A Traitorous Heart

by Tammy Jo Burns

  “Oh, no.”

  “Oh, yes, I know and will have fun with my knowledge.”

  “I would not use it for a while. He is not in a very good mood lately.”

  “When is he ever?” she asked flippantly. “But I digress. I saw something disturbing tonight and I need to ask you some questions. Were her parents abusive towards her?”

  “That is rather accusatory Kala. What are you trying to say?”

  “There are marks.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “They are thin, long marks that crisscross her entire back, much like a whip might make.”

  “Damn.” Water sloshed out of the tub and Derek made to rise.

  “Derek,” Kala squeaked and spun around. “There is nothing you can do now since she has no memory of her life. You might as well continue with your bath.”

  “Go into Tessa’s room. I will tap on the door when I am decent.”

  In less than five minutes Kala heard the tap that beckoned her to join him. He now wore loose pants that had an oriental feel, and a dressing robe. He indicated that Kala should sit in a chair near the hearth and took the one across from her.

  “What did they look like?”

  “Well, I have described them fairly well, I think. They are brownish pink, so it seems they have had time to heal, but are not silvery like an old wound would be. She does not seem to know about them.”

  “She does not know a lot right now.”

  “Derek, it will all come back in time,” Kala said, leaning over and placing a comforting hand on Derek’s knee. “I do not think she is a danger to anyone. Yes, she may have gotten pulled into something, but I would hazard a guess she had no choice in the matter. A woman that has been punished in the fashion that she has does not give in to things easily. Either that or she truly has no knowledge of the information someone wanted.”

  “How many marks?”

  “Approximately two dozen.”

  “Bloody hell,” Derek bit out along with several other expletives that should have made Kala blush.

  “Do not berate yourself over this. Whatever the reason is that she has them, it is a badge of courage. Let her have her dignity concerning them. It will come out in time. Be patient and understanding. She is going to become very frustrated. I have a feeling she is going to try to force her memory back when she gets better, and she is going to become very upset when it does not happen in the time she thinks it should.”

  He looked at her thoughtfully. “When did you become so wise?”

  “It is what I would do,” she answered matter-of-factly. “Now, I am going back to Tessa’s room. I told her I would stay the night and I do not want her to wake and not be able to find me. Do not worry overly about what I told you. I just thought, as her husband, you had a right to know.”

  “Thank you, Pest. I do love you, you know?”

  “I know,” she winked and grinned as she shut the door. Derek sat there, staring after her and contemplating this new piece of information for a very long time. He never had reason to think her parents treated her with anything but love, even though he had never met her mother. She had gone to live with cousins for a time, but that did not work because there were just too many mouths to feed. Could she have been captured and tortured for information? And if so, what kind of barbarians are Bonaparte and his men to do such a thing to a woman?

  Perhaps she had given over secrets, but done so in order to save herself. Maybe she had gathered secrets to obtain her freedom. In that case would she still be considered a traitor? What would Gabe say to this new development? Should he even tell him?

  “Dear God, what am I going to do?” he prayed aloud.

  He prowled the room late into the night, going over scenarios in his mind and then just as quickly dismissing them. He wished he had been able to see the marks himself, to determine how old they actually were. Perhaps something happened when she arrived back in England. Something could have even happened on the crossing over, depending on which way she came back and the type of boat that brought her.

  Could the man that she had attempted to escape with be responsible? Had he forced her to stay with him? If he had, when they found him, he would gladly kill the son of a bitch. If only he knew what happened to her in the time they had been separated, perhaps he could rest easier. His stomach knotted just thinking of all the implications those marks could mean.

  Had she been defiled as well? The thought made him sick. He could care for her no less than he already did if she had been, but what would become of them? His stomach cramped at this unexpected thought and he eased back down in the chair in front of the fire. A cold sweat poured off his brow and his body trembled.

  He had never told her he loved her. Hell, he wasn’t even certain that he did. There were aspects of her character that he loved, and he cared deeply for her. But in Portugal there had been no passion, just a deep sense of belonging. Had he been so determined to avoid a loveless ton match that he did exactly what he had set out not to do? Or had he truly felt a stirring for her and now attempted to protect himself by denying any feelings he had for her? It felt like a lifetime ago and he found it difficult to recall the memories of that time, so much had happened.

  “Caring hurts less than love should she be taken from me again,” he answered himself softly. So, this is what it had come to? Lukewarm compared to the passion he had always seen in his parents and wanted for himself? I hope lukewarm keeps you warm enough at night, the voice persisted. “So do I,” he replied in a defeated tone.

  Chapter 9

  Several mornings later, after having slept most of the previous days away, the sun streamed through the open drapes waking Tessa. Last night she had pulled them open getting lost in the moonlight streaming into the room. This morning birds chirped and played tag in the trees outside her room. She stretched languorously noticing for the first time in days that her head had ceased to throb and her shoulder only ached slightly.

  Tessa removed the sling her arm had been put in and tested her range of movement thankful Kala and Derek could not see her. One of them had been with her, hovering, ever since they brought her to this house. Her shoulder proved a little stiff, but felt much better and had even more movement than the day before.

  The door opened and the little maid named Sarah entered the room carrying a tea service and breakfast. Tessa’s stomach rumbled embarrassingly, and Sarah looked over to the bed.

  “Oh, ma’am, you’re awake. I brought your breakfast.”

  “Wonderful! I’m starving!” Tessa sat up in the big bed and received the tray. “I am going to become very lazy if I keep letting everyone wait on me. I’m used to being up and taking care of things,” Tessa rattled on around the bite of toast.

  “Oh, ma’am, you have gotten your memory back then?”

  “No,” she drew out concentrating, and then shrugged. “It just seems to be something I know. Sarah, I hate to ask this of you, but if it is not too much trouble, could I have a bath?”

  “Oh, that isn’t too much trouble at all, ma’am. Not for the lady of the house.” Tessa looked at Sarah oddly and then the little maid blushed to the top of her mobcap as she realized what she said. “Oh don’t mind me, I talk too much as it is. Should I bring in some smell-good things as well?”

  “That would be heaven. I love the smell of honeysuckle. Can you help me wash my hair? I want to be careful around the bump.”

  “Oh, yes ma’am. I’ll take care of everything. You just lie back and enjoy your breakfast.”

  Within the hour, Tessa reclined in a steaming bath scented with honeysuckle. The feeling defied description, letting the water ease her aches. Sarah rolled up a towel and placed it over the lip of the tub so Tessa could lay back. The maid shuffled around in the background. Tessa knew she should feel guilty for not stopping her from cleaning her mess, but she just could not speak the words. She felt like royalty being waited on this way.

  “Are you ready to wash your hair, ma’am?”
<
br />   “Yes, please.”

  “You have beautiful hair, ma’am.”

  “Thank you. It has deepened in color over the years. My hair used to be bright red and a riot of curls.” She said leaning back. Realizing what she said, her eyes flew open and made contact with Sarah’s wide brown ones. “I remembered,” Tessa whispered in awe.

  “I knew it would come back ma’am. Just don’t fight it. The Lord will allow it to come back in good time.” They finished the hair washing in silence then Sarah helped her from the sudsy water allowing Tessa to rinse one last time. After toweling off, Sarah brought her new underclothes and a dressing robe. “These arrived for you this morning. It will be nice for you to crawl into something new. Make you feel just the thing.”

  Tessa followed Sarah’s instructions, surprised at how wonderful she really did feel afterwards. She sat at the dressing table and let Sarah work through her tangled hair. Once all the tangles had been worked loose she moved to lie in front of the fire. The warmth caused her to drift off again.

  When she woke, long shadows fell over her and the room had cooled considerably. She looked into the glowing embers of the fireplace, starting to push up off the floor to stoke the fire when a deep voice halted her, “I’ll get that for you.” She looked over her shoulder to see Derek rising from one of the chairs placed in front of the hearth.

  “How long have you been there?” she asked self-consciously, attempting to discreetly move out of his way.

  “Don’t move on my account,” he grinned at her. “You must be feeling better.”

  “Much, thank you. I think I might even escape this room tomorrow.”

  “Do not overdo. You are still healing.”

  “Do not coddle me. The sooner I am myself, the better.”

  “Have you had any luck remembering anything?”

  “I would rather not talk about it right now,” she evaded answering.

  Derek had questioned the maid earlier and knew about the little snippet that Tessa had remembered. Now he wondered if she remembered more and wasn’t sharing.

  “We have supper rather late when we are in town. Would you care to join Kala and me later? We would enjoy having you.”

  “I would like that very much. I think my brains are becoming a bit addled with so much of my own company.”

  “Tomorrow, if you would like, I will show you the library. Perhaps you would like a book to pass the time?”

  “That would be nice.” The conversation between them tended to be stilted at best. They were two strangers being polite to each other.

  “Well, I have some work to do. I will let Kala know that you will be joining us. We do not dress up for family meals.” She watched him leave the room thinking that he seemed to be a nice man. She felt as if she should know him somehow. When he walked into the room she tingled with an awareness of him.

  She pushed the unwelcome thoughts away. How could one feel that level of attraction to a stranger that quickly? She should not trust herself with any feelings at this point, not until she knew more about herself. What did she like? What did she not like? Who were her friends? Who were her enemies? How had she been raised? Tessa hated the not knowing. She walked over to the window, looking out.

  Across the street lay a large park area that all the houses in the square surrounded. She observed the people below. A young couple walked along one of the flower-lined walks. The gentleman must have said something amusing for the woman laughed flirtatiously up at him. Not very many feet behind them walked a woman in a very plain outfit, much like a servant would wear, the required chaperone.

  A woman pushed a baby carriage going the opposite direction, calling to a little boy who had run ahead of her. This woman too, wore plain clothing. She must be a governess or nurse. Tessa leaned her cheek against the window casing wondering at the scene below. She found it sad that people had children, but never spent time with them, allowing nurses and governesses to raise them instead.

  She watched carriages and horses pass carrying people to various activities. She watched a man walk across the square and stop by a tree some feet away from the walking path. He seemed to be watching this house. She leaned forward attempting to get a better look at him, but he remained hidden among the shadows. He stayed in the spot for about half an hour, never changing his position, never looking away from Derek’s home. Then he turned and disappeared the way he came. Strange.

  * * *

  “This is not good,” the man observing the earl’s townhouse said to himself. If Blackburn indeed had Tessa, why had everything not come crashing down? She did not know his involvements, but she knew his name and last location. Not that he resided there any longer, but he still had contacts and no one had been around. Something did not feel right.

  Decisions had to be made. Should he continue on? His damn contact at the War Office had not yet responded to his note. He felt like a man without a land. He stood there wondering what he should do. Disappear? Change his name? Both would be easy enough. He could get more information, bribe the right person, and make enough money to see him comfortable for the rest of his life. Perhaps he still had a chance.

  “Dammit,” he spoke out loud, startling the chaperone that followed the courting couple. He smiled politely and nodded his head. The girl gave a little smile back, but he ignored her, letting his thoughts run rampant. If Tessa told them anything, he would be forced to eliminate her. He hated to do that, but she had chosen the lieutenant over him. No, not the lieutenant anymore, Lord Blackburn. A bloody earl.

  He hated the fact that a lowly soldier such as Derek Blackburn had moved up in the ranks of society. That alone rankled as nothing else could. One way or another, something would have to be done. He gave one more thoughtful look towards the townhouse and then melted into the shadows, unaware he himself had been observed.

  * * *

  Sarah came over to Tessa’s room after helping Kala dress for supper, only to find her already dressed in a pretty sapphire walking dress. A ribbon that matched the color of the dress held back her auburn tresses. Her cheeks were rosy where she had just pinched some color into them.

  “Why ma’am, don’t you look just the thing? You should indeed get his attention this evening.”

  “Thank you, Sarah. I feel so much better, almost as if I were a new person,” Tessa declared, refusing to comment either way on the maid’s observation.

  “The Earl is a very lucky man indeed,” Sara said with a grin. Tessa gave her an odd look, and opened her mouth to question her but a knock cut her short.

  “Come in,” Tessa called. The man materialized as if they had conjured him simply by holding a conversation about him. “I’m ready.”

  “Indeed you are. You look wonderful. How are you feeling?”

  “Much better, thank you for asking.” Derek simply nodded and held out his arm for her. She felt an arc of something like lightning flash between them when she tucked her hand around his arm. Tessa felt his muscles in his arms tense at her touch. Her breathing came a little erratically. She inhaled deeply to control her breathing and instead took in his scent, a combination of cloves and sandalwood.

  Tessa mentally scolded herself. She had no right feeling anything for this man she did not even know. He merely provided her a sanctuary other than a prison cell. This thought rather dampened her spirits reminding her once again that she had no memory of her previous life. She smoothed her free hand down the skirt of her dress and paused at the sensation. How long had it been since she had new clothes?

  Forever, something deep inside her whispered. Why would someone spend so much money purchasing her new clothes, a prisoner and a nobody? She studied the man escorting her out of the corner of her eye. He quickly turned his head forward as if she had caught him watching her. Things were not as they should be, and that concerned her greatly.

  Lost in her musings she had missed the descent down the stairs. She only realized they were in a small dining room when Derek softly called her name and held her ch
air for her. Embarrassed, she nodded her thanks and took her seat then Derek assisted Kala. The food tasted delicious, finer than any she had eaten before. Even though she had no memory, she felt certain of that at least. She ate in silence, savoring the meal, while Kala and Derek bantered back and forth. Suddenly Tessa heard her name called.

  “Yes?”

  “How is everything?”

  “The food is delicious, thank you.”

  “How was your day?”

  “Rather boring to the both of you, I would guess. I had the most wonderful bath I can ever remember having. I watched the people in the small park across the street. Then I ended my afternoon by taking a nap in front of the fire.”

  “Did you go outside?” Derek questioned, his voice somewhat strained.

  “No, I sat on the window seat in my room. A little boy tried to fly a kite. He was rather comical. Between the lack of wind and adult interest he became quite disgusted. As the kite would start to fall, he would run up to it and start blowing at it as if that would make it fly.” Derek smiled and Kala chuckled.

  “I know just the little boy you are talking about,” Kala responded. “I have watched him many times. I guess he gave up on running in order to keep the kite aloft. He used to do that quite a lot.”

  “The poor governess, he must give her quite the run around,” Derek chimed in. “The other day it had begun to rain and they were scurrying back to their house. The boy found a puddle and jumped in it, but to his shock it was more of a hole. Before he knew what he was about, the water came up to his knees and he saw the sharp side of her tongue.” They were all laughing at this then an awkward silence slowly settled among them.

  “Would it be possible for one of you to show me the way to the library now instead of tomorrow? I would like to look for a book.”

  “Certainly,” Derek pushed back his chair and rose somewhat stiffly. Tessa noticed he had a limp as he walked over to her chair and pulled it out so that she could rise as well before assisting Kala. “Kala, do you have plans this evening?”