“Ohhh,” she growled into the room. He watched as she ranted to herself about stupid, foolish men.
“Tessa,” he interrupted her tirade.
“What?” she bit out.
“What exactly did I say?”
“Calling yourself a cripple,” she watched as he stiffened. “You truly believe you are, don’t you?” She walked over to where he sat and took his face between her hands. “I have seen a lot in the time I’ve been here, and you are not a cripple. You are a man with a limp. Some days your leg seems weaker, but overall it is getting stronger every day. So if you dare call yourself a ‘cripple’ in my presence again I will beat you and you will not enjoy it. Do you understand?”
“So what has brought about this sudden concern over how I view myself?” he asked in lieu of answering her.
“I don’t know,” she suddenly became embarrassed and let go of his face. She tried to move away, but he grabbed her around the waist and hauled her onto his lap.
“Let me up.”
“Be still, you do not want to injure my leg do you?” She stopped squirming but refused to look at him. “I went to Gentleman Jackson’s after I left here.”
“Where?”
“It’s a boxing salon. And the other man looks like me, I received as well as I gave.”
“You do not look like you received anything.”
“That is the nice thing about Gentleman Jackson’s. The bruises do not show up where they can be seen by all. It would be rather unseemly for the ladies of the ton to have to see them.”
“Oh,” she whispered softly. “I truly am sorry for the trouble I caused today.”
“Just don’t do it again.” They sat in silence for a while.
“I wanted to wait until I knew more, but I have to tell you. My memory is coming back.” She felt him pull back to look at her. “I know I should have told you before, but I cherished the memories too much to share. Besides it has just been little things like remembering songs my mother used to sing to me. Playing with some of the children in the village. I even remembered my father being a soldier. Is that how we met?”
“I probably should not answer any of your questions until you have fully regained your memory,” he hesitated, then nodded, “but yes, that is how we met.”
“What regiment were you in?”
“Your father’s,” he hedged.
“You are hiding something.”
“As I said, I’m not certain I should tell you.” She accepted his words and relaxed against him. He cradled her to him and knew he needed to tell her something to show he trusted her. He could think of no other way to ease the rift he caused between them earlier by not telling her of their marriage. Quietly he began talking.
“My great-uncle Percival offered to help me find a spot in the government. You see, he was my mother’s favorite uncle and had a son who would inherit, but he treated my mother as if she were a daughter and Kala and I as if we were grandchildren.”
“So he helped you?” She questioned when he paused in his story.
“Yes. Gabe and I were hell-bent to join the military. Gabe had the monetary backing, I did not. Percival relented to help me, but did not want me in harm’s way. So he pulled strings and before I knew it, I worked in the War Office, shuffling papers and miserable while Gabe found himself in the thick of war. The first ray of hope that I would not be stuck within four walls, going crazy, came a few months after I began my job. Someone brought in a code that no one could break. I had always been good with numbers and letters, dad saw to that. Something caught my eye in the note and I quickly decoded it. That put paid to my days of shuffling papers.”
“Do you remember that first code?”
“No, but I do remember the rush at figuring out what no one else could. After that, my position changed to strictly breaking and writing codes. That lasted for about a year, then the French Revolution ended in November, 1799, with Napoleon leading the coup of 18 Brumaire, and he seemed more dangerous than anyone who had come before.
“My director decided to see how well I worked in the field. You see, my father, being a tutor, made certain that I spoke several languages fluently. My coloring also guaranteed that I could blend in easily with the Portuguese, Spaniards and the citizens of several other countries. So, off to Spain I went to be trained by one of the greatest spies England had ever seen. I spent the next half dozen plus years moving about Spain, Portugal and Italy, establishing contacts and seeking information to help England stay one step ahead of Napoleon.”
“You’re a spy?” she pulled back to watch him as he answered.
“Yes.”
“But if my father mentored you, that means he too was a spy.”
“The best.”
“And Gabriel?”
“He is more a liaison between the government and the War Office, before that he served in the Royal Navy,” he answered. “He just has more clout because his title is loftier, and he has fewer men to answer to. His specialty is treasonous affairs.”
Her mind worked feverishly, putting puzzle pieces together so that she could see the entire picture. “Who brought me to you?” she asked hesitantly.
“Gabriel.”
The last piece fit into place. The picture looked garish. She brought shaking hands up to her mouth and looked at her husband, her eyes huge.
“You think I’m a traitor.”
* * *
Derek carefully watched her. No way could she feign this reaction. He pulled her tightly to his chest and absorbed her shaking. Now he could feel her body pressed firmly against him, and his mind warred between her concern and his physical need.
When he didn’t quickly respond, she let out a tortured cry, and repeated, “You do think I’m a traitor!”
“I do not.”
“You do.” She pushed herself away from him and started pacing. “Am I? No, surely not. Not if my father’s career was as prolific as you said.” She missed hearing Derek stand and move towards her, so when she turned she jumped, startled to see him standing so close. “Why do you and the duke think I’m a traitor?”
“I told you, I don’t think that.”
“He does.” She pushed, ignoring his denial. He refused to comment. “Why, Blackburn?” she crossed her arms demanding an answer.
“You were found with something suspicious on your person.”
“Are you going to tell me, or are we going to play this cat and mouse game all night?”
“Since when have you become so demanding and stubborn?”
“I don’t know, remember?” she asked sweetly. “Now tell me about the packet, Blackburn.”
“I never said anything about a packet,” Derek said quietly.
“But somehow I knew,” she guessed correctly, the words tumbled out from between her trembling lips. “What have I done?” Tessa stared at the fire, her arms hugging her waist. The implications of what could happen if found guilty set in. She turned frightened eyes on Derek. “They hang traitors,” Tessa verbalized her very real fear, rubbing her hands along her arms.
Tessa seemed truly terrified, or else she put the Drury Lane actors to shame. Derek walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. He may be wrong in trusting his gut, but he wholeheartedly believed her not to be a traitor.
“All that you remembering the packet tells me, is that you are closer to getting all your memory back. You have just remembered something very recent instead of something very far back in your past.” Tessa refused to acknowledge his words. “Dammit, Tessa, you’re not, nor have you ever been, a traitor. You loved your father and your country.”
“Did I love you?” The question caught him off guard. “Did I?”
“I think you were very fond of me.”
“Did you love me?”
“I cared about you.”
“I see.” She took several deep breaths and pulled herself together, then stepped away from him. “Thank you for sharing your information. I take it Kala does not know any of this?�
�
“No, including what Gabe and I do. She just thinks we dabble in government work.”
“I had guessed. I will not ask anymore, I promise. I know now that I need to remember on my own. That way I am not creating false memories.”
“We will leave for the country estate in two days.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Gabe and I have been trying to conceive of the best way in which to move you there. He suggested you go under the guise of a servant and ride with the others in the servants’s carriage. I will be riding my horse very nearby and Gabe will be following behind a mile or two watching for anyone back there.”
“I refuse to put anyone in danger unnecessarily.”
“Kala will enjoy it. She has wanted a good adventure and she can take care of herself.”
“I don’t like it, but I will trust you and the His Grace’s judgment. May Lucas go with us?” Derek looked at her oddly. “He is my knight in shining armor.” Derek nodded his agreement, feeling slightly jealous of the youth. “Now, if you will excuse me, I would like to retire for the evening. I find I’m quite exhausted.”
“Of course,” he moved to the connecting door and she followed him. Derek leaned down and brushed his lips softly over hers, catching her unaware. He pulled back to see her expression. Her eyes were opened as if shocked by the action.
“Sleep well,” he commanded softly before shutting the door.
She raised two fingers to her lips, lips that tingled with awareness. Tessa had been aware of him physically for days, but now it seemed heightened. She tingled all over in anticipation of when he might kiss her again. Who would have thought a chaste kiss could make a person feel like this? That is all it would have to be until they found out the truth about her past. She draped the dressing robe over the foot of the bed and crawled under the covers.
* * *
The next day preparations were in full force to move to the country. Tessa felt useless as people bustled around her. Kala had gone for the afternoon to visit her Aunt Drucilla as well as her friend Clarissa Blackerby. Derek left early this morning for the War Office to finish several matters before they could leave for Blackburn Hall.
Tessa informed Ramsey she would be in the garden and he sent along a footman. Before too much time had passed, Lucas appeared as well. A gale seemed to be picking up and clouds began rolling in. She had a shawl pulled tight about her shoulders, but it did little good against the weather. It felt more like a chill fall day than the heat of summer. She noticed several of the roses needed pruning and the herb garden looked a bit overgrown.
She and Lucas searched for a gardening shed. Once located, they gathered the needed tools and she started on the roses. All the while, Lucas kept up a steady stream of conversation telling her how he came to be employed by Derek and his life before. It seemed two of them had been saved that fateful night. Once the roses looked less shabby, she moved onto the herb garden. The herbs were well thought out, just in need of some care.
The afternoon grew late and long shadows fell across the gardens. Tessa shivered when someone blocked the weak setting sun. She looked up into a menacing face then shared a glance with Lucas and shrugged.
“Hello, my lord,” Tessa began the conversation since it looked as if Blackburn would not.
“I told you not to leave the house.”
“I do not believe I did.”
“Tessa,” he began menacingly. Lucas gave Tessa a little wave before quickly leaving.
“Please stop. Thornton and Lucas have been kind enough to watch over me. I am certain both had better things to do. Besides, I’m almost done and will be in shortly.” He continued to stand there silently with his arms crossed looking like the Colossus, if only he were not wearing so many clothes. She shivered at the delicious thought and chastised herself as well for having it. “Fine, but if you’re staying, at least send poor Thornton in.”
Derek dismissed the man and asked that he send a tea tray and refreshments to the study.
“You might as well have a seat on that bench and give that leg a rest.” He frowned at her but did as she suggested. “How was your day, my lord?”
He frowned at the return to formality betwixt them. “Uneventful.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“Depends on the day. Why do you insist on calling me by my title?”
“Because I don’t know you anymore.”
“We’re married.”
“You know that, but I do not, Blackburn,” she responded bluntly.
Derek’s expression remained shuttered at her response. He knew he should not feel such disappointment at her words, but he did. Nor could Derek deny his physical attraction to her. Just watching her work in the earth, pulling weeds, quickened his blood.
Tessa placed a combination of herbs cook would need for tonight’s meal in the small basket beside her. She could feel Blackburn’s penetrating gaze on her but refused to look over her shoulder and make eye contact with him. Why did he watch her so intently? He made her nervous. She did not worry about her safety around him, but rather her physical and emotional well-being. When she caught sight of him, she felt a heady warmth deep within her body.
Tessa pushed herself up in an attempt to break the invisible contact. She reached towards the sky, stretching the kinks from her back and shoulders, not realizing the view she presented to her husband. “Shall we go inside?” she asked. “The wind seems to be getting stronger.”
“Yes,” he croaked then quickly cleared his throat. “The tea should be ready.”
“I will drop this off with cook, tidy up a bit, and join you.” She picked up the basket and held it clasped between both arms. He ignored the gesture and placed a firm hand on her back guiding her inside. Tessa broke away from him and headed towards the servant’s entrance.
“Tessa,” his voice had a hardness about it that stopped her instantly. She turned and looked at him questioningly, the wind whipped at her hair and skirts. “This way.”
“But I need to take these to Cook.”
“You may do it after using a proper entrance for one of your station.”
“You, Blackburn, are a snob. And what is my station? If I am found guilty it will only take a few pieces of paper to have me removed from your life. Our marriage will have never existed. So please do not tell me I should begin behaving according to my new station when we do not even know if I will remain at this station,” she yelled to be heard over the wind.
“What do you want me to do? Escort you to the gallows right now? If I do that, they might as well fix a noose for me as well!” He roared back.
“Gallows?” she asked shakily, the wind whipped the word from her lips. She determinedly shook off the fear that tried to engulf her and firmed her resolve. “Perhaps we should go,” she challenged.
Derek gripped her upper arms and shook her slightly. “You are not guilty and you are not going to hang! Dammit Tessa, quit pushing me away! I want to help you.”
“Don’t you see you can’t? You can’t help me remember.”
“But you will remember, give it time.”
“I do not have time.” She pulled away from him. “How long do we have to find the truth?” Derek refused to look at her. “How long?” she demanded again.
“Enough.”
“You lie.”
Derek flinched because she spoke the truth. They had very little time afforded to them for Tessa to remember before official charges would be brought against her. Hawkescliffe had bought them what little time they had. He must have given something away, because she walked into the house a look of utter defeat on her face.
* * *
Dinner was a tense affair. Tessa felt sorry for Kala having to put up with their sour moods, but not being privy to any of the information. The ladies went to their separate rooms claiming exhaustion, and Derek went into his study to work before retiring for the evening.
Several hours passed before the storm that had built all day reached its cre
scendo. Lightening flashed and thunder rumbled. Rain pelted the glass like tiny nails. The wind blew branches against the window causing a horrendous scraping sound. A particularly loud boom sounded as if something exploded over the top of the house.
Derek awoke with a start to the cacophony of noise the storm produced. He lay there taking in the elemental magnitude of nature. He loved thunderstorms and how they charged the air with something that couldn’t quite be named but rejuvenated everything as well. The flashes outside of his window lit his room, and he counted until the thunder rumbled trying to determine the distance of the lightening. He and Gabe had spent much time trying to best the other in figuring that out as children.
“No!” a female scream pierced the air.
“Tessa?” he jumped out of bed and pulled on his loose pants. He raced to the door, but his thigh cramped at the same time causing him to end up hopping more than running. Derek jerked open the connecting door and saw Tessa lying on the bed. The sheets twisted around her legs pinned her down. Beads of sweat glistened on her forehead in the flash of light from outside.
“No,” she moaned this time. She writhed on the bed attempting to free herself. Dry sobs racked her slender body. “Help, someone please help.”
Derek limped to the bed trying to massage the cramp in his thigh as he went. He knelt on the bed and grabbed her shoulders attempting to shake her awake. “Tessa, wake up, you’re having a nightmare. Tessa!”
She opened her eyes and screamed as she saw a man looming over her, holding her down. She pushed him off of her and the bed in the process. He landed with a loud thump on his hip followed by a groan. The hall door flew open and Kala stood in the doorway, a fireplace poker held overhead to be brought down on the intruder.
“Dammit, it’s me!” Derek yelled before his sister crushed his skull.
“What are you doing on the floor and who screamed?” She let the poker fall next to her on the floor and put a hand over her racing heart. “Do you know you just scared ten years off my life?”
“Tessa was having a nightmare and I tried to wake her. In the process she knocked me off the bed.”
“I’m sorry,” Tessa leaned over the side of the bed looking concerned. “I saw someone leaning over me and just reacted.” Derek remained curled up in a ball rubbing his thigh. “Are you all right?” Tessa asked worriedly.
A Traitorous Heart Page 10
