by Luna, David
Something in him snapped, just snapped, and he knew he needed to get down there. He needed to get down there with Braden. If Braden was truly dying, or dead, he wasn’t going to do it without him being there. He rushed the door and was stopped mid-stride when Cooper grabbed him and did his best to hold him there.
An anger like he’d never felt before clawed its way up his spine and he lashed out. He sent Cooper sprawling to the floor, staring up at him in disbelief. He ignored him and took another step toward the door, but was caught up again in a chokehold from behind. He was turned in the direction of the monitor, and he saw a flash of movement, but all he knew was that he needed to be with Braden. He needed to get down there. A couple moves later and he was out of Gideon’s hold as well. They both came at him then, full force, and though he tried with everything he had, he couldn’t fight them both. They held him immobile, not allowing him to get to his partner.
He shouted and struggled like he’d never struggled before. He got free of them both and made for the door again, and again he was caught in their chain-like grip. He thrashed and thrashed and, unbeknownst to him, bellowed Braden’s name, while he continued to struggle to get to him. He saw movement again in the monitor, but this time it was just the two sets of hands being pulled away from Braden’s abdominal cavity and no more movement came after that and he knew. He knew he’d lost the love of his life, and he hadn’t been there with him. He’d failed him, again, in his last moments. He’d failed Braden.
His legs gave out and the arms that had previously been holding him back, now held him up. His body went rigid and he roared in his grief, yelling Braden’s name, struggling in their firm grip. Wrenching free, he fell to his knees, hands listless at his sides. He had no strength left and would have fallen on his face if it wasn’t for Gideon and Cooper surrounding him in his grief, giving him their strength.
His mind had disassociated itself from reality, flashing on scenes with him and Braden: the first time they’d met, the night when he’d carried him to his bed and stayed there with him, taking care of him; their all day date that ended in the best kiss he’d ever had; sleeping with Braden in his arms; watching Braden doing what he loved most, baking in his kitchen; jogging with him that first time and then later with the shelter dogs; the way Braden touched him; the gentle way Braden clasped his hand in his own, comparing the differences in size; Braden waking up from the coma; Braden smiling and laughing with Maya; Braden dancing with Zoe; Braden hugging Nana; Braden teasing him; the look on Braden’s face while they made love and his blissful expression when he came…
Cooper glanced toward Gideon in a panic; nothing they were doing was snapping Cade out of his scary stupor. He saw blood on Gideon’s shirt and glanced down at his own, finding blood there as well. His gaze snapped to Cade’s side where his gunshot wound was. He lifted Cade’s shirt and saw that the dressing was saturated, the tape barely holding it on. He lifted the loosened edge of the dressing and saw that Cade had pulled open his stitches.
He looked toward the windows and was trying to figure out how he could pull Cade out of his own head. He walked to the window and pushed the button on the speaker. “Finn, turn on the fucking sound, man. He doesn’t know. He lost it when Braden flat-lined and he doesn’t know. Turn on the speakers, so he can hear it.”
Cooper saw Finn nod to one of the nurses as he continued to stitch Braden back together. The sound came back on and if Cooper had to guess, it had been turned up full blast. The sound Cooper knew Cade needed to hear filled the room. Cooper went back to Cade, knelt in front of him and brought his head up with both of his hands. He hated the devastated, vacant look in his eyes. Cade wasn’t tracking, so he began to repeat himself over and over, until Cade truly heard him. “Cade, listen to that. Can you hear that? Cade, listen. Can you hear it?”
When the blood in his ears started to diminish, and thoughts of Braden slowed, Cade started to calm. As much as he didn’t want to come back to reality, he knew he had to. He pushed for it, reached for it with his mind and finally he heard Cooper’s voice, though it was muffled.
He closed his eyes, concentrating on Cooper’s voice. “Cade, can you hear that?
He opened his eyes and focused on Cooper. His image slowly changed from blurry to clear. “That’s it. Focus on me. Listen, Cade. What do you hear? What do you hear, Cade?”
Cade listened and at first he didn’t hear anything. He looked at Cooper in confusion and Cooper smiled. “Listen.”
Cade did as he was told. He closed his eyes and he listened, pushing back his own thoughts. Ignoring everything else in the room, he listened. That’s when he heard it, a repeating rhythmic beep, a solid, repeating rhythmic beep that could only mean one thing. He shook his head in denial and looked at Cooper. Cooper grinned, nodding. “It’s what you think it is. It’s exactly what you think it is.”
Tears coursed silently down Cade’s face and his hands, resting on his thighs, shook. He fisted his hands several times, shook them out and then bent over, hands on the floor and let the maelstrom of emotion run through him. He had no control over his body any longer. His arms weakened and Cooper and Gideon, again, kept him from falling on his face. His whole body shuddered and he had to just ride it out, let the tremors pass through him before he could even begin to gather control of himself.
The only thing that kept him grounded was that fucking heartbeat. His whole being was centered around that sound. Other things tried to filter in, Cooper murmuring to him, Gideon’s firm grip on his neck, Finn talking to the other hospital staff in the OR below, but none of it broke through except that steady and strong heartbeat.
He took several deep breaths and sat back on his knees until his control returned and he made to stand up, with the help of his brothers. He walked, on shaky legs, over to the window and looked down at Finn, still working diligently at sewing Braden back together. A nurse approached and wiped his brow. Cade glanced at the screen to get a closer look and realized that Finn was putting the final few stitches into Braden.
He finally stepped back, hands raised, which is when Cade saw the defibrillator sitting on its stand, right next to Braden. His heart skipped a beat when he realized what had been done to bring Braden back to him. A nurse brought a rolling chair to Finn and pressed him down into it as the others in the room went about finishing with cleaning up after the surgery and putting fresh dressings over Braden’s wounds.
It wasn’t until that moment that Cade’s heart beat a little faster, realizing how much stress he’d put his brother under, asking him to be responsible for Braden’s life. He’d have to thank him later, but he’d never be able to apologize for doing the asking, just for the toll it took on him. No one else would have been able to bring him back, no one else was as capable, or had as much incentive or love invested. Cade knew Braden was alive because of Finn. He’d forever be grateful.
He saw his brother lean over, placing his elbows on his knees and taking some deep breaths. His head hung low and he brought a hand up and rubbed his head, nearly dislodging the surgical cap, a true sign he was exhausted. He turned and looked behind him as if he knew Cade was watching, and spoke through his facemask. “We got everything, but we’ll need to keep a very close eye on him. The abscess is drained and we found the source for another infection. We stopped the bleed, which had started before we even cut him open, so it’s a good thing we went in when we did or it would have been too late. Hell, it almost was.”
Finn shook his head and rubbed his brow with the back of his hand, his exhaustion evident now in every move he made. “They’ll be giving him antibiotics in a moment and that should do the trick, but it will be a long recovery. Two abdominal surgeries in as many days is going to slow him down considerably. If he makes it through the next seventy two hours without any issues, he should hopefully be alright, Zavier.”
Cade nodded at Finn, unable to speak or risk losing control again. The nurses began to move Braden, which grabbed Finn’s attention and he stood. Another nurse tur
ned off the sound and Finn looked up and gave him the signal to move out. He left the room with Cooper and Gideon on his heels, walking down the stairs at a fast clip to meet them in the hallway.
He approached Braden’s bed and placed a gentle hand on his ankle. He kept moving toward Finn, who was walking behind Braden’s bed. He was signing off on something on an iPad. When he handed it back to a nurse, he looked up. Cade took Finn by surprise when he slammed into him, hugging him tightly. Finn’s “oomph” made him smile. Finn returned the hug, whispering brokenly, “I thought I’d lost him. Oh fuck, Zavier, I’ve never been so scared in my life. I knew I couldn’t give up. I knew you’d never recover if I did.”
Cade’s body shuddered, emotion swamping him. “I thought he was dead. I thought he was gone, Finn. I saw him flat-line and then I saw you and Dr. Brown pull your hands out of him and I thought you were calling time of death. I lost it. I saw nothing after that. I only got my shit together when Cooper finally got me to listen and I heard his heartbeat.”
He gripped Finn tighter and got a grunt for his efforts, which made him smile. “God, Finn, I’ll forever be grateful. Thank you. Thank you so much. I hate that I had to put it on you, I’m sorry for the toll it took, but you’re the only one who could have saved him. I’ll never be able to repay you for his life, never.”
They finally pulled apart, Cade’s hands resting on Finn’s shoulders. Finn shook his head. “There’s nothing to repay. Do you think I would ever say no to helping in such a way? I never could have lived with myself if someone else had done the work and he was lost to us. There was no other option. Plus, I’ve always wanted to be the favorite brother.”
Cade laughed, pulled him in once more and slapped him on the back. “Oh, you’ve earned that title, brother, that’s for sure.”
Finn pulled away and wiped a hand down the front of his scrub shirt in confusion, then looked at Cade’s and yanked his shirt up. “What the hell happened up there?”
Cade looked down with wide eyes and then rubbed a hand over his head. “Uh, after he flat-lined, I don’t remember much, until Cooper brought me out of my head. You’d have to ask them.”
Finn shook his head. “So, Sawyer was right?”
Cade nodded. “Never been wrong, as long as I’ve known him.”
“Christ, Zavier, let me get you sewn back together.”
“You can do that once Braden comes out of anesthesia. I’m not going to have him wake up without being there. We’ll have Maya and Nana come in and you can sew me back up. Until then, put another dressing on it and I’ll change my shirt. I don’t want Braden waking up and seeing me like this. He doesn’t need to be worried and stressed about anything.”
Finn rubbed his hands over his face, letting his frustration show, and then nodded. “Yeah, I don’t blame you, but not a minute longer. Shit, Zavier, you were four days out. You had to have raised holy hell in there to tear that wound open. Come back into the OR with me quick, so that I can dress it properly.”
They went back to the OR and Finn got a lot of gauze and a big surgical dressing to cover Cade’s freshly opened wound. “You ripped it open after it had almost healed. It’s gonna leave a pretty thick scar, but I’ll do my best to minimize the damage.”
Cade shrugged it off and they both turned toward Braden’s room, where the nurses had gotten him situated. Finn told Cade he’d talk to Maya and Nana and walked toward the waiting room.
Finn walked in and saw that Cooper and Gideon were there. Cooper had his head in his hands, elbows on his knees and Maya was leaning into him, rubbing his back. Gideon, his usual intense and solemn countenance torn away in the wake of what had happened up in that theater, sat with Nana, his hand on her back, speaking to her quietly.
He quickly discussed the surgery and what to expect going forward. He wanted to make sure Braden woke up and was feeling alright before he brought any of them back. They were both relieved and thanked him profusely. Finn caught Gideon’s eye and they both went to the hallway. “What the fuck happened in there, Gideon? I’ve got Zavier’s blood on my shirt, and he’s still seeping.”
Gideon, stoic demeanor back in place, shook his head. “He went to hell and back in the space of a couple minutes. I’ve never seen that kind of grief manifest itself so viscerally. I don’t think we can even fathom the kind of love they have. Hell, I can only hope that I find someone to love even half as much as he loves Braden.”
Finn stared, shocked at his brother’s admission, before he realized he was staring at Gideon’s retreating back. He’d dropped that bomb and then turned immediately and walked away, his emotions still too close to the surface for his own comfort, Finn guessed. He shook his head, still in shock, and made a mental note to ask Cooper more about what happened later. He veered off in the direction of the locker room and changed into a fresh scrub shirt and brought another back to Braden’s room for Cade. They sat on either side of Braden’s bed and waited another thirty minutes for him to wake up.
When he did, he looked around the room in confusion and then settled his eyes on Cade, as if drawn there by some internal compass. They just looked at each other for several long moments. Cade felt a tear slide down his cheek. “We almost lost you this time, Bray. No more infections, no more internal bleeding, you’ve got to get better now. We clear?”
Braden, taken so completely off guard by Cade’s tears, nodded. “We’re clear.” Cade nodded in response and Braden reached his hand out to him. “What happened?”
Cade gripped his hand. “You died on that table today, baby. I lost my shit completely until I realized that Finn brought you back to me.”
Braden paled and felt sick to his stomach when he realized what had almost been lost to them both. He looked over at Finn. “I don’t even know what to say, Finn. Thank you for saving my life. Again.”
Finn squeezed his shoulder and stood up. “I’d do it again, in a heartbeat. I’m gonna go get Nana and Maya, so they can spend a few minutes with you before you pass out from exhaustion.”
Cade sat gently beside Braden, being sure not to hurt him. He leaned forward and clasped his face in both of his gloved hands and kissed him quickly, through the mask. Cade pulled away, told Braden how much he loved him, and kissed him one more time. That’s how Nana and Maya saw them when they entered the room.
Finn stood in the doorway, waiting. “Zavier, come with me. We’ll grab some coffee and give them a few moments alone.”
Braden smiled at Cade and nodded at Cade’s questioning gaze, letting him know he was alright alone with Nana and Maya. As much as he wanted to be completely over the PTSD from the Eric nightmare, he wasn’t. He was scared thinking about how this latest attack would delay his progress, but knowing Eric was dead went a long way in his being alright if Cade left for a short while.
Cade told him he’d be back in a few minutes and exited the door behind Finn. “Thanks for that. I didn’t want to have to explain why you needed to pull me out of the room. Let’s get me stitched back up, so that I can get back to him.”
He was gone for thirty minutes and realized Finn hadn’t been kidding when he’d said he’d have quite a scar left after all was said and done. The wound looked like raw hamburger after being ripped apart. Cade shrugged it off again when Finn looked at him with apprehension. “Haven’t had a new tattoo in a long time.”
Finn shook his head. “Your boy is probably about to fall asleep until tomorrow morning. We better get back in there.”
When they returned they found Nana on one side of Braden, Maya on the other. They both had one of Braden’s hands in theirs and were sitting quietly. Braden was half asleep already, but tried to wake a bit when Cade came back into the room. As a testament to the fact that Braden had told them what happened during the surgery, the ladies stood when the men came in and both of the women beelined it to Finn and gave him hugs and thanked him for saving Braden. They promised they’d be back to visit the next day and left.
Braden lifted his hand and Cade walked tow
ard him, clasped it in both of his and sat in one of the vacated chairs. Braden’s eyes drooped and Cade caressed his hand. “Sleep, baby. I won’t leave your side. I love you.”
Braden sighed. “Love you, too.”
Twelve days after being admitted, Braden was home from the hospital sans cast, and pushing himself hard to recover in record time. Several days after the second surgery, Cade had finally admitted his feelings of guilt at allowing Braden to be taken again.
Braden had known that something was going on because Cade was having trouble sleeping. As they were sharing his hospital bed most of the time, it was impossible for Cade to keep it a secret. He would sometimes jerk awake in the night, and occasionally he’d call out Braden’s name.
After a particularly brutal nightmare, Braden had looked Cade in the eyes and demanded to know what was going on. Cade hadn’t known what to expect from Braden when he told him what he was feeling, but he hadn’t expected ridiculously frustrating logic.
Braden had pointed out that if Cade’s reasoning was sound, Braden was to blame for being beaten and going into a coma the first time he went with Eric. Braden also pointed out that it was his fault for pushing Cade to talk about it out in public, his fault that he ran off without Cade’s protection, his fault that he ran into the street and almost got hit by Eric’s car. No matter what way Cade came back with a rebuttal, Braden had an equally logical response. The conversation didn’t make him feel like he wasn’t still guilty, but it did go a long way in making him realize that no one except for Eric was fully responsible for everything that happened. He couldn’t fault Braden’s logic, much as it pained him.
Their conversation did help some with Cade’s nightmares, but Braden insisted that they talk to Gabe. They even went so far as to call and have him come to the hospital to have a joint therapy session before Braden was released. The session helped both Cade and Braden, and Gabe asked them to continue their weekly appointments once Braden was released.
