The Price of Penny

by T. C. Rybicki

  I knew a spot inside the airport where I thought she might be if she hadn’t gone through security. Even though she and I hadn’t flown together, we’d discussed our many flights out of LAX before. I stopped by the cafe, but she wasn’t anywhere in sight. Finding her in an airport full of people might be an impossible feat. I wandered for a time and had almost given up, but finally my luck shifted. I saw a head of hair I could spot from the moon. I knew those curls. I spotted her near a trashcan, wiping her mouth and tossing her cup and napkin away. She had gone for the coffee and pastry I told her was my favorite. I was on her mind. I knew it.

  I ran. I’d lost valuable time searching the airport.

  She never saw my approach. “Told you those pastries were the bomb. Did you have the raspberry one?”

  She jumped. “Chet, you scared the life out of me. I thought you were a weirdo.”

  “Wouldn’t be the first time you thought that.”

  She backed up a few steps. “Let me guess, Maggie called you?”

  “Nope, I was just passing through.”

  “Really? That’s an unbelievable coincidence. Where are you flying too?”

  “No place. I hang out here sometimes.”

  “You do not. No one hangs out in the airport. Stop lying. Maggie sent you.”

  “Penny, come on. What’s going on? Why are you running again?”

  “I’m not. I’m loads better. I’ve always wanted to take this leap. You knew that. We fought about it once.”

  “I remember all our fights like they were yesterday. Admit it, fighting with me is better than your best day with Simple Simon.”

  Penny tucked her left hand inside her right to hide her ring from me with the mention of his name.

  “You’re rude.”

  “Yep, but you love me in spite of it.”

  She tried to look away. I stopped her. “Don’t lie to me, Penny. Not after what we’ve been through.”

  “I thought you finally accepted things.”

  “No, I accepted nothing, least of all this farce of an engagement. You won’t go through with it.”

  “You don’t know me anymore. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Penny, you’re still the woman I fell in love with. I know you and you know me. Don’t go. I’m sorry about that night. I’m sorry about the other women.”

  “I’m sorry about lots too, but we can’t keep hurting one another. It’s not right.”

  “Fine. Stay in LA and we’ll be sorry together.” She almost laughed. “You know what I mean. We’ll be sorry, but great again, like we always were.”

  “I promised Simon.”

  I threw my head back and laughed loudly. She eventually covered my mouth with her hand, but that was her first mistake. I didn’t let go. I kissed every finger, but one. “That’s one ugly engagement ring you’ve got there.” She jerked her fingers back.

  “How dare you?”

  “I know. I’m rude, but don’t go. We can start over.”

  “No, we can’t. We can’t go back or pretend it didn’t happen.”

  “Did I say that? I know we can’t forget. I’m used to the pain. It feels familiar now, makes me feel closer to him.”

  The tears appeared in her eyes, so she swiped at them. “Me too.”

  “Finally, we agree on something again. Don’t go to England to marry a man you don’t love just to prove a point. Stay, Penny. I am in this busy airport begging you to give us another chance. I will get on my hands and knees if I have to.”

  She grabbed my arm and told me not to. A few people already passed us by and did a double take.

  “I love you.” Penny didn’t pull away when I put my arms around her. “I’ve always loved you, only you. Stay with me.”

  She was softly crying against my shirt. “I want to say yes.”

  “Then say it.” She lifted up enough to look me in the eyes. “I still love you, Chet. I always will, but you have a life here and I need a change. I need to find myself again. I need to find a way to live instead of feeling half dead all the time.”

  “I’ll help.”

  “You can’t. I can’t be dependent on you for my happiness.”

  “Why Simon?”

  “He’s nice and patient and he doesn’t expect things from me.”

  I rolled my eyes. Penny stood up on her toes to kiss my cheek, but I turned my head and kissed her lips. She kissed me back. There was no denying that. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted that kiss to be the realization she didn’t want to live without me, but Penny backed away.

  “Take care of yourself, Chet. Thanks for giving me my best moments.”

  I wanted to run after her and cause a scene. She probably half expected it, but I couldn’t move. I had to let her go. She had plenty of chances to change her mind. At least, I knew without a doubt we still loved each other and probably always would. I walked slow with my head hung low. It was the only body language the photographers needed to see to understand what happened.

  “It’s a no,” the first one said.

  “Sorry, Chet.”

  A couple of fans ran up. I wanted to keep walking, but I stopped and did my best to fake a smile for their photos. Life would have to go on. I had to adjust to a new normal. I laughed at the stupid pun that popped in my head when I made it back to my car. I’m officially penniless and it sure as hell sucked to be broke.

  I wiped my brow. The wind whipped my hair loose again and sweaty frizzies blocked my vision. It was a warm summer day, but the breeze felt nice in contrast to the hot sun beating down on me. I’d come out to the garden to pull weeds and pick a few flowers to make a small arrangement for the dinner table. Nan was making her special roast beef with a host of sides and it wasn’t even a holiday. She insisted we celebrate my one-year anniversary this week. My time here was winding down. I had to go back to LA soon for several reasons.

  Just as I clipped the last stem, I heard the distant bark of a dog. Nan would be furious if her neighbor to the south let their yappy Pekingese out again. That dog was tiny but mighty when it came to digging holes in her garden. I listened again and realized no way was that a tiny dog. It was a deep bark that could only be made by a large dog. I tried to think who had a dog like that nearby. The barking got closer and more demanding, it almost sounded a bit hyper. I recalled a certain spastic mutt near and dear to my heart that barked that way. I missed that crazy furbaby so bad my mind was playing tricks on me.

  I spun around despite the impossibility. No, it couldn’t be. There’s no way. The black Lab ran full speed ahead down the path. At this rate, we were both sure topple down the hill if I didn’t slow her down.

  “Pepper. Stop! Pepper, slow down.” She remembered my assertive tone meant business. I had no idea how this was happening, but that was my dog. Pepper jumped on me and I fell to the ground with her, soiling my lovely sundress in the process.

  “You’re crazy, you know that? How did you ever make it back to me across the pond? Did you swim? Huh, girl?” Pepper drenched me in doggie kisses and blocked my view for a moment, but I knew fairly certain there was only one person who would bring my dog all the way to England.

  Chet called her off me.

  “Pepper. Chill girl. Let your Mummy up off the ground.” I thought it might be a dream for a second, but when Chet reached out his hand and pulled me up, his touch was unforgettable. I knew he was real.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Oh wow, accent is heavier. I like it. Kinda sultry.”

  I felt myself blush. Despite all that we’d been through, he still had such an effect on me. I shook my head in disbelief.

  “I thought you might miss Pepper.”

  I did, but it was such a hassle to get her over here, not to mention the expense and that I’d practically ran off without a formal plan. I was relieved when Maggie offered to keep her until I figured things out.

  “Chet, are you crazy? You flew Pepper here for a visit?”

  “I must be. I
probably paid as much to get her here as I did for my first-class ticket. The tab was steep with all the regulations and vet bills, plus the microchip. This isn’t a lapdog no matter what she thinks. The list goes on, but like I said she missed you and I figured you missed her too.”

  “Thank you.” I patted Pepper’s head. She’d already located a stick, so Chet tossed it for her. Nan and Pops walked out and asked what was going on. Chet wiped his hands on his jeans and went over to meet them.

  “Oh, so it’s Penny’s lad from America. What a surprise? And we happen to be having a special dinner tonight too. You picked a good day to stop off.”

  Nan didn’t fool me. She wasn’t surprised in the least and no one ‘stops off’ on another continent. No wonder she’d been acting like this was Christmas week. I kept telling her we didn’t need to celebrate my living with them. I certainly didn’t understand why I had to clean the guest cottage the day before but she practically insisted on it.

  My grandparents left us to reacquaint ourselves. I put my hands on my hips. “You.”

  “What?” He feigned innocence.

  “You planned this surprise behind my back and my entire family is in on it. I talked to Mags last night and she never hinted.”

  “What can I say? Your family adores me. I’m a lovable guy. You look amazing, by the way. Mom and Dad send their love. They just got back from Maui from a second honeymoon, proof even years of miscommunication can be resolved when two people really love each other.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his subtle commentary.

  “I know they did. I saw the pictures. I’m still in contact. Teddy wrote me a letter recently. He was so proud of making the All-American team this year. He took a cutie to the prom too. He writes longer letters than most women do, I think. It’s adorable.”

  “Yeah, the girls practically camp out on the lawn. Mom says it’s worse than when I lived there.”

  “Oh. Jealous much?”

  “Not hardly, but he’s something else. He’s probably packed on twenty pounds of muscle this year, no more baby fat. He’s a beast, could kick my ass up and down that long dirt path where my driver dropped me off, but that’s just between us. I’ll never admit that to him.”

  “So someone dropped you off here in the middle of nowhere with a crazy ass dog and only the shirt on your back?”

  “Yep.”

  He and I both started to say something at once. He told me to go first. “I was just going to say, I’m happy about Wayne and Aubrey. Oh, and Heather too. She seems serious with that new doctor.”

  “Yeah, he’s okay, but he’s a bit strange.”

  “How so?”

  “He thinks Heather is a queen or something. They’re annoying. Wayne’s wedding is less than six months away.”

  “I know. I’m a bridesmaid.”

  “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Remember when I caught you faking it?”

  “Remember when I thought you were an arrogant arse?”

  He chuckled. “Let’s be real. You still do.”

  I nodded. He was right. It took a hell of a lot of confidence to come this far after being dismissed the way I’d left him at the airport, alone and confused with his heart in his hands. I swear I cried the whole way over, I hated myself so much.

  Chet looked down at my clasped hands in front of me, “That hand of yours looks way better not weighed down with a gaudy engagement ring. What happened there?”

  “As if you don’t know. I’m sure Maggie told you.”

  “Refresh my memory. I want to hear it from you.”

  I told Chet the truth. I flew to England to meet up with Simon. He’d already seen the video. Was nothing sacred? We were recorded in LAX during that last goodbye kiss. I’d already made my decision. I gave him the ring back. He took it without much of a fuss. He said he expected it since I’d never kissed him the way I kissed Chet. I offered to pay back the money for the plane ticket, but Simon insisted it was a gift. He even bought my train ticket to go to Nan’s. I’d had lunch with him a couple of times when I went into London. He was dating a woman from his firm. I think she was French and I was truly happy for him. Simon was a good guy and his friendship had truly helped me during those difficult months.

  I was certain Maggie told Chet as soon as she hung up with me that night I arrived. She screamed in my ear to get my arse back to California immediately, but I told her I needed the time away regardless of my relationship status.

  “So there you have it, I called it off as soon as I landed.”

  “I know.”

  “But you waited a year.”

  “You needed me to. If I would’ve flown here or called, it would’ve been more of the same. You needed space and you needed time.”

  “So you gave it to me.”

  “Exactly, but guess what?”

  “What?”

  “Time’s up.”

  He bent down on one knee in front of me and reached for my hand. I was stunned.

  He pulled out my ring from his pocket. I let him slip it onto my finger. This was crazy. He was a crazy man and I loved him just as much as the first time he put this ring on me.

  “Penelope Elaine Kopernik, don’t make me store this ring back in my man-thong again. Tell me you’ll accept it for good this time and that you’ll marry me. It doesn’t have to be right away. I’m flexible but I’m done merely existing without you. I wanna live again. There’s only one solution. I need you and you need me, so will you?”

  After all my attempts at denial and the many times I’d pushed him away, it was a miracle he wanted anything to do with me.

  How could I say no to a miracle? I’d always prayed for one and it was finally happening. I tugged his hand. He stood in front of me. “Yes. Of course, I will marry you, but only if you get one thing through your thick head.”

  “What’s that’s.”

  “I will never ever run from you as long as I live. I mean it. You don’t have to fear that. I’ve missed you every single minute we weren’t together. I thought I was doing you a favor by unburdening you of me.”

  He shook his head. “You were never a burden.” I jumped and Chet caught me, like always. His lips were exactly like I’d remembered. They met with mine with passion and fervor. I felt dizzy. I’d missed his kiss. It would be the last time I deprived myself from them. I meant my declaration. I would never run again. Of course, life would still be unpredictable and I couldn’t protect myself from all hurt and sorrow. Chet and I would have plenty of rough patches like all couples, but I knew together we’d get through it. We were proving just that in these first minutes of reunion.

  Chet broke the kiss so he could spin me in circles. “I knew you’d say yes.”

  “Did you now?”

  “Yep. Hey, I think I saw movement at the window. Seems like we might have an audience. Can we go someplace private or are you comfortable with your grandparents witnessing some highly inappropriate behavior from me?”

  “You’re in luck, I know just the place, but first, I have to show you something important. Walk with me a little.”

  I grabbed his hand as we walked down the hill along the cobblestone path I’d helped my Pops construct many years ago when I was a child. We came to a stop when we approached the sacred part of my garden. Chet held tight to my hand.

  “It’s for Donny. I’ve worked tirelessly making it the grandest garden on the grounds this year. I wanted a place to come to, a place where I felt at peace. Pops made the bench. Come closer so you can see the plaque.” Chet read it aloud. We had it inscribed with Donny’s full name and the day he was born sleeping.

  “Penny, this is beautiful. It’s a perfect way to remember him.” He leaned down to kiss my forehead.

  “I’m so sorry about the memorial. You wanted one and I deprived you of saying a proper goodbye.”

  “Honey, there was no right or wrong way to handle what happened. We were all barely coping with our tragedy. It almost destroyed us. I’m not angry.”

  “That’s
because you’ve always been too patient with me, but I want you to know, Mum had the urn shipped here. I wanted to scatter the ashes in this space since I consider this his remembrance garden. I haven’t done it though because it never felt right without you here. Perhaps, after you’ve rested and we’ve talked some more, maybe we could finally have our own private ceremony.”

  “I’d like that. How you holding up? Truth, Penny. You don’t ever have to pretend with me.”

  “I still cry, sometimes all day off and on. He would have already celebrated his first birthday.”

  “I know. I didn’t speak to a soul the day he was born or the day he was due.”

  “Me either. Nan understands. She was there for Mum when Frankie passed. She knows the days I need to talk and get things off my chest, but she understands when I won’t speak, so she makes me a cup of tea and leaves me alone. This year was tough, but I’ve done a lot of healing. I didn’t think that was possible for a long time. It’s a slow, drawn-out process.” I finally told him about my journal. “I started writing in a book even before I left the hospital.” He nodded, said he remembered seeing me with it. “Well, the beginning isn’t much more than messages to Donny. ‘I love you. I miss you. Why us?’ Eventually, I found myself writing to you. I wrote everyday, Chet. I want you to read the passages. I think it will help you understand where my mind was and that no matter what I said or how far I drifted from you, you were always in my heart. My love for you never wavered.”

  “I’d love to see it. Thank you for keeping a tangible reminder. The journal sounds incredible. There is something I should tell you too. I kept his things. I couldn’t part with them. All the boxes are at Mom’s.” He took a deep breath and said my name like only he could, “Penny.”

  I looked up to him. Chet never could hide anything from me. I saw all his love mixed with his pain and loss. We still had so much hurt between us. That wasn’t going away. At least now, I found comfort there. I could face it head on and not run away as long as I knew he loved me. Chet was choked up. We were both overcome with emotion. Hearing that he kept Donny’s things made me happy. “He will always be a part of us, nothing can change that, but I’d like to try again, only when you’re ready. I guess what I mean is do you think you will ever be ready?”