The primary hurdle was to endure the long walk to the table. There were hidden dangers in that walk. I was wearing yet another mini skirt and ballet flat instead of my usual jeans and chucks. If I slipped and fell I would go up in the air and down hard and most likely expose the family jewels hidden only by a swatch of cloth they sold as underwear. I wasn’t afraid of the shoes making me fall but rather anything messy my peers spilled from their trays as they walked. I held a lunch tray and couldn’t see where I stepped.
As I neared the table, Paul, who was facing me, looked up from where he sat in front of Luke and Flynn. Paul didn’t always eat lunch with us. He’d stopped when he and Amber started dating and even though they were currently broken up for the umpteenth time, I hadn’t seen him around much. Who knew where he went, but with this debacle I could only imagine what he’d been doing. He did say he and Amber only had one thing in common.
I saw the movement and closed my eyes before I thought better of it. I reopened them to find something on the ceiling that was entertaining. But that couldn’t work because I might run into someone and that would be just as disastrous. I bet I looked silly because it would have been obvious that I was avoiding their stare. But when I looked back both Luke and Flynn were turned with their backs to me again. I exhaled a long breath and moved to the end of the table to walk around so I could whisper to Paul. Nina and Amanda were at the table too along with Brent, Jay, and Kathy. I faintly wondered then why Maggie wasn’t sitting with Brent. I hadn’t even bothered to ask her what happened last night. Crap, but they’d roped me in and I’d just forgotten. If I made it through this little excursion, I would pull her aside straight away.
My eyes found a friendly face in Jay. Okay, so Flynn was considered the hottest guy in school with Sebastian nearly dethroning him. I still gave Flynn the edge, but I would never tell him. His ego was big enough. But truthfully Jay was probably the best looking guy in school by far. But he was so far off limits I just didn’t consider him along with the rest of the school population. He was a blond beauty that rivaled actors like Alex Pettyfer. Kathy, his girlfriend, was no slouch either. The best way to describe Kathy was a Megan Fox look alike with dark hair and that was all that needed to be said.
I was so avoiding Luke’s gaze I inadvertently stared at Jay. “Hey,” he said with a voice that dipped in honey.
“Hey Jay,” I said. Then I quickly looked at Kathy. “Hey, Kathy,” I added. Her frown which was probably because of my apparent ogle at her boyfriend turned to a slight smile. My faux pas reddened my cheeks before I turned to meet Paul’s gaze when I reached him. The table’s occupants quieted to a dull roar. I knew everyone wondered just what I was up to.
I leaned down not realizing at that instant just what a view I was giving Flynn and Luke and any other guy glancing my way until Paul turned and his eyes never meeting mine. I sighed and sat down next to him. Turned backwards on the bench, my back was to Luke. “I need to talk to you,” I said softly to Paul.
Maybe it was because I had briefly flashed him, but Paul looked befuddled and nodded a little too vigorously. I stood leading the way to the outside door without waiting for him to follow. The courtyard was void of my classmates because it was really too cold to be out here. But this was our best chance to have privacy without people assuming the worst about what we were about to do. However, before I’d cleared the elite table I’d made the mistake trying to be careful of my step and glanced at Flynn. He smirked and when I rolled my eyes away they fell upon Luke next. He looked at me with an unreadable expression. One thing was for sure he wasn’t smiling. He looked almost sad. I looked away. I hadn’t wanted to see that. It broke my heart.
I walked out the cafeteria doors and a blast of cold air hit my face turning my cheeks pink with chill. Goose bumps began to erupt all over my body. A part of me wanted to turn back into the warmth of the cafeteria. But this was the only place where we would find true privacy in full view of the school population. Hence no rumors could be started about a calm conversation between us or at least I hoped.
Sitting at the first table I got to, I put my tray down thinking my fingers would most likely be numb after this. But I bit into my sandwich before it was too cold to eat while Paul finally made his way to me. My sandwich was a turkey sub with melted cheese. I didn’t think I would be able to enjoy this for long. Paul straddled the picnic table in front of me wide eyed in anticipation of whatever it was I needed to say. I made him stew and wait while I tried to enjoy some of my lunch. After a few more bites, I’d decided what I was going to say. First I would try not to be angry. But I didn’t think that would last long. I was amazingly pissed. I swallowed and shifted in my seat dismayed for being forced into this situation, disheartened that Paul had been careless, disenfranchised that I was the bearer of the news. “Amber’s pregnant,” I said thrusting the words at him and waited for his reaction.
His near gleam faded to all gloom. I wasn’t certain what he’d been so happy about. Last night I’d left things open. I didn’t want to tell him I didn’t think it would work after he’d gone through so much trouble for my birthday gift. And kissing him had been nice. So I’d told him I wasn’t ready to be with anyone just yet. He’d asked me about Luke and I told him that I doubted we’d get back together. But our fate was sealed now. He was most likely going to be a father and I wouldn’t stand in the way.
“What?” he said dumbfounded. My eyes refocused on his. I’d been staring into space with my own introspection.
His word however registered. I felt my anger rise. Why were boys stupid? Why was my Paul so stupid? “You and Amber had unprotected sex and she thinks she may be pregnant,” I said crisply.
He looked up and down as if he’d lost something before he turned back to me with his mouth agape. “Shit,” he said hissing. His hand was in his hair pushing it back with the force of his understanding.
That word was exactly what I wanted to say when I’d been told. There was more I wanted to say but didn’t. Instead, I stuck to the facts not wanting to complicate matters. My confused feelings for him were no longer important. “Look, she wants you to take her to the clinic to do a blood test to be sure,” I said.
He opened his mouth to speak but I shut it with my next words. “Please don’t say the stupid words like is she sure or is it mine,” I said. My voice was cold and may have added frost to the fog of breath that escaped my mouth while I spoke. I wasn’t really hungry anymore. I looked down at my sandwich. It now looked like the brick it was. The fire of nervousness left my body since the deed was done. I shivered against the low temperatures because my coat was in my locker.
Paul moved closer to me to share body heat. When he put his arms around me and leaned his head against the side of mine, I let him. Once upon a time we’d been best friends. That was our comfort zone. So I gave him my friendship back. Even though I should berate him, he needed understanding too. He wasn’t the first teenage guy to make this age old mistake.
He took my hands and rubbed them in between his. “When,” he asked.
That was an easy question and one I wasn’t terribly mad at him for. “You need to talk to her,” I said sharply. I guess all my irritation hadn’t left me yet.
“Then why isn’t she telling me?” he asked in annoyance.
Quickly, I said, “Maybe because you avoid her like you did me.”
“You know I hate confrontation,” he said in a confrontational tone. I almost laughed at that one.
Not thinking I said, “That’s just the coward in you.”
“That’s not fair,” he said.
He was not getting out of this easily. “You were sleeping with her and you broke up with her. What kind of guy are you?” I asked.
“Lots of people have sex, Mercy,” he said. “You don’t stay with someone because of that.”
“Apparently, I didn’t get that memo. I was under the impression that was something you did when you loved someone. I didn’t think you were Flynn’s protégé.”
“Huh,” I said, sure I hadn’t heard him correctly.
He let go of me but looked me in the eye. “You and Luke weren’t together?”
“Luke and I didn’t have sex. But if we had, we wouldn’t have been that stupid about it,” I said.
I stood up. “Merce,” he said. But I picked up my tray and headed for the door. Good thing I was angry. It made my next words easy.
At the door, Luke came through. His haunted expression was focused solely on me. “Can I talk to you?” he asked.
“No, not really.”
I walked into the warmth of the lunch room and threw the contents of my tray in the trash and placed the tray on the designated area on top. I walked swiftly over to the table where Maggie and a red eyed Amber sat. I told them it was done giving them the condensed version.
“How is he taking it?” Amber said choking on a sob. I was still pissed so her tears didn’t affect me much.
“Like any boy,” I said and quickly walked away. Maggie was hugging Amber and I left in search of the farthest girl’s bathroom so I could be alone. I felt like I might throw up with my queasy stomach. Between baby news and the brief exchange between Luke and me, I had been affected more than expected. I wasn’t sure how I would survive the rest of the school year based on the way I felt now.
Chapter Nine
reprehensible (adj.) deserving rebuke
Grateful for my new wheels and the freedom it afforded me, I went to Maggie’s house after school. Amber was with us, of course. They were in planning mode for the party at my house tomorrow. It was a school honor tradition in our small community that whoever parents were out of town, had to throw the party. With my mom and Flynn’s dad on their honeymoon, we were the host. I was along for the ride. But that wasn’t why I was at Maggie’s. Really, I wanted to hang out with her. She hadn’t had much time for me lately. So today I came along hoping since Amber was going to have to leave early, I’d have time to myself with my best friend.
“Have we decided?” Amber asked smiling grandly. She was way too chipper for a girl who’d just left school after telling her ex-boyfriend she might be pregnant. I gave a faint tentative smile and nodded in agreement.
“It’s settled then,” Maggie said in a bright cheerful tone. I nodded again not wanting to speak lest my lack luster opinion about the short skirts and revealing tops we suppose wear to the party would show through.
Amber stopped folding the clothes we’d pulled from Maggie’s closet and her own bag. I just folded feeling bad I had nothing to contribute. My only saving grace was they were ok with that. “So Mercy, who were the roses from yesterday?” Amber asked me. I froze. Tentatively, I looked at her and met her curious eyes. Her smile wasn’t as broad anymore. Could she read my thoughts?
Maggie stopped folding clothes when I didn’t immediately answer. I bit my lower lip and sucked in a deep breath for the partial lie to come. “I’m not sure. They were anonymous,” I said looking away. I started to fold again in earnest.
“Must have been from Luke,” Amber said nervously. She gave a little giggle at the end of her statement that made it blatantly obvious she didn’t believe that statement to be true.
“He does want to get back with you,” Maggie said pointedly. She was standing next to Amber, so Amber didn’t see the look she gave me that let me know we would be talking about this later.
Instead of answering Amber, I diverted her. “I saw you had roses too,” I chided, raising an eyebrow and forcing the curve of my smile upward. Amber had received several roses. But it was to be expected. She was gorgeous and had a lot of guys who were interested in her.
When she didn’t speak, Maggie and I both turned to her. She looked like she was turning green. She moved so fast, heading out of Maggie’s bedroom door in a rush. When we heard another door close down the hall, we both knew she’d gone to the bathroom.
Maggie’s frown turned towards me. “What did I say?” I asked immediately on the defensive side.
Maggie rolled her eyes. Then, in a whisper, she said, “We will talk about this later.”
She and I were going to talk, but it was Maggie who had questions she needed to answer. I needed to know what happened last night with her and Brent.
Maggie left out the door and I heard her say ‘Are you ok, sweetie?’ in her usual charming tone. I collapsed on the bed with my palms pressed to my forehead. If Amber ever found out about me and Paul last night, she would so hate me.
Heck, I hated myself at this very moment. I’d gone out on that date with Paul last night and Amber hadn’t entered my mind until the end. What did that say about me? She wasn’t my best friend, but she’d been nothing but nice to me. Oh, I could rationalize that I had him first. But really, we’d only shared a couple of weeks together nearly two years ago. She and Paul had been together much longer than that.
I was hanging up the last bit of Maggie’s clothes when they both came back in. Amber’s phone sounded. Her bright pink phone had been the only one lying on the bed where the sound was coming from. We all turned to look at it as if it might blow up at any moment. A picture of Paul flashed with his phone number beneath. She looked at the phone with astonishment. We all began to eye each other wondering if she was going to answer. Three, then four, five, and then the screen went dark.
Maggie always knowing what to say puts a hand on Amber’s back. “It’s going to be ok,” she said in a soothing tone.
Amber burst into tears and I didn’t know what to do. If I consoled her, was I being a hypocrite? Amber’s phone broke into song again. We all looked back down at the bed. This time a picture of a girl faintly resembling Amber showed on the screen.
“That’s my ride, Keri will be mad if I keep her waiting,” she said. She wiped the tears from her eyes. Finally, I stood and crossed over to her. I drew her in a silent hug not saying anything. I did feel bad that she was hurting. Now I just needed to find a way to tell her the truth. But now was not the time. She had too many other things to think about. The things we’d been avoiding speaking of all afternoon.
After Amber grabbed her bag and headed for the door, I waited while Maggie walked her out. A scowl was etched in her face when she finally came back in the room.
“Spill,” she said, that one word came out like spit fire from her lips.
Although I felt at fault, I also felt angry at Maggie for not having trust in me. “Look,” I said. “I didn’t ask for this. But you think I’m reprehensible, don’t you?”
Tongue in her cheek, Maggie sat. “Reprehensible. Couldn’t you just use a normal word? Lucky for you I actually know that one,” she said with a soft laugh. Serious now, her features softened and she looked up at me while I stood. “I can’t judge until you tell me the story.”
Seeing the wariness in her eyes, I sat next to her. I put my hands in my lap and took a calming breath. A colossal amount of words escaped me as I explained everything that happened yesterday, including the impromptu movie night. My mouth was dry once all the words spilled from my lips.
Maggie tilted back to lay on the bed covering her eyes with her hands. Feeling the same sense of dread, I followed suit.
Rubbing at her eyes, she at last spoke. I waited for her condemnation of my actions. “I don’t know where to begin,” she said. “I have to laugh at the whole movie night fiasco.”
“Yeah, that was pretty freaking hilarious,” I said dryly.
“Then, I want to yell at you for your date with Paul, but I would be lying if I didn’t see that coming,” she said.
“What does that mean?” I asked slightly offended.
She turned to meet my eyes. I didn’t see the disapproval I thought I’d see. “Gosh, Eme, you and Paul have been playing this friend dance for two years now. Even Luke saw it. Isn’t that why he dumped you?” she said brutally.
I turned away, closing my eyes not speaking. I deserved what she said and more. If only I could explain the whol
e truth, she would see my predicament. This had to stop. I had to tell her before the weekend was over. But I needed Sebastian for that. I think his little disappearing act would help her come to terms with a fantastical story about angels and demons, who were real by the way.
Not defending myself, I said, “Maggs, I had to know.”
“Well, what did you decide,” she said.
Waiting for Mercy (Cambions) Page 10
