“I ignore them. Don’t get me wrong, in the beginning I cried a lot, but I’m over it now. True fans will be happy that Chet is happy.”
“I’m happy.”
Penny squeezed my hand. “So am I.”
“See,” I pointed back and forth between us and laid my hand to rest on Penny’s stomach. I pointed to her bump with my other finger. “Extremely happy.”
The interview came out the day before the premiere. She had won over the world in my opinion. I was so proud of her and equally proud to walk onto the red carpet with her on my arm. It was a first for both of us. I’d always gone solo to those events. She told me she was nervous, but I never could tell. The night went well. It was long and busy, but the best part was taking my fiancée home with me. She’d transformed my confirmed bachelor pad into a family home in a few short months. Penny had a nursery fit for a prince across the hall from our bedroom. Pepper had a bed by the patio door and another in our master suite. She didn’t miss her tiny yard in Glendale, she was totally spoiled to the beach and her own private dog walker. Silly pup thought she was more famous than I was.
We had such a great night, I lifted Penny up and carried her inside. Normally, that elicited a few giggles. She’d been particularly quiet all the way home. I figured it was exhaustion. She missed her nap today.
I sat her down, expecting a hug and a kiss, but she walked past me to get some water. I came up behind her and started massaging her shoulders. “Tired?”
She didn’t answer. In fact, she didn’t relax into my touch like normal. I felt her tense up even more so I slowly turned her around.
I read her expression in an instant. She was pissed. I had no idea what I’d done or how long she’d been stewing, but I could tell if I didn’t smooth things over quickly, I was sleeping on the sectional tonight.
“What happened?”
“Nothing, I’m going to bed.”
“Stop. Don’t do that. We had a great night. What did I do?”
“Nothing.”
“Dammit, Penny. Stop saying ‘nothing.’ Every man on earth knows nothing means something.”
She lowered her head. I lifted it back up to see tears falling down her cheeks. I pulled her against my chest. For her to cry so easily, it must be a big deal. “I heard them talking about me in the ladies’ room.”
“Who? What did you hear?”
“I haven’t heard her voice too many times, but I’m pretty certain it was Grace. She was with a few other women I didn’t recognize. They obviously didn’t know I was in the stall or maybe they did. I don’t know. Someone said, ‘did you see that interview?’ That spawned a bunch of giggles, like I’m super pathetic. They started talking about how out of place I looked and how you practically have to speak for me so I don’t embarrass you. Then Grace said, ‘I can’t believe Chet let himself get trapped like that. I always thought he was a smart man. Shame.’ I hid until the voices stopped and they all left. Now, I wish I would’ve jumped out and gave them a piece of my mind, but I hid like a coward.”
“Honey, that’s awful. I wish you would have told me right away, but I highly doubt that was Grace. I’ve known her a long time and she’s not like that.”
Penny jerked away from me. “What did you just say to me? You’re defending her?”
“No, I’m stating facts, you were hiding in a stall and heard some salty bitches trash talking you, but you can’t know for certain Grace was involved if you didn’t see her.”
“I saw her toes.”
“What?”
“I saw the shoes she wore tonight and I know her toes were painted turquoise. She was fucking there and she talked the worst about me. I can’t believe you are taking her side over mine.”
No one was taking sides, but I had stepped in some deep shit. Penny was on the way down the hall to get away from me as fast as her pregnant belly allowed. I caught the bedroom door before she slammed it in my face. I was serious that I had never heard Grace act that bitchy. She was a laid back chick normally, never a gossiper. She was pretty much a tomboy and one of the guys on set. That’s one of the reasons we fell into such an easy friendship. I had to fix this fast. I’d also fallen into bed with Grace and Penny knew that. Even though she was confident in our relationship and knew Grace was way before I knew her, it still bothered her. I had no idea women could make a positive identification from feet or shoes. I apologized and begged. If Penny said it was Grace, I was first-class asshole for denying it.
“Please, baby. Forgive me. I’m sorry. To hell with her. I barely speak to her except for work. We didn’t say ten words to each other during the shoot when we weren’t rolling and you’ll be with me next time. She is as irrelevant as any Internet troll.”
She cried harder than ever. “Do you ever feel trapped?”
“No, of course not. I feel hella lucky, blessed, thankful, the list goes on and on. I love you. I can’t wait until you’re my wife and our son gets here. Don’t ever doubt my love for you.”
She stopped crying enough to tell me she loved me too. I kissed the rest of her tears away. I didn’t want to let go of her. She felt perfect in my arms. I got the idea we should dance. I wanted the night to end with a happy memory, not our little tiff. I turned on the music.
“Future Mrs. Parker.” I extended my hand. “Would you do me the honor?” We started swaying to the rhythm of the song. I joked something seemed different than the first time we danced.
“That’s because you put a baby inside me and we can’t get as close.”
We still managed to twirl and move around the open space in our room. I dipped Penny and then proceeded to act like I hurt my back. We both laughed until she snorted. I held her cheek in my palm as I traced her lips with my thumb.
I loved the sound of her laughter, to witness the joy on her face. I loved being with her, period. We were living the dream. I wish I would have snapped a photo of her in that moment because it was the last time I’d see her that happy for a very long time.
I was finally done with promo. My phone went in and out of service inside the airport. I hadn’t talked to Penny since I left Europe. I had a layover in New York. I planned on calling before I boarded. My phone buzzed when I was in the men’s room. Maggie’s name appeared and vanished. It went straight to my voice mail for some reason. I clicked to listen because she was more likely to text me than ever call. That was my first clue something was off.
Maggie’s voice was choppy, either with a bad connection or emotion. “Chet, please call. Something’s wrong. We’re going to the hospital.”
Fuck. I tried to hit call, but my nerves were suddenly shot. I ended up knocking the phone out my hands straight into the toilet. I’d been standing there so long, that the automatic flush kicked in again. I saved my phone, but it went dead in my hands. I acted quickly, shook it out and ran it under a dryer. It was supposed to be water resistant, but when I couldn’t get it to turn back on, I lost my temper and tossed it on the tile floor. Now it was definitely broken and there was some type of emergency. I tried to find if there was a store in the airport that sold cell phones, but I couldn’t risk missing my flight. I was already running late. I tried a service phone but only got Penny’s and Maggie’s voice mails. It was then I realized my plane was boarding, and I had no choice, but to get on that plane and get to Penny as soon as fucking possible.
I got out my only other electronic device, my iPad and started sending emails. Hopefully, someone would clue me into what happened. I had no idea what kind of emergency was taking place. The fact was, Maggie didn’t even specify it was Penny, but I knew. Somehow, I just knew. This sick feeling churned in my gut. Something was wrong with her or the baby, maybe both. It was the longest five hours of my life.
I didn’t hesitate. I caught a ride straight to the hospital we were using for the delivery. I had no idea where to go so I stopped off at the information desk. I explained the situation. I hoped they would say they didn’t have a patient by that name and then I could ask to
use their phone and find out it was all a misunderstanding, but the woman at the desk said Penny was on the fourth floor.
The elevator lasted longer than my flight, it seemed. Penny was in the hospital. That had just been confirmed, but I had no idea why. I had to punch an intercom button to be allowed through the double doors. A few nurses turned my way when I asked what room Penelope Kopernik was in. One middle-aged woman in pink scrubs, stood up and led the way. She didn’t say much. I didn’t even think to ask why Penny was admitted and why I was in a section of the hospital that said labor and delivery when our son wasn’t due for three more months. I needed to see Penny so all these irrational thoughts and fears I’d been having could be put to rest. A man in a dress shirt and black slacks exited just before our approach. His face was solemn and I noticed his name badge said Chaplain. My knees threatened to buckle. I felt my heart plunge to the depths because of the uncertainty. Why did I know life would never be the same after I entered that room? The nurse held the door and I slowly walked in.
The last thing I expected was to see both sets of parents, Maggie, Keats, Heather and Teddy, but they were all in that small hospital room surrounding the bed. Everyone turned toward the door, everyone was crying. My mother rushed to my side and threw her arms around me, sobbing the entire time. My father who never took charge of any situation, squeezed my shoulder and announced they would all give us some privacy. The room emptied in seconds and I had yet to grasp what I’d walked in on.
My eyes finally focused on Penny. She was reclined in the hospital bed with a couple of tubes coming out of her arms that led to hanging bags of fluid. She looked completely washed out and she cradled a piece of blue flannel in the crook of her arm.
Our eyes met, mine stung, hers were bloodshot and teary. She cried how sorry she was. It was then it hit me, the blue was a blanket and her protective hold housed our tiny son. I still didn’t get it. Shouldn’t he be in the NICU if he was this early? We’d seen that area in passing when we toured the hospital. I was certain we’d never need it. What in the hell was going on? How had I missed everything?
I was slow to move, like my legs couldn’t comprehend the command my brain sent to go to Penny.
“I’m so sorry, Chet.” She said a little stronger. I looked down and saw the truth clearly for the first time.
Now I knew why we weren’t at the NICU.
“No. He’s not. Is he?” Penny closed her eyes and nodded.
Our baby died. Gone. Passed away. All the terms people used for death came to mind.
We pinned all our hopes and dreams on his precious life and it was over before it even began. I collapsed onto the side of her bed and sobbed openly. Penny’s free hand ran through my hair. She cried with me. We were two parents crying out loud in our darkest hour, two parents without a child. He was gone. “How could this happen? I thought this was the best hospital around.”
Penny explained. She noticed when she woke up this morning, the baby hadn’t moved like she was used to. She called the doctor’s office and they told her to come in, but not to worry. Sometimes babies aren’t as active as the pregnancy progresses. He’d probably wake up on the car ride over.
“But he didn’t and Dr. Brown couldn’t find the heartbeat so she started a scan. He was completely still and his heart wasn’t beating any longer. Of course, I flipped. I was hysterical. I wanted her to check again, but she said he was gone. I did everything I was supposed to. You know how conscientious I was.”
Of course, I knew. Penny was a total health nut this entire pregnancy. She kept explaining. “I’d actually been having a few cramps and she thought my body was trying to start the labor naturally. She said it was best I go to the hospital immediately where they could monitor me and give me medicine to make me as comfortable as possible. I wanted to wait until I got a hold of you, but the labor never stalled. It actually went quickly. I delivered less than an hour ago.”
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here and you had to go through it alone.”
“You couldn’t help it. None of us would’ve ever predicted this. Our mums and Maggie stayed by my side the entire time.”
“But what happened? You said he was fine yesterday?”
“Yes, he was super active, like always. I even filmed it on my phone, expecting to share his kicks and squirms with you tonight when you got home. The doctor isn’t positive, but she found a significant kink in his cord after he was born. She said it’s rare, but these cord mishaps occur. There’s no way to predict it and nothing I could’ve done to prevent it, but what if . . .”
“Penny, don’t. I know you took perfect care of yourself. If the doctor said there’s nothing to predict it, then it just happened.” I finally took a long look at him. Why did it have to happen to us would be a question I kept asking myself from here on out? We were going to call him Donny. His name was Chester Donovan Parker Jr. Penny thought up Donny as a nickname because Frank’s grandfather called him Sonny and she thought it was a cute knockoff of her father’s nickname while still honoring my father’s name. “Did you tell everyone his name?”
“Yes. They loved it. Both our dads cried so hard. We’ve all been crying so much. You’d think the tears would actually dry up, but so far there’s no end. I don’t know how I will ever stop. Do you want to hold him? The nurses said we can have as long as we need with him?”
I wasn’t sure if there was room on the bed but she patted the spot next to her legs. I sat down and Penny placed our tiny son in my arms. This was never how I pictured meeting him.
“He’s beautiful. Isn’t he? One of the nurses called it born sleeping. That’s what he looks like, a precious sleeping baby, but all I want is for him to wake up, Chet.” I didn’t know how we were going to do this. I didn’t know how to be strong enough and Penny had been through so much already. It wasn’t fair. He was so beautiful like Penny said, but so tiny. She said he was almost two pounds. I guess that was normal, but then this outcome was anything but normal.
I lifted him up to kiss his cool cheek. “I loved you before you even existed, baby Parker. Donny. I will love you as long as I live.” Penny and I were both raised in families with strong faith. Mine was shaken severely at the moment, but there was this belief our son was in a better place, untouched by any sort of pain or misery. I was selfish enough to want him with us, but I truly believed one day we’d see him again and only then would all this hurt go away.
Who knew how long we spent with our son, crying, and trying to comfort each other. I asked about a funeral, but Penny didn’t want one. She said it would be a media frenzy and she couldn’t deal with that. I really wanted a way to remember him. She said Heather was taking charge of all that because she knew certain people that would help. She wanted Donny cremated and I agreed with whatever she wanted. We didn’t ever want to let him go, but the time eventually came. Penny had to get some rest. She’d just had a baby under the most traumatic of circumstances. My job was to take care of her now. I could tell she was faking the being strong attitude. She was about to fall to pieces and I was nearly there, but I was determined to pull myself together for her. I loved her with all my broken heart. We would get through this together, someway, somehow. That was the only way because any alternative was unacceptable.
“Mum, for the last time, I’m not hungry.”
“Poppy. You have to eat. It’s almost two in the afternoon. You barely ate yesterday. You’re still healing.”
I glared at her. I didn’t mean to, but I was sick and damn tired of that word. There was no such thing as healing for me. I would never recover. I had no will to either. “Please, leave me alone. I’ll come eat something in a few minutes.”
Mum reluctantly backed out of the nursery. She paused long enough to remind me once more that I’d taken ill after I had Donny. It was two days of a low-grade temp. I’d hardly call it ill, but it required me to stay in the hospital longer than I ever wished. At least, they moved me to a regular floor away from all the laboring mums and newborn bab
ies. I heard one when they moved me down the hallways.
Beautiful cries. A precious life entering the world to parents that were no doubt overjoyed. I envied them. I rejoiced for them. I hated them. I prayed for them.
Mum pulled the door until it shut all the way. Heather called before I was discharged. Mum and Sheila thought it would be easier for me if they packed up the nursery. I freaked out, made sure they didn’t touch a single item. I needed this room intact. I was in here more than any other place since I came home from the hospital. I needed to feel close to our son. Chet couldn’t stay inside here any length of time. I understood and at this point I preferred the solace. I knew they all wanted to help, but they couldn’t. Nothing helped. Words did not ease the pain even though they were said to comfort me. I couldn’t hide inside these four walls forever, but I was definitely afraid of what awaited me when I finally stepped back out into the real world.
Mum made a huge deal when I actually came out minutes later like I promised. “Oh good. I was just bragging on Chet’s omelets. Chet, dear, make Poppy an omelet. I guess you know what she likes.”
He half smiled at me. I sighed heavily. “Yeah, one Penny special coming up. Take a seat and rest, honey. You want a cup of coffee?”
I shrugged.
Mum jumped up and went to our Keurig. “Decaf since it’s so late in the day.”
It hardly mattered. I wasn’t sleeping sound no matter what I consumed throughout the day or didn’t. Mum was right. I was barely eating anything. I was so careful about every morsel I put in my mouth while I carried Donny. Now I couldn’t be bothered with it. My nutrition barely mattered to me.
The Price of Penny Page 35
