No business like toe business
Although domestiques are known for their commitment to their team leaders, few have shown as much devotion to a teammate as Frenchman Apo Lazaridès. Riding in the service of René Vietto, who once played the loyal domestique himself by giving his wheel to punctured teammate Antonin Magne in 1934, Lazaridès had a toe removed after Vietto had one cut off due to sepsis in 1947. As any tall Tour story goes, there is some divergence as to whether it was Lazaridès’s idea or not. One tale casts Apo as the devoted aide who wanted to be just like his leader, so they could both ‘be a little lighter in the mountains’, while another states Vietto demanded his lieutenant be chopped ‘because I say so’. Either way, Lazaridès walked with a limp for the rest of his life, while Vietto’s appendage is said to be preserved and on display in a Marseille bar.
All down to the training
Doping, politics, sabotage, unholy alliances and plain dumb luck have all played their part in riders winning the Tour. However, only one man has used the security measures of the French rail system to help him win the race. On the very first day of the 1935 Tour, Belgian Romain Maes broke away from the peloton. It didn’t cause much concern, as it’s something some nutter always does on the initial stage to make a name for himself. However, in the village of Haubourdin, Maes shot through a level crossing just a few moments before the barriers came down, forcing the rest of the riders to wait for the train to pass. Maes used the … ahem, training incident to win the stage by two minutes and keep the yellow jersey all the way to Paris.
Beers are on me!
Also in the 1935 Tour, French rider Julien Moineau came up with an ingenious way to win a stage without the use of a train timetable. He got his pals to set up a beer stall by the side of the road between Pau and Bordeaux and, as the peloton stopped to take advantage of the free amber nectar, Moineau sped off into the distance to win the stage. Needless to say the rest of the riders were pissed in both senses of the word when they found out …
‘You’re going the wrong way!’
Most sports have a tale of competitors temporarily overcome with confusion and/or madness, and in the Tour de France that honour falls to Algerian Abdel-Kader Zaaf. On a scorching day in 1950, he and teammate Marcel Molines shot off on a break that was so successful Zaaf was the yellow jersey on the road. But with 15 km to go, he began to zig-zag and had to be pulled from his bike by an official. After passing out under a tree, he woke up in a panic and rode off in the wrong direction, and only stopped when spectators grabbed him and an ambulance was called. Legend has it that Zaaf’s confusion was caused by him being revived by red wine — as a Muslim he had never drank alcohol before and it went straight to his head — although others believe dope and dehydration had something to do with it. He asked to make up the missing distance the next day, but officials refused and threw him out of the race.
A beach of a race
The 1950 Tour was one of the hottest on record and, as the peloton passed through St Tropez in 35-degree heat, the cobalt-blue waters proved too much of a temptation for the competitors. More than half the riders stopped and jumped into the sea, much to the chagrin of race director Jacques Goddet: ‘Surely the cyclists should have been acquiring — or re-acquiring — the rudiments of their strenuous profession, instead of indulging in these carnival antics.’ Rumours that German riders left their towels on the beach’s prime spots the night before cannot be confirmed.
Je ne comprends pas
Ferdi Kübler was the wild man of the peloton in the early 1950s, a man who gurned and grimaced his way to many victories, including the 1950 Tour. But where Ferdi really built his reputation was in his mad ramblings in broken French, either shouted at fellow riders during the race or uttered to the press and fans afterwards. His initial forays into French were simply, ‘Ferdi no start’ or ‘Ferdi no luck’, but as he got more confident the semblance of sentences began to form. Just. ‘Ferdi attack soon, you ready?’ was a regular announcement, and one such exchange with Frenchman Raphael Géminiani has now entered legend.
Kübler: ‘Ferdi attack now. France ready?’
Géminiani: ‘Ferdi shut up now or Ferdi get head knocked in.’
On the infamous day in 1955 on Mont Ventoux where riders dropped like flies in searing conditions, Kübler had obviously medicated himself for the climb and the heat messed him up. Foaming at the mouth at one point, he stopped for a drink and then headed off in the wrong direction: ‘Ferdi took too much dope,’ he said to the patron who turned him round. ‘Ferdi about to explode.’ That night, the Swiss was finished, with the race and his career, and in one of the best retirement speeches ever given, he said: ‘He is too old, Ferdi. He is too sick. Ferdi killed himself on the Ventoux.’
Taking the tube
One definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. By that description, Wim van Est’s descent of the dangerous Col d’Aubisque in 1951 was of the stark raving kind. On a slippery descent, the Dutchman had already lost control on one corner but continued with his manic plummet in the belief that he’d be OK. However, after another tight turn he plummeted a little bit further than he would’ve liked: 30 metres off the road into a ravine. Anyone watching would have been forgiven for thinking he had plunged to his death, and even van Est admitted that, had he landed one metre away in either direction, he would’ve missed the ledge he landed on and fallen hundreds of metres more. When his team car finally arrived, the rope they had was too short, so the MacGyver-like mechanics linked together more than forty inner tubes to pull the stricken rider out. With no bike or spare tubes, van Est was forced to call it a day just twenty-four hours after becoming the first Dutchman to wear the yellow jersey.
Balls bring Bobet blushes
Raphael Géminiani is one of the great characters of the Tour de France, and if ever a story is being recounted about the great racing or riders of the 1950s, it’s usually him doing the telling. As a pro who rode against Coppi, Bartali, Gaul and Bahamontes, and who also managed teams with Jacques Anquetil, Eddy Merckx and Stephen Roche, you would imagine he had a few yarns — and one of the best features fellow Frenchman Louison Bobet.
A supremely talented rider, Bobet was not universally liked by his peers, said to be arrogant and keen to improve his social standing. Géminiani recalled how Bobet squirmed while struggling to find the right words to explain his recent operation for a saddle boil to a curious lady friend. He said that the number of kilometres ridden caused certain ‘difficulties with his pockets’, to which the lady replied, ‘With your pockets, Monsieur Bobet?’
Unable to listen anymore, Géminiani interjected: ‘Oh for heaven’s sake, tell her you have bloody balls.’
A whole new bawl game
Italian rider Andrea Carrea took loyalty to a team leader to a whole new level after crying his eyes out with guilt after winning a stage in 1952. Carrea was the epitome of the faithful domestique, eschewing personal glory in order to serve and protect the great Fausto Coppi. On stage 9, however, things didn’t go to plan, with Carrea covering attacks at the front of the peloton without much help. Chatting to Coppi about it one too many times, Carrea was told, ‘Look, you go with the next move if you’re so worried’, and he did. Except the attack stuck and Carrea ‘accidentally’ took over the yellow jersey. He was so distraught about any perceived disloyalty to Coppi that he didn’t celebrate when he crossed the finish line and had teary eyes as the jersey was being put over his head. Luckily, Coppi took it for what it was and went on to win the 1952 Tour after a majestic turn in the mountains.
Robic has bottle for descent
While some riders would rather eat ice-cream and wait for company before heading down a mountain — we’re looking at you, Mr Bahamontes — most headed down with a mixture of speed and caution. One rider with a need for speed on the downward slopes was Frenchman Jean Robic, so much so that he once filled one of his bidons with 10 kg of lead to hasten up his descent. In 1952 h
e was accused of throwing one of his bidons dangerously as he went down the Tourmalet, but he replied that it couldn’t have been him as his was filled with so much lead that he wouldn’t have been able to hurl it. Few believed Robic’s story though, as he couldn’t explain how he cycled up the mountain with the heavy bottle.
‘Sorry, I’m in a rush, Mr President’
It seemed like a good idea at the time: the entire peloton of the 1960 Tour would stop outside former French president Charles de Gaulle’s house in Colombey-les-Deux-Églises and pay their respects to the great leader. Everything went to plan until little-known Frenchman Pierre Beuffeuil carried on riding, apparently not having received the memo about the meeting with the saviour of his country. He won the stage by a country mile and later said that he thought the other riders had been delayed by a crash. Hmm …
When good jokes go bad
With death sometimes little more than a clipped wheel away, few saw the funny side when Dutch rider Gerben Karstens faked his own demise after a high-speed crash in 1977. Lying motionless on the ground as TV crews and medics approached, the worst was feared until Karstens hopped back onto his bike with a laugh and rode off. It was found funny by a grand total of one person, and race director Jacques Goddet rightly castigated the Dutchman after the stage.
Taking the p*ss
Belgian Michel Pollentier was one of the favourites in the 1978 Tour, but he had one little problem: his urine was dirty. Summoned for a drug test after a stage, he came up with the ingenious idea of strapping a container of clean urine to his body and running a catheter into the ‘bathing suit’ area so he could give the impression of peeing. And he would’ve got away with it if it wasn’t for a pesky official who noticed Pollentier was having trouble and found the contraption. The Belgian was immediately disqualified from the race, although whether he went for full authenticity and had a Boogie Nights–style prosthesis can’t be verified.
What a dope
Turning up late for the start of a stage is not conducive to Tour success. Belgian Alfons De Wolf was thrown off the Tour in 1985 for turning up five minutes late for the start of the Prologue, despite then putting in a performance that saw him finish the stage only two minutes behind winner Bernard Hinault. But the biggest bonehead when it comes to time-keeping has to be Pedro Delgado. In 1989 the defending champion, who was found to be doping but was allowed to keep his title as the drug he used was not on the UCI banned list, ‘didn’t notice time passing’ as he was signing autographs and turned up three minutes late for his start time in the Prologue. He only finished fourteen seconds behind the winner, but ended up three minutes off the top of the General Classification, pretty much the same time he ended up losing the Tour to Greg LeMond by. A dope in every sense of the word.
Brotherly love
As any younger brother will tell you, it can be hard living up to the standards of an older sibling. If Prudencio Indurain was looking to avoid comparisons, why he went into professional cycling is a mystery. With his brother Miguel on his way to a third Tour de France in 1993, plucky Prudencio was struggling just to get around the course. Even though the brothers were light-years apart in talent, that didn’t stop Miguel from inadvertently helping Prudencio during the first time trial. Winning the stage by a country mile, Miguel suffered a puncture that cost him a few seconds; not a big deal on the face of things, but enough of a delay to bring the cut-off time down so his younger brother avoided being kicked off the Tour. Bless.
Armstrong goes down
Slippery roads, cows, donkeys and dogs: they’ve all played a role in hauling riders off their bikes and, in 2003, a musette, or rider’s feed bag, was added to that list. As champion Lance Armstrong made his final ascent to the finish at Luz Ardiden, he caught his handlebar in a spectator’s musette, causing him to hit the deck. Challengers Jan Ullrich and Tyler Hamilton could’ve used the crash to build a lead over the favourite, but they instead chose to follow the unwritten rule of slowing down to wait for a fallen rival to get back on their bike. Hamilton and Ullrich might have had cause to regret their chivalry, as Armstrong recovered to win the stage, but it’s worth noting that Hamilton later played a part in taking Armstrong down in a whole different way: along with Floyd Landis, Hamilton’s admissions of doping with Lance while part of the US Postal Service team played a big role in the USADA investigation that eventually stripped the Texan of his seven titles. Cue a Nelson from The Simpsons laugh.
Point of snow return
Andy Schleck’s epic solo escape in the mountains on stage 18 in 2011 is one of the best rides in modern history, but that it’s remembered as a ride of heroism rather than as a Tour-winning attack could all be down to the weather. On the previous day, the finish line on the Col du Galibier was covered in snow and organisers were considering making the race 2 km shorter if there was still powder present on the day of the race; there wasn’t, so the finish remained higher up the Col. After Schleck’s epic 60-km individual effort, he cracked right about where the alternate finish would have been, losing considerable time to the chasing pack, led by Cadel Evans. If the snow had remained and the finish moved forward, Schleck would have had more of a lead, one he possibly would have put more effort into defending than the fifty-seven seconds he ended up with.
Roll of Honour
From handlebar-moustached Maurice Garin to sideburn-sporting Bradley Wiggins, the Roll of Honour lists all the Tour de France classification winners from 1903 to 2012.
1903
Winner: Maurice Garin (France)
1904
Winner: Henri Cornet (France)
1905
Winner: Louis Trousselier (France)
1906
Winner: René Pottier (France)
1907
Winner: Lucien Petit-Breton (France)
1908
Winner: Lucien Petit-Breton (France)
1909
Winner: François Faber (Luxembourg)
1910
Winner: Octave Lapize (France)
1911
Winner: Gustave Garrigou (France)
1912
Winner: Odile Defraye (Belgium)
1913
Winner: Philippe Thys (Belgium)
1914
Winner: Philippe Thys (Belgium)
1919
Winner: Firmin Lambot (Belgium)
1920
Winner: Philippe Thys (Belgium)
1921
Winner: Léon Scieur (Belgium)
1922
Winner: Firmin Lambot (Belgium)
1923
Winner: Henri Pélissier (France)
1924
Winner: Ottavio Bottecchia (Italy)
1925
Winner: Ottavio Bottecchia (Italy)
1926
Winner: Lucien Buysse (Belgium)
1927
Winner: Nicolas Frantz (Luxembourg)
1928
Winner: Nicolas Frantz (Luxembourg)
1929
Winner: Maurice De Waele (Belgium)
1930
Winner: André Leducq (France)
1931
Winner: Antonin Magne (France)
Team: Belgium
1932
Winner: André Leducq (France)
Team: Italy
1933
Winner: Georges Speicher (France)
Mountains: Vicente Trueba (Spain)
Team: France
1934
Winner: Antonin Magne (France)
Mountains: René Vietto (France)
Team: France
1935
Winner: Romain Maes (Belgium)
Mountains: Félicien Vervaecke (Belgium)
Team: Belgium
1936
Winner: Sylvère Maes (Belgium)
Mountains: Julián Berrendero (Spain)
Team: Belgium
1937
Winner: Roger Lapébie (France)
Mountains: Félicien Vervaecke (Belgium)
Team:
France
1938
Winner: Gino Bartali (Italy)
Mountains: Gino Bartali (Italy)
Team: Belgium
1939
Winner: Sylvère Maes (Belgium)
Mountains: Sylvère Maes (Belgium)
Team: Belgium
1947
Winner: Jean Robic (France)
Mountains: Pierre Brambilla (France)
Team: Italy
1948
Winner: Gino Bartali (Italy)
Mountains: Gino Bartali (Italy)
Team: Belgium
1949
Winner: Fausto Coppi (Italy)
Mountains: Fausto Coppi (Italy)
Team: Italy
1950
Winner: Ferdinand Kübler (Switzerland)
Mountains: Louison Bobet (France)
Team: Belgium
1951
Winner: Hugo Koblet (Switzerland)
Mountains: Raphael Géminiani (France)
Team: France
1952
Winner: Fausto Coppi (Italy)
Mountains: Fausto Coppi (Italy)
Team: Italy
1953
Winner: Louison Bobet (France)
Mountains: Jesús Loroño (Spain)
Points: Fritz Schaer (Switzerland)
Team: Holland
1954
Winner: Louison Bobet (France)
Mountains: Federico Bahamontes (Spain)
Points: Ferdinand Kübler (Switzerland)
Team: Switzerland
1955
Winner: Louison Bobet (France)
Mountains: Charly Gaul (Luxembourg)
Points: Stan Ockers (Belgium)
Team: France
1956
Winner: Roger Walkowiak (France)
Mountains: Charly Gaul (Luxembourg)
Points: Stan Ockers (Belgium)
Team: Belgium
1957
Winner: Jacques Anquetil (France)
Mountains: Gastone Nencini (Italy)
Points: Jean Forestier (France)
Team: France
1958
Winner: Charly Gaul (Luxembourg)
Mountains: Federico Bahamontes (Spain)
The Tour de France Page 16
