But if that was the truth, then it shouldn’t matter what Lexi thought, right?
It shouldn’t, but it really, really did.
Then everything got so much worse. I looked up and saw Liam come out of one of the doors and slowly look around the parking lot. I slunk down into my seat, but he paused when he looked my way and then started walking to the car. A rush of desperation went through me. Hide? Run? Hotwire the car and drive away?
He stood at my door looking down at me. I felt like a four-year-old.
Since I didn’t have the keys to lower the window, my only choice was to get out of the car. Which I did. With as much of my pride intact as possible. It wasn’t much.
“My sister goes here,” I blurted out. So much for my pride.
“I’m glad you came. I wanted to apologize for… for what happened yesterday.”
“You didn’t do anything.”
“I just didn’t know what to do. Every time I say something, I feel like I screw up. I hate hurting people’s feelings, and I didn’t mean to lead anyone on….”
I felt sick. Truly, truly sick. He thinks he’s leading me on? “It’s okay. You’re not going to hurt my feelings. I have a boyfriend, anyway.” It just slipped out.
“What?” Liam looked stunned. “We talked about this. You said—”
I cut him off. “Oh, we got back together this morning. So you don’t have to worry about me.”
Liam took a small but very definitive step backward, then turned and strode away.
I crawled back in the car, curled up, and sobbed until my head ached.
“What did you do?”
I jumped. Tess slammed the door shut. I wiped my face and smoothed my hair as I tried to get my bearings. I sat up, looked around the parking lot, and realized that the awful nightmare was all too real.
“I send Liam out here to get you, and he comes back and not only refuses to talk to me but skulks in a corner the entire time. What happened?”
“I told him I got back together with Todd.”
“You what?” Tess grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “What is wrong with you? Todd is dead. Remember?”
“You don’t understand. Liam was standing here telling me how he didn’t want to hurt my feelings and that he felt bad for leading me on….”
“You’re an idiot, Mallory.”
“But that’s exactly what he said. He just felt sorry for—”
“He was talking about Lexi!! He felt bad for Lexi, and he was trying to find an easy way to let her down. He told me that right before I sent him out to the car! He likes you, and you go and resurrect Todd?” Tess covered her face with her hands and screamed and then got eerily silent for several minutes.
“You’re going in there, and you’re gonna tell him the truth before he has a chance to feel bad enough for Lexi to actually ask her out.”
“The service is over, isn’t it?”
“No. You have enough time to fix this.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, Mallory. If you don’t tell him, I will.”
“You wouldn’t.”
Tess just raised that eyebrow. She would.
“I can’t face any more humiliation.”
“Then you shouldn’t have raised Todd from the dead.” Tess got out of the car and came around to my side. She yanked open my door. “Get out.”
I obeyed. I followed her into the building, and she led me down several hallways to a large room in the back of the church. The room was full of teens, and everyone was milling around in small groups, talking and drinking from small red plastic cups.
Lexi and Liam were sitting in two metal folding chairs in a corner, talking. Tess pointed at them. I wished I could borrow some of her bravado, but it was my mess. I needed to fix it. Step 5 again.
But I had to make this confession. Not just to any human being, but to Liam. I could tell he was hurt, and I was to blame.
It was ironic that I was standing in a church. I didn’t understand God, but at that moment I needed his help. And maybe, just maybe, God would come through for me.
I took a deep breath and walked toward them. They both stopped talking and looked at me. Speak.
“Liam, can I talk to you for a minute?”
He glanced at Lexi, who didn’t seem happy. He shrugged and stood up. I led him as far away from everyone as I could, then turned to face him.
Liam’s expression was unreadable. Other than the hurt. That was clear. Maybe anger, too.
“Okay, I kind of lied to you. I mean, I did lie. I thought you were telling me that you liked Lexi, and I guess I was embarrassed and wanted to make it look like it didn’t matter to me, even though it did. So I lied and said I got back together with my boyfriend, which isn’t true; but it was the only thing I could think of to make it seem like I was okay with you going out with Lexi, because I am totally not okay with that, and I’m kind of hoping you might give me another chance.”
Liam looked a little confused. Is he just processing? Oh, God. What if he doesn’t believe me? That’s when I made the incredibly stupid decision to keep talking.
“I mean, to be completely honest, I never even had a boyfriend. I made him up. I didn’t want to be the only person who was a virgin, so I pretended I had this boyfriend and told everyone we had sex, even though he wasn’t real and I’m still a virgin and I’m not the same person inside that I pretend to be at school, and I just thought you should know that before you decide to go out with Lexi.”
As soon as I stopped talking, I wanted to run from the room. But I couldn’t convince the muscles in my legs to move. They were like stone pillars beneath me, forcing me to witness waves of indefinable emotion cross Liam’s face.
He reached down, took my hand, and led me out of the room and into the hallway. “Let me get this straight. You didn’t get back together with your boyfriend?”
“No.”
“You just said that because you were jealous of Lexi?”
“I didn’t say I was jealous of… yes.”
A grin spread across Liam’s face. “I’m so glad to hear that.”
“What? That I’m a compulsive liar?”
Liam shrugged and squeezed my hand. “You came and told me the truth. That took guts.”
“I guess.” As he looked at me, the humiliation and fear and nerves started to melt away, and I got swept up again in those brown eyes.
He leaned close, then kissed me gently on the cheek.
“Are you allowed to do that in church?”
He kissed me again. “Probably not.”
The halls around us started to fill up as people began to leave. Tess walked over and planted herself right next to us.
“Are you two fixed?”
Liam laughed. “Yes, Tess. We’ll be fine.”
“Finally,” she said as she walked away.
“I still think I need to hear that whole story. It’s all a little confusing right now,” Liam said. “But it sounds pretty amazing.”
“Which part?”
“That you went to such elaborate lengths to hide being a virgin.”
I didn’t get why that impressed him, but at that moment I didn’t really care. Liam likes me!
“I know things keep getting messed up, but I don’t want to give up on… this.”
“I don’t either,” I said.
He pulled me close, wrapped his arms around me, and squeezed. So many emotions washed through me that I couldn’t have sorted them out if I tried. He ended the hug far too soon and smiled at me. “Want to get some lunch? It’s a group thing, so you can bring Tess.”
“Is Lexi coming?”
He gave a deep sigh. “Probably. But you’re gonna have to get used to her if you’re going to hang around me. She is a friend, and she kind of comes with all of this.” He gestured vaguely around him.
“I suppose I can live with that. But she hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you. Look, I’ll talk to her.”
“Will you d
o it soon? The death stares are kind of freaking me out.”
“Promise.”
He agreed to drive Tess and I home, so I went to find her and Darby. Darby was actually glad we had found a ride since she wanted to go out to lunch with friends, too.
I finally found Tess sitting in a café in the church lobby with a guy who looked a bit older. He was cute, with reddish hair and a smattering of freckles across his face. They looked deeply engaged in conversation, so I positioned myself nearby and tried to get her attention. She glanced up and waved me over.
“This is my friend, Mallory. Mallory, this is Rick Wesley. He’s the youth pastor here.”
Rick stood up and shook my hand. “Actually, I’m just an intern. I’m glad you guys came today.”
“Thanks.”
We all stood silently (read: awkwardly) for a few seconds, then Rick excused himself to talk to someone else. I quickly filled in Tess on Liam and the group lunch I had agreed to.
She cringed. “You actually told him that Todd was a fake? Wow. I just wanted you to tell him that you didn’t get back together with him.”
“It all came tumbling out. I couldn’t stop myself. But you know, I’m kind of glad. I feel so much better!” I grabbed her in a hug. “Thank you, Tess. You’re the best.”
“I know.” She smirked.
CHAPTER 9
If Liam had told me that the “group lunch” would be every person in his teen group crammed into the back room of Shoney’s, I might have said no. Even being near Liam didn’t help the situation.
For one, I was starting to regret that I had confessed my most precious secret to a guy I hardly knew. What was to stop him from mentioning it to someone else? I knew that was all it would take to get it effectively dispersed throughout North County High. And two, I didn’t really know anybody. Small talk wasn’t one of my best skills, and the few people I did talk to managed to bring up God within seconds.
“So what is your relationship with the Lord?”
“How can I be praying for you?”
“Have you made a commitment to Jesus Christ?”
Egads! I probably ate two full breakfasts, what with stuffing food in my mouth every few minutes to avoid answering questions. Seriously. How was I supposed to know the answer to any of those things?
Tess, for her part, looked as if she belonged there, chatting with several different people—even several guys—as comfortably as ever. I wondered how she was answering all the questions. And Liam, the new guy in town, seemed to know just about everyone. But he never left my side, so he scored major points for that.
But if being around Liam meant being around all of these other people… I just didn’t know how I felt about it. It was intimidating. Lexi was there with a couple of other people from school whom I recognized, but most of the kids were new to me. I felt out of place, and I wasn’t completely sure why.
Liam drove Tess and I back to my house. As soon as we pulled in the driveway, Tess waved and bolted from the car, leaving Liam and me alone.
Liam laughed. “I’m glad you came today, really glad. If you come earlier next time, you’ll get to see me play.”
“Next time?”
“Yeah. You’re coming back, right?”
I looked down and twirled the ring around my finger. “I don’t know.”
“It can be overwhelming at first. Don’t give up on it too easily.”
I looked back at him, at his smile, at his soft brown eyes, and I got really, really nervous. If I didn’t fit into his church life, maybe I wouldn’t fit into his life at all. And I desperately wanted to.
He picked up my hand and kissed it, then brushed his other hand across my cheek. “You have no idea how glad I was to hear about your pretend boyfriend.”
“I was expecting you to be mad.”
“No way. It’s a huge relief. I mean, it puts us on a level playing field. I thought maybe, with who you were—knowing so many people, being a cheerleader—I thought I might be getting in over my head. But now I can relax.”
I stiffened. “Because, of course, cheerleaders automatically sleep around.”
“No. That’s not what I meant.”
“But you made the assumption.”
“I guess I did. I was wrong. So wrong. Monstrously wrong. Can you ever forgive me?”
I let a smile slip out. He was so cute! “I suppose.”
“Good. Then I’ll see you tomorrow. Oh, wait.” He took out his cell phone and pointed it at me. “There, now I can see your face when you call me.”
“Nice. You could’ve given me a little warning.”
“Nah, it’s more fun this way. I’ll talk to you later. And I still want to hear that whole story.”
I got another kiss on the cheek; and even though I wanted him to kiss me for real, I was okay with it. Slow was better. Slow would keep me from getting scared and running off.
Tess was pacing my room with her cell phone to her ear when I got inside.
“Yes, I’ll be there. Soon. I’ve got it, Ash. All right. Bye.” Tess snapped the phone closed.
“What?” I asked.
“Ashley’s home, and Mom’s not there, and she’s flipping out on me. I’ve got to go.”
“Will you call me later? Or come by?”
“I’ll try.” She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. “Hasta.”
After she left I sat at my computer and fiddled around with the fund-raiser poster while replaying the day in my head.
I should have been giddy with excitement. Instead I felt paralyzed. As if it were all a nice dream that would slip away when I woke up. It was all too good to be true. Wasn’t it?
I dragged myself to school the next morning determined to find Tess. Her phone had gone to voice mail, and I hadn’t heard from her all night. But it was Liam I found first. He was leaning against my locker, his hands in his pockets and a sheepish grin on his face. I felt a sudden rush of excitement. For years I had dreamed of someone waiting by my locker for me. Dating an invisible guy long-distance had made the locker thing kind of impossible.
I slowed my walk just to take in the sight. An actual guy, waiting for me. I was in heaven.
“Morning.” He yawned. “I can’t seem to wake up today.”
“Me neither.” I opened my locker, and Liam leaned in over my shoulder. He was so close I could smell him.
“What’cha got in here?”
He glanced around my locker. A mirror on the door, pictures of Tess and me and ones with Yvie and Sophie, other cheerleaders. He picked up my bobblehead hula monkey from the top shelf.
“Now this is different.”
I snatched it from him. “Leave my monkey alone.” I placed it back on the shelf. “Tess gave him to me when we were in third grade and I was going through my monkey phase.”
Liam shook his head. “I wouldn’t even know what that’s like. Having the same friend for years.” He leaned his back up against the next locker, and his face took on a melancholy look.
“You don’t keep in touch with people?”
“I try, but it doesn’t last. Once you move on, it either becomes a Facebook-level friendship or they forget all about you.”
I closed my locker and moved in front of him. “I would think you’d be pretty hard to forget.”
“You’d think, wouldn’t you?” He laughed. “I just see you and Tess and think how different my life would be if my dad did something else.”
“Speaking of Tess, I need to go find her. I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”
“Sure.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, then waved as he walked away. I turned to go in the opposite direction and ran straight into Lexi.
I gave a heavy sigh but refrained from rolling my eyes.
“Do you have a minute?” she asked.
“Not really.”
“I know what you’re doing.”
Apparently it didn’t matter what I said.
“And what is it I’m doing, Lexi?”
“I c
an’t believe you’d show up at church. Just to go out with some guy. That’s low. Even for someone like you.”
I could have defended myself, but it didn’t matter. I had less than four minutes to find Tess before the bell rang.
I walked past her, realizing that she was not going to back off despite Liam’s far-fetched hopes.
“This isn’t over,” Lexi called out, her words getting swallowed in the noise of the hallway.
What could she do to me, anyway?
“Tess! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” I found her at her locker when I went back to check for a third time.
“I’m so late!” Tess looked frazzled.
“Are you okay? You never answered your phone. I was worried.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll tell you at lunch. I’m fine, but now we’re both going to be late.”
The bell rang loudly, and we sprinted away. She was here, and that’s all I needed to know.
I spent the first part of the day avoiding Lexi. I wasn’t scared of her; I just didn’t feel like dealing with her. She shot daggers at me during PE. Even Katie noticed.
“What did you do to her?” she asked.
“We like the same guy.”
Katie laughed, then stopped. “Wait. You’re serious? You two don’t seem like you’d go for the same type of guy. At all.” Katie lined up her arrow and let it fly, hitting the target dead center.
And when I thought about it, it did seem strange. But when I was all occupied with Todd, I never had the chance to see what kind of guy I liked. Now I knew. Did that make me like Lexi? I shuddered.
On the way to lunch I spotted Lexi talking with Liam in the lobby. I slowed, trying to decide whether or not I should approach. Liam and I were sort of together, so I felt as if I could, but I wanted to look secure, even if I didn’t feel that way. He glanced up at me, smiled, said something to Lexi, then walked over and joined me. Problem solved.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey.” I fell into step beside him, and he slung an arm over my shoulder. He was taller than me, so I felt all tucked in and safe. A rush of warmth went through me. So this is how it feels.
Me & My Invisible Guy Page 8
