by Taylor Dean
Wow. That’s practically a honeymoon baby. There’s something very romantic about that. A shimmer of regret hits my heart. “You’re very beautiful.” I blurt it out and then feel ridiculous.
She scoffs, taking the compliment in stride. “Thanks. I feel as huge as an elephant.” Then she pauses and studies me for a moment and I feel as though she knows all my secrets. “Are . . . are you okay?”
Is it obvious? Can people look at me and know I’m broken on the inside?
No, I want to say. I’m consumed with guilt. I want to tell Stony everything about that fateful night, but I’m petrified.
Instead I say, “This is really awkward. Perhaps I should leave and let you enjoy your brother’s company. I don’t want to intrude on a special night for you.”
“Nonsense,” she says lightly. “We’d love to have you join us. Besides I made all of this food for only the three of us and someone has to eat it all. Please don’t let me do it. Stop me. Promise you’ll stop me.”
So she’s funny too. Of course she is. “I refuse to get between a pregnant woman and her food.”
“Wise choice.”
It’s clear she’s one of those women who can eat and not gain a pound. She has a belly full of baby, but the rest of her is achingly perfect.
I’m not so bad myself. I’m tall and slender with long dark brown hair and brown eyes. I might be the total opposite of Spencer, but I know I’m not awful to look at.
It strikes me that that’s the first positive thought I’ve had about myself in such a long time. That needs to change. I’m on the right path, I just need to keep following it. I wish two years in prison had satisfied justice in my heart. Instead, I feel as though justice is still screaming my name.
I look up to find Stony in the entryway to the kitchen, one hip leaning on the island, his arms folded. “Are we having fun yet?” he says. I wonder how much of our conversation he overheard.
Spencer answers. “This hits the top five in Awkward Situations, but we’re dealing with it. Right, Mia?”
I feel sincere when I respond. “Right, Spencer.”
Then she tells Stony, “We got this.”
I never really know what Stony is thinking, but his expression softens and somehow I feel he’s pleased. Maybe he felt the need to check on us and make sure all was well. Probably wise. It appears we’re both above cat fights. That’s a relief. Even though I grew up as a bit of a tomboy, I hate confrontation of any sort.
I’m feeling a little better every minute. Spencer has been gracious toward me and the standard has been set. We will be civil with each other. And that’s final. It’s clear she’s not having it any other way.
Again, I feel impressed with her. And grateful.
Then Stony does something rare for him. He smiles at Spencer. SMILES. The man who never smiles is smiling. Kudos to Spencer for coaxing it out of him. I could count the amount of times I’ve seen him smile on one hand.
She smiles back at him and I feel left out. Silent communication is going on and I’m clueless.
Still, my heart no longer feels like a rock in my chest. Stony is happy. I have no need to torture myself. I need to remind myself of this on a daily basis. Maybe even hourly. Maybe every second of every day.
Stony glances at his watch. “Grayson should be here any minute. He texted me when he arrived at the airport.”
“I have the hardly-waits.” Spencer places rolls in a basket, covering them with a cloth napkin. She removes a roasted vegetable medley from the top oven and twice baked potatoes from the bottom oven. Stony promptly approaches to help her, taking the tray of potatoes as if pregnancy won’t allow her to do such things. It’s so sweet I can hardly stand it. Then she begins to mix the cantaloupe with already sliced strawberries, grapes, and whole blueberries, until Stony takes over and stirs the fruit together for her. Then he leaves to bring in the tri-tip from the grill.
My mouth waters. Dinner is going to be amazing. A frosted chocolate cake is sitting on the counter, calling to me. I’ve been resisting swiping my finger in the frosting this whole time. The temptation is strong.
“You’d better sit and put your feet up for a bit,” Stony says as he rubs her back. “I’ll slice the meat. What else needs to be done?”
“I just need to put the vegetables in a bowl and the potatoes on a platter.”
“I’ll do it. You go sit.”
He’s rather doting and I have to admit, it’s lovely to watch. I always knew Stony would be a good husband. He seems very protective of Spencer.
“I can’t sit still. I’m too excited.”
Then we hear the beep-beep of a horn from the driveway and both Stony and Spencer head for the door.
“He’s here, he’s here,” Spencer says excitedly.
I slowly follow, really wishing I’d chosen to leave. This is a family affair. And I don’t belong.
I watch from the doorway, hanging back so I don’t ruin their reunion. Spencer and her brother embrace in a long hug, as much of a hug as her stomach will allow anyway.
Stony retrieves the luggage from the trunk of the rental car. Then Stony and Spencer’s brother hug in a friendly manner and the three of them head for the front door. Spencer walks in between the two men, both of which have their arms wrapped around her. By sheer coincidence, they both choose the exact same moment to lean down and kiss her on the cheek, one on each side. Spencer’s smile is huge as she is adored by the two men.
Lucky, lucky girl.
My mood plummets and I don’t know how to get the good feeling from a few moments ago back. The blackness that has hounded me ever since I went to prison overcomes me, weighing me down. The pressure is so great, it almost takes me to my knees.
I need to leave. This is crazy. What am I doing here?
Now they’re headed my way and I feel like a voyeur, standing there staring with envy in my heart.
Spencer’s brother notices me, does a double take, and casts me a blinding smile. His smile is huge, revealing white teeth, almost too many for his mouth. His hair is sandy, as if he used to be just as blond as Spencer, but over time it has darkened a bit. He’s tall like Stony and a handsome guy, no doubt about that. I sort of feel like Stony just invited Ken and Barbie to his home and made them his best friends. I’ve been replaced by my childhood toys that have somehow come to life. This moment feels bizarre.
I hate overly happy people because I’m not one of them and I want to be. Spencer’s brother belongs to that envious race. And he’s making a beeline straight for me. I wish I could disappear into the woodwork.
“Hello there, I’m Grayson. Grayson Elliott.”
He’s just as friendly as his sister. Like and hate are warring within me and I’m not sure which one will win the day. He offers his hand and I give him mine. “Nice to meet you, Grayson. I’m Mia.” All at once, I’m staring into the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. I mean, they literally jump out at me. Those eyes are quite . . . arresting. I stand there staring at him, my hand in his for much too long, and I say nothing. Like an idiot.
“Mia’s a . . .” Spencer starts.
Oh, this is going to be good. How will they explain me?
“Friend of ours,” Stony finishes.
Quick thinking. No explanations needed. Wait. Did Stony really just finish Spencer’s sentence? Ugh. I thought a couple needed to be old and gray to do that. I think it’s going to be a really long night. How did I get myself into this situation?
I want out. Now.
CHAPTER
Four
“I WAS JUST leaving. Enjoy your time with your sister.” Bam. Decision made. It’s time for me to make my escape. I didn’t do what I intended to do today, but the whole truth will have to wait for another day. At least I feel as though I broke the ice. A nice clean break too. No one’s feelings have been shattered into a million tiny jagged pieces that can never be put back together again. That’s success. In fact, I think we all did some healing today. Next time will be easier. And I
will confess.
I will. Everything.
“Please stay,” Grayson says, studying my face. “Don’t leave on my account.”
I’m momentarily distracted and everything and everyone disappears except him. It’s been a long time since someone has asked me, the jailbird, to stay anywhere.
“Yes, please join us, Mia,” Spencer echoes.
“C’mon, Mia. Stay.”
Hearing those words leave Stony’s lips is a miracle after all we’ve been through. I feel so wanted, I nearly burst into tears again. Surely everyone can take one look at me and know I’m fighting a breakdown, that darkness is about to drown me in its gloomy depths. It feels odd to be wanted by the very people who are the source of the darkness. Then I correct myself. The circumstances cause the darkness, not the people. There’s no hate here. Just open arms.
And I’m besieged with emotions I didn’t expect.
“No, really, I should be on my way.”
“Don’t leave me alone with these two, please. I find myself feeling very single around them.” Grayson’s eyes don’t leave my face.
Yeah, no kidding. I want to laugh at his words, but I can’t physically manage the feat. Nor can I make my eyes leave those baby blues. Grayson is a light in the darkness. He’s handsome, friendly, and so . . . happy. I know it’s a joyous occasion for him, but he hasn’t stopped smiling since he walked in the door. And I have to admit, I’m drawn to his happiness like a moth to a flame, like metal to a magnet. I just want to stand next to him and bask in his happiness, soak it all up, and maybe steal some of it. Just standing here with my hand in his feels so good—and I haven’t felt good in so long.
“She’s staying. End of discussion. I already set a fourth place setting.” Spencer heads to the kitchen. Her voice is soft and kind, yet everyone listens when she speaks. Including me. She’s in charge around here, no doubt about that.
“It’s settled, then.” Grayson casts me a half smile and mock whispers, “Heaven forbid a fourth table setting go to waste.”
“I heard that,” Spencer laughs.
“Besides, I hate being the plus one to a couple who are not shy about PDA. It makes me the uncomfortable third wheel.”
PDA? No. I can’t handle PDA between Spencer and Stony. No. No. No. Guess I was right when I suspected they were holding back. Even though it’s been a year, they are still newlyweds.
“C’mon, you two. Dinner’s ready and the kickboxer inside of me is hungry.”
The baby. She means the baby. Spencer and Stony’s love child.
Why am I here? I feel so very trapped—and more claustrophobic than I ever felt in jail. Unless I’m willing to be rude, there’s nothing to do but give in and face the evening ahead of me.
Grayson is still holding my hand, still looking at me intently, studying me as if I’m under a microscope. It’s the strangest first-time-meeting I’ve ever encountered. I mean, he’s acting as though he’s taken with me and I have to resist the thought of turning to see if there’s someone else behind me that he’s really talking to. This has never happened to me before and I’m not sure how I feel about it. There’s a glint in his eyes, a sparkle of light that says, “I’m alive and I love life.” I find myself drawn to the promise of vivacity and joyfulness—a kind of joy I’ve never known.
His smile widens because he can see the acquiescence on my face. I wish I could jump inside of him and feel what it’s like to be so darned happy. “All right.”
“Thank you, Mia. I look forward to your company.” His eyes look deeply into mine.
Okay. So, maybe I dated Stony exclusively all my life, but I know when a man is flirting with me. I’m flattered, but he clearly doesn’t know who I am or anything about me. He’s Spencer’s brother and a relationship between us can’t possibly happen. No way.
And yet, I can’t tear my eyes away from his. I think the light at the end of the tunnel is no longer mocking me. It just invited me in and embraced me. I’m no longer stuck in outer darkness, I’m standing in the direct sunlight. I don’t want to feel this way toward Spencer’s brother—and yet I do.
He breaks the contact and says, “Shall we?”
I turn and see Stony observing us with thoughtful eyes. In the kitchen, I can see that Spencer’s eyebrows are slightly furrowed as she has stilled while observing us as well.
I didn’t imagine the moment. And Stony and Spencer caught on immediately.
This is so awkward. Make me walk across hot coals, stick a thousand needles in my eyes, step on a crack and break my own back. Anything but this.
As we approach the table, Grayson says, “I want to run and do a cannonball straight into that pool. And I’m gonna do it first thing tomorrow morning, mark my words. Unless the temptation overcomes me and I jump in clothes and all in the next hour.”
I look at him sharply, feeling like he overheard me or something and is mocking me. But he can’t have heard my private thoughts. How silly. It’s not uncommon to want to jump into a pool when you see one on a pleasant day. Isn’t that everyone’s desire?
Yes. It doesn’t mean anything that his words just echoed my own earlier thoughts. It’s just a coincidence. A total fluke.
Stony and Spencer sit on one side of the table, and Grayson and I on the other. As if we are a couple and this is a double date. I nearly headed toward the chair next to Stony out of habit, but corrected myself just in time. That would’ve been a huge faux pas. Things have certainly changed.
I wonder if Grayson thinks his sister is trying to set us up. Ha! He has a surprise coming.
“I can’t believe you’re finally here, Grayson.” Spencer scoops up a healthy serving of fruit salad.
“This is great. My little sister, her husband, a beautiful woman at my side who I can’t wait to get to know better, and an amazing dinner. I can’t ask for anything more.”
Yep, he thinks we’re being set up. The entire table is dead silent and no one responds. We all just look at each other as if Grayson just committed a huge atrocity. The ramifications are too much for all of us.
“Did I say something wrong?” Grayson asks.
Stony answers, “No, of course not. This is a red letter day and you should enjoy it.”
Of course Stony is okay with me moving on. I think Spencer might have a thing or two to say about me moving on with her brother though.
Yeah, me too. I wish I could somehow reassure Spencer that me and her brother will never happen. Ha! No way.
We all begin to eat and Spencer breaks the uncomfortable silence. “What’s with the facial hair? I’m pretty sure that’s not military standard.”
Grayson rubs his chin. “This is my designer stubble. Lettin’ it grow while I have the chance. I just spent two weeks bumming around Korea, feeling like I’m on a walkabout or something. It was great and the most relaxed I’ve felt in a long time.”
Fantastic. Another man like my father who feels the need to find himself while traveling the world. I knew he seemed too good to be true. The Peter Pan syndrome is alive and well. I don’t need another man in my life like that. Is he going to ask his sister for money to finance his travels?
Then Spencer says by way of explanation, “Grayson’s in the Army, stationed in Korea. He just made Major.”
Oh, okay. I judged him too soon. He’s a working man and therefore allowed a vacation. I’m glad I didn’t say anything sarcastic out loud. Prior experience makes me judgmental sometimes.
“Where did you go?” Stony asks.
“I wandered Seoul like a lost soul for a few days. I spent a weekend at Jeju Island working on my tan. I hiked around Seoraksan National Park until I had blisters on top of my blisters, then I sat like a beached whale at Haeundae Beach in Busan. I pretty much couldn’t get up after that, so I thought, why not? I’ll just park myself right here for the duration. It was fantastic. Nothing to do but soak in the sun.”
Spencer and Stony laugh at his colorful description. I find myself wanting to laugh again too, but my body
just doesn’t want to make the effort. I turn and look at this man who doesn’t take himself too seriously and wonder about his life. Surely he must live a charmed life to have so much confidence.
He returns my gaze and says, “Do you smile, beautiful?”
I’m so surprised by the question, I don’t respond and the conversation continues around me. Of course I smile. I’m not like Stony. Right? Do I smile? I haven’t been happy for quite some time. But I still smile. Of course I do. Don’t I?
I think I do. It’s sad that I’m not sure. Pathetic. I think I turned my inner self off for so long while in jail, I forgot to turn myself back on.
I also can’t get over the fact that he called me beautiful. I can’t remember the last time someone used an endearment like that directed at me. The conversation continues, but I’m lost in thought, trapped in my own tortured world. I just can’t seem to break free.
“I have bad news, Spence,” Grayson announces, capturing my attention.
Spencer stills at his words. “What?”
“I can only stay for five days.”
“I thought you still had ten more days of leave saved up.”
“I do, but I have to be back at work in five days.”
Spencer recovers quickly. “I guess we’ll have to make the most of the five days we have then.”
She’s such an optimist. Why do I like her again?
“But I have good news too.” Grayson butters his roll, making everyone anticipate his news.
Grayson is a tease, that much seems obvious.
He pauses and takes a bite of his food, chewing with his eyes closed, as if in ecstasy.
“Grayson!”
“The food is delicious, Spence.”
“Gray!”
“All right, all right. Here’s my good news: I have to be back to work in Abilene in five days.”
Spencer has a bit of a deer in the headlights look. “In Abilene?”
“Yes, Sis. I’ve left Korea for good. My new assignment is in Abilene. And after this assignment I’m leaving the Army and settling down right here close to my niece. Oh yeah, my sister too.”
