by Trina M. Lee
My fingers tingled from the power running through me. I held back, unwilling to lash out at him again. I didn’t want to hurt him. I would never give him the true death he sought from me.
His eyes were hard to read. He remained silent for so long, a knot formed in my stomach. Slowly, he reached out to smooth the hair back from my face. His hand lingered; he caressed my cheek as though my skin was fire to the touch.
“I always knew making love to you would drive me mad,” he said, his gaze on mine. “As much as I ache to touch you, I fear it as well.”
I caught his hand in mine and pressed my lips to his palm. “Please, Kale, let me help you.”
“They tortured me in there. The FPA. With blood and women, they drove me mad, and all I could think about was you.”
“I came for you, Kale. Twice. I tried to get you out.” There was a desperate note to my voice that made me flinch. “I tried.”
“I know.” His expression hardened. He grabbed my wrist tight, his fingers dug into the dragon etched in my flesh. “You made a deal with a demon that sealed both your fate and mine. I begged you not to.”
“I did it because I love you,” I shouted. “But, we can’t be together. We are terrible for each other, Kale. Look at this.” I gestured to the bloody room, the bodies on the floor. “We’re the Mickey and Mallory Knox of vampires. All we bring each other is more pain and misery. That’s what we share. It’s all we’ve ever shared.”
“You’re right. That will never change. But, I can’t go on like this.”
He draped me in his power, exuding a heady pull I couldn’t resist. All of a sudden, he was kissing me with a desperate fervor, a dying man’s last gasp for air. There was so much in his kiss: love, fear and, ultimately, abandon. Whatever thin threads remained on his tie to sanity weren’t just snapping, he was cutting them. I understood. It’s easier to give in.
“Kale, don’t,” I gasped between kisses. “Please, don’t let go.”
“I can’t walk this line anymore.” His mouth was warm on mine, his hands lost in my hair. “One day, you’ll regret that you didn’t kill me when you had your chance.”
I should have stopped him. After worrying about him for weeks, to have him here, alive and in my arms, was a sinful dream come true. So, instead of beating the ass of the vampire who had violently abused me in a psychotic craze, I held him close while he surrendered to the calling darkness we all held inside.
“You want me.” His lips moved upon mine as he spoke. “Right now, you want to consume every part of me. To devour my power until it is yours, to take all I am until there is nothing left but dust and to have me buried inside you as you do it.”
I said nothing. By refusing to deny the truth, I was acknowledging it.
Kale slowly trailed a hand up my thigh, just barely touching. He circled around to stand behind me. I sighed at the heat of his mouth on the back of my neck.
“Perhaps you’d like me to take you from behind. You almost begged me to once.” To accompany his words, he dragged fangs over my sensitive skin, careful not to break the surface, not yet.
Willpower had left the building long ago. I yearned for Kale. The recent weeks we had been apart had made me miss this feeling, this certainty that he was mine. I reveled in it now.
I spun to face him. “Actually, I’d prefer to ride you until you can’t remember your own name. I want to look into those beautiful eyes while you beg me for more. And then, I want to make you hurt for it.”
A mischievous grin lit up Kale’s face. “If I could fall any harder for you, that would do it. We share something more than just weakness. You just didn’t know it before.”
“The wolf,” I breathed.
“I have been both wolf and vampire, as you are and will be. That’s one thing that neither of your men can claim.” He nuzzled me then, a wolfish gesture that was so natural, like he’d been wolf just yesterday. I gazed at him in wonder, and he laughed. “It never leaves you, even when you wish it would. Like a hybrid, it’s there but trapped inside. I’d hoped you would never know about me.”
“Why?” I caught his face in my hands, peering deep into him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“Why, Kale?” A loud hum followed my demand as the electricity in the building surged along with my mood. “I’m terrified of losing my wolf. I don’t want to rise as a vampire if that’s what it means.”
He pulled away, refusing to provide me the solace he once offered. “I didn’t want to be the one to tell you. I couldn’t bring myself to break your heart that way.”
“You could have warned me,” I sputtered as emotion overcame me. “I trusted you.”
“You should know better than to trust any vampire,” he snapped. “Including your other half. You think he didn’t know you would lose the wolf?”
Angry energy spilled from me, and Kale reacted to it. His pupils dilated dangerously. I didn’t want to talk about Arys with him. Instead, I targeted the rest of what he’d just said.
“Are you saying I was wrong to trust you all these years?” I wanted to reach for him but stopped mid-motion.
Kale leaned in close, fangs flashing threateningly. “Never trust a man that wants to bleed you as bad as he wants to fuck you.”
I recoiled in horror. His vicious words stung. “Get out, Kale, before I find a way to take your misery to a whole new level.”
His chuckle was like an icy hand on my spine. “I’m in you now, just as much as you’re in me. That’s why you can’t let me go.”
I was a mass of confusion. My body remained flushed with wanton heat for him. My heart was stone cold.
Kale pressed against me, close enough for me to feel his arousal. With a finger beneath my chin, he tipped my head back and bent to drag his tongue along the throbbing vein in my neck. I swooned, leaning into him despite the power I held ready.
“I am going to make you so crazy, Alexa, that the only way out will be to drive a stake through my heart.” With that, he released me and left the room without a backward glance.
Chapter Seventeen
I stood there stunned. Then, with a surge of venomous rage, I went after him. I caught up to Kale in the hall and, without a second thought, slapped him with a psi ball heavy enough to take him down.
Kale lay on the floor in the hall, staring up at me with a combination of surprise and amusement. I stood over him, hands on fire with the power rippling through me.
“No fucking way. You don’t get to pull the dramatic exit. I’m sick of you vampires and your dramatic friggin exits.” My voice rose, and several light bulbs in the hall exploded in a shower of glass. “You can clean up the mess you helped me make. I get to make the unnecessarily over-the-top exit. Got it?”
I didn’t wait for a reply. Instead, I stormed out the back door, ignoring those who surfaced to see who was making all the noise. I kicked the door open and raged through the parking lot. I was spoiling for a good fight. What I most needed was a good kill of the supernatural kind.
A basic vampire kill would do little to ease my appetite for violence. I wanted Lilah, but rushing back to her simply because Kale had pissed me off would be stupid. I needed to do a little planning first. So, I went to the next best place where I could let off a little steam and get my head together, a dance club down the street from The Wicked Kiss. With the bloodlust appeased, I was free to walk among the heavily packed human bodies and enjoy the energy that a crowd hopped up on booze and music gave off in abundance.
I wasn’t yet ready to join my vampire brethren in drowning my sorrows in blood baths and mayhem, so letting loose human style was just fine with me. I told the bartender to keep the whiskey coming until my vision swam. Then, I slipped onto the dance floor and remembered what being human felt like.
The steady beats kept coming as the DJ successfully packed the dance floor with writhing bodies. A few guys approached me, seeking someone to take home. I merely smiled and shook my head before danci
ng away. They didn’t know it, but I was the last woman in the building they wanted to go home with.
Music is a force as powerful as any other that goes unseen. Like love or the exhilarating sensation of leaping from a plane, it was one of those entities that might exist outside of you, but their real power was born from within. Though trendy dance beats weren’t my general cup of musical tea, that night they set me free.
After an especially wild song ended, I slid onto a bar stool and signaled the bartender for another shot.
“You started without me,” came a voice to my left. Willow clinked his beer bottle against my shot glass in cheers. “How the hell can you dance in those things with a bottle of whiskey in your veins?”
I followed his gaze to my heeled boots and laughed. “It’s a talent possessed only by women—and some gay men.”
“You look happy out there, being one of them.” He nodded toward the dance floor. “Do you miss it?”
I watched the people dancing the night away, each one of them here to leave something behind as they did so. Being human didn’t make one void of trouble or pain. If anything, it made those things worse.
“Yeah, I do. Mostly, I miss the ignorance, not knowing how bad things really are. I miss that.”
Willow wore a sour expression. “I know what you mean. Seeing the dark from the inside is a fucking ugly experience.”
“Why do you always show up when I’m miserable?” I asked, sucking on a lime wedge from the nearby dish.
Willow shrugged and drained the beer bottle dry. “Just lucky, I guess.”
He ordered a round of tequila shots, his favorite. I curled a lip in disgust; the drink didn’t agree with me.
“Did you come to talk me down? I didn’t think I tapped enough power tonight to draw attention.”
“You didn’t.” Sliding a tequila shot in front of me, he flashed a lopsided grin. “I dropped in at your club to talk about last night. You weren’t there, but a couple of bodies were along with one hell of an angry vampire. I thought you could use some drunken shenanigans.”
“Shenanigans,” I repeated. “Funny word coming from an angel. What did you have in mind?”
He continued to nudge the tequila shot a little closer until it was bumping my hand. “We could start a bar fight. Or, steal a car off the Ferrari lot. Maybe even try some illicit narcotics and spend the rest of the night staring at our hands.”
“Sounds like you’ve been watching a few too many teen party movies,” I laughed, giving in and taking the stomach turning shot. “That crap will rot your brain.”
“Good. I got you laughing. Now, tell me what’s bothering you.”
The alcohol-induced happiness dulled. Willow was easy to talk to. Telling him the horrible things I’ve done, confessing my dirty little secrets, I never felt judged. With him, I was able to share feelings no words could fully describe. He seemed to understand, always offering words of wisdom from a place beyond my reach. He was a genuine friend, and I didn’t have many of those these days. Of course, the fact that our relationship was platonic helped. It allowed me a sense of liberty. I was able to expose my soul to him without fear.
I swirled my whiskey but pushed away the next tequila shot Willow placed in front of me. I considered the deep golden liquid in my glass, imagining it as red and warm, straight from the vein. Muttering obscenities under my breath, I drank down the liquor, finding it to be a poor substitute.
“I’m a wolf with no pack, a twin flame divided from my other half and a Hound who is one of the very things I’m supposed to kill.” I slapped a few bills down for the bartender and smiled bitterly at Willow. “How much time do you have?”
“I’ve got all the time in the world. By all means, talk away.”
“I’d rather not. I don’t even want to think about it.” With a teasing scowl, I grabbed the drink he continued to push closer and swallowed it with a grimace. “You know, for an angel, you’re a terrible influence.”
Willow snickered. His eyes shone with delight. “What can I say? I’m a rebel. So are you. That’s why both monster and man wants to either control or kill you. It’s a good thing.”
I rolled my eyes but took his words to heart. “Oh yeah, it’s fantastic.”
“Seriously, Alexa, when the bad guys consider you a problem, it means you’re doing something right. Even if at times you’re one of them.” Willow plucked a lime wedge from the dish and bit into the tart fruit.
I shook my head and snorted with derision. “What am I really though? Wolf, human, vampire? I don’t fit in anywhere anymore.”
“You’re a Hound of God and the light half of a twin flame union. Those are good things. You exist to fight evil. Bottom line.”
“Until I become it,” I said with a frown. “Lilah said the twin flame bond is a curse. The worst part is that even though I know she’s a liar, I agreed with her reasons why.”
Willow appeared thoughtful. Even as he downed drink after drink, he was barely drunk. I would have been on the floor after that many.
“Remember, she’s the dark half of her union. Your roles are not the same. There’s good and there’s evil. And, some creatures walk in both worlds. There is something powerful in being able to experience both the light and the dark. But ultimately, even you must choose a side.”
He delivered that heavy verbal blow by crashing his glass against mine in cheers. My drink splashed over the edge, spilling a few drops in my lap. He received my dirty look with a smile and shoved another shot of tequila in front of me.
His words reverberated in my ears as I mulled them over. Willow was wise. He had a way of breaking things down so they were clear where before they had been confused.
“Stop making me think. I’m trying to drink away my sorrows here.” I tossed a lime wedge at him, laughing when it struck him square on the chin. The newest Christina Aguilera song pounded out of the speakers, and I perked up. “I love this song. Come dance with me.”
I jumped off the stool. Dancing the night away with whiskey in my blood and sweaty humans at my side likely wasn’t the best way to spend my night, but I needed a break from reality. Jez’s Vegas vacation idea looked better all the time. Since I couldn’t skip town tonight with Lilah killing my wolves, dancing would have to do.
“Trust me. You don’t want to see me dance. My talents are better spent right here.” Willow waved me off, dismissing me when the bartender placed another half dozen shots in front of him.
I gravitated to the dance floor, watching as a tall redhead moved in on Willow within seconds of my absence. It didn’t surprise me; he was a looker.
A pleasant warmth spread through my limbs from the alcohol. It was such a predictably human way of numbing out. The more I thought about it, the more aware I became of the pounding heartbeats all around me. So much blood to spill. A kill like that could create a high that would last for days. I licked my lips and reminded myself I was here to unwind, to leave that world behind. I never could though; I carried the darkness with me always.
I suddenly wasn’t feeling so hot. Flushed with overwhelming heat, the bloodlust sprang forth. No way, I’d fed that hunger already.
I pushed through the crowd, seeking escape from the crush of lively human bodies. Every breath I took overwhelmed me with their heady aroma. I had to get out.
“I have to go before I slaughter these people,” I said, grabbing Willow’s arm. The redhead glared darkly and sauntered away. Willow took one look at my panic-stricken face and got to his feet.
The outside air was thankfully free of any strong human scent, overwhelmed by car exhaust and the faint aroma of summer rain in the distance. We stopped at a bench half a block away. I didn’t sit down. Instead, I paced back and forth in front of it, feeling uncomfortable inside my own skin. My wolf was restless.
That was another area of concern. Veryl’s files made it sound like the wolf was lost upon transformation to vampire. Kale said it was still there, trapped inside. I wasn’t sure which was worse, losi
ng my wolf or having it caged within me. They both sounded like a form of hell.
Emotion surged, and I kicked a pop can in misplaced anger. It only served to infuriate me further.
“Think you can keep your shit together?” Willow lounged on the bench, regarding me with casual curiosity.
“I don’t know what happened in there. It came over me so fast. I feel a little better now.” Scowling at the pop can, I picked it up and tossed it in a nearby trashcan. “It could be Arys. Sometimes, we can feel each other without trying to. It can be disorienting.”
“Makes sense. How did that all go anyway?”
I watched a couple across the street walking hand in hand. They leaned into one another, talking animatedly. I envied them.
“Not so good. I told Arys I need some time apart. Things have been kind of strained between us lately. I don’t know where I end and he begins; it’s driving me crazy.”
I dug through my shoulder bag, seeking normalcy in going through the motions of using lip balm and checking my cell phone. I almost didn’t notice the weird look Willow gave me.
“It will drive you crazy,” he said. “Being apart. You’re not meant to be apart, not now that you’ve found each other.”
I groaned and sat heavily next to him on the bench. “Don’t tell me that.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but you can’t exist without him. You’re not meant to.”
“Maybe Lilah’s right. It does sound like a curse.”
Willow harrumphed and flicked my arm hard. “Don’t make me slap that attitude out of you. Do you have any idea how many lonely people would give anything to be bound to another? To share something so sacred despite the hardship that accompanies it. I’ve seen the depths of sorrow-filled loneliness. If anything is a curse, it’s that.”
I rubbed my arm, feeling deservedly rebuked. “I know. I sound like a spoiled asshole. I wish I hadn’t said that. I’m just confused. I don’t know what purpose Arys and I share, and I’m afraid we’ll destroy each other before we figure it out.”
