by Hannah Ford
Skylar nodded but it wasn’t very convincing. “The hardest part is just waiting. I just want to know either way. It’s too hard trying to hope, because if it’s…if the news is bad, I need to focus on beating this. But I don’t want to assume the news is bad, so I’m like just trying not to even think about it. Which is impossible, turns out.”
“I feel like I’ve been a bad friend,” Raven said. “You’re going through all of this and I’m jet setting around with Jake.” She played idly with a spoon as she stared at the tabletop. “I’m sorry, Sky.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Skylar said. “You’ve been my biggest support, you’ve helped me more than anyone—you and Jake both. I don’t think I could get through this without you guys.”
Raven looked up at her. “We’re supposed to leave for a couple of days, but I’ll cancel.” She grabbed Skylar’s hand. “I’m not leaving you.”
“Jake told me already,” Skylar said. “And I already told him it’s fine. My parents are here with me, I’m okay for now.”
“You and Jake sure have been talking a lot,” Raven joked.
“Raven, don’t be silly. He’s been checking in on me here and there, just like you. Are you really that insecure?”
“Yes.” She grinned a little. It was true, she was insecure, and she had reason to be. But she wasn’t honestly concerned about Jake checking on Skylar. She actually thought it was pretty amazing of him.
“The guy is all about you,” Skylar said, interrupting Raven’s thoughts. “I’ve seen guys in love before, and he’s definitely head over heels,” Skylar continued.
Raven felt her cheeks flush. “I’m not sure it’s as clear cut as you think it is.”
“Or maybe you just like torturing yourself.”
“Maybe.” Raven sighed. “So you’re sure you’re okay if we go out of town for a couple of days?”
Skylar nodded. “Look, even if I do get the result back today or tomorrow, and even if…even if it’s not good…there won’t be anything happening right away. I’ll be meeting with doctors and specialists and scheduling treatments, but nothing’s going to happen while you’re away.”
Raven thought about it, but even though Skylar kept saying she was fine, leaving just felt wrong somehow.
Or maybe you just want to find an excuse not to go home.
She didn’t know which it was—perhaps a little of both.
Just then, Raven saw Kurt walking by, and he was on his cell phone, chattering away. Inadvertently, she scowled, as just seeing him made her a little sick inside.
“What’s wrong?” Skylar asked her. “You got a look on your face like you drank spoiled milk.”
“Just have a bad taste in my mouth is all,” Raven muttered. And then she looked at her friend and smiled, and the smile was genuine. “I’m gonna miss you while I’m away.”
“I’ll miss you too,” Sky said. She took another sip of her coffee. “On the bright side, this is the longest vacation I’ve had in years.”
They both laughed at that, and the timing was good, because a moment later Jake came strolling into the lobby with a bag over his shoulder, looking handsome and put together, wearing dark pants, a beige vest and a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
“There’s your hunk of burning love,” Skylar said, nudging Raven under the table with her foot.
“Yeah, I saw him,” Raven said.
“Don’t act so laid back. You’re about to walk out of here with your arm around the hottest guy on the planet.” Skylar pursed her lips. “You can’t really be this calm about it.”
“I’m actually freaking out, I just put on a good act.”
“Maybe you don’t need to put on an act for him to like you.”
“Stop saying such intelligent things, I hate it when you give me good advice,” Raven said, knowing that there was too much truth in her friend’s comment—too much truth to really think about it without getting scared out of her mind. Raven stood up, and then wrapped her arms around Skylar and gave her a long hug. She kissed Skylar’s cheek. “I love you, girl.”
“Love you too. Now go show everyone back home how kick-ass you turned out.”
Raven laughed, grabbing her suitcase and walking out of the restaurant.
Jake was standing there and texting as she approached. He looked up and saw her, and then he saw Skylar and waved to Sky.
“How’s she doing?” he asked Raven as she approached.
“She’s good. Really good, all things considered.” Raven looked at him. “What you did for her parents was above and beyond, Jake.”
“It was nothing,” he said offhandedly, putting his phone away. “Anyway, the car’s waiting.”
Only, when they got outside, Raven saw it wasn’t a car at all—it was a stretch limousine. She turned to him. “Jake, we’re not taking that thing to Southbridge.”
“Uh, yeah, we are. It’s all set and paid for.”
She rolled her eyes, which probably got captured perfectly on film, since about twenty or thirty paparazzi were snapping pictures of her at the moment she made the face.
“You really need to start consulting with me before doing this stuff,” she said. “This limousine totally sends the wrong message.”
“So you’re telling me it won’t be awesome when we pull up to your parents’ house in a stretch limo?” Jake said, as one of his security guards opened the door of the car for them.
“Maybe it will be a little bit awesome,” she admitted. They got into the limo together, while one security guard put their bags in the trunk, and then they were magically sealed off, and Raven suddenly had the realization that she was becoming accustomed to the media frenzy that was a near constant presence now.
It was a little strange to know that she’d adjusted to it all so quickly.
The limousine pulled away from the hotel, and after quickly consulting with Jake, the driver put the privacy glass up and now it was just Jake and Raven alone in the back of the car.
Jake was completely at ease, his arms spread out across the back seat, legs kicked forward at full stretch. He grinned at Raven. “You look like a deer in the headlights,” he said.
“I don’t feel like that,” Raven replied. She was sitting across from him, her legs crossed, trying to understand why Jake still made her more nervous than all the paparazzi and press in the world putting her under the microscope.
“Maybe it’s because you know you’re going home,” he offered.
“I guess,” she said, shrugging.
“You know, one of these days you’re going to have to tell me what the hell happened to you that made you run away.”
She felt an icy claw grab her heart as his comment. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s important for me to know your story, Raven. Your story is a big part of how you’re going to help me turn this mess around.”
“My story is simple,” she said. “When I was seventeen, some kids started rumors about me—horrible rumors about me being a slut and a whore and they were vicious about it. They were relentless.”
He watched her closely. “Who was it—a group of girls?”
She felt acid in her stomach just thinking about it and she ran a hand through her hair, shaking it out as if that might help shake off her nerves. “It began with a couple of boys who started the rumors and then some girls picked up on it. Before I knew it, all of the things they said had spread like wildfire and the lies were being repeated everywhere.”
Jake nodded as if he understood. “And then you got depressed?”
She sighed. “Yes, Jake, then I got depressed.”
“I know it’s unpleasant to talk about, but you’re going to have to do it soon.”
“I understand that,” she told him, “but I’ll do it when I’m ready.”
“Kurt already booked you a speaking gig at a benefit for a foundation to fight bullying late next week,” Jake said, “so you better get ready.”
Raven was stunned into silenc
e. She blinked, swallowed, tried to get her bearings. “You booked me a speaking gig?” she said, aghast.
“That’s how Kurt and I thought it best to bring up the conversation around you being a victim of bullying. We won’t even announce it to the press, we’ll let it filter out naturally so it doesn’t come off as a ploy.”
Raven put a hand to her forehead. She was getting a throbbing pain behind her eyes. “Jake, you never even asked me.”
“Listen,” he said, “you’re the one who told me you wanted to do this for me. You said you would use your history to help me fight the negative press I’ve been getting.”
“I know I said that, and I meant it. But I need to be included in these kinds of decisions.”
“This is my career,” Jake said.
“And it’s my life,” she replied, pointing at her own chest. “I’m the one who has to open up my old wounds, and the least thing I should get is the courtesy of a discussion about what scenario is best for me.”
“Kurt would have put you on stage tomorrow to do this,” Jake said. “I had to fight hard to back him off. The longer we wait to put you out there, the more people condemn me and the worse my chances get to fight this thing off.”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it,” Raven said. “What’s so hard for you to understand about me wanting to be included in the decision making process?”
He sat back folded his arms. “You don’t want to step out and do your job,” he said.
“That’s so not true.”
“It is, Raven. Face it,” Jake told her. “I had to push you to bring me back to Southbridge to meet your family and do the photo op together. You didn’t want to do that and now you don’t want to give this speech next week.”
“I keep telling you, I just want to be involved—“
“You are involved,” Jake interrupted, his jaw tense, eyes narrow. “But you don’t get to waltz into my life and take over the operation. This is business, and I decide what works and what doesn’t work. You follow my orders.”
Raven sat back and closed her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “We’ll do it however you want to do it, then. You tell me how it goes.”
“Good,” he said. “Now you’re getting it, finally.”
She laughed harshly. “Maybe you should come up with a nice story about what happened to me in high school, too. Why let the truth get in the way of whatever helps you the most?”
“That’s not fair and you know it, Raven. I didn’t tell you to lie about anything.”
She opened her eyes and glared at him. “No, but you sure don’t seem to mind it, either. Why stop at lying about our relationship? Why not just make everything up?” she said. “We should say and do whatever we need to as long as it makes for good press for you.”
“Exactly,” Jake replied, his nostrils flaring. He sat forward. “And next time you decide to have a temper tantrum, save it for someone who gives a shit.”
“Point taken,” Raven said calmly.
She looked away from him, he looked away from her, and they didn’t speak the rest of the way back to Massachusetts.
* * *
Raven was already exhausted and they hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet.
But as they got off the highway and she saw the old Ramada Inn that she remembered passing so many times driving with her parents, it truly hit Raven that she was home again.
It was like being transported back in time, because so much of Southbridge was the same as it had been when she’d left at seventeen. All of the little details were still intact—the restaurants, the convenience store on the corner of Main Street where all the kids had hung out, the tiny independent movie theater that played second run movies, where Raven and Caleb had kissed for the first time.
It was like a movie playing in her mind—the movie of her childhood, and although the last bit had been quite awful—there were lots of good memories mixed in too.
She stared out the window, in awe of the power of this place, these streets, this town. The hold it had over her was almost like black magic.
“Are you okay?” Jake said, sounding genuinely concerned.
She was surprised, turning a little to look at him. “I didn’t think you cared.”
“Of course I care. I’m not a monster.”
She raised her eyebrows. “The jury’s out on that one.”
“Very nice, Raven. Very nice.”
“I know I’m being difficult, Jake, but you really don’t understand how hard it is for me being back here.”
Jake laughed. “You think I don’t understand the kind of demons the past can throw back in your face? Baby, you really don’t know me at all.”
“Don’t call me baby,” she said, noticing that they’d just passed the public golf course, and that meant they were about to go by the second house she’d lived in before her parents had moved to their most recent home.
“You seem determined to piss me off,” Jake told her. “But I’m not going to give you the satisfaction. If you’re freaking out, you’re not going to have me to blame for it.”
“I’m not blaming you, but you’re not helping, that’s for sure.”
“You won’t let me.”
Raven sighed, but didn’t say anything back. Maybe Jake was right, she didn’t know anymore who was right and wrong between them. All she knew was one moment he was like prince charming, come to rescue her, and next he was acting just like every other man who’d hurt her.
As the limousine progressed, Raven’s hands started to tingle and she started feeling short of breath. Now she could recognize certain houses, and remembered the people who’d lived in them.
She recalled riding her bike down one hill and practically going over the handlebars when she’d hit the brakes too quickly at the bottom.
And then they were on her old street, and she was counting down the houses, knowing that in ten, nine, eight…soon they would arrive.
Finally, they turned a bend in the road and her old house came in sight, looking smaller than she’d remembered it, somehow. It was a little two-story white house with red shutters and a red door.
There were a couple of cars parked in the small driveway.
Some children in a neighbor’s lawn stared with their mouths open as the limousine pulled up in front of the house and came to a stop.
Raven tried to take a deep breath.
I can’t do this. I left for a reason. And seeing everyone again, knowing what they think of me…I can’t stand it. Not for one minute.
But just when she thought she wouldn’t be able to step out of the car, a warm, strong hand had taken her hand and was gripping it tightly.
“We can do this,” Jake said softly.
She turned and looked at him with wet eyes. “Why do you always end up proving me wrong when I start to doubt you?”
He smiled a little, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief. “I guess I’ve always liked a challenge,” he said, and in that brief moment, she swore that she loved him totally and completely.
And the way he was looking at her, she thought that he must be thinking the same thing.
“Okay, let’s just get it over with,” she told him.
Jake signaled to the driver, who got out and went around to open the door for them. They got out and Raven saw that the front door of her house was opening, and her heart was beating so fast and hard that she was going to break a rib.
“Oh my God,” Raven muttered, as she stood frozen, rooted to the ground, watching the door swing wide.
“You’re going to be fine,” Jake said, squeezing her hand. “I promise.”
“Thanks for being here,” she whispered, grateful for his presence.
Raven’s mother was coming outside, and she looked just the same as she’d always looked. She was short, with a wide smile and silvery hair that fell about shoulder length. Raven had always been told that she resembled her father, whereas her brother Danny had always looked more like Mom.
And as her mother
came down the steps, Danny followed her out, and she saw that this was even more true now. He was only a few inches taller than their mother, with her same crooked smile, although his hair was still dark.
Danny’s smile died on his lips the moment he saw the limousine, and his eyes seemed to harden.
But then her mother and Danny were approaching, and she went to meet them, hugging her mother first and then Danny.
Her mother smelled like cinnamon, and she was crying a little. “Oh, I can’t believe you’re really here,” she told Raven as they embraced.
“Mom, this is Jake Novak,” Raven said, and they hugged too.
Jake shook Danny’s hand, and Danny looked him over with skepticism. “You always travel by stretch limo, Jake?”
“Sometimes,” Jake laughed. “I thought it was appropriate for Raven’s homecoming. Like, I don’t know, prom or something.”
“Yeah,” Jake said, “I don’t think prom or anything to do with high school is a very welcome memory for my sister. I guess you don’t know her that well.”
Jake didn’t react to Danny’s barb. “Beautiful home,” he said, admiring their house.
“Oh, thank you, Jake,” her mother smiled.
“Where’s Dad?” Raven asked.
“Oh, he’s inside,” her mother replied.
Raven glanced at Jake and he looked away. She got a strange feeling in her stomach and then the four of them started walking towards the house together, and soon they were going inside.
It smelled familiar, as if the very same foods and clothes and plants and furniture had been here since she’d left. Nothing much had changed, except for one major difference.
Her father.
He was in a wheelchair with a tube going to his nose. Raven stopped, totally shocked by how frail and gaunt her dad looked. The hose was connected to a large oxygen tank that was attached to the back of his chair.
“Oh, Dad!” she cried. “What happened?”
Her father smiled. He looked at least fifty pounds lighter than when she’d last seen him, and his hair was grayer, and he looked sickly, his skin almost jaundiced.
“I’ve had a few health things pop up,” he said, shrugging, as if he was talking about getting a splinter and a broken two. “But I’m okay, don’t look so frightened. Come hug me.”
