the children, she’d felt slightly marginalised. Not that anyone had been anything but lovely to her but, still, she felt as if she didn�
�t quite belong—
‘Look out!’
She glanced up, saw the ball heading for her and lifted her arms to catch it and throw it back.
‘Nice save,’ Matt said with a laugh, and kicked it back towards the children.
‘It’s lovely to see them all together,’ she said wistfully. ‘You and Ed are very lucky. How long have you been together?’
‘Five years?’
‘But—the girls...’
‘They aren’t his—although you’d never know. He adores them, and he’s a brilliant stepdad. Their biological father doesn’t even know they exist, and frankly that’s a good thing, because they don’t need him. Ed’s a better father than he could ever be.’
Livvy looked across the garden to where Ed and Matt were playing football with the children. So Ed was a stepfather, as well as a father, and that was obviously a huge success, but then they’d had their own children, too. If she’d had the sense to harvest some eggs, maybe she and Matt could have been in the same situation, and she could have helped him to bring up his children and her own. Not that she’d be a better mother than Jules, of course not, but she’d have given it everything she had—
But it wasn’t going to happen, and there was no point wallowing in it. She’d done enough of that in the last twenty-four hours.
She pulled up a bit of grass and fiddled with it for a moment, then looked up and saw Annie watching her thoughtfully.
‘So—where do you and Matt go from here?’
She shrugged. ‘Nowhere, really. I’m just taking every day as it comes, and if Matt’s in my life for a while that’s amazing, and if not, well, I’m sure I’ll cope.’
‘But he loves you,’ Annie said softly, her voice shocked.
She stared at her. ‘No, he doesn’t.’
‘Yes, he does. Of course he does! Haven’t you noticed the way he looks at you?’
She felt her eyes fill, and looked away. ‘He doesn’t love me, Annie. He’s still in love with Jules. He always will be. He’s just taking the edge off his loneliness, but that’s fine. I know that, and so am I.’
A Single Dad to Heal Her Heart Page 13
